2013 Retrospective

(2013 -- aka the year I learned The Cups Song)

I have found myself, over the course of the year, and probably EVERY year, thinking about how things are not happening fast enough, I am not accomplishing enough, etc.I often feel behind in life when I get to the end of my year. Perhaps it is because I am so busy doing the same things that I forget I'm doing anything and then I think I should be doing more things because my base level of things just doesn't seem amazing enough.

 I was having this thought over again during this past month. And then I argued with my thought and I started taking a short inventory of all the change in my life, just over this past year. I realized that quite a bit had happened which I was failing to measure. In that spirit, I have compiled a Top 10 of 2013.

Top 10 Laudable, Fulfilling Dones of 2013

1) I started a new job as Program Manager of Community Engagement at the Medical College of Wisconsin. They haven't fired me yet And I am slowly figuring out what that means, so maybe I can explain it when you ask me.

2) I started renovating our downstairs bathroom. It involved a lot of demolition, staining/varnishing of wood trim, designing color palettes and choosing finishing touches. It's not done yet. But that's because I need a contractor for the last remaining pieces, and he's been kind of sick over the last month. So, that's the downside. The upside is the bathroom is at least functional again. And it will be finished soon. I will post about it. With pictures. I promise. It's not a total renovation. It's just low-budget makeover. But I'm loving it.

3) I was the advisor/teacher for the Mia Maids for many months in my ward here in West Bend. And I loved it. And all the Young Women. They're awesome. They released me just this past month and I already miss it.

4) I am now the YW Secretary for the Appleton Stake. It's my first stake calling and I really am not sure how I feel about it. The good news is the other ladies in the presidency are awesome. On initial testing of the waters, I feel confident in saying, ward callings are more fulfilling than stake callings. But it's a worthy cause, so I'll keep plugging away and perhaps stake stuff will grow on me. 

5) I dipped my feet back into the waters of theater and participated in community theater in a One Act play by a local playwright. I was Eve. I had fun. And I made some wonderful new friends who I still need to invite over my house for a fun little reunion.

6) Ben and I traveled to Utah for my family reunion and celebrated my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. And we got to see a lot of wonderful faces that I love and don't see often enough. 

7) I started a new cooking habit. When making any yummy food, I make at least 2, if not 3 or 4, times more than we want and freeze the rest into one-meal-size packages. One of the best life hacks I've adopted. It's the gift of a meal that keeps on giving. My lazy self loves this and Ben seems equally pleased. 

8) We planted something. It's our first year owning a house. And one of the perks to home ownership that I have been waiting for is having things growing and blooming. We planted a bunch of baskets all over the deck this summer, and they were gorgeous. I had a lovely view of them from the kitchen all summer long and I loved it.

9) Jon & Anne and their family took us with them to the Boundary Waters back in August. It was absolutely beautiful, and Ben and I were delighted to have such lovely company to adventure with. And adventure we did, canoeing, portaging, camping, and blowing billows into the campfire. And I think all of the mosquito bites on my legs are now healed. 

10) We were hoping that having a house might bring about more visits with family & friends. And our wish came true! We have loved having Jon & Anne and their kids come stay with us, since being in Wisconsin makes us just a short evening's drive away. We go up there on weekends, and they have come down to see us several times. It's pretty much awesome. We also had a visit from Mesha Hawkins (Whaley) (for anyone who doesn't know, my forever friend and companion inseparable from pretty much all of my pre-college education years) for a weekend (epic and awesome), and Ben's brother Daniel came to see us for July 4th (also fabulous). Nothing makes home feel more homey than family and friends. Come see us more! We love it!

Despite all my laziness (which, I confess, there was some), it looks like 2013 was pretty eventful. Life keeps on moving. What will I endeavor for next year? I'm not totally sure yet. And, as usually happens, life has plans of its own and cares very little for what I put on the agenda. But I'm looking forward to it!

Hummus...cause I like it

So, as Sharona will tell you, I am horrible at multiple things, but one of those things is doing anything with any sort of repetition, schedule or longevity, and that includes blogging.  I do it sometimes, when the mood strikes me, and when I think I have something of value to share.  The reality is, I think I rarely have anything of value to share.  That being said, I thought I would share this little tid bit that I learned recently that has made a drastic improvement in my......hummus.

Now, for anyone that reads this and knows who I am (which I think might be 1 person....possibly 2, and that includes me and my wife, knows that I like food, and I like to cook.  One thing that I like to make is hummus...that delectable smooth bean paste with hints of lemon, garlic (sometimes more than a hint), and sesame seeds.

