When "Just Do It" Doesn't Get It Done

I know you're all dying to know how it's going with the whole running gig. Ok, so you're not. Too bad. It's my blog. Mine and Jefita's, I mean.

Well, I've been up and down and all around -- literally and figuratively. My last blog post on running was coming after a high of just having completed a 10.5 mile long run without having stopped. Nike's mantra was working for me. I told myself I would do it, I tried and I conquered.

Unfortunately, the mantra became nothing more than a gimmick the next week. I'd set out to increase my miles to 13. To my disappointment, I only got to 10.5. And I walked part of it. Not only did I not improve, but I did worse. Sad? To say the least. I felt pretty discouraged and as I surmised, discouragement is totally toxic. If I couldn't "Just Do It", how was I going to get it done?

Well, the next couple weeks I didn't train so hard. Not all because of discouragement -- I had a family reunion the week after that run. I did run once, but I really thought better of it on most days and decided I was going to primarily vacation and visit with my family (the least I could do since they flew in from Europe and the West Coast and Ben & I drove 15 stinking hours just so we could all be in the same place for a while). So I didn't do much running. The week after that I got myself to the gym, but I only ran once and did cross training instead on the other days. My legs felt so tired still. And I didn't do a long run on the weekend. I didn't want to. I wasn't motivated. As I sat back and nursed my fatigued legs and my hurt pride, I was thinking of post-poning my marathon entry till the next year. Or maybe I'd just do a 1/2 marathon again....

Well, I've been mulling it over. And I talked to a few fellow runners. And I got some advice. And I learned/remembered a few things. 1) We all have good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I had one, terrible, long run doesn't mean I'm finished. Who knew?! 2) I need to run fewer freaking hills!!! for peat sakes. I really am going up and down on every road all the time. They are huge and they are everywhere around our neighborhood. And they are so unforgiving. A lovely friend from my church, Maura, recommended a nice stretch of road that is good, long and totally flat just 1 1/2 miles away from my home.

So I decided I could give it another go. However, I did a few things differently. After all, failing once was bad enough. If I failed to run 13 miles twice, it was going to be a rough blow. I had to give myself as much room for success as possible.

1) I divided to conquer -- Ok, I didn't really plan this. It just kinda worked out this way. But we can pretend it was all part of my brilliant training scheme. I was invited to run with some friends in a local 5k, so I did. But I ran it kinda fast because I'm kinda stupid and very competitive. It's great for race times, but not so good if you want to run long. So I did that in the am and when I got done, I could feel that my legs needed to rest before I did more. So I tried for the other 10 miles around 6pm that night.

2) I got rid of the a majority of the hills and worked that new fabulous flat road into my route. It was so HEAVENLY. I LOVE jogging on flat ground. I'd all but forgotten how nice, friendly and easy it is.

3) I skipped cross-training that week. I needed all my energy for the task at hand.

Well, it worked. I did it. Granted, it was in portions. But it WAS within 24 hours. That's a start. So maybe I haven't given up yet.

Another thing I'm rethinking -- all this cross-training. Ok, I was only working it in like once a week. But I think it wears me out a little too much. I might go back to just running 3x's a week and calling it good.

As you can see, training is proving to be a little trickier than I thought. Truth be told, I am not an energizer bunny. I wear out. SO, as I play around with this crazy marathon idea, I'll let you know how it goes.

Marathon Musings

I think I mentioned something about a marathon in a post or a comment recently. Really, it was a foreshadowing. Running a marathon has been in the back of my mind for years. And it has been more on the forefront the last month or so. I have lots of friends who have taken this step (my co-blogger, Mainer, Adrian in Provo, a lady I serve with in Young Women's at church), which keeps reminding me that I am jealous and would like to do one too (or at least have already DONE one! Ha ha.).

But I have hesitations. For reasons of, well, reason AND practicality, I'm not sold. My reservations include:

1) I do half marathons and even after just the 13 miles, I cannot walk properly for a day or two and it really has more to do with my joints than my muscles.

2) I was once diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which causes inexplicable feelings of being injured in my joints that can last for months -- which can really mess with a training schedule.

3) Even without fibromyalgia, when I up my mileage I frequently run into real injuries -- stiff ankles, IT Band acting up, hips with weird sharp pains -- doesn't sound good, I know.

4) Although I'd like to believe it, the idea of, "because you can do it, I can do it" just isn't a convincing argument. I don't buy it. There are LOTS of things you can do that I can't. For example, flossing on a regular basis. Being able to reach the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard without a step stool. Winning at games like Trivial Pursuit. See my point?

5) There is no real NEED to run a marathon. Why am I so obsessed? Even among runners, so many people say they think the 1/2 marathon is the best distance. Why can't I be happy with that?

But it still fascinates me and weighs on my mind. So, maybe it's time. After all, October will by my big 3-0. And what better way could there be to celebrate than to run my 1st marathon? Not to mention, it might help these 5 lbs of marriage and moving weight that keep hanging on for dear life to leave me, rather than (heaven forbid) bringing with them another 5 lbs to join them.

