When "Just Do It" Doesn't Get It Done

I know you're all dying to know how it's going with the whole running gig. Ok, so you're not. Too bad. It's my blog. Mine and Jefita's, I mean.

Well, I've been up and down and all around -- literally and figuratively. My last blog post on running was coming after a high of just having completed a 10.5 mile long run without having stopped. Nike's mantra was working for me. I told myself I would do it, I tried and I conquered.

Unfortunately, the mantra became nothing more than a gimmick the next week. I'd set out to increase my miles to 13. To my disappointment, I only got to 10.5. And I walked part of it. Not only did I not improve, but I did worse. Sad? To say the least. I felt pretty discouraged and as I surmised, discouragement is totally toxic. If I couldn't "Just Do It", how was I going to get it done?

Well, the next couple weeks I didn't train so hard. Not all because of discouragement -- I had a family reunion the week after that run. I did run once, but I really thought better of it on most days and decided I was going to primarily vacation and visit with my family (the least I could do since they flew in from Europe and the West Coast and Ben & I drove 15 stinking hours just so we could all be in the same place for a while). So I didn't do much running. The week after that I got myself to the gym, but I only ran once and did cross training instead on the other days. My legs felt so tired still. And I didn't do a long run on the weekend. I didn't want to. I wasn't motivated. As I sat back and nursed my fatigued legs and my hurt pride, I was thinking of post-poning my marathon entry till the next year. Or maybe I'd just do a 1/2 marathon again....

Well, I've been mulling it over. And I talked to a few fellow runners. And I got some advice. And I learned/remembered a few things. 1) We all have good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I had one, terrible, long run doesn't mean I'm finished. Who knew?! 2) I need to run fewer freaking hills!!! for peat sakes. I really am going up and down on every road all the time. They are huge and they are everywhere around our neighborhood. And they are so unforgiving. A lovely friend from my church, Maura, recommended a nice stretch of road that is good, long and totally flat just 1 1/2 miles away from my home.

So I decided I could give it another go. However, I did a few things differently. After all, failing once was bad enough. If I failed to run 13 miles twice, it was going to be a rough blow. I had to give myself as much room for success as possible.

1) I divided to conquer -- Ok, I didn't really plan this. It just kinda worked out this way. But we can pretend it was all part of my brilliant training scheme. I was invited to run with some friends in a local 5k, so I did. But I ran it kinda fast because I'm kinda stupid and very competitive. It's great for race times, but not so good if you want to run long. So I did that in the am and when I got done, I could feel that my legs needed to rest before I did more. So I tried for the other 10 miles around 6pm that night.

2) I got rid of the a majority of the hills and worked that new fabulous flat road into my route. It was so HEAVENLY. I LOVE jogging on flat ground. I'd all but forgotten how nice, friendly and easy it is.

3) I skipped cross-training that week. I needed all my energy for the task at hand.

Well, it worked. I did it. Granted, it was in portions. But it WAS within 24 hours. That's a start. So maybe I haven't given up yet.

Another thing I'm rethinking -- all this cross-training. Ok, I was only working it in like once a week. But I think it wears me out a little too much. I might go back to just running 3x's a week and calling it good.

As you can see, training is proving to be a little trickier than I thought. Truth be told, I am not an energizer bunny. I wear out. SO, as I play around with this crazy marathon idea, I'll let you know how it goes.

An Unexpected Twist

I'm back. I survived the family reunion. That's quite a feat, considering I was mobbed by twenty children for an entire week. No small feat considering I was also mobbed by 5 much bigger children, also known as my older brothers. For all young children hoping the tides will change, let me inform you: your male siblings will still think that dead-legs, throwing you in the pool, pushing you, sitting on you and giving you wet willies is a good idea, be he 5, 15, or 47 yrs. old. I'm reminded of the hymn "If You Could Hie to Kolob". "There is no end to matter, there is no end to space, there is no end spirit, there is no end to male immaturity."
Isn't that how it goes?

On Thursday evening, Male was expected to join the party scene. I had been quietly waiting and anticipating (I think that's part of a song too, but I can't remember which one), looking forward to having a familiar friend amongst all the slightly less familiar family. Male had a rough day on Thursday, however, and was unable to make it down that night. Plan B was for him to drive down Friday morning instead.

