2013 Retrospective

(2013 -- aka the year I learned The Cups Song)

I have found myself, over the course of the year, and probably EVERY year, thinking about how things are not happening fast enough, I am not accomplishing enough, etc.I often feel behind in life when I get to the end of my year. Perhaps it is because I am so busy doing the same things that I forget I'm doing anything and then I think I should be doing more things because my base level of things just doesn't seem amazing enough.

 I was having this thought over again during this past month. And then I argued with my thought and I started taking a short inventory of all the change in my life, just over this past year. I realized that quite a bit had happened which I was failing to measure. In that spirit, I have compiled a Top 10 of 2013.

Top 10 Laudable, Fulfilling Dones of 2013

1) I started a new job as Program Manager of Community Engagement at the Medical College of Wisconsin. They haven't fired me yet And I am slowly figuring out what that means, so maybe I can explain it when you ask me.

2) I started renovating our downstairs bathroom. It involved a lot of demolition, staining/varnishing of wood trim, designing color palettes and choosing finishing touches. It's not done yet. But that's because I need a contractor for the last remaining pieces, and he's been kind of sick over the last month. So, that's the downside. The upside is the bathroom is at least functional again. And it will be finished soon. I will post about it. With pictures. I promise. It's not a total renovation. It's just low-budget makeover. But I'm loving it.

3) I was the advisor/teacher for the Mia Maids for many months in my ward here in West Bend. And I loved it. And all the Young Women. They're awesome. They released me just this past month and I already miss it.

4) I am now the YW Secretary for the Appleton Stake. It's my first stake calling and I really am not sure how I feel about it. The good news is the other ladies in the presidency are awesome. On initial testing of the waters, I feel confident in saying, ward callings are more fulfilling than stake callings. But it's a worthy cause, so I'll keep plugging away and perhaps stake stuff will grow on me. 

5) I dipped my feet back into the waters of theater and participated in community theater in a One Act play by a local playwright. I was Eve. I had fun. And I made some wonderful new friends who I still need to invite over my house for a fun little reunion.

6) Ben and I traveled to Utah for my family reunion and celebrated my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. And we got to see a lot of wonderful faces that I love and don't see often enough. 

7) I started a new cooking habit. When making any yummy food, I make at least 2, if not 3 or 4, times more than we want and freeze the rest into one-meal-size packages. One of the best life hacks I've adopted. It's the gift of a meal that keeps on giving. My lazy self loves this and Ben seems equally pleased. 

8) We planted something. It's our first year owning a house. And one of the perks to home ownership that I have been waiting for is having things growing and blooming. We planted a bunch of baskets all over the deck this summer, and they were gorgeous. I had a lovely view of them from the kitchen all summer long and I loved it.

9) Jon & Anne and their family took us with them to the Boundary Waters back in August. It was absolutely beautiful, and Ben and I were delighted to have such lovely company to adventure with. And adventure we did, canoeing, portaging, camping, and blowing billows into the campfire. And I think all of the mosquito bites on my legs are now healed. 

10) We were hoping that having a house might bring about more visits with family & friends. And our wish came true! We have loved having Jon & Anne and their kids come stay with us, since being in Wisconsin makes us just a short evening's drive away. We go up there on weekends, and they have come down to see us several times. It's pretty much awesome. We also had a visit from Mesha Hawkins (Whaley) (for anyone who doesn't know, my forever friend and companion inseparable from pretty much all of my pre-college education years) for a weekend (epic and awesome), and Ben's brother Daniel came to see us for July 4th (also fabulous). Nothing makes home feel more homey than family and friends. Come see us more! We love it!

Despite all my laziness (which, I confess, there was some), it looks like 2013 was pretty eventful. Life keeps on moving. What will I endeavor for next year? I'm not totally sure yet. And, as usually happens, life has plans of its own and cares very little for what I put on the agenda. But I'm looking forward to it!

Do I Look Green to You?