By george, I might be ready to do one.

So, I've done more serious looking. My birthday is Oct. 19th. Coincidentally, there is a marathon in Indianapolis (just two hours from me) on Sat. October 17th, and I checked out the course -- not too much incline or decline, not too much road and, overall, appears to be a friendly 1st timer's marathon. It's also a qualifier for the Boston, not that I'm planning on that, but hey, you never know how well you'll do or how much you'll love it, right? So, that marathon is about 5 months away and two days pre-birthday.

You can see -- I'm planning. Figuring. I'm leaning that way. But I'm still not sure. I am going to start training. However, I'm not committing or registering quite yet. I'm so prone to injury and I want to see how training goes. But I would also like some advice regarding a few matters. So, any of my running friends out there, and anybody else who has insights or opinions about marathons, if you could peruse the following and let me know your thoughts, I'd love to know what you think!!!

1) I am very over-use injury prone. I have read on some training websites that you should be used to running 25 miles/wk pretty regularly for the year previously to be reasonably safe from overuse injuries. I've also read that you shouldn't up your mileage more than 10% from week to week. On the other hand, there is the Hal Higdin's tried and true training schedule that goes for 18 weeks and doesn't mention any such things.

As for me, I find the less I kill myself during training, the more likely I will survive till and through race day. I usually don't run more than 2 or 3 days a week and cross train on other days. However, this could be a contributing factor as to why I feel so jacked up just after a 1/2 marathon -- because I may have under-trained. Hard to tell. And my running since marriage has been incredibly inconsistent. Before it, I was probably doing a good 7-12 miles a week. But it's been 8 months and, while I'm not totally out of shape, I haven't been consistent since then. And I don't have a year before my 30th birthday. With my low mileage in consideration, should I wait till 31 or just go for it? I hav about 5 months till race day.

2) Why did you run a marathon, how did it affect you physically and what is your overall assessment from the experience?

It shouldn't be SUCH a big deal, right? I've been a leisurely runner for 12 years. I just don't want to end up hating the experience or, worse, having to live with the disastrously painful and long-healing consequences. :)

Why I Don't Spend Money on Pedicures

The end to a training season has finally come. Saturday was my long-anticipated 1/2 marathon. This season had been riddled with little hang-ups for me. I am happy to report, despite the hangups and at the end of it all, it has been a strengthening, motivating, inspiring and overall very good experience. Yeah for accomplishing goals! Yeah for 1/2 marathons! My feet definitely got the short end of the stick this year. I don't think they're saying, "Yeah!" I think they're saying, "Did you have to do this to us right at the start of sandal season? I really liked having a full set of toenails. We're so embarassed to be seen." But that's the way it goes. They always fair poorly. They are forced to make a noble sacrifice for the greater good of the rest of me.

When not in training season, I still exercise. It has so many good effects. It's like a fountain of youth, health, energy and loads of other things. But this year, early on in my training, I realized that along with all of exercise's usual splendid benefits, my training was having additional side effects. In particular, It was causing me to gain weight.

GAIN?!?! What?!?! This is not an effect that I consider desirable. Admittedly, I am very anal about my weight and I watch my numbers like a hawk. I don't diet. Ever. But I do monitor.

I've heard that numbers don't matter. And while those words are perfectly audible and straightforward in definition, they really make no sense to me. No matter how low my numbers on the scale, I can't ever recall thinking they were too low. And no matter what numbers they have risen to, I can't ever recall feeling glad about it. And then my clothes were fitting tighter this season. Mmmm hmmm. Don't try to tell me I'm looking leaner. I am well aware muscle takes up room. Room I have not made accomodations for in my jeans. The sad truth is that I am a very typical, pathetic, superficial girl. I am small. And I like being small. And I do not desire that there should ever be MORE of me.

Training continued anyway. And I would look at the scale, week after week of training, and see that the numbers were consistently staying up. "No matter," I would tell myself. "It's muscle. At least most of it is. It is muscle, isn't it? How can I be sure? Does my waist look bigger to you?"

I didn't own a submerssive tank of water where I could dunk myself and accurately test the exact composition changes in my body each week. I hear they're expensive. I soothed myself, unable to test the actual changes in my body makeup, with the idea that it was only temporary and the glory and accomplishment of running the race would make it all worth it. Such a small sacrifice for the cause. I could be little again later. I'd be glad.

Then you add scheduling problems. I was working about 60 hrs/wk most weeks this training season. You add in making time for dates, commuting, and life as it comes, --- it does not make for an easy and consistent training schedule. I tried to schedule a couple sessions with a trainer. Ha! That was a laugh. I met with him once. And then, the next 7am appt. was thwarted by a change in work schedule, having to go to work early and off-site. It seemed to be a good indicator that I really just didn't have time for that. I got to the gym 3 x's/wk, on average. That was my goal.

But then there were a few weeks I missed my goal. And a few weeks when the long run I had planned just didn't fit in. Argggghh. Why does everyone marry in the spring? Don't people know there are races to train for? But it wasn't so bad. Since I had run 1/2 marathons before, I had the confidence and experience I needed in order to know what I could do. And I was able to train just enough to be able to do it.