Friday morning came and went. So did Friday afternoon. Neither was graced with a phone call from Male. There was no sighting of him. By evening time I was quite distraught, as I had been waiting for him. Clearly my gobs and gobs of family had been as well, as they would ask me where he was and when he was coming approximately every 15 minutes. They did this from 10am til' around 4pm, which is coincidentally the hour I smashed cake and icing into someone's hair and told them my next measure would be to kill them if they said a word about him to me. Their onslaught of incessant inquisitiveness in regards to his whereabouts was like a verbal stoning for me.

He had, it seemed, stood me up. And not only that, but he had stood up my entire family. He had also stood me up in front of my family. I couldn't figure out which felt worse. I didn't know what to think. Why had he not come for me? He doesn't care that much? Suddenly my white steeded knight had opted to stay home. That's never a good thing. Knights aren't supposed to do that.

Male finally called and left a message around 5pm. His car had not been working well, and after an hour of driving he was forced to accept he wasn't going to make it to St. George. However, this message at 5pm was left an hour into his drive, which meant he had not even left for St. George until well into the afternoon. He may have had a good reason for not coming, but he hadn't come when he said he would. Nor had he called. I was hurt. Then I was mad. Then I was lost for what to do next.

Male and I talked about it. He had simply let the morning run away from him. He hadn't thought to call earlier. He could have avoided it. But he hadn't meant to do it. He really just didn't think. And he's sorry. Really? You... how? I don't understand.

I filled the next couple days with as much as possible. I went from movies to shopping to reading to work and any other distraction I could find until I had run around to the point of exhaustion, just so I could sleep. I needed to stay busy to function or risk getting lost in thought and becoming dysfunctional over my quandary with Male. Male had done this before -- probably four or five times in the last year. And it was a behavior I couldn't tolerate. He hadn't done it maliciously. He hadn't meant to hurt me. But it hurt, all the same, every time. And for something that seemed so easily avoidable, I couldn't find good reason to allow it. My only logical solution was it was over. How could I let him keep doing this over and over again? I couldn't. That was it.


I'll be honest. I was a little relieved. The freedom of being completely unattached is a lovely feeling. It's kind of exciting. But then I knew there would be pain. My urges to call him were almost uncontrollable. And I'd be a bit lonely. The most irksome and disconcerting symptom was when I looked to the future. I realized somehow Male had worked himself in as a consideration in all of my plans. So each time I ran across a plan that included Male I had to remind myself that he wasn't going to be in the picture and then had to readjust it. But he was everywhere. It was going to take a lot of replanning and erasing to get rid of him.

I wasn't so sure about this, even without a solution for stopping him from being so inconsiderate. This was really it? Really? Yup. Clearly he's not going to stop. If he was, he would have stopped after the 1st time he did it. We're on to several repeated offenses. That provides little hope. Nope. Breaking up is the only option. Huh. Okay. Really? Are you sure?

I ask around. "Is it okay to break up with your boyfriend because he's stupid?" Responses: "He did WHAT?!?!" " Think of the position that put you in." "You put up with an awful lot." It seemed, suddenly the masses were on my side -- a rare occurence. The masses aren't supposed to be on my side.

I think more. I call another couple of close friends. It's true. This is bad. Male shouldn't have. He shouldn't ever. But all men have problems like that. And if that's his one big flaw.... well, it could be worse. I mean, he cares, he doesn't touch pornography, and he cleaned your fridge while you were away. That has to say something for the boy. Hmmmmm..... Does it say enough? I had to think.

Could I get over it? Yes. But I can't have it happen all the time. I'm not ok with that. And I get tired of trusting him and then being let down over and over. That's not good for a girl's heart. Or her confidence. But I couldn't fix it with a threat either. "If you ever do this again, I will...." That's a terrible approach. I was either walking now or I had to accept the consequences of not. Future offenses could only be my own fault for staying. I knew what I was dealing with. So, what to do....

I found the answer in sacrifice, or more specifically, HIS sacrifice. And in dancing. Male must make a sacrifice when he does this. Every time he does this. This is in hopes that the sacrifice will be significant enough to remind him NOT to stand me up in the future. It's also for me to show me that he does care and is making an effort, even if he has lapses of stupidity. His sacrifice this time: Male will learn to dance with me.

