Okay, so Jeff and I did a fashion shoot for the dress business in Jersey City, and it was very interesting to learn a few things about myself there. Also, I have been faced with some life changes recently which have taught me a few more things about myself. A chat with a good friend of mine a few weeks before I moved from Utah also enlightened me on these same changes. And I keep thinking about them. So I'm going to empty my head and share my self-reflective mind set with all of you.
It's interesting to see how I change over time -- to get, over a relatively small period of time, various angles that seem to accentuate who I have become versus who I was, say... 10 or 15 years ago.
I will elaborate on a few said moments of enlightenment. First, was when I moved out to Ohio and gave up my gym membership. Previously, I have been nigh short of addicted to exercise and said membership. Not that I don't work out in Ohio. I do. But I can't bear doing home aerobics more than 2-3 times a week. (It takes way too much inspiration and creativity. I mean, seriously, I have to come up with a kick-my-patooty routine each time. I'm just not up for it more than that.) And I admit that I greatly anticipate the blessed occasion when I know where my job is located so I can commit to a convenient gym location and get a new membership. But I've been without it for more than two months, and who knows when I'll get a job. And despite my precarious situation with no gym membership in sight, I am happy and functioning just fine.
This may not seem like a big thing to a lot of you. But having been someone who used exercise quite abusively as a tool to moderate and control my weight and alleviate poor eating habits, it's nice to know I'm actually free of that problem. To compound my issues in the past, not having access to exercise would exacerbate my poor eating habits. Now, I find, within reason, I can eat healthfully consistently even without, and my weight does not balloon when I can't exercise as regularly as I'd like. And to think how afraid I used to be!
Another realization or two came during the fashion shoot. First, when the stylist asked me if fashion had always been something I was passionate about. I responded honestly that I didn't really have a good enough sense of self to be fashion savvy up until I graduated from college. Or around then. It is only a recent love. How interesting that is to me. I always had a sense of asthetics and I know I've always loved shoes (though I used to love much quirkier ones). But I wasn't competent in dressing myself well (and I still think I have improvements to make on that score) until I had the self assurance and took the right self care and thought that I could actually look good in something.
Even now, I look back at pictures from when I was in high school and earlier and I would say to you that I don't look pretty. It wasn't all my fault. My mother didn't know about how to maintain hair or use product on it, so I didn't either. Payless Shoe Source was THE place for shoe shopping (it pains me so now) and I thought high fashion was The Gap, because I knew I never shopped there. I wasn't exposed to fashion and I was never taught to primp or do girly stuff, for the most part. It wasn't in my mother's repertoire. And really, her eating and dieting habits weren't so great either. So I picked up on that pretty well. And then, of course, I didn't take very good care of myself. I was short and a little tubby. I actually had my pediatrician tell me I needed to lose weight. Now THAT is traumatizing. Even if it WAS true and meant for my good. Reality checks are often painful.
My awareness about "primping" came from my sister and college roommates. And they did a pretty good job. That was the good news. And I'm still learning about primping. I don't want to BE high maintenance, but I think it might be a good idea to look high maintenance if I want to. :) The bad news -- However, my awareness of needing to exercise went into overdrive and my eating habits went down the toilet, and they both took years to get back to normal. And maybe this is incredibly girly and superficial of me, but in reality, I find all of those things very attached to my self confidence and sense of self awareness. I warrant that I really didn't have it together enough to have sufficient confidence for a long time. And it showed. With all of these things. It's like they were symptoms of all my problems on the inside.
Another realization came during the fashion shoot as well. The model showed up around 9:30. To my surprise, when I first saw her she didn't look all that amazing to me. I was surpised to find her hair frizzy and curly like mine and her face looked washed out. Her complexion was freckled and she looked a lot thinner than she did in the pictures we saw of her(which I guess is always the case). Once the stylists got their hands on her and she was primped, of course, she achieved heights of beauty I don't even aspire to, but her original appearance was, believe it or not, quite average. I also helped her get in and out of the dresses in the back. And thus, as both my brother and I had to do, we got an eyeful of the model several times throughout the day. Well, again to my surprise, I was not shocked and mystified by her amazing curves and perfection. I was pretty much of the mind, to quote my thoughts, " eh, I think I'm just fine in comparison." WHAT?!?! I don't know that I've ever thought of myself as all that great-looking when down to my skivvies. But I never thought I'd live to see the day when I saw a model and didn't wish to trade bodies. But I didn't. I don't think it's because mine is so perfect. I REALLY don't think that. But I think I've gotten to a point where I'm....... satisfied. For the most part. Though, I admit, not every day.
I wonder how this happened. To me, of all people. I mean, ESPECIALLY considering how bad my mindframe used to be. Well, I don't know. Maybe because I've stopped torturing it. And I try to take relatively good care of it and keep it healthy. The result? Now I'm starting to like it. Crazy how that works.
Even more to the point, the contrast of being at this place from where I was before is SOOOOO different. I don't know that I completely remember how it was to be me BEFORE getting better. Before having achieve what I consider to be some degree of normalcy. I just remember it was relatively miserable and a great impediment to progress not to have it before. I don't know that it would be so debilitating for a lot of other people. But for me, I am very thankful for the freedoms, the confidence and the blessings of having gotten past poor diet, poor exercise regimens, poor body image and lack of confidence. I am certain, without it, I would not have this business venture, I would not have many of my good friends as good friends, I would not have my husband , I would not have accomplished a lot of things, I would not be dependabel AT ALL, and I would not have a great deal of happiness.
I don't mean to say that I am blessed because I am thinner and prettier now. No. In fact, the very first realization and big step to getting better for me, when I was tubby, unhealthy and considered myself very unpretty and less than average looking, was that if I was to be healthy and happy, I had to give up caring so much about being pretty and start believing the crap I told other people: that you're a person of value no matter what you look like. It's your insides that count. And I relegated myself to the idea that guys may never find me attractive and I may never get married (yes, I admit, these things seemed to equate to giving me some sort of value and validation in my early twenties), but I will be happy and a person of value who has something to contribute regardless. I couldn't get better without that. Now I am, in greatest measure, thankful to be healthier, wiser and happier. Those qualities are great confidence builders, great measures of beauty and and bring me much joy and many blessings. How's that for a Christmas present.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
New week, new day...very few thoughts!
The Thanksgiving holiday is really just ending for me. I know, I know, it has been over for well over a week, but I am just returning to my humble abode this afternoon, and I figured I would say hello to celebrate all the wonderful treats I enjoyed while away in the wild wild west we call Minnesota. It was a running theme that my older sibling, we'll call Hoser and his peculiarly enjoyable family, including Tootz (ˈt
̇tz) and the little 'ns live in the wild wild west because they are about 45 minutes outside of Minneapolis. Now, that may not seem like a very far distance, and in reality it isn't, but coming from a New York City suburb, let's just say that in 45 minutes, I feel like I should be hunting or something with that much greenier. And it appears that they do have aspirations of such.
Hoser tends to be a piro, burning everything flammable. Once he torched a couch and a few other things in his backyard, and I believe the flames were taller than the house! Then, the other day he brought home a package of dry ice from work (it was used to transport human organs...nice eh?) so that we could make dry ice bombs! And to top it off, he has been driving around with a hand gun in his trunk, and of the two of them (Tootz and Hoser) Tootz is the one with a carry permit. Go figure!
So, yes, Minnesota is for all intents and purposes in my mind the wild wild west...full of backyard blazes, gun totin' hosers, and home made pyrotechnics! And fortunately for me, I love 'em for that. Although I have no ambition of being a gun-totin', fire startin', bomb throwin' wild frontiersman, I do enjoy watching them get excited about the myriad of entertainment and enjoyment those activities provide them. And it makes me laugh every time they talk about it....and who can pass up a good laugh...I mean really?
Anyways, it is back to the world of the working and living for me..who woulda known?
̇tz) and the little 'ns live in the wild wild west because they are about 45 minutes outside of Minneapolis. Now, that may not seem like a very far distance, and in reality it isn't, but coming from a New York City suburb, let's just say that in 45 minutes, I feel like I should be hunting or something with that much greenier. And it appears that they do have aspirations of such.Hoser tends to be a piro, burning everything flammable. Once he torched a couch and a few other things in his backyard, and I believe the flames were taller than the house! Then, the other day he brought home a package of dry ice from work (it was used to transport human organs...nice eh?) so that we could make dry ice bombs! And to top it off, he has been driving around with a hand gun in his trunk, and of the two of them (Tootz and Hoser) Tootz is the one with a carry permit. Go figure!
So, yes, Minnesota is for all intents and purposes in my mind the wild wild west...full of backyard blazes, gun totin' hosers, and home made pyrotechnics! And fortunately for me, I love 'em for that. Although I have no ambition of being a gun-totin', fire startin', bomb throwin' wild frontiersman, I do enjoy watching them get excited about the myriad of entertainment and enjoyment those activities provide them. And it makes me laugh every time they talk about it....and who can pass up a good laugh...I mean really?
Anyways, it is back to the world of the working and living for me..who woulda known?
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Pictures & Thoughts
Okay, so I haven't posted pictures in ages. This is largely due to the fact I gave my laptop, which has my camera down-loading software, to my fashion illustrator for an extended period of time. I got it back when I moved to Ohio, but then I didn't have the internet at home and I've been lazy. Sorry. I'm trying not to be. Thankfully, there aren't that many photos to catch you up on because I am very bad at remembering to take pictures. However, I thought I might give you all a good view of Spain Highlights.
Above is a picture of me inside a Church in Cordoba, Spain which was originally built by muslims as a mosque. It was built using aquaduct construction, thus all of the arches all over the place. It was the most unique of all the churches we visited (and we visited A LOT of them), and very cool. The Christians started to deconstruct it and build it their way, but when they realized they were destroying something really really cool they stopped. Smart. So it's mostly all there as the muslims intended.
Here is a big door, Ben size apparently. Or so he thinks. Gotta love a man who likes a challenge. :) We saw these big doors EVERYWHERE in Spain. There were some signigicantly bigger than this, in fact. The funniest thing was, they would cut doors INTO the big doors that they could actually open without employing cavalry and slaves. But they cut these doors to be very small. They were more my size door. Either too big or too small. Those Spaniards just can't win.
And OHHHHH the pretty gardens. I believe this is a picture in Cordoba as well, outside of a palace. How convenient. I needed a resting place.
I think Ben's alter-ego is a medieval warrior. That would explain all of his video-game obsession with warring, his need to tickle me to death and attempt to wrestle on occasion (which I ignore or flail defeatedly), and this picture. You might say this trip afforded a kind of "coming home" to his alter-ego roots.
We noticed the Spanish, and Europeans in general for that matter, are very good at employing what Ben would call "water features." Sharon would call them "fountains", but whatever. We really liked them. They're pretty. Call them whatever you want.
Here we have cute Ben hanging out at one of the restaurants we ate at. This one was known for its fine seafood fair. Ironically, I'm not sure either of us got seafood. They had really good food in Spain. However, they had some seafood that was a bit too exotic for our taste: anemone, sea urchin.... stuff I haven't seen. Dead or alive. But what we DID eat was delicious. We didn't have a bad meal, I don't think. One thing we missed out on was the traditional "tapas" menu -- lots of little hors d'ouvres type dishes that you eat with while you drink beer and relax after a long days work. Since they were primarily served in pubs and we weren't beer drinkers, we felt a little silly going in for tapas. And most of those venues seemed harder to navigate for non-spanish speakers. Maybe next time?
Here we have a doorway, just my size. :) This is in a little hallway inside the largest fortress in Europe, called the "Alhambra", in Granada, Spain. It contains many palaces, small village areas for the servants to live... it was more like a city inside a fortress. And had great views. And lots of garden acreage. And a cool amphitheater. Very cool. It has a maximum of 11,000 people who can attend. Daily. Yeah, a bit like Disneyland. We had to buy expensive tickets with a tour guide to avoid the lines (who wants to wait in a Disneyland sized line on their honeymoon at 7 am on a cold morning?). Very cool place. Did I mention? It was cool.
Here we have Ben and I on a carriage ride through Sevilla. We loved Sevilla and there was a lot to see there. But we only had one day to soak it all in, so we took a carriage ride that gave us a very good drive-by view of the big sites we didn't have time to walk to. And it took us through a lovely park and some big Spanish pavilion where they have a big official building with 5 bridges to it that represents the 5 queens of Spain and 9 sections (or something like that?) of the building, each different, meant to represent each Spanish province -- a very symbolic building.
Here we have me standing next to a phenomenon I loved about Spain. Electric bikes. They had these charging stations everywhere. And the people on the bikes weren't athletic bikers OR homeless people. Just people running errands -- going to the grocery store or going to school. They're so all about a nice, easy pace in Spain. Or at least in southern Spain. I really liked that.
Lastly, Ben and I found it very amusing that europeans like to name their stores the most peculiar, vulgar concoctions of english words. And the european customers love it. Yellow Rat Bastard? What?!? Serious? What does that even mean? You guys are so weird.
Ben and I are still setting into married life. We're on a tight budget right now as I haven't found a job yet and we found ourselves arguing this morning about which should be the bigger priority -- internet or gym memberships. I think everybody can guess which of us was arguing which side. Ah, the joys of married life. :)
Ben also mentioned this week that I should work on getting my name changed. Oh, yeah. Right. Really? I've always assumed I would change my name, but I have to admit.... it's kind of hard. I mean, I won't even change my cell phone number I've had for the past seven years for fear I might lose people. I need to change my name that I've had for the last 29 years? What if old high school friends can't find me on Facebook? And I can't hyphenate. That would be really really Asian. And I'm just not. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Next week, though? Maybe? :)
Above is a picture of me inside a Church in Cordoba, Spain which was originally built by muslims as a mosque. It was built using aquaduct construction, thus all of the arches all over the place. It was the most unique of all the churches we visited (and we visited A LOT of them), and very cool. The Christians started to deconstruct it and build it their way, but when they realized they were destroying something really really cool they stopped. Smart. So it's mostly all there as the muslims intended.