And then there are all my injuries. I'm always injured. Call it Fibromyalgia. Call it a need for new shoes. Doesn't matter what you call it. It still hurts like hell. But after all that training, and ESPECIALLY after having already sacrificed my tight leash on the numbers of the scale, no ache or pain could keep me from my goal. I would run the race, I would finish, and I would finish respectably. I had an ankle ailment that was plagueing me for probably a good 1/2 of my training. But I was able to run on it anyway. After about 2 months and, coincidentally, about a week before the race, the ankle ailment moved and became a hip ailment. Gotta love Fibromyalgia. The hip ailment was a sharper pain, and seemed much more alarming and threatening to me. So, while I knew I was cardiovascularly ready and capable in strength, this new development caused me to worry thatI might be in for a disappointing finish.

The week before the race I did nothing. I was ready enough and there seemed no good reason to aggravate my ailments before race day. My weight had loomed up to it's highest during this week of inactivity. This is mostly because, in an effort to make sure I had enough energy, I made sure I ate more than enough all week long. Not completely logical, as I was just creating more of myself to cart around on the run. But from personal experience, I would say that it's the lesser of two evils. It really sucks to run a race when you're low on fuel. You feel weak, you don't perform well, and, basically, it completely destroys any training you've done. You might as well not train at all. So, despite myself, I ate. Lots. "It's all temporary," I kept telling myself.

Race day came. I didn't sleep very well the night before. I was TOTALLY anxious. Who sleeps well the night before the race? The guy I met the morning of the race does, apparently. His name is Bilal. He flew in for the race from LA. As luck would have it, however, his good night's sleep was thwarted by a crying baby a few hotel rooms away. Tough break.

Bilal happened to be running the marathon, but both races started together. So he and I, since we had struck up a conversation, started running together. He happened to be my exact pace. That was great. We clipped along with great conversation. We discussed different races. We talked about college. We talked about positive energy. He said I had great positive energy. I think he was hitting on me. And as we continued to chat, I mused about how funny it would be if I ever ended up dating a Lebanese accountant from LA who I met at a marathon. We ran together for the first 4 miles until our race courses diverged. Then I was on my own.

My hip had started to notify me that it wasn't feeling the best at mile 3. At mile 4, it notified me a little more loudly. At mile 6.5, it had stopped notifying me. Instead, it started to boycott. I was struggling to keep a smooth stride. The pain in my hip began to make me flinch with the impact of each step on that leg. As I continued to disregard it, the sharp, shooting pains persisted and the flinching became worse. I assessed things in my head and realized I had about 1/2 the race to go. And with a flinching right side, the miles ahead suddenly stretched before me, covering an expanse that was very long, grueling and quite painful. Before, those miles had seemed challenging, fun and surpassable. The reality of my situation was sinking in.

I stopped running and I began to walk. I walked for about a quarter mile. And I thought. I wasn't quite sure what to do at that point. I could walk the 7 remaining miles. It's long. But I'd finish. Eventually.... Some time... In a few hours. I was so disappointed. All the glory and accomplishment I had hoped for seemed unattainable-- keeping my 9 min pace, finishing under 2 hrs, improving -- all I had trained for. And I know I already mentioned this, but I was so disappointed. I think Bilal would have been disappointed too, if he knew. All that work for this? A bum hip and a long walk. Most irksome of all, my muscles weren't even tired yet. It felt like I hadn't worked at all.

Finally, I thought, "Screw the hip. I'm running anyway." I AM aware this makes me sound like I'm as bright as a caveman and quite juvenile. I don't deny either completely. We all have our moments. But logically, the worst prospect was that maybe I wouldn't run for a while. Who cares? My race is today. Not tomorrow. So, I ran. I ran lower to the ground. I ran my toes into the front of my shoes. And I ran more slowly. But soon I ran more confidently. And with a very sharp learning curve, I figured out how to maneuver so that I would cause my hip as little pain as possible. And I ran for the rest of the race. I even was able to put up a bit of a sprint at the end! I ran till I wasn't sure what hurt more: my muscles, my hip or any number of other joints from my waist down. And I finished my race w/ 1:57:38, an 8:59 min mile pace. Booyah!

Two days after the race, I am delighted to report that I have VERY VERY VERY SORE muscles. And I think I avoided permanent damage (The beauty of Fibromyalgia is that, though you may FEEL very wholly and truly injured, you're really not. You just feel that way.). Most happily, I walk ever so gingerly. I proudly hobble down stairs. I joyously (and more ably than going down) ascend stares with a huge lack of grace. And I am quite sure I will lose 3 toenails. I wore sandals to church yesterday and I am wearing sandals to work today, which I never do. But I can't put anything else on my feet at the moment. And I don't care. And next year, I will try to knock my time down to be somewhere below 1:50. Maybe. I think that's doable. We'll see. That'd be sooo cool. Someday I may have feet that will stay nice enough to make a pedicure worthwhile. That day is not today. Can't say I'm too choked up about that.