Hehehe. I'm brilliant. Really, I am. It's fabulous. We tested out a couple of steps last night. Good news! He had rhythm. Who knew? This gives me hope. And despite my trying to maintain composure all the while, I couldn't hold down the corners of my mouth. I almost busted out in a fit of laughter. Male dancing! I thought it would be impossible. Apparently not. It just takes a world full of remorse. I don't know whether to be sad or glad he stood me up. Of course, we'll see if I'm saying that the next time this happens. Ah me. Life is not perfect. Neither are males. But for now, I'll keep this one.

Tech Support Epiphany

I had a light bulb moment this morning. This occurred, mystifyingly, while dealing with the tech support at my work. Don't get any crazy ideas. It's not because my tech support is enlightening. They're anything BUT that. In fact, my experiences with them are very repetitive. They goes something like this:

1)I run into a problem with one of the program we use.
2) I call them.
3) Sometimes they don't answer for a while -- like maybe two or three days. Sometimes they do answer.
4) I tell them my problem.
5) They tell me all the reasons from 5 years to the present why I am having this problem, how hard it is to fix, how they like to do things, what we should have done previously so we wouldn't ever run into this problem, and exactly how awful and bad it is.
6) Then they tell me they don't know how to fix it yet, but they'll get back to me.

This little interlude usually ends with me figuring it out before they get back to me, calling my brother dearest to get me out of my mess because he is wise in the ways of computers, getting bad advice from tech support when they finally do get back to me, all of the above, or, on rare occasion, them getting back to me after a bit and actually resolving my problem.

It reminds me of dealing with mechanics. I feel like they're just trying to freak me out about things I don't understand, make me feel bad for mistakes I may have unknowingly made in the past that have lead me to this awful state, and praise the Lord I found them to spend LOADS of money to fix my problem. Since I despise emotional manipulation regarding things I have no emotional attachment to (like, say, cars and computers), this does not go over well with me and just makes me hate dealing with them. Leave the emotionally charged, dire straits, finger pointing nonsense at the door please. Tell me what needs to be done, present and future, and lets move on.

Here is my epiphany. In this particular situation, we've been over the causes. I've been working with these people for the past year. Fortunately, in this case, these problems aren't even my fault, as they came to be aeons before I started working at this organization. On the plus side, I am (unlike some people) very responsive and easy to work with. If you want to do something, fix something or have a question, I am reachable and happy to help. So, note to tech support: If you want to fix all this stuff, CALL ME AND FIX IT ALREADY. I don't want to hear all the reasons we have a problem. I don't want to talk about how bad it is that we're still with this service provider. I want to look to solutions, I want to move on. I do not want to dwell in whatever chaotic techy past that they so love to peruse with me.

On the broader spectrum, I think people, including myself, may do this in our own lives. We dwell on the problems and the causes . We meditate on how they may have affected us and how that may influence how we go about fixing our problems. Meanwhile, the fixing always remains a future tense kind of activity.

I see this sometimes in my logic when dealing with Male. I get upset because he did something that I consider to be a problem. Then all the emotions come back from when this has previously been a problem, why I hate it, how awful it is, etc, etc etc... It takes me a while to comeback down from this whirlwinded emotional frenzy. I think, in previous relationships, I used to stay there, immoveable, hurt that I was in this situation and sometimes even baffled. But I have learned over time. Now, I can take the situation from where it is, figure out what to do about it, and move on accordingly. I don't continue to bring it up, rehash it over and over again, punish the wrongdoer, teach somebody "a lesson", or dwell on how to fix the problem in the future.

We can be taught. Thank heavens. Now to only deduce all the other areas where I need to apply this invaluable lesson. I say to myself and all of you who may do this, MOVE ON AND GET TO THE FIXING ALREADY. In the end, the cause is really a minute part of the whole fixing process, and life would be so much better and more functional if we would stop rehashing, going over what we already know, and start moving forward. It's a very "Meet The Robinson's" kind of message. But if your experiences in dealing with this are any bit as frustrating as dealing with my tech support ( I suspect it could be even more so. what a scary thought), believe you me, it's SOOOOOO HOOO HOOO HOOO worth it.