Here is a big door, Ben size apparently. Or so he thinks. Gotta love a man who likes a challenge. :) We saw these big doors EVERYWHERE in Spain. There were some signigicantly bigger than this, in fact. The funniest thing was, they would cut doors INTO the big doors that they could actually open without employing cavalry and slaves. But they cut these doors to be very small. They were more my size door. Either too big or too small. Those Spaniards just can't win.
And OHHHHH the pretty gardens. I believe this is a picture in Cordoba as well, outside of a palace. How convenient. I needed a resting place.
I think Ben's alter-ego is a medieval warrior. That would explain all of his video-game obsession with warring, his need to tickle me to death and attempt to wrestle on occasion (which I ignore or flail defeatedly), and this picture. You might say this trip afforded a kind of "coming home" to his alter-ego roots.
We noticed the Spanish, and Europeans in general for that matter, are very good at employing what Ben would call "water features." Sharon would call them "fountains", but whatever. We really liked them. They're pretty. Call them whatever you want.
Here we have cute Ben hanging out at one of the restaurants we ate at. This one was known for its fine seafood fair. Ironically, I'm not sure either of us got seafood. They had really good food in Spain. However, they had some seafood that was a bit too exotic for our taste: anemone, sea urchin.... stuff I haven't seen. Dead or alive. But what we DID eat was delicious. We didn't have a bad meal, I don't think. One thing we missed out on was the traditional "tapas" menu -- lots of little hors d'ouvres type dishes that you eat with while you drink beer and relax after a long days work. Since they were primarily served in pubs and we weren't beer drinkers, we felt a little silly going in for tapas. And most of those venues seemed harder to navigate for non-spanish speakers. Maybe next time?
Here we have a doorway, just my size. :) This is in a little hallway inside the largest fortress in Europe, called the "Alhambra", in Granada, Spain. It contains many palaces, small village areas for the servants to live... it was more like a city inside a fortress. And had great views. And lots of garden acreage. And a cool amphitheater. Very cool. It has a maximum of 11,000 people who can attend. Daily. Yeah, a bit like Disneyland. We had to buy expensive tickets with a tour guide to avoid the lines (who wants to wait in a Disneyland sized line on their honeymoon at 7 am on a cold morning?). Very cool place. Did I mention? It was cool.
Here we have Ben and I on a carriage ride through Sevilla. We loved Sevilla and there was a lot to see there. But we only had one day to soak it all in, so we took a carriage ride that gave us a very good drive-by view of the big sites we didn't have time to walk to. And it took us through a lovely park and some big Spanish pavilion where they have a big official building with 5 bridges to it that represents the 5 queens of Spain and 9 sections (or something like that?) of the building, each different, meant to represent each Spanish province -- a very symbolic building.
Here we have me standing next to a phenomenon I loved about Spain. Electric bikes. They had these charging stations everywhere. And the people on the bikes weren't athletic bikers OR homeless people. Just people running errands -- going to the grocery store or going to school. They're so all about a nice, easy pace in Spain. Or at least in southern Spain. I really liked that.
Lastly, Ben and I found it very amusing that europeans like to name their stores the most peculiar, vulgar concoctions of english words. And the european customers love it. Yellow Rat Bastard? What?!? Serious? What does that even mean? You guys are so weird.
Ben and I are still setting into married life. We're on a tight budget right now as I haven't found a job yet and we found ourselves arguing this morning about which should be the bigger priority -- internet or gym memberships. I think everybody can guess which of us was arguing which side. Ah, the joys of married life. :)
Ben also mentioned this week that I should work on getting my name changed. Oh, yeah. Right. Really? I've always assumed I would change my name, but I have to admit.... it's kind of hard. I mean, I won't even change my cell phone number I've had for the past seven years for fear I might lose people. I need to change my name that I've had for the last 29 years? What if old high school friends can't find me on Facebook? And I can't hyphenate. That would be really really Asian. And I'm just not. Okay, okay, I'll do it. Next week, though? Maybe? :)
Monday, November 24, 2008
Getting Acclimated
I have been in Ohio for a little over 2 weeks now. So far, so good. I must say, not having a job has been a pretty easy adjustment for me. Not having an income is another story, but the whole job thing is ... well I almost wonder how on earth I ever found time to work. I'm so busy still! Of course, I do different things now. I look for bargains for things we need online and all over craigs list. I have decided to put off getting a gym membership for now and work out at home (admittedly, that is a BIG sacrifice for me). And instead of shopping for clothes, I cook stuff. Who knew that the one hobby would satiate the cravings for the other? I had no idea.
I also find that I have just a little more time to read. I REALLY like that. So far I've read The Hiding Place and These Is My Words. Both excellent. Next on my list is The Measure of A Man, which I've been wanting to read for a couple of years now.
There are still a couple of things I have yet to make time for. Funny how I have all the time in the world, and yet I still haven't gotten to everything....
Anyhow, I hope to be able to start playing the guitar again. That is something that has completely gone south for about the last 2 years of Ben's and my courtship. And I miss it a bit. I'm also deathly afraid of all the songs I won't remember and all the calluses I no longer have on my fingers. :( The other is designing dresses. I NEED to fit this in, and I need to fit it in this week, as a matter of fact.
Married life has definitely changed things. It's really weird when I think and realize the only reason I am out in Ohio is for Ben (and me). I have absolutely nothing else here. Frightening! You'd think I wouldn't have just dropped everything. And everyone. But there I went and did it! Not that I think it was a bad decision, and not to say I regret it. But it's alarming nonetheless.
Hopefully, from job searching, I will eventually have something come up. But I'm not too hopeful right now. I'm more hopeful about a few months from now. And I can't say I'm too upset about that. Money's tighter, for sure. And we are wondering if we'll be able to afford to go to London next year like we planned. But it gives me time for the dress business fashion shoot, time for adjustment, time for cooking and time for all these little things I haven't had time to do for years! If I can just figure out how to get a paycheck WITHOUT having a job. THAT would be perfect happiness. :)
I also find that I have just a little more time to read. I REALLY like that. So far I've read The Hiding Place and These Is My Words. Both excellent. Next on my list is The Measure of A Man, which I've been wanting to read for a couple of years now.
There are still a couple of things I have yet to make time for. Funny how I have all the time in the world, and yet I still haven't gotten to everything....
Anyhow, I hope to be able to start playing the guitar again. That is something that has completely gone south for about the last 2 years of Ben's and my courtship. And I miss it a bit. I'm also deathly afraid of all the songs I won't remember and all the calluses I no longer have on my fingers. :( The other is designing dresses. I NEED to fit this in, and I need to fit it in this week, as a matter of fact.
Married life has definitely changed things. It's really weird when I think and realize the only reason I am out in Ohio is for Ben (and me). I have absolutely nothing else here. Frightening! You'd think I wouldn't have just dropped everything. And everyone. But there I went and did it! Not that I think it was a bad decision, and not to say I regret it. But it's alarming nonetheless.
Hopefully, from job searching, I will eventually have something come up. But I'm not too hopeful right now. I'm more hopeful about a few months from now. And I can't say I'm too upset about that. Money's tighter, for sure. And we are wondering if we'll be able to afford to go to London next year like we planned. But it gives me time for the dress business fashion shoot, time for adjustment, time for cooking and time for all these little things I haven't had time to do for years! If I can just figure out how to get a paycheck WITHOUT having a job. THAT would be perfect happiness. :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Catching Up
What can I say? Life's been busy. For anybody who didn't come, you were missed and if you were wondering, the wedding was wonderful. I am still enchanted when I think back to how well it went. I liked my wedding day way more than I thought I would. I thought of it previously as just kind of a necessary process to get to the end point, like high school graduation or something-- all ceremony. As it turns out, it was one of the best days ever! Who would have thought?
We went on a weeklong trip to Spain the morning after the wedding. Despite minor setbacks from getting sick, Ben and I had an awesome time in Spain too. We stayed in Sevilla and Granada and took a couple of day trips to Cordoba. Sevilla and Cordoba were my favorites. A couple of things we really liked about Spain:
1) they have lime trees everywhere like the east coast has regular trees and shrubs everywhere. They just line the sidewalks all over. It's awesome. And it smells wonderful. I'm not sure what they do with all the fruit, because the sidewalks weren't messy with it. Whatever they do, it works.
2) lots of people traveled around on bicycles. They were electrically powered bikes too. And they had docking/charging stations for them everywhere. And the people riding the bikes were NOT 1)homeless or 2) hardcore bikers wearing stretchy shorts with a seat cushion built in and a matching racing tee. They were just everyday people getting to the grocery store or school or wherever. Imagine that... Fascinating.
3) their pastry shops are so yummy. At least the ones we went to. We had ice cream and pastries every day we were there. Which brings me to my next topic..
4) their ice cream. They have the yummiest flavors over there. We went to one pastry shop in Sevilla where they had this delicious lemon sorbet that just had the right amount of tartness. In Cordoba, I had greek yogurt and honey ice cream. YUM! And in Granada I had orange chocolate and milk & cinnamon. And another fun thing is they decorate the ice cream mounds with fruit or whatever and drizzle them with toppings and stuff so they LOOK as delicious as they taste.
5) the cool craftsman shops we found. Ben and I brought back a picture made in a leather shop where they sit there and carve & paint the leather right in the shop. It's beautiful. They had items that we would have loved to bring home but would have never fit in our suitcase and/or were just a BIT out of our price range. But it was an incredibly cool shop. We also found a shop where they had four or five artists who kept studios right around it and they sold their art in the shop. I wanted to take the entire shop home. They DO have a website, which appeases me since we didn't get anything for ourselves there. Just beautiful. I like taking home souvenirs from shops like these much more than buying some crappy piece of whatever hokey stuff they have in the region from a cheap souvenir shop. I get so tired of that kind of stuff. If it was well-made, that would be one thing. But it almost never is.
Anyhow, we hav been back from Spain for about a week. I flew back to Utah and Ben flew back to Ohio, which was less fun. I have to stay in Utah to finish working on the dresses for the dress business and I think it will take two or three more weeks before they are done. However, I came out to Ohio for the week to keep Ben company and keep both of us happy. It kinda sucks to get married and then live in two different places. So, here I am for my first day in Fairfield, Ohio, taking my first look at "home." That's weird. But it's nice to be here. And I must sign off because Ben just called and said he wants to come home for lunch. Which means I have to pick him up. Later...
We went on a weeklong trip to Spain the morning after the wedding. Despite minor setbacks from getting sick, Ben and I had an awesome time in Spain too. We stayed in Sevilla and Granada and took a couple of day trips to Cordoba. Sevilla and Cordoba were my favorites. A couple of things we really liked about Spain:
1) they have lime trees everywhere like the east coast has regular trees and shrubs everywhere. They just line the sidewalks all over. It's awesome. And it smells wonderful. I'm not sure what they do with all the fruit, because the sidewalks weren't messy with it. Whatever they do, it works.
2) lots of people traveled around on bicycles. They were electrically powered bikes too. And they had docking/charging stations for them everywhere. And the people riding the bikes were NOT 1)homeless or 2) hardcore bikers wearing stretchy shorts with a seat cushion built in and a matching racing tee. They were just everyday people getting to the grocery store or school or wherever. Imagine that... Fascinating.
3) their pastry shops are so yummy. At least the ones we went to. We had ice cream and pastries every day we were there. Which brings me to my next topic..
4) their ice cream. They have the yummiest flavors over there. We went to one pastry shop in Sevilla where they had this delicious lemon sorbet that just had the right amount of tartness. In Cordoba, I had greek yogurt and honey ice cream. YUM! And in Granada I had orange chocolate and milk & cinnamon. And another fun thing is they decorate the ice cream mounds with fruit or whatever and drizzle them with toppings and stuff so they LOOK as delicious as they taste.
5) the cool craftsman shops we found. Ben and I brought back a picture made in a leather shop where they sit there and carve & paint the leather right in the shop. It's beautiful. They had items that we would have loved to bring home but would have never fit in our suitcase and/or were just a BIT out of our price range. But it was an incredibly cool shop. We also found a shop where they had four or five artists who kept studios right around it and they sold their art in the shop. I wanted to take the entire shop home. They DO have a website, which appeases me since we didn't get anything for ourselves there. Just beautiful. I like taking home souvenirs from shops like these much more than buying some crappy piece of whatever hokey stuff they have in the region from a cheap souvenir shop. I get so tired of that kind of stuff. If it was well-made, that would be one thing. But it almost never is.
Anyhow, we hav been back from Spain for about a week. I flew back to Utah and Ben flew back to Ohio, which was less fun. I have to stay in Utah to finish working on the dresses for the dress business and I think it will take two or three more weeks before they are done. However, I came out to Ohio for the week to keep Ben company and keep both of us happy. It kinda sucks to get married and then live in two different places. So, here I am for my first day in Fairfield, Ohio, taking my first look at "home." That's weird. But it's nice to be here. And I must sign off because Ben just called and said he wants to come home for lunch. Which means I have to pick him up. Later...
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Frustration with dreaming
So I don't write often, and I don't promise to write more often, but running my own law firm takes time....and dedication, and a whole host of other things that I care not to elaborate on. Anyways, for the several weeks I have been in deep thought (mind you, my depth doesn't get much deeper than the bottom of a jar of Maille, but that is another story.)
I assume everyone that knows me, knows my well complained about issues with sleep, lack of it, and lack of its consistency. Along with that comes my lack of dreaming, but usually I don't complain about that, I just think that it is odd....but alas that is not what has bothered me today despite their importance and potential relation to the current topic of demise.