As anyone that knows food can tell you, food is not just about flavor, it is also texture, scent, appearance, all those things that we appreciate, but perhaps don't identify until after we analyzed.  Well, in the years that I have been making hummus, flavor wise, I have always enjoyed it.  And the pleasure of making something from scratch is always nice....but I had the displeasure of knowing that my hummus was a little more grainey than store bought hummus, and it sort of irked me, but I got over it.  Then the other night I was reading a blog and they had a suggestion about hummus, and it is fantastic.  To think such a small change could bring the smooth buttery texture that I had been craving all this time.

What is it you say?  PEEL THE GARBANZO BEANS!  What?  You didn't know the garbanzo beans had a skin on them?  Well, they do, and if you pop them out of the skins while making hummus, you get that smooth buttery texture.  Who would have known.  Anyways, for those of you that like hummus, are interested in making hummus, and want the texture you get in packaged hummus, I will write the recipe below.  If you don't care about the grainy texture, don't peel the beans...it will save you 10 minutes.

Recipe:

2 15oz cans of Garbanzo Beans/Chickpeas (they are the same thing)
1 clove of garlic
1 tablespoon of lemon juice (usually 1 cap per can of beans)
2 teaspoons of cumin
2 tablespoons of Tahini (I like the Krinos brand, but it isn't always easy to find)
Salt/Pepper to taste
Olive Oil
Water

Drain the beans.  Peel the beans....peel the beans....peel the beans.  Then throw them in a food processor or blender (both work fine).  Blend it up.  Peel the garlic and toss it in with the beans...keep blending.  Throw in the lemon juice and the cumin.  Start to slowly add water until it starts to get a bit of a paste like consistency (maybe 1 cup of water).  Once everything has come together, add a bit of olive oil for flavor and/or texture and voila....hummus.  All in all, it takes about 15 minutes to make, if you don't peel the beans, 5 minutes.

All of the ingredient amounts above are fungible depending on your personal preferences...enjoy!

A bright morning with a brooding glow

Today I woke up to good news -- my hair looks soft and luxuriously silky. Sweet. These days are rare for me and are days to be treasured.

Despite my good fortune, I still find myself riddled with angst. And here I am, sitting in my office, feeling it fester. As I think it over, I realize my angst could be caused by many things. In the police line-up of fester-causing offenders, I eye the many likely suspects --

Suspect #1 -- my mother ever-so-gingerly asked me on the phone yesterday if I was planning on starting a family. I DO mean every so gingerly. She's often ginger about sensitive topics. But it makes me think that this is something I should be anticipating and planning somehow. I realize she has some expectation in this regard. Yipes.

Suspect #2 -- I keep brooding over the fact that my friend has a treadmill she wants to give away and I, who would be delighted to take it off her hands and have dreamed of having a treadmill at home for years, have nowhere to put it in our little apartment. For the love.

Suspect #3 -- Ben's final estimate for completing his car (which we have been much anticipating) finally came in and is going to make us part with a big chunk of our savings if we want to finish the car (which we do). I hate parting with money. Especially for cars. If I have to spend it, I'd rather spend it on a fabulous vacation.

Suspect #4 -- the many things that battle for my free time -- more school (I just found out my employer, a university, has an MBA program for part-timers. Who wouldn't want a free MBA degree?). Getting back into community theater -- that would make me more happy than more school, probably. But it wouldn't make me as marketable. But then there is YW and then I wouldn't have enough time for that. Or I could take cooking classes. I could also benefit from working out more or... I feel like I should know by now what would make me most happy. I feel as though I have some right, at my fabulously mature 30 years, to do what would most make me happy. Right? But it's harder than it sounds.

Suspect #5 -- I miss the dress business. Terribly. How fabulous that project was. I would really like to be spending my free time on that. And I can't yet. The truth is hard sometimes.

Suspect #6 -- I haven't traveled somewhere cool since my honeymoon and I think that's too long.

The desire to live life to its fullest and cram it as full as possible seem to be synonymous for me. And when I'm not, or confused about how, I get the ensuing angst. What am I going to do? I'm going to get to work. I had a day off yesterday and I think it threw me off. Back to the grind I love/hate. I'll work on shaking down and interrogating these suspects later.

