Pepsi Update

So, I have successfully been without Pepsi since my last post, despite the fact that I have a personal supply in the fridge at work.

However, I did have a drink of Coke at a pizza party at school, and I've had rootbeer on the weekends with Ben (we really like rootbeer floats), so I haven't really given it up. Indeed, I do have very little self-control. But I DID abstain from Pepsi after my workouts. It's progress, right?

To Pepsi or Not to Pepsi

Me: I think I need to give up soda. The government is trying to put a tax on it because its so bad for our health. And it has all those preservatives. And football players and athletes don't really drink it because it messes with their performance.
Ben: Why are you always saying you have to give things up completely?
Me: I don't "always" do anything. I said that this time, though. So maybe I just need to drink it less. I drink it like 2-3 times a week right now. So less. I think I should drink it a lot less.

I have never had any inclination in my life to give up things that contain sugar. I love sugar. And I maintain that sugar loves me too. But the questions roll inside my head: "Could I live without soda if it really were that bad?" "Is soda my cigarette?" And then the ultimate question: "Do I really lack that much self control?".The answer to that question in my head is always a resounding, "Yes. I really do lack that much self control." But that's mostly in regards to the idea of sticking to any food restriction or diet. Despite the fact people think I am a healthy eater, I usually eat.. pretty much whatever I want. And the minute I say I can't have something, it kinda makes me want it more.

But soda -- it's only one thing. What about that? Couldn't I deny myself the Pepsi I usually reward myself with after I go to the gym? It's kind of an odd, unhealthy reward for such a good, healthy behavior anyway. Shouldn't I be able to take it or leave it? I wouldn't have to NEVER drink soda... just not on any kind of regular basis. I could do that, right?

Well, I don't know. It's been a week. Though I might not have had any last week either. But it's been deliberate for only 1 week. Last week may have been accidentally soda-free. Today, on my way back from the gym, I had sushi instead of Pepsi. Go figure.

The one thing I don't think I'll get away from -- I really like Pepsi. But maybe I can do without it as a part of my regular drinking regimen. Maybe. Judging by my own confidence in my ability to control my food cravings, if I were a betting woman, I'd give myself another week to go. I'll have accomplished something real if I can actually make it through 4 weeks.

Pepsi, oh Pepsi. Breaking up is so hard to do. I miss you. Boo hoo. Too da loo.

Making History

It's been a long time -- at least 10 years. Maybe more. Every year I ask my mom to make me "gumboats" for my birthday. But she never does. It's not because she doesn't love me. She has good reason. 1) Plums, a key ingredient, aren't in season in October. 2) They take a freaking long time to make. 3) It was really a dish Opa used to make. So while she may know how, it's not like it was HER tradition to make them.

However, this past Sunday I decided I had waited long enough. I wanted those precious plum dumplings (called "gombocs" in Hungarian). And I wanted them soon. Well, the stars finally aligned because plums were in season and I had the wherewithall and time to do them myself.

The making of them was quite an experience, as cooking with any of my mother's self-written recipes is. The fun began as I started to read her instructions. My mom's cooking instructions are often a little confusing, or missing helpful details, or containing some instructions in a nonsequential, unorganized manner which is other than what one might otherwise have expected. Unless, of course, you were expecting a recipe from my mother.

The hilarity continued as I tried my darndest to follow the instructions. Once you've mashed all the potatoes (the base ingredient for the dough), you're supposed to add 3 cups of flour. I had halved the recipe, so I had set out 1 1/2 cups of flour to work with initially. The instructions said to "work as much flour as you can into the potatoes". As instructed, I worked as much flour as I could into my mashed bowl of potatoes -- about 3 to 4 cups worth. Uh oh. Maybe I mis-measured my potatoes? In the end, I figured as long as it looked like potato dough, I should be good. Right? Right. Moving on...

Then there was the advice column. "You don't want to put too many into the pot at one time. Sticking them together is a tragedy, and having them split open is another!" Tragedy?!?! I did't want tragedy. No way. Only perfectly nonstuck, non-holy, yummy dumplings were coming out of MY pot!

Well, try and try as I might, I had tragedy with about 1/2 of my dumplings. Holes everywhere. Note to self -- don't lay the dumplings on top of each other in a bowl as you're waiting to add them to the pot. Lay them out separately on a flour-covered counter top. You live and learn, I guess.

My other favorite instruction, "You may want to lift one out and taste it, which usually won't be any big sacrifice, to determine if the batch is ready." I did in fact taste a holy dumpling and was grateful to discover it was no sacrifice. And it didn't end up being as tragic as I was expecting. Apparently "tragedy" is a relative term in this recipe.

Reading the recipe was almost like having my mother in the kitchen right there with me. It was delightful and hilarious -- very accurate for working with my mother in any kitchen. And below are pictures for evidence of this most delicious Hungarian family tradition. I may need some practice with this dish. And while it may take a while to make them, I also consider this to be no big sacrifice. Yum Yum Gumboats!