For the last several weeks/months, I have been a little annoyed with myself in the way things are going. I had these little goals in my head of how things would go, where they would be, and what I would be required to do to take it there. A lot of those goals were professional, and some were personal. Surprisingly, a lot of those goals have been attained or are in the process of being attained, and yet I was frustrated. Every day I was waking up and attaining goals, and making things that I had set as goals when I was 5 a reality, yet I wanted more, or at least I wasn't happy with where I was at. One would think that if their "dreams" were being fulfilled that one would be happy. But that is the topic of the post...."DREAMS".
I began to internalize as to whether it was that my goals were not fulfilling. I feel like they are fulfilling, and as an everyday life, I actually enjoy them quite a bit. I think the world would look at them as respectable and admirable goals, and I don't think I am entirely a self-centered individual, although I won't claim that I am not selfish.
Well, if my goals were fulfilling, aren't my goals my dreams? OR are goals and dreams different? Are dreams that intangible thing which we lust after and goals the pragmatic steps that we take to get there?
What is a dream? Very tough to call. I have found myself feeling uninspired and a bit, hmmm.... shall we say calculated and pragmatic. I longed for the days when I would stare out the window and fantasize about being superman, or batman....and reflect back on how happy those day dreams made me feel, despite the fact that I knew they would never come into existence.
I know those around me would say that I am always dreaming of these wild and crazy endeavors that I get involved with, yet I never seem to feel like they are dreams. They seem like pragmatic, practical plans in an attempt to achieve very tangible and realistic goals (what is realistic to one may not be realistic to another.) Yet, I continue to wake up every day and wonder what it is in the world I am doing with myself. And then it hit me.
Have I failed to dream? What do I mean by that? I mean that I have failed to remove myself from the tangible every day practical part of life and think about the "if's" and the "what if's". The unattainable has become attainable, and therefore, my dreams have died...fortunately not because of depression or failure, but because of relative success (I am no millionaire). Odd to say that success has frustrated me, but it has. There is still challenge and things to work for, but they are attainable, or at least I feel like they are attainable.
It is that failure to keep the dream alive, to keep dreaming that has lead to the frustration. I have wondered over the last while what it was with me, and I wonder if that is the answer. That if failing to come up with new dreams, new ideas, new challenges and aspirations, that the old dreams which one has attained or failed, whichever is ones reality, the dreaming has been supplanted by the every day, the parts of life that keep us alive and make us human. The parts of life that sustain us in a temporal sense, but they do not keep our spirits alive, at least not my spirit alive.
I need to dream. I need to dream of that next mountain that needs to be climbed, or that little bit of dirt that I could cultivate an ant farm in. Whatever it is, I believe it is the continuous process of dreaming that keeps my spirit alive.
So alas, if you have felt similarly, or ideas in what it is you dream about and work for...chime in. Let me hear your thoughts...and maybe, just maybe I'll dream of writing a response! ;)
I assume everyone that knows me, knows my well complained about issues with sleep, lack of it, and lack of its consistency. Along with that comes my lack of dreaming, but usually I don't complain about that, I just think that it is odd....but alas that is not what has bothered me today despite their importance and potential relation to the current topic of demise.
For the last several weeks/months, I have been a little annoyed with myself in the way things are going. I had these little goals in my head of how things would go, where they would be, and what I would be required to do to take it there. A lot of those goals were professional, and some were personal. Surprisingly, a lot of those goals have been attained or are in the process of being attained, and yet I was frustrated. Every day I was waking up and attaining goals, and making things that I had set as goals when I was 5 a reality, yet I wanted more, or at least I wasn't happy with where I was at. One would think that if their "dreams" were being fulfilled that one would be happy. But that is the topic of the post...."DREAMS".
I began to internalize as to whether it was that my goals were not fulfilling. I feel like they are fulfilling, and as an everyday life, I actually enjoy them quite a bit. I think the world would look at them as respectable and admirable goals, and I don't think I am entirely a self-centered individual, although I won't claim that I am not selfish.
Well, if my goals were fulfilling, aren't my goals my dreams? OR are goals and dreams different? Are dreams that intangible thing which we lust after and goals the pragmatic steps that we take to get there?
What is a dream? Very tough to call. I have found myself feeling uninspired and a bit, hmmm.... shall we say calculated and pragmatic. I longed for the days when I would stare out the window and fantasize about being superman, or batman....and reflect back on how happy those day dreams made me feel, despite the fact that I knew they would never come into existence.
I know those around me would say that I am always dreaming of these wild and crazy endeavors that I get involved with, yet I never seem to feel like they are dreams. They seem like pragmatic, practical plans in an attempt to achieve very tangible and realistic goals (what is realistic to one may not be realistic to another.) Yet, I continue to wake up every day and wonder what it is in the world I am doing with myself. And then it hit me.
Have I failed to dream? What do I mean by that? I mean that I have failed to remove myself from the tangible every day practical part of life and think about the "if's" and the "what if's". The unattainable has become attainable, and therefore, my dreams have died...fortunately not because of depression or failure, but because of relative success (I am no millionaire). Odd to say that success has frustrated me, but it has. There is still challenge and things to work for, but they are attainable, or at least I feel like they are attainable.
It is that failure to keep the dream alive, to keep dreaming that has lead to the frustration. I have wondered over the last while what it was with me, and I wonder if that is the answer. That if failing to come up with new dreams, new ideas, new challenges and aspirations, that the old dreams which one has attained or failed, whichever is ones reality, the dreaming has been supplanted by the every day, the parts of life that keep us alive and make us human. The parts of life that sustain us in a temporal sense, but they do not keep our spirits alive, at least not my spirit alive.
I need to dream. I need to dream of that next mountain that needs to be climbed, or that little bit of dirt that I could cultivate an ant farm in. Whatever it is, I believe it is the continuous process of dreaming that keeps my spirit alive.
So alas, if you have felt similarly, or ideas in what it is you dream about and work for...chime in. Let me hear your thoughts...and maybe, just maybe I'll dream of writing a response! ;)
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Forgive Me
I know talking politics is the conversation of all conversations to end friendships and make people mad at you. BUT (I know, dangerous) I'm brimming with opinions and information that I must expunge from my insides and get out. I have been watching the candidates this season, as I think this is one of the most historically important presidential races I've ever seen or been able to vote in-- not really because of the candidates, but because of the time we are in and the issues and problems we face. It's a time when I think people are unusually aware what we do right now matters. We see need, we see job loss, we see warfare, we see danger, we see terrorism, we see disasters -- a lot of real threats that were considerably smaller and more removed from the population during previous elections. And, just to clarify, I do usually vote in local and other elections. It's not that I suddenly thought I should care about voting. I just have a remarkably heightened interest in the issues, policies and candidates for this election.
I can't help but listen. I also can't help that I am brimming over at the moment with outrage, excitement, fear and suspense to see how it all is playing out. My brimming has driven me to blog. Before I rant, I would like you all to know -- I am a lover of dissenting opinions and I hope you likewise won't love me any less should I not support yours.
I just got off the phone with Ben and he accused me of having "negative energy" towards McCain. I was taken aback by his accusation. But, as happens on occasion, he's right. The man (McCain, not Ben)really makes me uncomfortable. What can I say? I think he's an unpredictable maverick -- which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing, really - who has sold out his vote since 2005 to vie for the support of the Republicans (I AM sure that end part is a bad thing). I looked over his voting record and one of my favorite examples of his fair weather independence was the Bush tax breaks for the rich. McCain voted against them in 2003, voted for them in 2006 and now says he doesn't agree with them but says they must be kept. How does that make sense? I think it's also interesting that he voted not to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in 2005 and now has it as a main campaign policy issue that he WANTS to open it up for drilling. This does not make sense to me either . But it does help me understand why he picked Palin as his vice president, as she and her husband are from Alaska and her husband works for BP, won the TESORO snowmobile race 4 times and was sponsored by "SEVERAL" oil companies for racing each year -- a man with connections. If I liked oil like Bush, and now McCain, I'd pick her too. And I still fail to see why his POW experience, while nothing to mock or make light of (sincerely nothing but respect and remorse for that), helps qualify him to be president. I just get confused why they mention it in every news article and interview like he did something politically influential with that. It's a tragedy, and should draw into question his mental stability and possible residual trauma he may have. It's not a presidential resume piece.
Palin-- well, she's a whole 'nother ball game. I was surprised by the Republican stunt show to lash out at the media for daring to question whether or not McCain's people looked into her background. Why is that not a legitimate concern? Should motives for picking a vice presidential candidate really be of no concern to anybody? Of course they shouldn't be. That's silly. (Please, read as being heavily laced with sarcasm) And other issues: the woman just had a son with down syndrome, and has a pregnant teenage daughter. Maybe I'm the only one to think this way, but here's how I see it: the woman is a mother with a down-syndrome INFANT who is likely to demand a lot of care. She has a grandchild on the way with a daughter not capable of caring for the child on her own and an obvious track record for bad judgement (on at least one occasion). These seem to me to be good, sound reasons to question if a demanding public career as the Vice President of the United States is the most important thing to do right now. It's not that she should be banished for having family issues or that she's a bad mom. But might she need to afford her family some of her time to deal with and take care of these things? She has a freaking baby with DOWN SYNDROME! Oh, sorry, I already mentioned that. But of course, what am I thinking? It sounds like a great time to take on Washington and battle pork barrel spending (yes, I'm being sarcastic again). Family, shmamily. If she was a Democratic candidate, the Republicans would be having a field day with this mess. I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, but I'M having a field day with this mess. I think it's absolutely absurd. After that, it merely adds to the absurdity that she has virtually no political experience. But she IS from Alaska, where there's oil -- AND where her sky high approval ratings come from a population that already pays no state taxes and to whom she just gave extra $1000 rebates for everyone. Tell me again why she's a good vice presidential pick? Oh right, her husband's connections. And because you shouldn't judge her because of the scandals that keep popping up. I forget.
On the other side of things, I have significantly less negative energy:
I like Obama. I like that Obama wants to put deadlines for leaving Iraq, like being completely out by 2013. I think that's a reasonable exit strategy rather than an abandoning strategy, which is the reputation I think it gets. And I like it much better than the Republican stance that we can't put a time table on leaving -- despite the fact Iraq has asked us to "hurry up and get out", without mincing too many words. But we're there for them, of course. And that's why we're staying, even if they don't want us to. It's not the oil. (Yes, you got it. More sarcasm.). I like that Obama wants to provide debt forgiveness for families who are going into bankruptcy because of unavoidable medical bills. I like that he wants to raise minimum wage and has voted for minimum wage increases. I like that his foreign policy views are more towards promoting conversation with foreign nations rather than what our recent foreign policy has been which is to not talk and then threaten. And I like that Obama supports renewable energy funding bills and talks about electric cars, as opposed to McCain who voted to defund those bills and who supports hydrogen fuel cell technology which is 15 to 20 years out from being viable, and has been 15 to 20 years out from being viable for the last 15 to 20 years (and will perpetually be 15 to 20 years out from being viable). In regards to Biden, I don't know as much. He doesn't seem to be riddled with nearly as much scandal as Palin, but I'll do research to see what I think. And I promise not to blog about it as this tirade will be enough political jargon to appease my bursting at the seams. (And I'm willing to bet you were done after my 2nd paragraph. Is anyone reading this far into this blog entry? No? I didn't think so.).
I know a lot of Republicans. I live in Utah, so that's expected. I'm also Mormon, so it's even more expected. And I am still surprised sometimes to hear such adamant support and approval for the Republican candidates. I know, silly. I'm just a little nutty like that. But I still am surprised. Admittedly, I'm not sure that I love Obama. But do I have to? No politician can offer everything they promise, and they've all been bought out to some degree. It seems standard par for the presidential race course that I must always try to pick the lesser of two evils. And I know Obama carries the mark of a Democrat, which is generally accepted as evil. But really, aren't there worse crimes? Like lying about why you're leading a nation into war, or being the man who agrees and adamantly supports all policies and decisions of the man who lied about why he led a nation to war? Of course, that's not the only reason I dislike Bush. But I don't NEED to tell you why I dislike Bush. If you read, watch tv, or ever get out of the house, I'm sure you've heard a thing or two, if not from his enemies then straight from the dim bulb himself. And maybe Obama can't deliver all the change he promises. But he promises not to agree with Bush. I REALLY like that. And I can't say as much for McCain. He touts being a maverick, but I really think he just became a nonmaverick as soon as went for getting the Republican nomination, so he doesn't have that to stand on anymore.
After 8 years of Bush, and with the platforms I've seen these candidates running on, I'd rather risk the nation's next four years on the less experienced Democrat than the bought-out Republican maverick. I just can't help it. And I can't help but tell you why I can't help it. It seems so obvious to me. The sheer outrage of it all! Why does everyone not see things like I do?!?! (Again, I'm being sarcastic there. But really, in my heart of hearts, only half sarcastic this time. Or a quarter sarcastic. NO --- half.:))
Note -- the info I researched on the candidates about their past records was mostly found on a nonpartisan website called ontheissues.org, though I also visited both of the candidates sites and regularly peruse news articles from the NY Times, Washington Post and a few other papers, and have watched some interviews. Of course, none of it it is completely impartial, as I believe no American media information is-- but it's as impartial as I could find.
Note #2 -- even if the material I read may have succeeded in being impartial, I do realize, and you should to, that I do not succeed in being impartial in most things. But I'm sure that was obvious. Never mind. I don't need to tell you that.
Another note -- one of the most politically maddening, but fascinating documentary movies I have watched recently was called, "Who Killed The Electric Car". The movie is definitely not politically neutral, but it really does present you with some interesting information. And it was influential in turning me from politically semi-interested to brimming with curiosity enough to start really paying attention. I highly recommend the movie to all, whether you lean Republican or Democrat.
Anyhow, that's it. So you have permission to hate it all, if in fact you've even read this far. You may ignore it. You may prove me wrong and tell me what's what. But could you still love me anyway? Please? I'm a people pleaser/peace keeper kind of person like that. And I'd really like you not to hate me for above-mentioned scandalous political statements. I'm really sorry about all this tirade stuff. Really. Kinda. But not totally.
In any case, I'm done now.