My one solace -- at least I'm taking the time to learn Spanish during my commute. The dream of my 3 month sabbatical in South America honing mi espanol is not dead. Even if it's not realistic. :)

Common Concerns

Lately, I have had lots of concerns running around my head. They are common in that they are becoming frequent and ongoing for me at the moment, so very common to me. Like constant companions, almost. The reason I address these concerns is because I am in a slump of sorts or some kind of funk. I think. I've recently become an extremely low-functioning multi-tasker. I can tell because my bedroom is messy. Maybe I'm in an dysfunctional state of shock. I think back to the period in my life when I used to always keep lists of things to do and I tell myself, "I should do that again." There are two options: 1) this is temporary, or 2) I am headed down a sliding slope to which there is no uphill. I'm not exactly sure what my little slump is caused by. Overwhelmed? Busy? Tired? More importantly, I don't think I should be in and tell myself daily that I need to get out of said slump. But maybe it's only natural. A phase that will pass in its own due course. My current state and constant companions are these:

1. I'm terribly unmotivated to work out lately. This is SO not like me.

2. This means that I am also not feeling very "fit" and like my usual self. (This is especially cause for concern because my wedding dress was just shipped out today from China and I am afraid, if I don't get out of this slump, I may not fit into it by the time it arrives.)

3. I fear this lack of motivation could have some weird subconscious connection to the fact I'm getting married and I will, henceforth, quit working out altogether and gain lots of weight, like a lot of folk do when the get married. But I really don't think so. At least I hope that's not the case.

4. Some things in regards to planning a wedding take a lot longer to do than I thought they would. Who would have thought that getting a ring and picking a photographer would be endeavors that take 2 months? One of the million reasons I could never just up and get married.

5. The dress business -- can we really pull this off in time? Crunch time is coming. We're supposed to have sample dresses within the next month and a half. And we're supposed to sell them. And they're supposed to fit people. And fit the very well. Really? Can we swing that? We have samples to make, fitting of patterns to make sure the samples will be what we want, sample makers with schedules I can't remember, business cards we don't have yet, a fashion illustrator who isn't me so I can't know telepathically how far along she is at any given moment and when she will have our illustrations done, a mind-boggling lack of any previous experience in this line of business... seriously. What was I thinking?

6. If it takes this long to figure out the ring and the photographer, how are we ever going to manage getting to the catering, the cake, the honeymoon, the invitations, the engagement pictures, registering, the bridal shower..... time is not my friend right now.

7. Did I mention I'm turning into human lard right now? Seriously, the tone I've lost in my arm muscles and which has since become "soft tissue" grosses me out. What's that doing there! But I refuse to tell myself I have to work out. There are fundamental problems with that approach to working out. I really have to want to in order to get myself to do it.

8. Interviewing for new jobs... I found out my present boss is crazy and liable to get my entire organization sued at any given moment. This causes me a little bit of concern, so I have opted to look around a little bit, despite the fact I've only been at my present job for 5 months. I have interviews to go to, and positives and negatives to weigh. Then, you throw in the fact Ben keeps on talking about looking for jobs, only his options are in places like Boston and Cincinatti and.... that's just all kind of confusing.

9. I think my brain is on overload and my body has become dysfunctional.

10. I'm afraid my severe lack of attention to detail and random dead-heading and watering without any nutritional supplements to my mother's rose garden may strain my family relationships, specifically with -- my mother.

11. I can't even remember. But I'm sure there's something else to worry about. I'll get back to it.

12. Oh yeah. I remember. They say marriage changes things. But what exactly does it change? My brother says I won't travel so much. Really? And what's all this baby talk people keep throwing around? And all those accounts and documents and stuff that we have to update/notify/consolidate/close/I don't know what. All of that is a bundle of big, gray fuzz to me.

13. Visiting teaching.... right. On it. Oh, darn. I was on it. I'm on it. Darn. Missed it again. Okay, I'm REALLY on this time. Really.

Clearly, there is some stuff that may be cause for stress. But I think, despite the fact I have a few things going on, I should be energetic and, task-oriented and in a go-get-em kind of scheduling mode and fitting in as much as I can. But much of me has become a vegetable of sorts. I could manage more. But I'm on mental sensory overload and instead of rising to the occasion, I'm misfiring and my various systems are malfunctioning and shutting down. Time to reboot. Reboot #@*! it!

This Week

Things I'm grateful for this week:

1. My sister -- I'm SO glad she moved back and is close by and I can talk to her and see her regular and talk her ear off about all the details of my me-centric life. She humors me and loves me all at the same time. And she compliments me a lot. I like that too. And she's just awesome. She's not crazy or mean like some sisters can be. She's sensible and nice and caring and has AMAZING perspective. She's awesome.

