Old Year, New Year

It's about that time. Time to reflect on what's transpired and what will come. The first is, of course, easier to figure out. So, I'll start there. The last year has brought me many things, involved various accomplishments and given me lots of happy memories. In keeping with my age, I will list that many relished feats and happy times in 2007. Here are some favorites:

1) ran a half marathon
2) started blogging
3) started a book club with a very good friend and, as a result, started reading more.
4) got a bit of much-needed therapy
5) got back together with Male. What can I say? I just like him.
6) ran a 5k with my nephew, Christopher
7) went home for Thanksgiving
8) survived a family reunion in St. George
9) went to Colorado for the 1st time with some friends and went rafting
10) went to Vegas with some friends and had a rip roaring good time
11) ran into a moose and survived to tell the tale.
12) sent my parents away on a mission. Twice.
13) got over myself a little bit and learned how to love better.
14) bought new clothes that I love.
15) worked at a much-loved clothing store for a year, gained great experience, learned lots and made some great friends
16) started planning a business venture
17) started studying for the LSAT
18) managed to save instead of going into debt ( even if I didn't save as much as I wanted to)
19) bought a camera. I LOVE that thing
20) didn't break up with Male. Not once. It took some restraint, I'll admit, but I think I'm better for it.
21) got a roommate. And she's totally rad.
22) got my favorite calling back. Yeah!
23) started buying furniture-like things. I have a filing cabinet AND a book shelf. It makes me feel like more of an adult, somehow.
24) got into ebay auctions. They are so fun. And so addictive.
25) got Male to start to learn swing dancing
26) I haven't verified this with anyone, but I think I became a better listener. Really, I do.
27) kept dancing and hoola hooping :)
28) redecorated my bathroom. Oh, it just looks so good.

As for the coming year and what it will bring, there's really no way of telling, but here's a brainstorm of various directions I would like to be headed. (note I wrote "directions", plural. We all well know I could never limit myself to just one).

1) find a new, better paying job. I would be willing to substitute this fo my current job paying me better. But I prefer a new job. So I'll shoot for that.
2) start business venture. There's a lot that goes into this one. Lots of time and lots of steps. And licensing. In fact, I think this one resolution should count for a gazillion. Yipes, jeepers, heavens to Betsy and criminy, all in one. Whoever Betsy is. But I'll just count it as one for now.
3) go to London. London misses me. And I miss London.
4) nurse my ankles back to health enough to be able to run again. I'm being very well behaved right now. I won't even bring my running shoes to the gym, just so I'm not tempted to test them out yet. Some day I can bring them. Some day soon. But not yet.
5) teach Male to swing dance. I have great hopes for him. And he shows promise.
6) love better. I learn more all the time. Relationships are good teachers. In my recent experience, I find that loving people hurts a lot. And I'd say christian theology supports my theory. So, at times I feel inclined to stop. However, the alternative is much less happy. Don't that just beat all.
7) see my sister more and make time to help her with her kids.
8) make more time for friends and family. As the years pass me, I realize I'm not very good at this, and at some point I will look back and wish I had made the time. Now's a better time to start so that point doesn't come.
9) save money. Note I didn't say how much. This is because I like to avoid failure. Thus, I stick to being vague and I manage to avoid failure, for the most part. You can see this as a trend in many a New Year's resolution.
10) take the LSAT. I think. This one might get delayed. Honestly, a girl can only do so much in a year and as I read through this list, I can see I'm giving myself a full agenda already. But no harm in aiming high, right?
11) run some 5k's. That is of course, if I can run at all. I hope, I hope, I hope.
12) keep dancing & hoola hooping. It's quirky, as am I, and I just love it. I sometimes reflect back to when I was a little girl dancing to my dad's Elvis cd's in the living room cuz I just couldn't help myself. Here I am 20 yrs later, and though Elvis may be replaced my Gwen Stefani or Pink, I find I haven't changed much. Ok, so puberty happened. Even so, that continuity is still there. It's comforting.
13) keep up the book club. And keep up WITH the book club. It's a challenge. I don't know how Joan does it.
14) keep blogging. It's good for the soul.
15) eat less sugar. I like to make easy goals for myself. Take this resolution for example-- I just have to commit to eating 19 pieces of candy per day, instead of 20 and I've succeeded! See? That simple. Of course, I could go full throttle and do some kind of cleanse or something to flush it all out of my system, but I'm always leary of extreme measures. And I do love sugar.
16) buy a laptop computer. I'd like to get one yesterday. It's amazing I've survived so long without one, really.
17) buy a blackberry or something like it. The phone I have now is sleek and sexy, but it doesn't quite cut it. I think I need to trade in sleek & sexy for practical.
18) learn some more Spanish. This won't be too hard since I only remember a whole of 5 words from the class I was in last year.
19) get another book shelf. My book collection keeps growing. I wonder why?....
20) grow my hair out and don't dye it so I can donate it to charity.
21) work out 3x/wk. On average. Give or take a day.
22) get more home workout equipment,like maybe an exercise ball, or an aerobic step, or a punching bag, or a stationary bike.. stuff like that.
23) rent out my studio.
24) budget better. Thus, I can save more and waste less on clothes. Of course, I'll still buy fabulous clothes that I do, in fact, need. And I do mean "need". I'll just be more strategic and choosy about it so as not to waste.
25) don't speed (in hopes the end result will be that I don't get speeding tickets. )
26) cook more often. Again, this one should be easy since I presently don't cook at all.
27) redecorate another room in the house.
28) have people over for dinner on Sunday. Ooh, that's a good one. Yes indeed. That helps me with my resolutions to spend more time with family AND cook more often. Brilliant!
29) buy one pair of absolutely fabulous, to die for, I love you, I love you shoes. A couple of my I love you, I love you shoes are getting tattered and need to be retired. I need replacements. Expensive replacements. Oh, heaven help me and my love for personal adornment.