I can't help but listen. I also can't help that I am brimming over at the moment with outrage, excitement, fear and suspense to see how it all is playing out. My brimming has driven me to blog. Before I rant, I would like you all to know -- I am a lover of dissenting opinions and I hope you likewise won't love me any less should I not support yours.
I just got off the phone with Ben and he accused me of having "negative energy" towards McCain. I was taken aback by his accusation. But, as happens on occasion, he's right. The man (McCain, not Ben)really makes me uncomfortable. What can I say? I think he's an unpredictable maverick -- which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing, really - who has sold out his vote since 2005 to vie for the support of the Republicans (I AM sure that end part is a bad thing). I looked over his voting record and one of my favorite examples of his fair weather independence was the Bush tax breaks for the rich. McCain voted against them in 2003, voted for them in 2006 and now says he doesn't agree with them but says they must be kept. How does that make sense? I think it's also interesting that he voted not to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in 2005 and now has it as a main campaign policy issue that he WANTS to open it up for drilling. This does not make sense to me either . But it does help me understand why he picked Palin as his vice president, as she and her husband are from Alaska and her husband works for BP, won the TESORO snowmobile race 4 times and was sponsored by "SEVERAL" oil companies for racing each year -- a man with connections. If I liked oil like Bush, and now McCain, I'd pick her too. And I still fail to see why his POW experience, while nothing to mock or make light of (sincerely nothing but respect and remorse for that), helps qualify him to be president. I just get confused why they mention it in every news article and interview like he did something politically influential with that. It's a tragedy, and should draw into question his mental stability and possible residual trauma he may have. It's not a presidential resume piece.
Palin-- well, she's a whole 'nother ball game. I was surprised by the Republican stunt show to lash out at the media for daring to question whether or not McCain's people looked into her background. Why is that not a legitimate concern? Should motives for picking a vice presidential candidate really be of no concern to anybody? Of course they shouldn't be. That's silly. (Please, read as being heavily laced with sarcasm) And other issues: the woman just had a son with down syndrome, and has a pregnant teenage daughter. Maybe I'm the only one to think this way, but here's how I see it: the woman is a mother with a down-syndrome INFANT who is likely to demand a lot of care. She has a grandchild on the way with a daughter not capable of caring for the child on her own and an obvious track record for bad judgement (on at least one occasion). These seem to me to be good, sound reasons to question if a demanding public career as the Vice President of the United States is the most important thing to do right now. It's not that she should be banished for having family issues or that she's a bad mom. But might she need to afford her family some of her time to deal with and take care of these things? She has a freaking baby with DOWN SYNDROME! Oh, sorry, I already mentioned that. But of course, what am I thinking? It sounds like a great time to take on Washington and battle pork barrel spending (yes, I'm being sarcastic again). Family, shmamily. If she was a Democratic candidate, the Republicans would be having a field day with this mess. I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, but I'M having a field day with this mess. I think it's absolutely absurd. After that, it merely adds to the absurdity that she has virtually no political experience. But she IS from Alaska, where there's oil -- AND where her sky high approval ratings come from a population that already pays no state taxes and to whom she just gave extra $1000 rebates for everyone. Tell me again why she's a good vice presidential pick? Oh right, her husband's connections. And because you shouldn't judge her because of the scandals that keep popping up. I forget.
On the other side of things, I have significantly less negative energy:
I like Obama. I like that Obama wants to put deadlines for leaving Iraq, like being completely out by 2013. I think that's a reasonable exit strategy rather than an abandoning strategy, which is the reputation I think it gets. And I like it much better than the Republican stance that we can't put a time table on leaving -- despite the fact Iraq has asked us to "hurry up and get out", without mincing too many words. But we're there for them, of course. And that's why we're staying, even if they don't want us to. It's not the oil. (Yes, you got it. More sarcasm.). I like that Obama wants to provide debt forgiveness for families who are going into bankruptcy because of unavoidable medical bills. I like that he wants to raise minimum wage and has voted for minimum wage increases. I like that his foreign policy views are more towards promoting conversation with foreign nations rather than what our recent foreign policy has been which is to not talk and then threaten. And I like that Obama supports renewable energy funding bills and talks about electric cars, as opposed to McCain who voted to defund those bills and who supports hydrogen fuel cell technology which is 15 to 20 years out from being viable, and has been 15 to 20 years out from being viable for the last 15 to 20 years (and will perpetually be 15 to 20 years out from being viable). In regards to Biden, I don't know as much. He doesn't seem to be riddled with nearly as much scandal as Palin, but I'll do research to see what I think. And I promise not to blog about it as this tirade will be enough political jargon to appease my bursting at the seams. (And I'm willing to bet you were done after my 2nd paragraph. Is anyone reading this far into this blog entry? No? I didn't think so.).
I know a lot of Republicans. I live in Utah, so that's expected. I'm also Mormon, so it's even more expected. And I am still surprised sometimes to hear such adamant support and approval for the Republican candidates. I know, silly. I'm just a little nutty like that. But I still am surprised. Admittedly, I'm not sure that I love Obama. But do I have to? No politician can offer everything they promise, and they've all been bought out to some degree. It seems standard par for the presidential race course that I must always try to pick the lesser of two evils. And I know Obama carries the mark of a Democrat, which is generally accepted as evil. But really, aren't there worse crimes? Like lying about why you're leading a nation into war, or being the man who agrees and adamantly supports all policies and decisions of the man who lied about why he led a nation to war? Of course, that's not the only reason I dislike Bush. But I don't NEED to tell you why I dislike Bush. If you read, watch tv, or ever get out of the house, I'm sure you've heard a thing or two, if not from his enemies then straight from the dim bulb himself. And maybe Obama can't deliver all the change he promises. But he promises not to agree with Bush. I REALLY like that. And I can't say as much for McCain. He touts being a maverick, but I really think he just became a nonmaverick as soon as went for getting the Republican nomination, so he doesn't have that to stand on anymore.
After 8 years of Bush, and with the platforms I've seen these candidates running on, I'd rather risk the nation's next four years on the less experienced Democrat than the bought-out Republican maverick. I just can't help it. And I can't help but tell you why I can't help it. It seems so obvious to me. The sheer outrage of it all! Why does everyone not see things like I do?!?! (Again, I'm being sarcastic there. But really, in my heart of hearts, only half sarcastic this time. Or a quarter sarcastic. NO --- half.:))
Note -- the info I researched on the candidates about their past records was mostly found on a nonpartisan website called ontheissues.org, though I also visited both of the candidates sites and regularly peruse news articles from the NY Times, Washington Post and a few other papers, and have watched some interviews. Of course, none of it it is completely impartial, as I believe no American media information is-- but it's as impartial as I could find.
Note #2 -- even if the material I read may have succeeded in being impartial, I do realize, and you should to, that I do not succeed in being impartial in most things. But I'm sure that was obvious. Never mind. I don't need to tell you that.
Another note -- one of the most politically maddening, but fascinating documentary movies I have watched recently was called, "Who Killed The Electric Car". The movie is definitely not politically neutral, but it really does present you with some interesting information. And it was influential in turning me from politically semi-interested to brimming with curiosity enough to start really paying attention. I highly recommend the movie to all, whether you lean Republican or Democrat.
Anyhow, that's it. So you have permission to hate it all, if in fact you've even read this far. You may ignore it. You may prove me wrong and tell me what's what. But could you still love me anyway? Please? I'm a people pleaser/peace keeper kind of person like that. And I'd really like you not to hate me for above-mentioned scandalous political statements. I'm really sorry about all this tirade stuff. Really. Kinda. But not totally.
In any case, I'm done now.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Made For Me
It's interesting, the things you learn over the years and how long it can actually take to figure things out. Even basic things. The evolution of becoming a woman. Not just a woman, but a knowledgeable woman. A woman who has self awareness and seems to have it together. We have LOADS to figure out -- like how to get the right bra, plucking eye brows, learning to blend your foundation into the chin/neck area so you don't have a line, buying clothes that aren't too baggy OR too tight. Figuring out how to shave without gashing your legs everywhere. Learning what colors you can and can't wear, learning to appreciate a real haircut instead of having your mom put a bowl over your head and trimming around the edges, learning how to be sexy without showing all of your cleavage/legs/back/belly/body. Learning everything. There's so much to learn and figure out. And for some it takes a while.
For me, it takes an especially long while. But I'd like you to know, I have just hit a milestone of progress on my womanly journey.
I have had an understanding, since I was about 23, that I just have bad skin. But even after acne meds, I would still have blemishes pretty consisently (though admittedly they were fewer), so I accepted the idea that my skin was just not the best,... genetically defective and not meant to be clear... except for maybe sometime in my 70's when all my hormones had dried up and subsequently stopped messing with my face. Sometimes you just can't beat nature.
Despite this understanding and accepting of my flaws, there was a small little corner of me that was in denial and refused to believe this. This small corner of me was certain the problem was my face products and that I just have incredibly sensitive skin. This small corner of me urged me on to search high and low from drug store to department store to beauty product store to online store to pyramid scheme business, experimenting with, purchasing and returning egads of lotions, face washes, face serums and the like -- all in the name of clearer skin.
I'm 28 years old and I'd just like you to know, that little corner of me was right. I'm not crazy after all! Ok, maybe I am. But I was at least not crazy in this regard. And my quest is over. Hallelujah! It couldn't have come at a better time. ok, I lie. A better time would have been at least 14 years ago. But better late than never, right? And when late is still BEFORE your wedding day pictures, I don't feel I should complain.
I don't think these products are for everyone, as everybody's skin is different, but should you have incredibly sensitive skin like I, you too might be seeking friendly products. Here's my findings from years of research: I have newly found two products: 1) dermatlogica's ultracalming cleanser and 2) hope in a jar's therapeutic moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin. And I didn't capitalize the names of those products because they're not capitalized on the actual product packaging. They both have very little in them and nothing to rub skin raw, irritate or put harsh, alcoholic fragrances or burning chemical face brightening or whatever crap on your skin. No anti-aging, no skin plumping, no nothing. The one moisturizes and the other washes. That's it. Neither of them have spf, but if you're an spf junkie, they do have face lotion from philosophy's hope in a jar that does have spf. For me, I went without that as I have figured out the LESS ingredients in the bottle, the better off I am.
One thing down, a few thousand more to go. The journey of womanhood is long, and it is hard. Boys will never understand completely. But it's so encouraging and rewarding when you finally figure something out. I'm one step closer, though I'm not sure to what. And I'm one notch more confident. I understand myself that much more. Progress always feels good. And, in this case, looks even better. :) How refreshing.
For me, it takes an especially long while. But I'd like you to know, I have just hit a milestone of progress on my womanly journey.
I have had an understanding, since I was about 23, that I just have bad skin. But even after acne meds, I would still have blemishes pretty consisently (though admittedly they were fewer), so I accepted the idea that my skin was just not the best,... genetically defective and not meant to be clear... except for maybe sometime in my 70's when all my hormones had dried up and subsequently stopped messing with my face. Sometimes you just can't beat nature.
Despite this understanding and accepting of my flaws, there was a small little corner of me that was in denial and refused to believe this. This small corner of me was certain the problem was my face products and that I just have incredibly sensitive skin. This small corner of me urged me on to search high and low from drug store to department store to beauty product store to online store to pyramid scheme business, experimenting with, purchasing and returning egads of lotions, face washes, face serums and the like -- all in the name of clearer skin.
I'm 28 years old and I'd just like you to know, that little corner of me was right. I'm not crazy after all! Ok, maybe I am. But I was at least not crazy in this regard. And my quest is over. Hallelujah! It couldn't have come at a better time. ok, I lie. A better time would have been at least 14 years ago. But better late than never, right? And when late is still BEFORE your wedding day pictures, I don't feel I should complain.
I don't think these products are for everyone, as everybody's skin is different, but should you have incredibly sensitive skin like I, you too might be seeking friendly products. Here's my findings from years of research: I have newly found two products: 1) dermatlogica's ultracalming cleanser and 2) hope in a jar's therapeutic moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin. And I didn't capitalize the names of those products because they're not capitalized on the actual product packaging. They both have very little in them and nothing to rub skin raw, irritate or put harsh, alcoholic fragrances or burning chemical face brightening or whatever crap on your skin. No anti-aging, no skin plumping, no nothing. The one moisturizes and the other washes. That's it. Neither of them have spf, but if you're an spf junkie, they do have face lotion from philosophy's hope in a jar that does have spf. For me, I went without that as I have figured out the LESS ingredients in the bottle, the better off I am.
One thing down, a few thousand more to go. The journey of womanhood is long, and it is hard. Boys will never understand completely. But it's so encouraging and rewarding when you finally figure something out. I'm one step closer, though I'm not sure to what. And I'm one notch more confident. I understand myself that much more. Progress always feels good. And, in this case, looks even better. :) How refreshing.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Shoes, Clothes and all manner of attire
You'd think getting the dress would be the most difficult of wedding wardrobe needs. Indeed not, by my experience. I am, at this moment, sitting in a living room filled with over $4000 (totally to 12 pairs or so) worth of shoes from Zappos, Shoe.com and some other website, wondering which will be 1) the most useful in the future, 2) the most fun, 3) the most well priced for the amount of use, and 4) the most comfortable. This is, of course, absolutely absurd and hilarious because the only function they will serve on my wedding day is to make me tall enough so my dress doesn't drag on the ground and get me from place to place with relative ease. Nobody will be able to see them. And yet, here I am, something blue, something red, something gold, something silver, something sequined...... Oh my.
I got to thinking about clothes today and the significance in what you wear (not just on a wedding day, but in every day) and all it communicates about a person. I was actually thinking about this because I was feeling a wee bit uncomfortable in my own clothes -- not because they didn't fit right and not because they didn't look good. I was sufficiently satisfied with my clothes on both accounts. No, no, it was for quite different reasons.
