2013 Retrospective

(2013 -- aka the year I learned The Cups Song)

I have found myself, over the course of the year, and probably EVERY year, thinking about how things are not happening fast enough, I am not accomplishing enough, etc.I often feel behind in life when I get to the end of my year. Perhaps it is because I am so busy doing the same things that I forget I'm doing anything and then I think I should be doing more things because my base level of things just doesn't seem amazing enough.

 I was having this thought over again during this past month. And then I argued with my thought and I started taking a short inventory of all the change in my life, just over this past year. I realized that quite a bit had happened which I was failing to measure. In that spirit, I have compiled a Top 10 of 2013.

Top 10 Laudable, Fulfilling Dones of 2013

1) I started a new job as Program Manager of Community Engagement at the Medical College of Wisconsin. They haven't fired me yet And I am slowly figuring out what that means, so maybe I can explain it when you ask me.

2) I started renovating our downstairs bathroom. It involved a lot of demolition, staining/varnishing of wood trim, designing color palettes and choosing finishing touches. It's not done yet. But that's because I need a contractor for the last remaining pieces, and he's been kind of sick over the last month. So, that's the downside. The upside is the bathroom is at least functional again. And it will be finished soon. I will post about it. With pictures. I promise. It's not a total renovation. It's just low-budget makeover. But I'm loving it.

3) I was the advisor/teacher for the Mia Maids for many months in my ward here in West Bend. And I loved it. And all the Young Women. They're awesome. They released me just this past month and I already miss it.

4) I am now the YW Secretary for the Appleton Stake. It's my first stake calling and I really am not sure how I feel about it. The good news is the other ladies in the presidency are awesome. On initial testing of the waters, I feel confident in saying, ward callings are more fulfilling than stake callings. But it's a worthy cause, so I'll keep plugging away and perhaps stake stuff will grow on me. 

5) I dipped my feet back into the waters of theater and participated in community theater in a One Act play by a local playwright. I was Eve. I had fun. And I made some wonderful new friends who I still need to invite over my house for a fun little reunion.

6) Ben and I traveled to Utah for my family reunion and celebrated my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. And we got to see a lot of wonderful faces that I love and don't see often enough. 

7) I started a new cooking habit. When making any yummy food, I make at least 2, if not 3 or 4, times more than we want and freeze the rest into one-meal-size packages. One of the best life hacks I've adopted. It's the gift of a meal that keeps on giving. My lazy self loves this and Ben seems equally pleased. 

8) We planted something. It's our first year owning a house. And one of the perks to home ownership that I have been waiting for is having things growing and blooming. We planted a bunch of baskets all over the deck this summer, and they were gorgeous. I had a lovely view of them from the kitchen all summer long and I loved it.

9) Jon & Anne and their family took us with them to the Boundary Waters back in August. It was absolutely beautiful, and Ben and I were delighted to have such lovely company to adventure with. And adventure we did, canoeing, portaging, camping, and blowing billows into the campfire. And I think all of the mosquito bites on my legs are now healed. 

10) We were hoping that having a house might bring about more visits with family & friends. And our wish came true! We have loved having Jon & Anne and their kids come stay with us, since being in Wisconsin makes us just a short evening's drive away. We go up there on weekends, and they have come down to see us several times. It's pretty much awesome. We also had a visit from Mesha Hawkins (Whaley) (for anyone who doesn't know, my forever friend and companion inseparable from pretty much all of my pre-college education years) for a weekend (epic and awesome), and Ben's brother Daniel came to see us for July 4th (also fabulous). Nothing makes home feel more homey than family and friends. Come see us more! We love it!

Despite all my laziness (which, I confess, there was some), it looks like 2013 was pretty eventful. Life keeps on moving. What will I endeavor for next year? I'm not totally sure yet. And, as usually happens, life has plans of its own and cares very little for what I put on the agenda. But I'm looking forward to it!

When "Just Do It" Doesn't Get It Done

I know you're all dying to know how it's going with the whole running gig. Ok, so you're not. Too bad. It's my blog. Mine and Jefita's, I mean.