The Cleanse Debate

Recently, I saw a news piece about "cleanses" of all kinds and whether or not they are necessary. Cleanses seem like they are everywhere lately. When I was working up in Park City, LOTS of people were doing cleanses. I even know someone who claimed that whatever was causing him to crave alcohol (thus making him an alcoholic) was actually expunged from his colon during a cleanse and he hadn't craved a drop since. This makes me wonder if the insatiable craving I have for sugar and ice cream lives in my colon too and if I should do a cleanse.

But then I read the articles and listen to the news. Over and over, I hear, "YOU DO NOT NEED TO CLEANSE." Apparently science stands by whatever evidence and studies they've got that say our bodies have built in mechanisms for cleansing the body, the blood, the digestive tract and all that. You get cleansed on an ongoing basis without even trying, so you don't need to DO a cleanse. Your body has an auto-cleanse feature built in.

Ain't that handy. Phew.. That saves me from having to contemplate the torture of a cleanse because I just don't need one. Right?

I still meet perfectly, sane, healthy, happy people... cleansing. Still. I wonder if they know. My head says to them (not out loud), "Don't YOU know that cleanses aren't necessary? I swear. They did studies. Not necessary."

And then I think again. Maybe I should do a cleanse... Why? Well, maybe it's not just the direct physical affects of cleansing that are the attraction. Why do people crave cleansing? Well, here's why I am still attracted to the idea:

1) Big factor -- it's an exercise in self-discipline and provides a sense of accomplishment. I really don't know if I could survive without sugar for longer than a week (ok, 48 hours is even a stretch of my imagination). But I don't like that I doubt if I could do it. It's for the same reason I wish I could raise my hand every time I'm in a classroom where the teacher asks, "Who here has run a marathon?" It doesn't matter if I've run several 1/2 marathons or that I strongly believe my body is just really not designed to run that far and hurts in ways that are not good when I try to and it's not necessary for me to do to be a person of value. No matter the reasons for why NOT to do it, it remains something that is hard and you feel accomplished after you've finished it. If you finish it, of course. And you get to master that hard thing you thought you couldn't do. That is cool. And then you get to be one of those cool people who raises their hand (not that showing off your raised hand to others is at ALL a draw. None whatsoever. Really.;))

2) It impresses me when people do these kinds of things. And, likewise, I like to be impressive too. I want to dazzle and amaze.

3) I am intrigued by the idea that, while a cleanse may not have any long-term effects of ultra-cleanliness, it may cause one's sense of being to feel cleaner and, subsequently, brighter and shinier and all that good stuff. Even if it wears off.

4) While one cleanse may not make a person cleaner than another person who relies on the auto-cleanse feature, repeated cleansing may have similar benefits that the mormon fast has. Over a long period of time, repeated, seasonal cleansing may improve health by causing mastery of one's diet and helping to strengthen a commitment to healthful living (not that those are the only documented medical benefits to fasting once a month. There are more.) Anybody know about a study done on that?

5) Maybe deep down I'm just a follower who wants to be trendy and do a cleanse. It's possible that I am that shallow and impressionable.

Regardless, for now science has provided me with an easy way to say no to the cleanse. It's not just hard, it's unnecessary. And I will stick to that argument for as long as it takes me to actually get up the commitment and nerve to actually try one. And, well, that may never happen.

Spring Cleaning

Sunday I started on a clean state. I have set a personal goal to stop being so mentally mean and self defeating. It's not that I've been super depressed lately. I haven't. But I have noticed that I am consistently less positive in my thoughts and I am finding it to be a downer. A noticeable downer is enough inspiration for me to realize this habit needs to go! I may have a more common tendency than others, but I think others have this problem in one way or another -- I easily fall back into a slump of thinking negatively about me. And for me, that means negative thoughts in regards to my body especially.

I started this "cleaning the slate" ritual by spending some time writing a list of all the things I know about my body. Not necessarily things I like, but truths I've learned. I feel hokey saying I love my body. But saying stuff I know about it seems much less hokey to me. And I think I've learned quite a bit over the years on this front. I just have to REMEMBER what I know and use it! :) For anyone else who may have a hard time with this, or just to share these truth nuggets, I share my list with you all:

1) the more I love my body, the more I am in tune with my body and its needs. The more I berate it, the more out of tune I am.

2) proper exercise makes me feel alive & refreshed and helps give me perspective.

3) proper eating makes me feel confident, smart, capable and healthy.

4) I am not valued by a number.

5) Each today I treat my body well makes it more likely I will treat it well again tomorrow.

6) My perception is not always reality. Okay, my perception is not even USUALLY reality.

7) Making to-do lists helps me do better things for my body & mind during my off-time, when I may otherwise be unproductive and mindlessly waste time and eat junk food.

8) eating regularly is always the way to go.

9) over-exercising is not a weight-loss solution. Moderate, regular exercise is.

10) I don't have to eat to please anyone.