You see, I was working today, but I wasn't the most productive (I'll be honest, I had an incredibly hard time focusing. My boss probably got a good 3 hours out my 8 that were worth paying me for.). As I went out on my lunch break to meet with the reception caterers, (this was about midday when I'd accomplished almost nothing), I felt like I was a bunch of pomp and circumstance.
Why would I feel bad? Because I know my clothes. They are, as I am a bit of a bargain shopper and a brand & fit snob, pretty nice and, at full price (though I usually get clothes on sale) almost always out of my price range and certainly out of my income bracket. But I get them anyway. And normally I don't mind this. In fact I very much approve and enjoy this. I feel that, especially in regards to my career and how I should present myself, it's a proper and well-fitted presentation. But not today. Today I felt like I didn't deserve to wear the clothes. I just felt like an overdresses, spoiled, entitled brat. Admittedly, as I thought this, I also thought of that sacreligious bit in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, when God is talking to them through the parted clouds, telling them to stop groveling and how he hates it when people grovel and to stop apologizing, blah, blah, blah. I laugh at the absurdity of my guilty conscience on occasion. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel a little guilty.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I was really crappy at taking care of business today. Thus, I didn't feel comfortable in my nice work clothes. However, different clothes are different in this regard. On my wedding day, I imagine I'll feel quite the part and up for wearing the wedding dress. But not on any other day, I think.Then I think of evening gowns --- evening gowns are just a lovely thing because all you have to do to feel up for and appropriate to one of those is to get done up and have somewhere nice to go. Sometimes not even that. But career attire -- you really got to have things together to wear it well. They're a tricky thing, clothes. Sometimes outsides really do match the insides. Of coures, I suppose some people don't have to match their clothes. Like those people who don't really care or pay attention to their clothes -- though I just can't imagine... How interesting. How do they do it? And then you have Hollywood. It's almost entirely pomp and circumstance there (in my humbe opinion). In any case, no matter whether other people do it or not, I like to match inside and out. Or at least to think that I do. :)
I got to thinking about clothes today and the significance in what you wear (not just on a wedding day, but in every day) and all it communicates about a person. I was actually thinking about this because I was feeling a wee bit uncomfortable in my own clothes -- not because they didn't fit right and not because they didn't look good. I was sufficiently satisfied with my clothes on both accounts. No, no, it was for quite different reasons.
You see, I was working today, but I wasn't the most productive (I'll be honest, I had an incredibly hard time focusing. My boss probably got a good 3 hours out my 8 that were worth paying me for.). As I went out on my lunch break to meet with the reception caterers, (this was about midday when I'd accomplished almost nothing), I felt like I was a bunch of pomp and circumstance.
Why would I feel bad? Because I know my clothes. They are, as I am a bit of a bargain shopper and a brand & fit snob, pretty nice and, at full price (though I usually get clothes on sale) almost always out of my price range and certainly out of my income bracket. But I get them anyway. And normally I don't mind this. In fact I very much approve and enjoy this. I feel that, especially in regards to my career and how I should present myself, it's a proper and well-fitted presentation. But not today. Today I felt like I didn't deserve to wear the clothes. I just felt like an overdresses, spoiled, entitled brat. Admittedly, as I thought this, I also thought of that sacreligious bit in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, when God is talking to them through the parted clouds, telling them to stop groveling and how he hates it when people grovel and to stop apologizing, blah, blah, blah. I laugh at the absurdity of my guilty conscience on occasion. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel a little guilty.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I was really crappy at taking care of business today. Thus, I didn't feel comfortable in my nice work clothes. However, different clothes are different in this regard. On my wedding day, I imagine I'll feel quite the part and up for wearing the wedding dress. But not on any other day, I think.Then I think of evening gowns --- evening gowns are just a lovely thing because all you have to do to feel up for and appropriate to one of those is to get done up and have somewhere nice to go. Sometimes not even that. But career attire -- you really got to have things together to wear it well. They're a tricky thing, clothes. Sometimes outsides really do match the insides. Of coures, I suppose some people don't have to match their clothes. Like those people who don't really care or pay attention to their clothes -- though I just can't imagine... How interesting. How do they do it? And then you have Hollywood. It's almost entirely pomp and circumstance there (in my humbe opinion). In any case, no matter whether other people do it or not, I like to match inside and out. Or at least to think that I do. :)
Friday, August 22, 2008
Why-o, why-o, why-o would a girl move to Ohio?
And why would she leave the perfect job that she JUST started a week ago? And why would she leave a free-rent house-sitting position? And why would she leave all of her family & friends she loves to see?
I can tell you why. Because I am getting married and my fiance just accepted a job offer in Cincinatti. I can't believe it! Ohio! What the heck is in Ohio?! Three of the 5 fastest-dying cities in the nation, if you read & believe MSN. THAT'S ENCOURAGING!
It has been a decision of a lot of mixed emotions for Ben & I. My job here is not one I have much of a hope of finding again. So, that's a bit painful. And we really weren't thinking to leave Utah for another few years. We had a great set up here and so many friends & family.
However, it's a great job opportunity for Ben. There is also potential for great educational opportunities for Ben out there. All things taken into consideration, it's the best thing for us to do. Especially because his current employer is just a few notches below the level of ridiculous that MY previous employer was. That is BAD.
And on my side, while it may sound like a big sacrifice, it's not so much when looking objectively: while I may not find THIS nonprofit job again, there are nonprofit jobs absolutely everywhere. And I can run the dress business from anywhere. I never realized before how portable me and all of my careers are. I'm incredibly versatile. And handy. Biotech pharmaceutical companies ---- are not everywhere.
One of the most interesting elements of this whole situation is the unexpected satisfaction I get in being able to support Ben. The sacrifice of my treasured job and all the things I have held dear here is strangely rewarding. It's like I'm offering that up as a kind of contribution, "payment in good faith" to our relationship. I'm gonna be SUCH a good wife! I can already tell. And so humble too!
Weird. All this marriage stuff. We're not even married yet. And torture of all tortures, he'll actually be starting work in Ohio on Sept. 8th, so I don't even get to see him the last two weeks before the wedding. Then again, that may be a good thing. No need to worry about being good behavior....
So, all in all, Ohio doesn't sound THAT bad. Don't get me wrong. It WOULD. But it sounds a lot better to me with Ben there. Marriage..... it certainly changes things. And people.
I can tell you why. Because I am getting married and my fiance just accepted a job offer in Cincinatti. I can't believe it! Ohio! What the heck is in Ohio?! Three of the 5 fastest-dying cities in the nation, if you read & believe MSN. THAT'S ENCOURAGING!
It has been a decision of a lot of mixed emotions for Ben & I. My job here is not one I have much of a hope of finding again. So, that's a bit painful. And we really weren't thinking to leave Utah for another few years. We had a great set up here and so many friends & family.
However, it's a great job opportunity for Ben. There is also potential for great educational opportunities for Ben out there. All things taken into consideration, it's the best thing for us to do. Especially because his current employer is just a few notches below the level of ridiculous that MY previous employer was. That is BAD.
And on my side, while it may sound like a big sacrifice, it's not so much when looking objectively: while I may not find THIS nonprofit job again, there are nonprofit jobs absolutely everywhere. And I can run the dress business from anywhere. I never realized before how portable me and all of my careers are. I'm incredibly versatile. And handy. Biotech pharmaceutical companies ---- are not everywhere.
One of the most interesting elements of this whole situation is the unexpected satisfaction I get in being able to support Ben. The sacrifice of my treasured job and all the things I have held dear here is strangely rewarding. It's like I'm offering that up as a kind of contribution, "payment in good faith" to our relationship. I'm gonna be SUCH a good wife! I can already tell. And so humble too!
Weird. All this marriage stuff. We're not even married yet. And torture of all tortures, he'll actually be starting work in Ohio on Sept. 8th, so I don't even get to see him the last two weeks before the wedding. Then again, that may be a good thing. No need to worry about being good behavior....
So, all in all, Ohio doesn't sound THAT bad. Don't get me wrong. It WOULD. But it sounds a lot better to me with Ben there. Marriage..... it certainly changes things. And people.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Can't Hardly Wait
So, there are many changes in life that I could be anxiously awaiting. Waiting for the wedding, waiting till I get to have all of my family & friends come into town, waiting to figure out the honeymoon plans... But there is one thing I can really HARDLY wait for and it can't happen SOON ENOUGH.
If it weren't for all the planning and time needed to prepare, I would say it's the wedding, but it's not. It's starting at my new job! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And why do I anticipate it with such little patience and so much enthusiasm!?
Well, I could say it's because it's a great new job. It is. And I could say it's because they have some exciting projects going on. They do. But one factor trumps all. I can't wait to get away from my current creepy, icky, unstable, spawn-of-the-devil boss. Have you ever met someone and wondered how the heck they got to where they are? Ding, Ding, Ding!! Tis this man. Several somebodies have had severe lapses in judgement. Repeatedly. And I lay my complaints and all the blame at their feet, wherever and whomever they are.
I realize this might come as a shock. It comes as a bit of a shock to me too. I rarely dislike people, especially so strongly. However, as it is, I've got "it" bad. I keep telling myself that I don't have any ill will towards this man, but I don't actually believe that's true. I actually HAVE ill will (OH MY GOSH!) and I think I SHOULD feel really bad about that. Really bad. How do I know.? Well, I wondered a bit at firsxt, but I had my first clear sign when news got out that the poor man's basement flooded and I founnd a smile moving across my insides. Sometimes I find it very hard to behave myself! "How did this become good news? I'm confused. But it seems to be good news. It feels like good news.... Huh. I think he's turned me to the dark side...." So goes my inner monologue.
I feel less bad, admittedly, because I am so supported in my disdain for him. I've never worked for someone so wholly and unanimously offensive to people. All my coworkers help foster this distaste I have by regularly reporting the disrespectful, dishonest, condescending, hypocritical and insane things he does & says. But alas, I will be completely detached and will see nor hear nor speak of evil -- because I'll be at a new job and my boss here won't be there to see, hear or speak of! Just two more days.... I can do it.....Can't wait for Monday. La la la la la. Can't, can't wait. Oh boy.
If it weren't for all the planning and time needed to prepare, I would say it's the wedding, but it's not. It's starting at my new job! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! And why do I anticipate it with such little patience and so much enthusiasm!?
Well, I could say it's because it's a great new job. It is. And I could say it's because they have some exciting projects going on. They do. But one factor trumps all. I can't wait to get away from my current creepy, icky, unstable, spawn-of-the-devil boss. Have you ever met someone and wondered how the heck they got to where they are? Ding, Ding, Ding!! Tis this man. Several somebodies have had severe lapses in judgement. Repeatedly. And I lay my complaints and all the blame at their feet, wherever and whomever they are.
I realize this might come as a shock. It comes as a bit of a shock to me too. I rarely dislike people, especially so strongly. However, as it is, I've got "it" bad. I keep telling myself that I don't have any ill will towards this man, but I don't actually believe that's true. I actually HAVE ill will (OH MY GOSH!) and I think I SHOULD feel really bad about that. Really bad. How do I know.? Well, I wondered a bit at firsxt, but I had my first clear sign when news got out that the poor man's basement flooded and I founnd a smile moving across my insides. Sometimes I find it very hard to behave myself! "How did this become good news? I'm confused. But it seems to be good news. It feels like good news.... Huh. I think he's turned me to the dark side...." So goes my inner monologue.
I feel less bad, admittedly, because I am so supported in my disdain for him. I've never worked for someone so wholly and unanimously offensive to people. All my coworkers help foster this distaste I have by regularly reporting the disrespectful, dishonest, condescending, hypocritical and insane things he does & says. But alas, I will be completely detached and will see nor hear nor speak of evil -- because I'll be at a new job and my boss here won't be there to see, hear or speak of! Just two more days.... I can do it.....Can't wait for Monday. La la la la la. Can't, can't wait. Oh boy.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Wedding Updates
Ben & I were driving back from Roy area last night after having helped his brother & family move into a new home. As we passed the Bountiful LDS Temple on the highway, Ben said, " Six more weeks..." It took me a moment to clue into what he was talking about. And then I uttered a passive, calm "Oh yeah..." And then, just a moment after, I uttered a loud MENTAL, "OH MY GOSH! Are you serious?!" Only six weeks.... That's impossible! We totally aren't ready yet. We have so much to do!
Indeed we do. But I exxagerate a bit. I really just think we have "SO MUCH" because I don't have absolutely EVERYTHING already done. This sets me ill at ease. Always. But we're making good progress.
- We tried on tuxes yesterday (okay, so really Ben tried them on and I critiqued.)
- I am going cake tasting with my sister tonight.
- My ring should be coming in any day now (I have never been one to ogle or even give a flying fig about wedding rings, so I am shocked at myself when I realize I am SO EXCITED for it to finally come. I really am!)
- My wedding dress jacket just came in and it fits!!! Hallelujah.
- We took engagement photos last week and should get them back very soon. I'm not really sure why I anticipate this so much, as I know exactly what Ben and I look like in pictures. I've even seen Ben & I in pictures together before. With the amount of excitement I have, it's like I expect to see us magically transformed into some version of Angelina and Brad that people would obviously recognize to be Ben & I in the photos. I just don't get myself sometimes.
- bridal showers are being planned. I apologize to all friends and family who feel obligated to come. But I really hope you do! What can I say? I'm mean & selfish like that. And we will endeavor to make them as fun and un-bridal-shower-hokey-boring-like as possible.
Of course, there are a few things in the air still. We don't have the honeymoon pinned down yet. Nor do we know for sure what state (both physically & mentally)we will live in POST-wedding, I haven't decided whether or not to have a veil, haven't found the shoes yet, still need to figure out amounts of food for the reception, create an agenda for the reception, talk more with the band, send out invitations....
I think I just like to get riled up and torture myself into a frenzy by listing off the myriad of things I haven't done yet. It'll get done, I'm sure. And I'm really excited it's getting closer. Sometimes I think, "Oh, let's just be married already." But we will be. Soon enough. Most definitely soon enough.