2. Good friends -- I don't talk with as many people on a regular basis as I used to. My life has changed a bit in that regard in comparison to my early twenties. And I am grateful for all my friends. But I have some very close friends who I love having around, hearing about their lives, getting advice from them when I get to my wits end(which can happen pretty often), going on vacations with, double dating with, planning game nights with, doing choreographed lip sync routines to ridiculous song compilations, hot tubbing with, book clubbing with, going to the gym with.... the list goes on. What would I do without you?

3. Jefita -- I wouldn't be going into business without him. I wouldn't have had as many fun and crazy stories from college without him. I would not have a lot of things without him. He's a great cheerleader, a great friend, a great supporter, a hard worker, a great talent and, overall, a good person to have around. Everybody should have their own Jefita.

4. An ability to budget -- I am not a frugal person. I would say, in general, I am a terrible waster of money and very bad at saving. I am not thrifty when it comes to my wardrobe budget. Especially my shoe budget. I take vacations. I buy new cd's. I like to buy people nice presents. I just bought a new car. I buy expensive cheeses and shop at Wild Oats for most of my groceries. See? Not frugal. But I was going over all my financial obligations and necessary expenses in my head yesterday and going over my income and then the state of my bank account. (I really like doing that. Really. It's fun for me. It's like a weird, twisted, fun past-time I have to look over money and account balances and see where it all goes. I know. Weird.) Well, after all was analyzed, my conclusion is: Wow. I saved all that? With all those bills? On my little nonprofit salary? I am an amazing budgeter! I'm like Houdini! It's like the loaves and the fishes all over again! An LDS individual such as myself might also accredit and sing praises to the blessings of tithing. And I think it's true in this case. But I still like to think of myself as an amazing budgeter. It strokes my ego. But the best part is knowing I don't overspend, as it brings great peace and relief to my soul.

5. Male -- he's a boy with ill-timed napping tendencies, yes. But a good friend pointed out that as far as faults go, it could be a lot worse. On the plus side, he's really nice to me. And he calls me all the time and he likes to see me and he always opens my doors and he always tells me what he thinks as opposed to what I would like to hear (even when it would be a REALLY good idea for him to tell me what I want to hear. But at least I always know he's honest). And he's kinda cute. And I have to admit, I'm a lot more of a stable and settled kind of person since he stepped in than I was pre-Male. Much less neurotic. I know, I know. I'm still neurotic. I'm telling you -- I was REALLY neurotic before. Seriously. It wasn't healthy.

6. Music -- Given the right afternoon and a bit of free time and the right mood, the perfect cd in my car while I'm on a drive just makes me soar. Does life get better than that?

7. Airplanes -- I love love love to travel and I can't wait for my next trip. Vegas. Yeah, baby! After that, I have no idea when or where it will be to. But I know I will like it. I actually just got "roped in" to another business trip in July. I say roped in because I've decided I'll be much cooler if I act like I'm "put off" by the "inconvenience" of having to tear myself away from my life to travel for business. We'll pretend I'm cool like that. Ok, maybe not. I'm not fooling anyone. I love traveling, be it for business, pleasure or otherwise. Love it. And when I'm not doing it, I'm probably day dreaming about it. I love airplanes. They're my portal to everywhere I want to be.

8. Good coworkers -- I love good coworkers. And at my current place of employment, I have a few really CRAZY coworkers. These crazy coworkers magnify the fabulousness of the other good coworkers I have by A LOT. I like and appreciate the good ones twenty times more than I did before because of the crazy ones. Funny how that works? Thank heavens for working with people who are fun and helpful to work with.

9. My curly hair -- I don't always wear my hair curly, but I have been a lot lately and I've decided I really like my curly hair. I hate it sometimes when I have a bad hairday. I have very thick hair so as opposed to a person with a thinner head of hair, my bad hair day tends to be a lot BIGGER bunch of bad than they're smaller bunch of bad (im my humble opinion.) But despite these traumatic, large-headed days, I like my hair a lot lately. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and growing to like myself better than I used to. For whatever the reason, I'll take it.

10. My appreciation for basketball -- I actually like to watch basketball. I don't really do it of my own accord very often because I like shopping better, but when persuaded to watch a game, I really enjoy it. Male loves watching basketball and has asked me to watch many games with him over the past few months. I think our relationship would be less fun for me if I didn't actually like watching with him. Or maybe it would be less fun for him because I wouldn't be willing to do it. Either way, I like that it's a non-issue.