11) If I feel depressed or negative about my body or other things, the best things to do are: clean, exercise, give service to someone else, or just get out and do something.

A Notable Occasion

Today marks an unusual day. Just moments ago, as a matter of fact, I experienced something that hasn't happened in many moons, ... possibly even a year or so.

Let me set it up for you. See, I was hungry, but had already eaten lunch. I haphazardly decided my hunger was substantial enough to warrant action. So, on my way back to the office, I stopped at 7-eleven to see what might appeal to my unsatiated appetite. And then it happened.

Suddenly, I found myself inexplicably drawn to the glass-encased shelves in the front of the store. It almost never happens, so the attraction came as a complete shock to me. But it was also undeniable. I, sharona, who has tofu tastes and fears saturated fat and deep-fried anything more than a child fears Chucky or Freddy Kruger on Halloween, wanted a donut. So I got one. It was a white donut with white icing and sprinkles. I think I would have liked it better if they had just had a glazed one, without the icing. But it was delicious.

Anti-Bucket

My recent musings come from a late night experience I had last week. I was home playing a game of spider solitaire on the computer and having my near-daily dose of ice cream. Now, I'll be honest. Spider solitaire has become an obsession. I finally had to delete it off my work computer because it was SO distracting. And I don't admit to people how often I've been playing it because I think it's ridiculous. It's one of the few things that will draw me to the computer when I'm not at work -- that and selling things on Ebay. And I'm not sure why I play it because it actually frustrates the crap out of me. Is the difficult level really winnable every time? Because I can only seem to win every 20 times or so. It could just be that I suck. But I prefer to think that winning would be impossible. It makes me feel smarter. :)

Anyhow, before I sat down to my love/hate computer game, I got a bowl of ice cream. As I mentioned previously, I've been in the habit of eating ice cream almost every day lately. So, on I went about my daily business. As I was scooping, I noticed I was starting to reach the bottom of my stockpile. Normally, when this happens, the only thing I'm thinking is, "Oh no! Must buy more ice cream!" This time, however, I was disconcerted for an entirely different reason.

This particular container of ice cream was a large bucket -- the kind that when you get to the bottom you risk getting your whole arm sticky trying to dig down to its plunging, vat-like depths. Those buckets are GINORMOUS. They would feed entire villages for weeks in third world countries if they could afford the expensive temperature-controlled shipping costs to get them there.

By the way, I don't normally buy ice cream by the bucket. We happened to have this bucket left over from some event my mother had been a part of. And I'm all about left overs and free food. It was about half-full when I started (that comforts me slightly.). But the facts were, and still are, unsettling. My parents hadn't been eating any of this. So, I had only me, myself and I to hold accountable. I had, all by myself, eaten all the way down to the bottom of the bucket. And there I was. I'd hit rock bottom. Or bucket bottom. Whatever. If there were an ice cream rehab, at that moment I would have been motivated enough to admit myself.

All at once, I was keenly aware of the genius of those bite-sized Ben & Jerry cartons that look big enough to satiate an ant, and the liberation in Haagen Daz and other fine ice creams who only deal in smaller portions. The naked truth is you will never, EVER get to the bottom of the bucket with these ice creams. You may, indeed, consume just as many calories with all those wholesome, high-quality, full cream, more fat than exists in an entire cow ingredients, but it will be pint-sized calories. So, at least mentally, you'll feel much better.

Okay, so I was only somewhat traumatized, considering I ate my bowl of ice cream that night, regardless. And there is still a good serving or two left in the depths of the bucket. But it's been over a week and I can't stomach going back and finishing the bucket. It's a BUCKET for pete's sake! I may secretly over-indulge in spider solitaire, and maybe even shopping. But an ice cream bucket is where I draw the line.

Being Comfortable with Being a Slacker

Most days, I feel a need to improve myself. I feel a need to work hard. I feel a need to eat healthy, work towards my goals, and seek after my destiny.

Then, some days, I'm just plain tired. I get tired of worrying, I get tired of planning, I get tired of being diligent. Doesn't just the word, "diligent" sound tired to you? Just the thought of it could be enough to make one tired. Being prudent and careful... you're just GONNA get tired. Sometimes, a person needs to relax. And know it's ok to relax. They need a kind of a nap, in more than just the literal sleeping sense of the word. Such is today and yesterday for me. I think I ate 5 rice crispy treats yesterday for lunch (LARGE, home-made rice crispy treats... mmm). And today, 3 of those chocolate-peanut butter eggs accompanied my breakfast. I had no plan to deviate from a healthy eating schedule. And I still don't think I'm overeating and gorging, so I don't feel REALLY bad. Just a little mischievious. :)

The glitch is, I have a 1/2 marathon in 2 weeks, and this is REALLY not the time to pack on a couple extra pounds, as it will just be more for me to cart along on the 13.whatever-it-is mile journey. But one doesn't plan when they need a nap. And I need a nap. So, I am taking one.