Well, I've been up and down and all around -- literally and figuratively. My last blog post on running was coming after a high of just having completed a 10.5 mile long run without having stopped. Nike's mantra was working for me. I told myself I would do it, I tried and I conquered.

Unfortunately, the mantra became nothing more than a gimmick the next week. I'd set out to increase my miles to 13. To my disappointment, I only got to 10.5. And I walked part of it. Not only did I not improve, but I did worse. Sad? To say the least. I felt pretty discouraged and as I surmised, discouragement is totally toxic. If I couldn't "Just Do It", how was I going to get it done?

Well, the next couple weeks I didn't train so hard. Not all because of discouragement -- I had a family reunion the week after that run. I did run once, but I really thought better of it on most days and decided I was going to primarily vacation and visit with my family (the least I could do since they flew in from Europe and the West Coast and Ben & I drove 15 stinking hours just so we could all be in the same place for a while). So I didn't do much running. The week after that I got myself to the gym, but I only ran once and did cross training instead on the other days. My legs felt so tired still. And I didn't do a long run on the weekend. I didn't want to. I wasn't motivated. As I sat back and nursed my fatigued legs and my hurt pride, I was thinking of post-poning my marathon entry till the next year. Or maybe I'd just do a 1/2 marathon again....

Well, I've been mulling it over. And I talked to a few fellow runners. And I got some advice. And I learned/remembered a few things. 1) We all have good weeks and bad weeks. Just because I had one, terrible, long run doesn't mean I'm finished. Who knew?! 2) I need to run fewer freaking hills!!! for peat sakes. I really am going up and down on every road all the time. They are huge and they are everywhere around our neighborhood. And they are so unforgiving. A lovely friend from my church, Maura, recommended a nice stretch of road that is good, long and totally flat just 1 1/2 miles away from my home.

So I decided I could give it another go. However, I did a few things differently. After all, failing once was bad enough. If I failed to run 13 miles twice, it was going to be a rough blow. I had to give myself as much room for success as possible.

1) I divided to conquer -- Ok, I didn't really plan this. It just kinda worked out this way. But we can pretend it was all part of my brilliant training scheme. I was invited to run with some friends in a local 5k, so I did. But I ran it kinda fast because I'm kinda stupid and very competitive. It's great for race times, but not so good if you want to run long. So I did that in the am and when I got done, I could feel that my legs needed to rest before I did more. So I tried for the other 10 miles around 6pm that night.

2) I got rid of the a majority of the hills and worked that new fabulous flat road into my route. It was so HEAVENLY. I LOVE jogging on flat ground. I'd all but forgotten how nice, friendly and easy it is.

3) I skipped cross-training that week. I needed all my energy for the task at hand.

Well, it worked. I did it. Granted, it was in portions. But it WAS within 24 hours. That's a start. So maybe I haven't given up yet.

Another thing I'm rethinking -- all this cross-training. Ok, I was only working it in like once a week. But I think it wears me out a little too much. I might go back to just running 3x's a week and calling it good.

As you can see, training is proving to be a little trickier than I thought. Truth be told, I am not an energizer bunny. I wear out. SO, as I play around with this crazy marathon idea, I'll let you know how it goes.

Made For Me

It's interesting, the things you learn over the years and how long it can actually take to figure things out. Even basic things. The evolution of becoming a woman. Not just a woman, but a knowledgeable woman. A woman who has self awareness and seems to have it together. We have LOADS to figure out -- like how to get the right bra, plucking eye brows, learning to blend your foundation into the chin/neck area so you don't have a line, buying clothes that aren't too baggy OR too tight. Figuring out how to shave without gashing your legs everywhere. Learning what colors you can and can't wear, learning to appreciate a real haircut instead of having your mom put a bowl over your head and trimming around the edges, learning how to be sexy without showing all of your cleavage/legs/back/belly/body. Learning everything. There's so much to learn and figure out. And for some it takes a while.

For me, it takes an especially long while. But I'd like you to know, I have just hit a milestone of progress on my womanly journey.