Indeed we do. But I exxagerate a bit. I really just think we have "SO MUCH" because I don't have absolutely EVERYTHING already done. This sets me ill at ease. Always. But we're making good progress.
- We tried on tuxes yesterday (okay, so really Ben tried them on and I critiqued.)
- I am going cake tasting with my sister tonight.
- My ring should be coming in any day now (I have never been one to ogle or even give a flying fig about wedding rings, so I am shocked at myself when I realize I am SO EXCITED for it to finally come. I really am!)
- My wedding dress jacket just came in and it fits!!! Hallelujah.
- We took engagement photos last week and should get them back very soon. I'm not really sure why I anticipate this so much, as I know exactly what Ben and I look like in pictures. I've even seen Ben & I in pictures together before. With the amount of excitement I have, it's like I expect to see us magically transformed into some version of Angelina and Brad that people would obviously recognize to be Ben & I in the photos. I just don't get myself sometimes.
- bridal showers are being planned. I apologize to all friends and family who feel obligated to come. But I really hope you do! What can I say? I'm mean & selfish like that. And we will endeavor to make them as fun and un-bridal-shower-hokey-boring-like as possible.
Of course, there are a few things in the air still. We don't have the honeymoon pinned down yet. Nor do we know for sure what state (both physically & mentally)we will live in POST-wedding, I haven't decided whether or not to have a veil, haven't found the shoes yet, still need to figure out amounts of food for the reception, create an agenda for the reception, talk more with the band, send out invitations....
I think I just like to get riled up and torture myself into a frenzy by listing off the myriad of things I haven't done yet. It'll get done, I'm sure. And I'm really excited it's getting closer. Sometimes I think, "Oh, let's just be married already." But we will be. Soon enough. Most definitely soon enough.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Random Thought
I've seen it so many times before.
Scene: Women's rest room.
Action : One girl comes in and goes into a stall. There is a woman who came in previously in the stall next to her.
Action: Woman in next stall over lifts leg and flushes toilet with her foot. Toilet flushes.
We're in a very technologically advanced age. We are also in a very germaphobic age, where people don't want to touch toilet flush handles. I'm not personally one of these people, admittedly. I am much to absent-minded and oblivious to be able to concern myself with all of the places I might touch undesirable germs. But I see this foot move A LOT.
My thought: Is it really THAT HARD to create a toilet with a foot pedal instead of a handle to flush with? I mean, really.....
Scene: Women's rest room.
Action : One girl comes in and goes into a stall. There is a woman who came in previously in the stall next to her.
Action: Woman in next stall over lifts leg and flushes toilet with her foot. Toilet flushes.
We're in a very technologically advanced age. We are also in a very germaphobic age, where people don't want to touch toilet flush handles. I'm not personally one of these people, admittedly. I am much to absent-minded and oblivious to be able to concern myself with all of the places I might touch undesirable germs. But I see this foot move A LOT.
My thought: Is it really THAT HARD to create a toilet with a foot pedal instead of a handle to flush with? I mean, really.....
Friday, July 18, 2008
One of the Funnest Lists I've Seen ( and yes, I consider "Funnest" to be a word.)
Bolded are things I HAVE done. Unbolded are things I HAVE NOT. It's very much fun, this list thing. Especially reading other people's lists, so I hope you do them. It makes me want to ask the friends who have already done it a gazillion questions!
Here are my responses. Of course, I consider questions to be up for interpretation, so you may or may not consider all my answers to be true. But I do. :)
1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight -- I took hockey for a semester in college. It was inevitable.
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (thank goodness for college. I also took an astronomy class. It's questionable if I took any classes in my undergrad that are useful for my career, but they're great for checking off things on this list!)
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill ( Are you kidding? I had that down in kindergarten.)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar(of course this is open to interpretation depending on how you define beggar, but I have all bases covered on this one.)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun(on first reading this, I misunderstood what an "accent for fun" meant. I thought it was like a special "flare for life" or something, which I wondered if I had or not. Still wondering, actually).
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files(don't you HAVE TO do that?)
48. Ever worn a superhero costume( can't verify this with a specific memory, but I'm pretty sure I have. Wait, does Gem from Gem & the Holigrams count?)
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day(have since determined it's an overrated pasttime)
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don't(many. I wonder if I am even a good person because of my remarkable lack of conscience & regret)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone(I visited Isreal within the last 5 or so years. That entire country is a combat zone)
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone(but not a fist fight. I've never been in a fist fight with anybody I wasn't related to)
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands(fireflies, of course)
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad(TWICE!)
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need(Of course, I have myself around most of the time to do that for them, but sometimes they help)
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place (I've decided Moscow counts. I debate on whether New Jersey and Salt Lake City do, but I think they should).
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon (not all at once, but I think 3 1/2 marathons more than qualify me for allowing to count this one.)
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something(It tragicallly got kaboshed by some inherent flaws. My boots with washer sponges attached to the bottom had no break mechanism to deter valiant floor washers from sliding and landing flat on their backs... or faces.)
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment (but I must relearn it on occasion)
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted(caricatures count, right?)
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted( The basement in my arents' house. And My head. Every night.)
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane(still do)
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life( I do this every time I go hiking with people and DON'T push them off the top of the mountain cliff. I've saved many, many people.)
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma(card-carrying, even)
188. Built a camp fire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter
Here are my responses. Of course, I consider questions to be up for interpretation, so you may or may not consider all my answers to be true. But I do. :)
1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars
3. Been a part of a hockey fight -- I took hockey for a semester in college. It was inevitable.
4. Changed a baby's diaper
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a tarantula
10. Said "I love you" and meant it
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (thank goodness for college. I also took an astronomy class. It's questionable if I took any classes in my undergrad that are useful for my career, but they're great for checking off things on this list!)
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Bet on a winning horse
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill ( Are you kidding? I had that down in kindergarten.)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Taken an ice cold bath
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar(of course this is open to interpretation depending on how you define beggar, but I have all bases covered on this one.)
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Ridden a roller coaster
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
33. Adopted an accent for fun(on first reading this, I misunderstood what an "accent for fun" meant. I thought it was like a special "flare for life" or something, which I wondered if I had or not. Still wondering, actually).
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment
36. Loved your job 90% of the time
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow
47. Alphabetized your personal files(don't you HAVE TO do that?)
48. Ever worn a superhero costume( can't verify this with a specific memory, but I'm pretty sure I have. Wait, does Gem from Gem & the Holigrams count?)
49. Sung karaoke
50. Lounged around in bed all day(have since determined it's an overrated pasttime)
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Done something you should regret, but don't(many. I wonder if I am even a good person because of my remarkable lack of conscience & regret)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie
60. Gone without food for 3 days
61. Made cookies from scratch
62. Won first prize in a costume contest
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Been in a combat zone(I visited Isreal within the last 5 or so years. That entire country is a combat zone)
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone(but not a fist fight. I've never been in a fist fight with anybody I wasn't related to)
67. Bounced a check
68. Read - and understood - your credit report
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth
75. Been fired or laid off from a job
76. Won money
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions
88. Gone back to school
89. Changed your name
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands(fireflies, of course)
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad(TWICE!)
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
101. Had a booth at a street fair
102. Dyed your hair
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep
105. Ever dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all four
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people
109. Worn a mood ring
110. Ridden a horse
111. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe
113. Buried a child
114. Gone to a Broadway play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket
117. Danced at a disco
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum
121. Tutored someone
122. Ridden a train
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need(Of course, I have myself around most of the time to do that for them, but sometimes they help)
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt
129. Lived in an historic place (I've decided Moscow counts. I debate on whether New Jersey and Salt Lake City do, but I think they should).
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage
131. Asked for a raise
132. Made a hole-in-one
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating
135. Run a marathon (not all at once, but I think 3 1/2 marathons more than qualify me for allowing to count this one.)
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something(It tragicallly got kaboshed by some inherent flaws. My boots with washer sponges attached to the bottom had no break mechanism to deter valiant floor washers from sliding and landing flat on their backs... or faces.)
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment (but I must relearn it on occasion)
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted(caricatures count, right?)
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted( The basement in my arents' house. And My head. Every night.)
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away
152. Learned to juggle
153. Been a boss
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight
156. Gone on a diet
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox
160. Gotten food poisoning
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks
164. Gone to the opera
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator
172. Had a revelatory dream
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane(still do)
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert
175. Saved someone’s life( I do this every time I go hiking with people and DON'T push them off the top of the mountain cliff. I've saved many, many people.)
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint
178. Laughed till your side hurt
179. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
182. Sent a message in a bottle
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma(card-carrying, even)
188. Built a camp fire
189. Kept a blog
190. Had hives
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible
198. Found a long lost friend
199. Helped solve a crime
200. Responded to a NJP newsletter
Monday, July 14, 2008
A Great Article!
Not so long ago, a friend of mine referred me to a good book called "Three Cups of Tea." The book was incredibly poignant and demonstrative of the value and impact of humanitarian causes and, more specifically, education. But, ya know, life goes on and you think about other things and you just refer other people to the book every now and again and... there it is.
Well, it's not just a book. It's a man and a cause and 72 schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan and now -- an excellent New York Times article.
I've provided the link below. Check it out if you'd like some more food for thought, or even if you're just a fan of the book. It's fun to read the successes the author of that book has experienced and inspiring to see the difference he's made.
The address is: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/13/opinion/13kristof.html
Well, it's not just a book. It's a man and a cause and 72 schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan and now -- an excellent New York Times article.
I've provided the link below. Check it out if you'd like some more food for thought, or even if you're just a fan of the book. It's fun to read the successes the author of that book has experienced and inspiring to see the difference he's made.
The address is: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/13/opinion/13kristof.html
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Common Concerns
Lately, I have had lots of concerns running around my head. They are common in that they are becoming frequent and ongoing for me at the moment, so very common to me. Like constant companions, almost. The reason I address these concerns is because I am in a slump of sorts or some kind of funk. I think. I've recently become an extremely low-functioning multi-tasker. I can tell because my bedroom is messy. Maybe I'm in an dysfunctional state of shock. I think back to the period in my life when I used to always keep lists of things to do and I tell myself, "I should do that again." There are two options: 1) this is temporary, or 2) I am headed down a sliding slope to which there is no uphill. I'm not exactly sure what my little slump is caused by. Overwhelmed? Busy? Tired? More importantly, I don't think I should be in and tell myself daily that I need to get out of said slump. But maybe it's only natural. A phase that will pass in its own due course. My current state and constant companions are these:
1. I'm terribly unmotivated to work out lately. This is SO not like me.
2. This means that I am also not feeling very "fit" and like my usual self. (This is especially cause for concern because my wedding dress was just shipped out today from China and I am afraid, if I don't get out of this slump, I may not fit into it by the time it arrives.)
3. I fear this lack of motivation could have some weird subconscious connection to the fact I'm getting married and I will, henceforth, quit working out altogether and gain lots of weight, like a lot of folk do when the get married. But I really don't think so. At least I hope that's not the case.
4. Some things in regards to planning a wedding take a lot longer to do than I thought they would. Who would have thought that getting a ring and picking a photographer would be endeavors that take 2 months? One of the million reasons I could never just up and get married.
5. The dress business -- can we really pull this off in time? Crunch time is coming. We're supposed to have sample dresses within the next month and a half. And we're supposed to sell them. And they're supposed to fit people. And fit the very well. Really? Can we swing that? We have samples to make, fitting of patterns to make sure the samples will be what we want, sample makers with schedules I can't remember, business cards we don't have yet, a fashion illustrator who isn't me so I can't know telepathically how far along she is at any given moment and when she will have our illustrations done, a mind-boggling lack of any previous experience in this line of business... seriously. What was I thinking?
6. If it takes this long to figure out the ring and the photographer, how are we ever going to manage getting to the catering, the cake, the honeymoon, the invitations, the engagement pictures, registering, the bridal shower..... time is not my friend right now.
7. Did I mention I'm turning into human lard right now? Seriously, the tone I've lost in my arm muscles and which has since become "soft tissue" grosses me out. What's that doing there! But I refuse to tell myself I have to work out. There are fundamental problems with that approach to working out. I really have to want to in order to get myself to do it.
8. Interviewing for new jobs... I found out my present boss is crazy and liable to get my entire organization sued at any given moment. This causes me a little bit of concern, so I have opted to look around a little bit, despite the fact I've only been at my present job for 5 months. I have interviews to go to, and positives and negatives to weigh. Then, you throw in the fact Ben keeps on talking about looking for jobs, only his options are in places like Boston and Cincinatti and.... that's just all kind of confusing.
9. I think my brain is on overload and my body has become dysfunctional.
10. I'm afraid my severe lack of attention to detail and random dead-heading and watering without any nutritional supplements to my mother's rose garden may strain my family relationships, specifically with -- my mother.
11. I can't even remember. But I'm sure there's something else to worry about. I'll get back to it.
12. Oh yeah. I remember. They say marriage changes things. But what exactly does it change? My brother says I won't travel so much. Really? And what's all this baby talk people keep throwing around? And all those accounts and documents and stuff that we have to update/notify/consolidate/close/I don't know what. All of that is a bundle of big, gray fuzz to me.
13. Visiting teaching.... right. On it. Oh, darn. I was on it. I'm on it. Darn. Missed it again. Okay, I'm REALLY on this time. Really.
Clearly, there is some stuff that may be cause for stress. But I think, despite the fact I have a few things going on, I should be energetic and, task-oriented and in a go-get-em kind of scheduling mode and fitting in as much as I can. But much of me has become a vegetable of sorts. I could manage more. But I'm on mental sensory overload and instead of rising to the occasion, I'm misfiring and my various systems are malfunctioning and shutting down. Time to reboot. Reboot #@*! it!
