Lately, I have had lots of concerns running around my head. They are common in that they are becoming frequent and ongoing for me at the moment, so very common to me. Like constant companions, almost. The reason I address these concerns is because I am in a slump of sorts or some kind of funk. I think. I've recently become an extremely low-functioning multi-tasker. I can tell because my bedroom is messy. Maybe I'm in an dysfunctional state of shock. I think back to the period in my life when I used to always keep lists of things to do and I tell myself, "I should do that again." There are two options: 1) this is temporary, or 2) I am headed down a sliding slope to which there is no uphill. I'm not exactly sure what my little slump is caused by. Overwhelmed? Busy? Tired? More importantly, I don't think I should be in and tell myself daily that I need to get out of said slump. But maybe it's only natural. A phase that will pass in its own due course. My current state and constant companions are these:
1. I'm terribly unmotivated to work out lately. This is SO not like me.
2. This means that I am also not feeling very "fit" and like my usual self. (This is especially cause for concern because my wedding dress was just shipped out today from China and I am afraid, if I don't get out of this slump, I may not fit into it by the time it arrives.)
3. I fear this lack of motivation could have some weird subconscious connection to the fact I'm getting married and I will, henceforth, quit working out altogether and gain lots of weight, like a lot of folk do when the get married. But I really don't think so. At least I hope that's not the case.
4. Some things in regards to planning a wedding take a lot longer to do than I thought they would. Who would have thought that getting a ring and picking a photographer would be endeavors that take 2 months? One of the million reasons I could never just up and get married.
5. The dress business -- can we really pull this off in time? Crunch time is coming. We're supposed to have sample dresses within the next month and a half. And we're supposed to sell them. And they're supposed to fit people. And fit the very well. Really? Can we swing that? We have samples to make, fitting of patterns to make sure the samples will be what we want, sample makers with schedules I can't remember, business cards we don't have yet, a fashion illustrator who isn't me so I can't know telepathically how far along she is at any given moment and when she will have our illustrations done, a mind-boggling lack of any previous experience in this line of business... seriously. What was I thinking?
6. If it takes this long to figure out the ring and the photographer, how are we ever going to manage getting to the catering, the cake, the honeymoon, the invitations, the engagement pictures, registering, the bridal shower..... time is not my friend right now.
7. Did I mention I'm turning into human lard right now? Seriously, the tone I've lost in my arm muscles and which has since become "soft tissue" grosses me out. What's that doing there! But I refuse to tell myself I have to work out. There are fundamental problems with that approach to working out. I really have to want to in order to get myself to do it.
8. Interviewing for new jobs... I found out my present boss is crazy and liable to get my entire organization sued at any given moment. This causes me a little bit of concern, so I have opted to look around a little bit, despite the fact I've only been at my present job for 5 months. I have interviews to go to, and positives and negatives to weigh. Then, you throw in the fact Ben keeps on talking about looking for jobs, only his options are in places like Boston and Cincinatti and.... that's just all kind of confusing.
9. I think my brain is on overload and my body has become dysfunctional.
10. I'm afraid my severe lack of attention to detail and random dead-heading and watering without any nutritional supplements to my mother's rose garden may strain my family relationships, specifically with -- my mother.
11. I can't even remember. But I'm sure there's something else to worry about. I'll get back to it.
12. Oh yeah. I remember. They say marriage changes things. But what exactly does it change? My brother says I won't travel so much. Really? And what's all this baby talk people keep throwing around? And all those accounts and documents and stuff that we have to update/notify/consolidate/close/I don't know what. All of that is a bundle of big, gray fuzz to me.
13. Visiting teaching.... right. On it. Oh, darn. I was on it. I'm on it. Darn. Missed it again. Okay, I'm REALLY on this time. Really.
Clearly, there is some stuff that may be cause for stress. But I think, despite the fact I have a few things going on, I should be energetic and, task-oriented and in a go-get-em kind of scheduling mode and fitting in as much as I can. But much of me has become a vegetable of sorts. I could manage more. But I'm on mental sensory overload and instead of rising to the occasion, I'm misfiring and my various systems are malfunctioning and shutting down. Time to reboot. Reboot #@*! it!
3 comments:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! You need to chill! First of all, the VT monkey on your back is easy...write em a letter, phone call, whatever. I would have just dropped that idea altogether, but you are clearly a better visiting teacher than me! Second, you have a sister out there who would LOVE to help with wedding stuff! And I suspect a sister in law when she's in town. USE THEM!!! Third, having kids is between you, Ben and the Lord...ignore all other comments that come your way...who do people think they are? Oh, wait, has Jon been making comments? Fourth, let's face it, force yourself to do some little work out. We both know you'll feel better after, even if your not excited about it. And, BTW, I think all the women who have started as Neus or become Neus still look pretty darn good. I don't believe you are in immediate danger of becoming a cow. Now what in the world are you thinking looking for a job in the midst of all this?!?!? You're just a nut! If there is anything I can do from MN, I know you'll let me know...right?!?!?
Thanks for the support. Em has been amazing in helping with the wedding, actually. I think a lot of the hold ups I'm experiencing are because I have to coordinate them with Ben, and he can just be very slow and overly thorough about things -- aka they take along time to do. And it appears that good motivation is had once I blog about something. I had a wonderfully productive, refreshing evening last night, watered the garden, did dishes & laundry and (music please) went to the gym! It was lovely (though I had virtually no stamina there. Seriously, what's the deal? Am I that out of shape already?!) Oh, and to let you know, Jon hasn't called recently or mentioned anything about babies. He called a lot more regularly when he was wanting me to hurry up and get engaged. Now that I've done that, I think he's appeased. For now. :)
Well, I am glad you are feeling more moderated. I guess that usually happens, though, when you are frustrated or feeling overwhelmed you just go on and list all your grievances until it seems like the world is gonna cave in...then you wake up the next morning and feel great. Ha!
My boy can seriously take his time on stuff. For instance, why do we talk about when we are gonna get married and how it's gonna be and what we are gonna do, but I yet to have a ring or the go ahead to book a place. I think he wants to ask me officially and stuff and I just can't push him. Que sera, (or however you spell that) I've just decided that everything will fall into place beautifully with or without a ton of time.
P.S. Why must we both be so busy when I want to see you so bad?
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