I believe that a person who can accurately see themselves in the world as they are and as other people perceive them, including the ability to accurately acknowledge their own flaws and circumstances is a person who has great power. Without the knowledge of knowing who you are and where you are in life and in the pecking order, how are you to get to where or become who you want? And how do you know how to or, in fact, how you actually do relate to others? This kind of self-knowledge is very powerful. And I used to think I was, in recent years at least, doing really well on this score. But I think I'm wrong. In fact, I am finding this year that I have great cause for concern. Great cause, people!

I have been learning a lot of new things about myself this year. Earlier this year, in a conversation with my very perceptive co-blogger, I came to the realization that I am ........(drum roll) a competitive person. Really, I had no idea. But, according to him, that was more of a "DUH" kind of a thing and should not have been very shocking to me.

Earlier today, and a few times before (amidst years of scandalous dating behavior and an ongoing shoe fetish) I realized that, on some subconscious level, I live my life as a mormon version of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. She may be the role model of my subconscious. I'm not sure. But I do like her. And the most recent supportive evidence of my suspicion in this regard came from browsing some popular celebrity hair styles on MSN. I realized, as I saw Sarah Jessica Parker's hair-do amongst the fashionably coifed celebrity slides, that her hair was exactly what I was going for. I had no idea all this time I've been growing it out until that moment(I swear). But I can't help myself. She finally made big hair good-looking! And I have big hair. Maybe that's where my love for her began....



I digress. Forgive me. Onto this other thing about me. Well..... I haven't quite figured it out. Maybe you can help me.

See, I was talking to a co-worker this morning at my new job. She asked what exciting thing I was doing this weekend. I explained that I was very delighted because I was finally planning on going to Findlay's Market tomorrow morning. For those who don't know, Findlay's Market is the big farmer's market with locally grown food & other goods located in downtown Cincy. It's cool and trendy and fun and all that jazz. And they have food, which my kitchen does not have. I've wanted to go for so long, and I think I actually have a shot of getting there tomorrow.




Anyhow, my coworker and I somehow went from Findlay's Market to the topic of being "green" and I mentioned that I am often, to my surprise, perceived as being very green by others, even though being green is something that I have a hard time with sometimes.



Kermie relates to me on this front. It's not easy being green. And I do have a hard time. For instance:

1) I bring reusable bags with me to the grocery store now, but I have YET to actually remember to bring them out of the car and in with me to the grocery store to use! I can't remember for the life of me!

2) And while I like the idea of going to farmer's markets and eating locally grown food, tomorrow will be the first time I've actually shopped at a farmer's market. If I even get there.

3) I also waste a lot of water doing the dishes. I refuse to wash dishes in a sink full of stagnant water, progressively getting dirtier and dirtier, dish by dish. It is just so gross to me.

4)And I keep my cell phone charger plugged in to the wall socket ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I'm terrible.

5) I also have no garden. Green people totally have gardens.

6) And I'm totally not PETA-approved either. I've owned a vest made of rabbit fur (I sold it on Ebay though, so I don't have it anymore), and even right now as I am typing I am wearing a leather jacket, a leather belt and leather cowboy boots. I totally kill animals. And my jeans are from BeBe. I hate BeBe (or at least their ad campaigns), and yet I carry their label on my keister. But that's neither here nor there. I'm getting off-topic again.

7) I eat ice cream on an almost daily basis. And I'm addicted to sugar. So I may LOOK like a healthy eater, but I'm really not that good. And green people are typically healthy people.

Despite these non-green attributes, I admit that:

1) I was incredibly hippie-ish in high school.

2) I used to be vegetarian and still don't like to eat meat very often. To wear animal is one thing. Imbibing it is another.

3) I love the outdoors and believe nature is just gorgeous and fabulous for adventuring and I even like camping sometimes.

4) one of my favorite perks about our suburb is the recycling bins that are so close by.

5) I turn off lights that aren't being used (my parents probably won't believe that one, but it's true).

6) I try to find ways to use the plastic grocery bags I DO collect.

7) I use ziploc bags more than once.