I have had an understanding, since I was about 23, that I just have bad skin. But even after acne meds, I would still have blemishes pretty consisently (though admittedly they were fewer), so I accepted the idea that my skin was just not the best,... genetically defective and not meant to be clear... except for maybe sometime in my 70's when all my hormones had dried up and subsequently stopped messing with my face. Sometimes you just can't beat nature.

Despite this understanding and accepting of my flaws, there was a small little corner of me that was in denial and refused to believe this. This small corner of me was certain the problem was my face products and that I just have incredibly sensitive skin. This small corner of me urged me on to search high and low from drug store to department store to beauty product store to online store to pyramid scheme business, experimenting with, purchasing and returning egads of lotions, face washes, face serums and the like -- all in the name of clearer skin.

I'm 28 years old and I'd just like you to know, that little corner of me was right. I'm not crazy after all! Ok, maybe I am. But I was at least not crazy in this regard. And my quest is over. Hallelujah! It couldn't have come at a better time. ok, I lie. A better time would have been at least 14 years ago. But better late than never, right? And when late is still BEFORE your wedding day pictures, I don't feel I should complain.

I don't think these products are for everyone, as everybody's skin is different, but should you have incredibly sensitive skin like I, you too might be seeking friendly products. Here's my findings from years of research: I have newly found two products: 1) dermatlogica's ultracalming cleanser and 2) hope in a jar's therapeutic moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin. And I didn't capitalize the names of those products because they're not capitalized on the actual product packaging. They both have very little in them and nothing to rub skin raw, irritate or put harsh, alcoholic fragrances or burning chemical face brightening or whatever crap on your skin. No anti-aging, no skin plumping, no nothing. The one moisturizes and the other washes. That's it. Neither of them have spf, but if you're an spf junkie, they do have face lotion from philosophy's hope in a jar that does have spf. For me, I went without that as I have figured out the LESS ingredients in the bottle, the better off I am.

One thing down, a few thousand more to go. The journey of womanhood is long, and it is hard. Boys will never understand completely. But it's so encouraging and rewarding when you finally figure something out. I'm one step closer, though I'm not sure to what. And I'm one notch more confident. I understand myself that much more. Progress always feels good. And, in this case, looks even better. :) How refreshing.

Wedding Updates

Ben & I were driving back from Roy area last night after having helped his brother & family move into a new home. As we passed the Bountiful LDS Temple on the highway, Ben said, " Six more weeks..." It took me a moment to clue into what he was talking about. And then I uttered a passive, calm "Oh yeah..." And then, just a moment after, I uttered a loud MENTAL, "OH MY GOSH! Are you serious?!" Only six weeks.... That's impossible! We totally aren't ready yet. We have so much to do!

Indeed we do. But I exxagerate a bit. I really just think we have "SO MUCH" because I don't have absolutely EVERYTHING already done. This sets me ill at ease. Always. But we're making good progress.

- We tried on tuxes yesterday (okay, so really Ben tried them on and I critiqued.)
- I am going cake tasting with my sister tonight.
- My ring should be coming in any day now (I have never been one to ogle or even give a flying fig about wedding rings, so I am shocked at myself when I realize I am SO EXCITED for it to finally come. I really am!)
- My wedding dress jacket just came in and it fits!!! Hallelujah.
- We took engagement photos last week and should get them back very soon. I'm not really sure why I anticipate this so much, as I know exactly what Ben and I look like in pictures. I've even seen Ben & I in pictures together before. With the amount of excitement I have, it's like I expect to see us magically transformed into some version of Angelina and Brad that people would obviously recognize to be Ben & I in the photos. I just don't get myself sometimes.
- bridal showers are being planned. I apologize to all friends and family who feel obligated to come. But I really hope you do! What can I say? I'm mean & selfish like that. And we will endeavor to make them as fun and un-bridal-shower-hokey-boring-like as possible.

Of course, there are a few things in the air still. We don't have the honeymoon pinned down yet. Nor do we know for sure what state (both physically & mentally)we will live in POST-wedding, I haven't decided whether or not to have a veil, haven't found the shoes yet, still need to figure out amounts of food for the reception, create an agenda for the reception, talk more with the band, send out invitations....