1. I'm terribly unmotivated to work out lately. This is SO not like me.
2. This means that I am also not feeling very "fit" and like my usual self. (This is especially cause for concern because my wedding dress was just shipped out today from China and I am afraid, if I don't get out of this slump, I may not fit into it by the time it arrives.)
3. I fear this lack of motivation could have some weird subconscious connection to the fact I'm getting married and I will, henceforth, quit working out altogether and gain lots of weight, like a lot of folk do when the get married. But I really don't think so. At least I hope that's not the case.
4. Some things in regards to planning a wedding take a lot longer to do than I thought they would. Who would have thought that getting a ring and picking a photographer would be endeavors that take 2 months? One of the million reasons I could never just up and get married.
5. The dress business -- can we really pull this off in time? Crunch time is coming. We're supposed to have sample dresses within the next month and a half. And we're supposed to sell them. And they're supposed to fit people. And fit the very well. Really? Can we swing that? We have samples to make, fitting of patterns to make sure the samples will be what we want, sample makers with schedules I can't remember, business cards we don't have yet, a fashion illustrator who isn't me so I can't know telepathically how far along she is at any given moment and when she will have our illustrations done, a mind-boggling lack of any previous experience in this line of business... seriously. What was I thinking?
6. If it takes this long to figure out the ring and the photographer, how are we ever going to manage getting to the catering, the cake, the honeymoon, the invitations, the engagement pictures, registering, the bridal shower..... time is not my friend right now.
7. Did I mention I'm turning into human lard right now? Seriously, the tone I've lost in my arm muscles and which has since become "soft tissue" grosses me out. What's that doing there! But I refuse to tell myself I have to work out. There are fundamental problems with that approach to working out. I really have to want to in order to get myself to do it.
8. Interviewing for new jobs... I found out my present boss is crazy and liable to get my entire organization sued at any given moment. This causes me a little bit of concern, so I have opted to look around a little bit, despite the fact I've only been at my present job for 5 months. I have interviews to go to, and positives and negatives to weigh. Then, you throw in the fact Ben keeps on talking about looking for jobs, only his options are in places like Boston and Cincinatti and.... that's just all kind of confusing.
9. I think my brain is on overload and my body has become dysfunctional.
10. I'm afraid my severe lack of attention to detail and random dead-heading and watering without any nutritional supplements to my mother's rose garden may strain my family relationships, specifically with -- my mother.
11. I can't even remember. But I'm sure there's something else to worry about. I'll get back to it.
12. Oh yeah. I remember. They say marriage changes things. But what exactly does it change? My brother says I won't travel so much. Really? And what's all this baby talk people keep throwing around? And all those accounts and documents and stuff that we have to update/notify/consolidate/close/I don't know what. All of that is a bundle of big, gray fuzz to me.
13. Visiting teaching.... right. On it. Oh, darn. I was on it. I'm on it. Darn. Missed it again. Okay, I'm REALLY on this time. Really.
Clearly, there is some stuff that may be cause for stress. But I think, despite the fact I have a few things going on, I should be energetic and, task-oriented and in a go-get-em kind of scheduling mode and fitting in as much as I can. But much of me has become a vegetable of sorts. I could manage more. But I'm on mental sensory overload and instead of rising to the occasion, I'm misfiring and my various systems are malfunctioning and shutting down. Time to reboot. Reboot #@*! it!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wedding Plans
It's kind of an interesting thing to plan a wedding.
See, I've never really sat & planned out my wedding, browsed through wedding magazines or made seasonal centerpieces in anticipation of the big day. As a matter of fact, the whole seasonal centerpiece thing is something I hadn't even heard of until yesterday, when my sister was telling me she felt like a weirdo because she was one of the few BYU female students who wasn't preoccupied with this activity. I happen to think that particular activity sounds kind of.... weird. Who does that?
Anyhow, despite my lack of preparation, anticipation and research on the subject, I am glad to find that I pretty much know what I want. Colors -- check. Temple selection -- check. Reception style -- check. Dress -- check. Not that I'm saying it's easy to put it all together. It takes time. And pains. And coordination. And vendor research. But it's just not rocket science.
Ben likes to be involved in some of it -- things like picking out the venue, the photographer... The rest is kind of overwhelming for him. Truthfully, even those couple of things are kind of overwhelming for him. I give him small doses of wedding details to deal with at one time. Otherwise, I might make him implode.
Since having gotten myself into all this I have discovered a few things about wedding plans, which I think hold true to wedding planning in general.
Rules of Wedding Planning:
1) You WILL offend someone. Guaranteed.
2) The consumerization (is that even a word?) of weddings and that mass conglomerate of businesses that make up the wedding industry are: absolutely ridiculous! Since when is a wedding supposed to cost the equivalent of the downpayment on a house? Or a college education? I don't get it.
3) Lots of photographers, not so many venues. Prioritize reservation-getting accordingly.
4) Hiring a band, coincidentally, is a great way to inspire your fiance to want to take dance lessons. Just a perk, if you're interested. (It was completely unintentional and uncoerced, I swear.)
5) You need only get a couple wedding magazines, really. And you can probably get them from someone else without having to buy them. (something I discovered after having spent about $40+ on my own mags and then being gifted with a pile-full from friends).
6) You should make a great effort to save money and refrain from frivolous expenses in an effort to help with wedding costs, honeymoon expenses and to save for your future together. Unless, of course, a $130 handbag that you absolutely love and must have attacks you while shopping. (I'm not feeling any guilt about that purchase whatsoever. Really... Okay, maybe a little. Alright, a lot. But I need it! Is this going to be the effect EVERY time I do something like this? I really used to enjoy buying guilty pleasures with very little guilt.Please tell me these days aren't over!?!??)
Ahh, marriage. It's kind of an interesting thing.
See, I've never really sat & planned out my wedding, browsed through wedding magazines or made seasonal centerpieces in anticipation of the big day. As a matter of fact, the whole seasonal centerpiece thing is something I hadn't even heard of until yesterday, when my sister was telling me she felt like a weirdo because she was one of the few BYU female students who wasn't preoccupied with this activity. I happen to think that particular activity sounds kind of.... weird. Who does that?
Anyhow, despite my lack of preparation, anticipation and research on the subject, I am glad to find that I pretty much know what I want. Colors -- check. Temple selection -- check. Reception style -- check. Dress -- check. Not that I'm saying it's easy to put it all together. It takes time. And pains. And coordination. And vendor research. But it's just not rocket science.
Ben likes to be involved in some of it -- things like picking out the venue, the photographer... The rest is kind of overwhelming for him. Truthfully, even those couple of things are kind of overwhelming for him. I give him small doses of wedding details to deal with at one time. Otherwise, I might make him implode.
Since having gotten myself into all this I have discovered a few things about wedding plans, which I think hold true to wedding planning in general.
Rules of Wedding Planning:
1) You WILL offend someone. Guaranteed.
2) The consumerization (is that even a word?) of weddings and that mass conglomerate of businesses that make up the wedding industry are: absolutely ridiculous! Since when is a wedding supposed to cost the equivalent of the downpayment on a house? Or a college education? I don't get it.
3) Lots of photographers, not so many venues. Prioritize reservation-getting accordingly.
4) Hiring a band, coincidentally, is a great way to inspire your fiance to want to take dance lessons. Just a perk, if you're interested. (It was completely unintentional and uncoerced, I swear.)
5) You need only get a couple wedding magazines, really. And you can probably get them from someone else without having to buy them. (something I discovered after having spent about $40+ on my own mags and then being gifted with a pile-full from friends).
6) You should make a great effort to save money and refrain from frivolous expenses in an effort to help with wedding costs, honeymoon expenses and to save for your future together. Unless, of course, a $130 handbag that you absolutely love and must have attacks you while shopping. (I'm not feeling any guilt about that purchase whatsoever. Really... Okay, maybe a little. Alright, a lot. But I need it! Is this going to be the effect EVERY time I do something like this? I really used to enjoy buying guilty pleasures with very little guilt.Please tell me these days aren't over!?!??)
Ahh, marriage. It's kind of an interesting thing.
Monday, June 30, 2008
This explains a lot.
Junior High... I think that's a statement of my life in general. And I'm shocked it's above the reading level of a 2nd grader, to be honest (I've heard it's a very tough test).
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Special Announcement
Ok, so another reason I haven't had a lot to blog about the last couple of weeks is because, aside from being busy with the dress business, I have been very busy with other plans that I have not, until now, been able to formally announce. However, Male and I have just decided it's too hard to keep a secret from people (and to be quite honest, I have been terrible with leaking it out to certain people who it seemed impossible for me not to tell. I am too honest and open a person to keep this kind of a secret well. I mean really! Especially when you put me in a car on a 6 hour trip to Vegas for three days with three VERY GOOD friends.)
So, without further ado: Ben and I are getting married.
TADA!
Many of you have known this was coming. I've kinda known too. But only kinda. What can I say? It's not right till you're ready, and we really took THIS long for that to happen. And now it's great! I am really, really excited! Especially because now we are doing all that planning and preparation stuff and it's getting kind of fun. I just bought my wedding dress today! Now, of course, finding the right shoes... that is going to take me more time. MUCH more time.
We have also picked a date & time. We will be wed on Friday, September 26th, 2008 at the Bountiful Temple and be having a reception in Salt Lake that night. Please mark your calendars as very very busy that day and expect invitations with cheesy, happy couple pictures to be coming in the mail within the next couple months.
It is so soon, and I have virtually no time to plan an event like this, especially when the date is so soon (did I mention it was soon?), and I think we're nuts for doing so fast. Fast being relative, considering we've been buzzing around each other, dating and talking to and about each other for the past three years. But you know what I mean.
Umm, yeah. So, that's my big news. Wedding plans. And for anyone who doesn't know -- Male is Ben.
Of course, now I might actually have to tell him about my blog. Geez. Hmm... Maybe not QUITE yet. Somethings are better disclosed AFTER the wedding day. :)
So, without further ado: Ben and I are getting married.
TADA!
Many of you have known this was coming. I've kinda known too. But only kinda. What can I say? It's not right till you're ready, and we really took THIS long for that to happen. And now it's great! I am really, really excited! Especially because now we are doing all that planning and preparation stuff and it's getting kind of fun. I just bought my wedding dress today! Now, of course, finding the right shoes... that is going to take me more time. MUCH more time.
We have also picked a date & time. We will be wed on Friday, September 26th, 2008 at the Bountiful Temple and be having a reception in Salt Lake that night. Please mark your calendars as very very busy that day and expect invitations with cheesy, happy couple pictures to be coming in the mail within the next couple months.
It is so soon, and I have virtually no time to plan an event like this, especially when the date is so soon (did I mention it was soon?), and I think we're nuts for doing so fast. Fast being relative, considering we've been buzzing around each other, dating and talking to and about each other for the past three years. But you know what I mean.
Umm, yeah. So, that's my big news. Wedding plans. And for anyone who doesn't know -- Male is Ben.
Of course, now I might actually have to tell him about my blog. Geez. Hmm... Maybe not QUITE yet. Somethings are better disclosed AFTER the wedding day. :)
Thursday, June 12, 2008
This Week
Things I'm grateful for this week:
1. My sister -- I'm SO glad she moved back and is close by and I can talk to her and see her regular and talk her ear off about all the details of my me-centric life. She humors me and loves me all at the same time. And she compliments me a lot. I like that too. And she's just awesome. She's not crazy or mean like some sisters can be. She's sensible and nice and caring and has AMAZING perspective. She's awesome.
2. Good friends -- I don't talk with as many people on a regular basis as I used to. My life has changed a bit in that regard in comparison to my early twenties. And I am grateful for all my friends. But I have some very close friends who I love having around, hearing about their lives, getting advice from them when I get to my wits end(which can happen pretty often), going on vacations with, double dating with, planning game nights with, doing choreographed lip sync routines to ridiculous song compilations, hot tubbing with, book clubbing with, going to the gym with.... the list goes on. What would I do without you?
3. Jefita -- I wouldn't be going into business without him. I wouldn't have had as many fun and crazy stories from college without him. I would not have a lot of things without him. He's a great cheerleader, a great friend, a great supporter, a hard worker, a great talent and, overall, a good person to have around. Everybody should have their own Jefita.
4. An ability to budget -- I am not a frugal person. I would say, in general, I am a terrible waster of money and very bad at saving. I am not thrifty when it comes to my wardrobe budget. Especially my shoe budget. I take vacations. I buy new cd's. I like to buy people nice presents. I just bought a new car. I buy expensive cheeses and shop at Wild Oats for most of my groceries. See? Not frugal. But I was going over all my financial obligations and necessary expenses in my head yesterday and going over my income and then the state of my bank account. (I really like doing that. Really. It's fun for me. It's like a weird, twisted, fun past-time I have to look over money and account balances and see where it all goes. I know. Weird.) Well, after all was analyzed, my conclusion is: Wow. I saved all that? With all those bills? On my little nonprofit salary? I am an amazing budgeter! I'm like Houdini! It's like the loaves and the fishes all over again! An LDS individual such as myself might also accredit and sing praises to the blessings of tithing. And I think it's true in this case. But I still like to think of myself as an amazing budgeter. It strokes my ego. But the best part is knowing I don't overspend, as it brings great peace and relief to my soul.
5. Male -- he's a boy with ill-timed napping tendencies, yes. But a good friend pointed out that as far as faults go, it could be a lot worse. On the plus side, he's really nice to me. And he calls me all the time and he likes to see me and he always opens my doors and he always tells me what he thinks as opposed to what I would like to hear (even when it would be a REALLY good idea for him to tell me what I want to hear. But at least I always know he's honest). And he's kinda cute. And I have to admit, I'm a lot more of a stable and settled kind of person since he stepped in than I was pre-Male. Much less neurotic. I know, I know. I'm still neurotic. I'm telling you -- I was REALLY neurotic before. Seriously. It wasn't healthy.
6. Music -- Given the right afternoon and a bit of free time and the right mood, the perfect cd in my car while I'm on a drive just makes me soar. Does life get better than that?