I didn't have too many big events or details about this week, but lots of things have struck me that I have been very grateful for, so I wanted to list them. I also updated the Sartorial Freshman as a lot has been happening with the business, so that might be why not a lot of other stuff has happened.

It just so happens that sometimes, rather than having been to a place physically, I feel like I have gone to a very profound spot, worthy of note, inside. Just those little moments where something true rings very loudly and makes you stop and notice for a moment.

Weekly Word: "Spender"

Through research, the general population of economists and financial advisors have found most people "grow into" their income. There's that initial point of being able to meet needs, (which I think is somewhere around $30,000 for a family of 4), and then everything after is really just the extra comforts and niceties we know, love and would like to know better .

I have reached the point where I am meet my own basic needs. Hallelujah. And now? Ooooh. I can easily imagine "getting by" on practically double my salary. I look forward to the year I can get my hair done regularly and fly to Europe for a two and a half week vacation, stomping and frolicking all over London and Paris. At that time, I would ideally be vacationing away from my fabulous home which I have filled with creature comforts of lovely furniture and home decor. Am I asking for a lot? Growing up in America where bigger is always better and spending money is fashionable, I might seem a "reasonable"gal. Take me to Africa and they would likely think me a Diva. It's just so hard to figure out "reasonable" when you look from a global rather than national perspective. It'd be easier for me if I didn't do that. Note to self: endeavor to be less globally minded. Then you won't feel so bad for being such a spender.

In looking at spending from another angle, I think about lavish hopes and wants and needs in relationships. You can lavish someone with kind deeds, thoughtfulness, affection, listening, patience, service, selflessness and a whole bunch of things. These things are free as far as money is concerned. But can you overspend? Can you give someone too much? And then, what about the receiving side? How do you know what your budget is? How do you know what it should be.

It makes a lot of sense to look at this kind of budget in terms of romantic relationships as well. I am reminded of the "love languages" theory. Let me think.... If I remember correctly, we have: physical affection, acts of service/kindness, compliments, gifts and quality time. Amongst these categories, one could draw out a budget of what you need and also what you tend to spend. Then, compare with whoever it is you are or would like to be romantically "relationed" to and see if you can adjust and meet each other's needs. It's TOTALLY like a budget. And if you or they can't do that... well... much like a job that can't pay your bills, you should likely find a different one that fits.

It seems to me these kinds of commodities translate into a type of universal budget that knows no class of people. What a lovely idea that we can all "afford" to spend and be spent on, where it would be possible that there be no poor. I suspect that I fall into the group of people who are low-budget. I don't ask much. But I have a concern. If you do that, do others budget you less because you don't seem to need it? Or does the excess go into a savings account that you can access later? Maybe I should become more expensive.....

On the other side of the coin,I don't think I give that much. Therefore, uncharacteristically, this makes me not a very big spender. I'm low budget on every end of this. How absurd. What I have in abundance I seem to dream up fewer ways to do things with. That's a really bad way to do things. From what I can make of this kind of budget, I think I should be 'spending' as much as possible. You'd think it would be so easy, considering my nature. If only that transferred into how I spend my thoughtfulness, service, patiences, affection and selflessness. Alas, I must endeavor to be a better spender AND be less globally minded. How's your spending going?

Too much or Too little

So, I have been at work for the whole time of 2 months. Yes, not very long to be at the new job, and already, I am having slight concerns/anxiety attacks. We all know that the balance of too much or too little is a very delicate balance, especially in regards to work. If we have too much work, well, life just isn't very fun now is it. Working all day and all night, and every time in between. (oddly enough, I seem happier there.) Too little and, well I guess this depends on the individual, but I get a little worried. I wonder if there is enough to justify my salary, or me being an employee, or for that matter, is this a sign for me to start looking for a new job.

I do understand that life in the legal field is, well as far as I can tell, completely different than any other field I have been associated with or known about, yet I am sure that there are some basic things that are just the way humans function. However, I find myself in the position of having to ask my boss (I haven't posted where I work have I? ugghhhh!!) regularly, almost every day or two, for more work. I like to pat myself on the back and say that I work more efficiently than he expects, but in reality, that excuse only goes so far.

So, this begs the question, and opens for responses...what do you do? Are there ways to talk with your boss about the work flow and getting more work without being annoying? How do you comfortably suggest that he may not be doing the best job at managing or assigning work? Or should I just leave it as is?

Regardless, this has spurred on the fear/drive/desire to really start looking into bringing in more clientèle. After all, if he isn't going to give me as much work as I would like, than I may as well bring it in myself...now I just have to find that rock that all the clients who need a lawyer are hiding under.