I think I just like to get riled up and torture myself into a frenzy by listing off the myriad of things I haven't done yet. It'll get done, I'm sure. And I'm really excited it's getting closer. Sometimes I think, "Oh, let's just be married already." But we will be. Soon enough. Most definitely soon enough.

Old Year, New Year

It's about that time. Time to reflect on what's transpired and what will come. The first is, of course, easier to figure out. So, I'll start there. The last year has brought me many things, involved various accomplishments and given me lots of happy memories. In keeping with my age, I will list that many relished feats and happy times in 2007. Here are some favorites:

1) ran a half marathon
2) started blogging
3) started a book club with a very good friend and, as a result, started reading more.
4) got a bit of much-needed therapy
5) got back together with Male. What can I say? I just like him.
6) ran a 5k with my nephew, Christopher
7) went home for Thanksgiving
8) survived a family reunion in St. George
9) went to Colorado for the 1st time with some friends and went rafting
10) went to Vegas with some friends and had a rip roaring good time
11) ran into a moose and survived to tell the tale.
12) sent my parents away on a mission. Twice.
13) got over myself a little bit and learned how to love better.
14) bought new clothes that I love.
15) worked at a much-loved clothing store for a year, gained great experience, learned lots and made some great friends
16) started planning a business venture
17) started studying for the LSAT
18) managed to save instead of going into debt ( even if I didn't save as much as I wanted to)
19) bought a camera. I LOVE that thing
20) didn't break up with Male. Not once. It took some restraint, I'll admit, but I think I'm better for it.
21) got a roommate. And she's totally rad.
22) got my favorite calling back. Yeah!
23) started buying furniture-like things. I have a filing cabinet AND a book shelf. It makes me feel like more of an adult, somehow.
24) got into ebay auctions. They are so fun. And so addictive.
25) got Male to start to learn swing dancing
26) I haven't verified this with anyone, but I think I became a better listener. Really, I do.
27) kept dancing and hoola hooping :)
28) redecorated my bathroom. Oh, it just looks so good.

As for the coming year and what it will bring, there's really no way of telling, but here's a brainstorm of various directions I would like to be headed. (note I wrote "directions", plural. We all well know I could never limit myself to just one).