There we have it. Twenty-nine resolutions for my 29th year. I should be overwhelmed. But I'm not because I am presently giving absolutely no consideration to how much effort all that will take to accomplish. And I refuse to do so. So there. Ya know, I just love goals and new years resolutions and all that 5 year, 20 year planning mumbo jumbo. It's so motivating. And it kind of points me in a direction so I know where I'm headed. I just like that. I don't know how anybody gets anywhere without this stuff. And I find it so exciting. Am I the only one?

I also like realizing there are lots of things I'm glad I don't need to include on my list. For example, I don't need to stop drinking or quit smoking, stay out of rehab, leave my boyfriend who beats me up or wean myself off meth. This is good, no? In that kind of light, I get quite pleased with my current situation.

Of course, I realize this list has other items that are not on it that may be missed by some. I am sure most of my friends reading this will be disappointed to see that I have not included any resolutions or list items containing words like marriage, bridal shower, engagement, ring shopping or honeymoon. What can I say? When I start making resolutions or goals in that direction, I assure you all, you will be the first to know. Just don't start checking the blog every day expecting something like that to be posted.

Give Said The Christmas Tree....

Give oh give, give oh give.... forgive me. It's a catchy tune and I couldn't help myself. Ok, so I have been in the Christmas spirit for a while. I've been looking forward to the season so much I almost can't believe myself. I had no idea I was such a relisher of the holiday season. Apparently I am.

What do I love about it?

1) I absolutely love gift giving. I've been looking forward to it for months, actually, just waiting for the time I could finally get that perfect gift for so-and-so. I find fewer things as satisfying as lavishing someone with something they really treasure or some luxury they wouldn't normally afford themselves, whether that be pedicures, basketball tickets, a framed drawing or whatever. It's the most fun! Expensive... perhaps. I totally can't gift-give on a budget. Not that I give trips to Greece or new cars, of course. But it just doesn't seem to compute in my head to give on a budget. I've noticed, however, nobody I've given a gift to has complained about that. Go figure. And it makes me so darn happy, it just might be worth every overspent penny.