8) I use soymilk

All in all, I really don't mind being perceived as a "green" sort of person. I kind of support green (in practical, efficient and that-actually-makes-sense kinds of ways. I don't believe every green idea out there meets this criteria). Green is also perceived as being liberal. And I seem kind of liberal sometimes too. So, all that's fine with me. Really. I don't know if I deserve it, but I'm good with that label of green.

Here's the rub for me: I don't understand how I appear to be green to other people. I don't think I just talk green. I think I LOOK green! I have friends who have voted me most likely to buy recycled toilet paper. And I get it when it's friends because they have gotten to know me over the course of our relationship. But now I find people think that about me even if they don't know me! It's true! And it has just been validated again this morning. The moment I said I am often perceived as being green to my new coworker, she piped up and admitted that she was on the list of people who thought I seemed "green" to her. And I've only spoken to her, like, twice. And here I thought my wardrobe and hair were much improved since high school. I totally don't wear tie dye. I don't even think I know how to spell it.

So, enlighten me. Exactly what is it that makes one's greenness so visible to the stranger's eye? And by "one" I mean me. :) Because I'm more likely to be caught in Prada than Patagonia and I really didn't think I looked like this:

When did I become so cynical?

So, I had the unexpected opportunity to speak at Harvard Business School this last weekend at a conference. It was sort of short notice with not a lot of time to prepare and really even less time to think about it as work has been through the roof as of late.

While I was there, it was such a blast from the past, or a world that I haven't been associated with or even crossed paths with in so long. I remember it when ideas were everything, the future was sort of yours, and the most important thing in your life was You...oh wait, I don't think that last one really ever entered a lot of the minds of the people I associate with, or at least not my mind.

But regardless, it was interesting to see how people thought that they were the most important thing in the world, strode the hallways with elbows poised to absorb as much space and essence as possible, their egos expanded well beyond any presence their body could control, sipping brandies and expensive liqueurs like they had the refined palates of Anton Ego, coupled with the sophistication of Descartes. And I.....I sat in the corner wondering, what in the world possessed them to have such an incredulous attitude about themselves as if I were some sort of Socrates, ready with a simple question to yank them down from their elven perches aloft in the highest tree tops.

And as I return to reality a bit, and the work day returns to answering phone calls from clients, managing money, planning the next big thing (big for me is not very big for most), wondering what in the world happened to the time I had, and hating myself for not having finished a certain lookbook for a certain project which in this blog shall be known as Two's Company, and wondering where oh where did my sense of thought, the value of thought, and the reality of my own position (or lack thereof) go? Shortly thereafter the thought pops in my head that I shouldn't be typing this blog at all, but should be working on the lookbook, but everyone needs a few minutes of downtime.

Anyways, I don't know what has inspired me to be so cynical as to no longer give value or credence to the idea, or perhaps it is that I do not give value or credence to the idea without proven action or merit, I am not sure which. But I remember the days when thoughts were valuable, even if they did not result in action (which on a daily basis now I think thoughts without action are worthless), and as I postulate what I want to do and how I want to structure things in the future, I wish that someone had thought about the problems I am anticipating and facing as my business expands, my life changes, and my voice leaves me (I was talking too loudly this weekend!)

I recently finished the book Anna Karenina, and am reminded of the character Konstantin Dmitrich Levin, who regularly thinks of the problems between the landowners and the muzhiks. And while reading it I thought of that applicability to common day life which I engage in. How highly would I value that thought? Even if there was no action by the thought provider, but it lead and paved a way for my action.....after all isn't that what philosophy is about? Thinking so that others may embrace that thought and put it into action? Anyone that knows me, knows that I am no genius, and therefore I rely on the thoughts of others.

So, when did I become so cynical, that in a weekend, speaking at one of the most prestigious business schools in the world, I left annoyed, disgusted, and overall unimpressed with supposedly the elite of the elite? Where thought was nothing more than a self aggrandizing, snobbish pursuit of those ensnarled in a world of elitist behaviour?

Thoughts?