1) find a new, better paying job. I would be willing to substitute this fo my current job paying me better. But I prefer a new job. So I'll shoot for that.
2) start business venture. There's a lot that goes into this one. Lots of time and lots of steps. And licensing. In fact, I think this one resolution should count for a gazillion. Yipes, jeepers, heavens to Betsy and criminy, all in one. Whoever Betsy is. But I'll just count it as one for now.
3) go to London. London misses me. And I miss London.
4) nurse my ankles back to health enough to be able to run again. I'm being very well behaved right now. I won't even bring my running shoes to the gym, just so I'm not tempted to test them out yet. Some day I can bring them. Some day soon. But not yet.
5) teach Male to swing dance. I have great hopes for him. And he shows promise.
6) love better. I learn more all the time. Relationships are good teachers. In my recent experience, I find that loving people hurts a lot. And I'd say christian theology supports my theory. So, at times I feel inclined to stop. However, the alternative is much less happy. Don't that just beat all.
7) see my sister more and make time to help her with her kids.
8) make more time for friends and family. As the years pass me, I realize I'm not very good at this, and at some point I will look back and wish I had made the time. Now's a better time to start so that point doesn't come.
9) save money. Note I didn't say how much. This is because I like to avoid failure. Thus, I stick to being vague and I manage to avoid failure, for the most part. You can see this as a trend in many a New Year's resolution.
10) take the LSAT. I think. This one might get delayed. Honestly, a girl can only do so much in a year and as I read through this list, I can see I'm giving myself a full agenda already. But no harm in aiming high, right?
11) run some 5k's. That is of course, if I can run at all. I hope, I hope, I hope.
12) keep dancing & hoola hooping. It's quirky, as am I, and I just love it. I sometimes reflect back to when I was a little girl dancing to my dad's Elvis cd's in the living room cuz I just couldn't help myself. Here I am 20 yrs later, and though Elvis may be replaced my Gwen Stefani or Pink, I find I haven't changed much. Ok, so puberty happened. Even so, that continuity is still there. It's comforting.
13) keep up the book club. And keep up WITH the book club. It's a challenge. I don't know how Joan does it.
14) keep blogging. It's good for the soul.
15) eat less sugar. I like to make easy goals for myself. Take this resolution for example-- I just have to commit to eating 19 pieces of candy per day, instead of 20 and I've succeeded! See? That simple. Of course, I could go full throttle and do some kind of cleanse or something to flush it all out of my system, but I'm always leary of extreme measures. And I do love sugar.
16) buy a laptop computer. I'd like to get one yesterday. It's amazing I've survived so long without one, really.
17) buy a blackberry or something like it. The phone I have now is sleek and sexy, but it doesn't quite cut it. I think I need to trade in sleek & sexy for practical.
18) learn some more Spanish. This won't be too hard since I only remember a whole of 5 words from the class I was in last year.
19) get another book shelf. My book collection keeps growing. I wonder why?....
20) grow my hair out and don't dye it so I can donate it to charity.
21) work out 3x/wk. On average. Give or take a day.
22) get more home workout equipment,like maybe an exercise ball, or an aerobic step, or a punching bag, or a stationary bike.. stuff like that.
23) rent out my studio.
24) budget better. Thus, I can save more and waste less on clothes. Of course, I'll still buy fabulous clothes that I do, in fact, need. And I do mean "need". I'll just be more strategic and choosy about it so as not to waste.
25) don't speed (in hopes the end result will be that I don't get speeding tickets. )
26) cook more often. Again, this one should be easy since I presently don't cook at all.
27) redecorate another room in the house.
28) have people over for dinner on Sunday. Ooh, that's a good one. Yes indeed. That helps me with my resolutions to spend more time with family AND cook more often. Brilliant!
29) buy one pair of absolutely fabulous, to die for, I love you, I love you shoes. A couple of my I love you, I love you shoes are getting tattered and need to be retired. I need replacements. Expensive replacements. Oh, heaven help me and my love for personal adornment.

There we have it. Twenty-nine resolutions for my 29th year. I should be overwhelmed. But I'm not because I am presently giving absolutely no consideration to how much effort all that will take to accomplish. And I refuse to do so. So there. Ya know, I just love goals and new years resolutions and all that 5 year, 20 year planning mumbo jumbo. It's so motivating. And it kind of points me in a direction so I know where I'm headed. I just like that. I don't know how anybody gets anywhere without this stuff. And I find it so exciting. Am I the only one?

I also like realizing there are lots of things I'm glad I don't need to include on my list. For example, I don't need to stop drinking or quit smoking, stay out of rehab, leave my boyfriend who beats me up or wean myself off meth. This is good, no? In that kind of light, I get quite pleased with my current situation.

Of course, I realize this list has other items that are not on it that may be missed by some. I am sure most of my friends reading this will be disappointed to see that I have not included any resolutions or list items containing words like marriage, bridal shower, engagement, ring shopping or honeymoon. What can I say? When I start making resolutions or goals in that direction, I assure you all, you will be the first to know. Just don't start checking the blog every day expecting something like that to be posted.

One Giant Leap for Mankind

Groundbreaking news, fellow Americans: Last week at the grocery store, I was able to buy exactly 8 hot dogs and 8 hot dog buns. I don't know if they have remedied the problem with hamburger patties and buns, but I consider the equal rationing of these two products into packaging so that a person is not over or under supplied with either product to be a huge sign of progress for the American people. Evidence that we really do evolve. What'll be next?

I vote for :

1) Reasonable cell phone packages that accomodate the consumer and not having to pay for text messages sent to you which you have no other choice but to accept.

2) All goods to be labeled with price stickers that are easily removable.

3) plastic packaging on software and other products that does not require the jaws of life in order to open them.

Anyone hoping for other ground-breaking, revolutionary changes?