They actually gave me a hospital bracelet when I went in for the bibopsy. Evidence that I was an admitted patient, if only for 45 minutes. Bibopsy was Thursday. They called me Friday afternoon with the results of the test.
It's benign! It's a fibro-adenoma, as they suspected. And this fibro-adenoma is apparently harmless and needs no treatment. I really can't express how much of a load off my mind that is. Thanks for thoughts and prayers that were sent my way. I really appreciate it.
I went in to the get my bibopsy today. First, I'd just like to say --people who work at breast care centers (which is where I went for my bibopsy) are INCREDIBLY nice. They treat you like they are just delighted to see you and then they cradle you in sweetness. Seriously. I wonder how they keep it up with every patient who walks in. But I like it.
So, I changed into the very awkward gown that they give you at this place (I wore it for the mammogram too). It's like any hospital gown except the tie is in the front, thus risk of exposure is from a VERY different angle. Sitting in their waiting room, I am in danger of exposing myself to random other people who may be in the waiting room pretty much the entire time. This subsequently makes it very hard for me to focus on whatever article I am reading in whatever random magazine I picked up.
So, for this bibopsy they wanted four tissue samples. I got to watch everything on an ultrasound screen, which I was riveted by. They took this needle and kinda punched at the mass. It mechanically sounded like a powered stapler and I imagine it functioned like a harpoon-equipped whole punch. It punched out a piece of tissue in the mass and then it punched back out of the mass with said tissue. It didn't hurt. But it kind of reverberated in my chest. I wasn't expecting it to be quite that violent of a process (violent in the most gentle sense of the word).
After the doctor got all the tissue she wanted, she put a piece of metal in there, to mark that they've "been there". They have promised me repeatedly that this little piece of titanium will not set off metal detectors. Heaven forbid if this causes me to get felt up every time I go to the airport.
They patched me up afterwards (it was only a 1/8 inch incision so they essentially put a band-aid on it that I have to wear for a week). Then they said I needed to keep ice on it for 15 minutes of every hour for the next day --- at which point, I said, "I'm sorry. You want me to put an ice pack where?"
It made it better when they prescribed that I eat chocolate and watch movies for the rest of the night.
The real comedy was AFTER. I had to stick the ice pack in my bra and then return to work because I had training session with a guy from the finance dept. on our financial software. And while the ice pack is somewhat small, it's large enough that it makes the girls a little, uh,.. well, you can imagine. I wasn't quite sure what to do about the situation, so I hoped that my clothes (loose shirt and cardigan) made that general area relatively inconspicuous so that said guy from finance would take no notice. Yes. You read that right. I knowingly walked into a meeting with a man who didn't know me from Adam, with sigificantly disproportionate girls, and said nothing, Now that I think back on this, I picture this thing having happened on an episode of the Carol Burnett show or I Love Lucy. Sometimes, life is just funny.
Today, my life reminded me of this scene. And it appears they have found my twin.
Truth be told, I went in for a mammogram. It was not as awful as I've heard it would be, but I will concede that I was technically uncomfortable. Who really ENJOYS having their boobs compressed into pancakes? ... I didn't think so.
I notices something amiss back in December. I kind of figured it was nothing. A mass. But nothing. Web MD said so, so that's pretty reliable right? Just kidding. Considering my family history, and despite my high confidence in diagnosing myself over the internet, I thought it would be prudent to have a professional make a final determination before I cease thinking about it completely.
My first appointment resulted in the doctor also being pretty sure it's nothing, but "considering my family history" they'll ask for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.
So I was in there today with all their imaging equipment... and the technician... and the doctor. I was lying on a table, looking around at drapery meant to give me privacy. There were pretty, serene pictures on the wall juxtaposed against a very clinical setting. And suddenly, it felt a little different. I wasn't really worried about it before. But now, I'm thinking, "I have a mass". They keep referring to my "mass". They keep investigating this "mass". Compounded by my surroundings it hits me: "I do not think it means what you think it means." (name that movie)
As I sat there I was wondering, "Exactly how often should I anticipate having this view?" I wanted to tell them that their pretty panels on the ceiling with the garden scenery are a nice gesture, but I'm not fooled. "You have failed to mentally transport me to anything that could be confused with a vacation destination."
So far, everyone else agrees that they're pretty sure it's nothing. "Awesome. I was 99% it was nothing too." Sadly, the doctor lacks my level of confidence and only gave me a 98% but, all things considered, I'll happily take it. And I have decided to rename the mass "my twin".
I am writing this post not so much to warn you all that I might be dying (I seriously doubt it), and more so because I'm totally bemused at how something that seemed relatively benign (Admit it. I'm hilarious) suddenly became disturbing and alarming just because professionals acknowledging what I already knew and subsequently made me sit in a medical examination room.
I go for the bibopsy in a couple weeks, so we can all be a little more certain about our suspicions. I'll let you know how it goes -- whether it be my evil twin or just a sweet little companion I get to carry around forever. Maybe they will discover it to has teeth. And a spinal cord. ;)