7. Airplanes -- I love love love to travel and I can't wait for my next trip. Vegas. Yeah, baby! After that, I have no idea when or where it will be to. But I know I will like it. I actually just got "roped in" to another business trip in July. I say roped in because I've decided I'll be much cooler if I act like I'm "put off" by the "inconvenience" of having to tear myself away from my life to travel for business. We'll pretend I'm cool like that. Ok, maybe not. I'm not fooling anyone. I love traveling, be it for business, pleasure or otherwise. Love it. And when I'm not doing it, I'm probably day dreaming about it. I love airplanes. They're my portal to everywhere I want to be.
8. Good coworkers -- I love good coworkers. And at my current place of employment, I have a few really CRAZY coworkers. These crazy coworkers magnify the fabulousness of the other good coworkers I have by A LOT. I like and appreciate the good ones twenty times more than I did before because of the crazy ones. Funny how that works? Thank heavens for working with people who are fun and helpful to work with.
9. My curly hair -- I don't always wear my hair curly, but I have been a lot lately and I've decided I really like my curly hair. I hate it sometimes when I have a bad hairday. I have very thick hair so as opposed to a person with a thinner head of hair, my bad hair day tends to be a lot BIGGER bunch of bad than they're smaller bunch of bad (im my humble opinion.) But despite these traumatic, large-headed days, I like my hair a lot lately. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and growing to like myself better than I used to. For whatever the reason, I'll take it.
10. My appreciation for basketball -- I actually like to watch basketball. I don't really do it of my own accord very often because I like shopping better, but when persuaded to watch a game, I really enjoy it. Male loves watching basketball and has asked me to watch many games with him over the past few months. I think our relationship would be less fun for me if I didn't actually like watching with him. Or maybe it would be less fun for him because I wouldn't be willing to do it. Either way, I like that it's a non-issue.
I didn't have too many big events or details about this week, but lots of things have struck me that I have been very grateful for, so I wanted to list them. I also updated the Sartorial Freshman as a lot has been happening with the business, so that might be why not a lot of other stuff has happened.
It just so happens that sometimes, rather than having been to a place physically, I feel like I have gone to a very profound spot, worthy of note, inside. Just those little moments where something true rings very loudly and makes you stop and notice for a moment.
1. My sister -- I'm SO glad she moved back and is close by and I can talk to her and see her regular and talk her ear off about all the details of my me-centric life. She humors me and loves me all at the same time. And she compliments me a lot. I like that too. And she's just awesome. She's not crazy or mean like some sisters can be. She's sensible and nice and caring and has AMAZING perspective. She's awesome.
2. Good friends -- I don't talk with as many people on a regular basis as I used to. My life has changed a bit in that regard in comparison to my early twenties. And I am grateful for all my friends. But I have some very close friends who I love having around, hearing about their lives, getting advice from them when I get to my wits end(which can happen pretty often), going on vacations with, double dating with, planning game nights with, doing choreographed lip sync routines to ridiculous song compilations, hot tubbing with, book clubbing with, going to the gym with.... the list goes on. What would I do without you?
3. Jefita -- I wouldn't be going into business without him. I wouldn't have had as many fun and crazy stories from college without him. I would not have a lot of things without him. He's a great cheerleader, a great friend, a great supporter, a hard worker, a great talent and, overall, a good person to have around. Everybody should have their own Jefita.
4. An ability to budget -- I am not a frugal person. I would say, in general, I am a terrible waster of money and very bad at saving. I am not thrifty when it comes to my wardrobe budget. Especially my shoe budget. I take vacations. I buy new cd's. I like to buy people nice presents. I just bought a new car. I buy expensive cheeses and shop at Wild Oats for most of my groceries. See? Not frugal. But I was going over all my financial obligations and necessary expenses in my head yesterday and going over my income and then the state of my bank account. (I really like doing that. Really. It's fun for me. It's like a weird, twisted, fun past-time I have to look over money and account balances and see where it all goes. I know. Weird.) Well, after all was analyzed, my conclusion is: Wow. I saved all that? With all those bills? On my little nonprofit salary? I am an amazing budgeter! I'm like Houdini! It's like the loaves and the fishes all over again! An LDS individual such as myself might also accredit and sing praises to the blessings of tithing. And I think it's true in this case. But I still like to think of myself as an amazing budgeter. It strokes my ego. But the best part is knowing I don't overspend, as it brings great peace and relief to my soul.
5. Male -- he's a boy with ill-timed napping tendencies, yes. But a good friend pointed out that as far as faults go, it could be a lot worse. On the plus side, he's really nice to me. And he calls me all the time and he likes to see me and he always opens my doors and he always tells me what he thinks as opposed to what I would like to hear (even when it would be a REALLY good idea for him to tell me what I want to hear. But at least I always know he's honest). And he's kinda cute. And I have to admit, I'm a lot more of a stable and settled kind of person since he stepped in than I was pre-Male. Much less neurotic. I know, I know. I'm still neurotic. I'm telling you -- I was REALLY neurotic before. Seriously. It wasn't healthy.
6. Music -- Given the right afternoon and a bit of free time and the right mood, the perfect cd in my car while I'm on a drive just makes me soar. Does life get better than that?
7. Airplanes -- I love love love to travel and I can't wait for my next trip. Vegas. Yeah, baby! After that, I have no idea when or where it will be to. But I know I will like it. I actually just got "roped in" to another business trip in July. I say roped in because I've decided I'll be much cooler if I act like I'm "put off" by the "inconvenience" of having to tear myself away from my life to travel for business. We'll pretend I'm cool like that. Ok, maybe not. I'm not fooling anyone. I love traveling, be it for business, pleasure or otherwise. Love it. And when I'm not doing it, I'm probably day dreaming about it. I love airplanes. They're my portal to everywhere I want to be.
8. Good coworkers -- I love good coworkers. And at my current place of employment, I have a few really CRAZY coworkers. These crazy coworkers magnify the fabulousness of the other good coworkers I have by A LOT. I like and appreciate the good ones twenty times more than I did before because of the crazy ones. Funny how that works? Thank heavens for working with people who are fun and helpful to work with.
9. My curly hair -- I don't always wear my hair curly, but I have been a lot lately and I've decided I really like my curly hair. I hate it sometimes when I have a bad hairday. I have very thick hair so as opposed to a person with a thinner head of hair, my bad hair day tends to be a lot BIGGER bunch of bad than they're smaller bunch of bad (im my humble opinion.) But despite these traumatic, large-headed days, I like my hair a lot lately. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and growing to like myself better than I used to. For whatever the reason, I'll take it.
10. My appreciation for basketball -- I actually like to watch basketball. I don't really do it of my own accord very often because I like shopping better, but when persuaded to watch a game, I really enjoy it. Male loves watching basketball and has asked me to watch many games with him over the past few months. I think our relationship would be less fun for me if I didn't actually like watching with him. Or maybe it would be less fun for him because I wouldn't be willing to do it. Either way, I like that it's a non-issue.
I didn't have too many big events or details about this week, but lots of things have struck me that I have been very grateful for, so I wanted to list them. I also updated the Sartorial Freshman as a lot has been happening with the business, so that might be why not a lot of other stuff has happened.
It just so happens that sometimes, rather than having been to a place physically, I feel like I have gone to a very profound spot, worthy of note, inside. Just those little moments where something true rings very loudly and makes you stop and notice for a moment.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Milestones
This Tuesday, I left for Colorado Springs on adventure that is most appropriately titled, "My First Business Trip". I've always wanted to go on a business trip! It wasn't nearly has glamorous as most. It was a quick trip and completely devoid of company perks and luxurious amenities. Nonetheless, it was an adventure and I had a great time.
Here's a photo of me arriving in Colorado Springs on Tuesday evening:
I went straightway to my rental car provider where my chariot awaited, in the form of a Dodge Caliber. After having asked the rental car staff for directions, they had a bit of advice for me: "Uhh, you should be careful. That's not exactly the best part of town." Nice!
I went straightway to my luxurious accommodations at the swanky Travelodge -- not exactly the Broadmoor. But hey! We're nonprofit. What do you expect? It didn't seem too bad, really. Of course, I'm from New Jersey, so I might have a skewed perspective. But there were no sketchy broken windows with creepy prowlers and dealers on the corner. Travelodge had internet access in the lobby only (but it was TOTALLY free), so I hung out there till about 12 sending emails and.. well, goofing off really. There was a lovely, friendly-looking dog behind the counter of the front desk and lots of asian people, who appeared to be management, hanging out and starting to play old 80's ballads as we approached the 12 o'clock hour (which is apparently also the karaoke hour?). Despite they're eccentricities, the crowd proved harmless.
The next morning I got free breakfast! Travelodge is seriously growing on me at this point. Especially when I found my hotel room free of hair in the sink and all other forms of ickiness. Ok, so my standards aren't very high. But the fun asian management people were a total perk. Who wouldn't be endeared to petite, middle-aged, balding men who sing power ballads at midnight?
After breakfast I wisked myself away to training. It was hosted by the Olympic Complex. I didn't know the official complex for the Olympics was in Colorado Springs. But it is. So, now you know. It was pretty cool. My favorite feature was the juice station they had in the hallway. YUM!
After the conference, I had an afternoon to kill before my flight. the gentleman that was next to me on my flight the day before had recommended some local attractions. The most appealing to me of his suggestions was the Garden of the Gods. Here's a couple pic's of its beautiful vistas:
As you can probably tell, the rock formations were HUGE and totally cool. Here's a close up:
I also encountered another close up. There was a deer right on the walking paths there who didn't seem phased by the tourists. I admit, I've seen a million deer before and it's NOT a big event, but he was so CLOSE. And I had a camera!! I had to take a picture. Several pictures. I was trying to photograph him/her in a discreet manner so as not to startle the beast. Well, I was successful in being discreet. AND so was the deer. So, they're a bit more of a "Where's Waldo" experience rather than "Look How Close the Deer Is." But I'll post them anyway. Can you find the deer?
I was disappointed to find there was no fitness center at the luxurious yet amenity-lacking Travelodge. To my rescue and my delight, there were trails at the Garden of the Gods. Most accomodating. Here's me at the Garden of the Gods after my run:
After that, I went through the shops in Historic Old Colorado City, which was lovely. At last, I was kind of done with everything and lost my adventurous spirit. I also worried I might run out of luck and actually get myself lost, so I decided to head back to the airport and get some work done till my flight left for home.
I'm amazied I managed to get to everything without screwing it up. You'd almost think I was a responsible adult. Well, not quite, but there may be hope for me yet.
Other career news: I was actually on the news Wednesday morning w/ the KJZZ Cafe. My organization sent a shipment of supplies to Myanmar, so they featured a bit about us and apparently almost everyone else at my organization is camera-shy. Good thing their PR girl is a total ham! :)
Here's a photo of me arriving in Colorado Springs on Tuesday evening:
I went straightway to my rental car provider where my chariot awaited, in the form of a Dodge Caliber. After having asked the rental car staff for directions, they had a bit of advice for me: "Uhh, you should be careful. That's not exactly the best part of town." Nice!
I went straightway to my luxurious accommodations at the swanky Travelodge -- not exactly the Broadmoor. But hey! We're nonprofit. What do you expect? It didn't seem too bad, really. Of course, I'm from New Jersey, so I might have a skewed perspective. But there were no sketchy broken windows with creepy prowlers and dealers on the corner. Travelodge had internet access in the lobby only (but it was TOTALLY free), so I hung out there till about 12 sending emails and.. well, goofing off really. There was a lovely, friendly-looking dog behind the counter of the front desk and lots of asian people, who appeared to be management, hanging out and starting to play old 80's ballads as we approached the 12 o'clock hour (which is apparently also the karaoke hour?). Despite they're eccentricities, the crowd proved harmless.
The next morning I got free breakfast! Travelodge is seriously growing on me at this point. Especially when I found my hotel room free of hair in the sink and all other forms of ickiness. Ok, so my standards aren't very high. But the fun asian management people were a total perk. Who wouldn't be endeared to petite, middle-aged, balding men who sing power ballads at midnight?
After breakfast I wisked myself away to training. It was hosted by the Olympic Complex. I didn't know the official complex for the Olympics was in Colorado Springs. But it is. So, now you know. It was pretty cool. My favorite feature was the juice station they had in the hallway. YUM!
After the conference, I had an afternoon to kill before my flight. the gentleman that was next to me on my flight the day before had recommended some local attractions. The most appealing to me of his suggestions was the Garden of the Gods. Here's a couple pic's of its beautiful vistas:
As you can probably tell, the rock formations were HUGE and totally cool. Here's a close up:
I also encountered another close up. There was a deer right on the walking paths there who didn't seem phased by the tourists. I admit, I've seen a million deer before and it's NOT a big event, but he was so CLOSE. And I had a camera!! I had to take a picture. Several pictures. I was trying to photograph him/her in a discreet manner so as not to startle the beast. Well, I was successful in being discreet. AND so was the deer. So, they're a bit more of a "Where's Waldo" experience rather than "Look How Close the Deer Is." But I'll post them anyway. Can you find the deer?
I was disappointed to find there was no fitness center at the luxurious yet amenity-lacking Travelodge. To my rescue and my delight, there were trails at the Garden of the Gods. Most accomodating. Here's me at the Garden of the Gods after my run:
After that, I went through the shops in Historic Old Colorado City, which was lovely. At last, I was kind of done with everything and lost my adventurous spirit. I also worried I might run out of luck and actually get myself lost, so I decided to head back to the airport and get some work done till my flight left for home.
I'm amazied I managed to get to everything without screwing it up. You'd almost think I was a responsible adult. Well, not quite, but there may be hope for me yet.
Other career news: I was actually on the news Wednesday morning w/ the KJZZ Cafe. My organization sent a shipment of supplies to Myanmar, so they featured a bit about us and apparently almost everyone else at my organization is camera-shy. Good thing their PR girl is a total ham! :)
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