2) The music. The songs are so great it's a pity we only sing them during the season. Especially the hymns and Gloria Hallelujah type songs. They're gorgeous! (Sorry, Santa Baby. I love you, but you're second in my heart to Angels We Have Heard on High... and a few others) And despite having been one of those people to exhibit disdain when hearing Christmas music out of season, I confess to having started listening to my cd's almost an entire month before Thanksgiving. I just couldn't help myself.

3) treats at the office. My coworker and I have been doing the chocolate dance all month, hoping the businesses we work with would grace us with chocolate from See's, Harry & David food stuffs and other treats in the spirit of holiday giving. We finally cashed in this week. Previously, when said dancing appeared fruitless, we resorted to providing our own chocolate for the season. My new motto: should nobody bring chocolate, buy your own. One of the few easy fixes in the world I've found.

4) Parties!!! I love parties. I happen to be the coordinator of a holiday party this year, and I am SO excited. There is gonna be yummy food, friends, music and I get to dress up a little. What's not to love?

5) Days off work. 'Nuf said.

6) Random acts of kindness: Our office mailman left us a card in our mailbox thanking us for being such good customers and wishing us happy holidays. I don't know that he had a choice in serving us or that we had a choice in whether or not he was our mailman. And I was unaware that picking up mail was grounds for being a good customer. And we've never met the mailman. But I totally dig the cute homemade card and the thought. Nutty. But totally heartwarming. There's some holiday spirit for you. Go Mr. (or Ms.) Mailman!

7) Christmas bonus. No better way for the boss to say Merry Christmas than with a very festive, and most heart-warming, green-colored gift.

8) This holiday season, I just learned how to joke with my boss. There's a fun Christmas gift I didn't expect to find. Seriously, it's been a challenge and there are few things more awkward than a blank stare from your boss after a joke. But I actually made him laugh today. Really. How refreshing.

9) A season when family and relationships are given more emphasis than all the other cares in the world. That's nothin' but good. And I lesson I could do better at remembering the rest of the year.

10) Christmas cards! I love all the cards my parents get from family and friend that fill me in on the lives of all those fabulous people I grew up knowing and continue to love. Someday I'll do that. Either when I have someone more than myself to report on, or perhaps when I turn 35. For some reason, 35 seems to me like a good year for growing up and doing adult things. Maybe like writing christmas cards.

A few things I DON'T Like about the holidays:

1) I totally dread the Salvation Army people parked in front of the supermarket. I know, I know. That's awful.

2) The traffic. You can't drive anywhere these days without it taking 3 x's as long with all those Christmas shoppers in transit!

3) The fact that everybody else at my work is taking vacation over the holiday season and I will be the lone person in the office every day between Christmas and New Year's. You feel sorry for me. I know. I feel very sorry for me. But honestly, couldn't we have just closed?

4) Trying to figure out what to say to people when they ask you, " So what do you want for Christmas?" Does anyone know what to say to that after they leave elementary school? And sadly enough, if it was affordable, I probably would have bought it myself already. Anybody want to buy me a lap top? Or a 3 month trip to South America? Or tickets to London for a couple weeks? Or maybe a six-figure salary? I think they sell them at Costco or WalMart. I hear they have everything in those big box stores. Just kidding. I'm really not that expensive. Ok, I am. But I am easily pleased as well. Maybe I should just suggest people get me cookware. That's what my parent's normally do and I love it --- it may be a gift given in hopes of a life of domestic bliss for their child, in hopes that I might set foot in my kitchen, or in hopes of both. But I know there's love there.


As I was writing this blog and expounding on things I don't like about the holidays, I realized with negatives number 5-7 that I actually forgot to write negatives and instead wrote things I DO like about the holidays by mistake! Ha ha. What can I say? I love a little more than I don't like. Thus, my lopsided list will remain lopsided. Happy Holidays!!!

Home for a Holiday

I went home for Thanksgiving this year. And somehow I managed to persuade Male to come with me. We had a great time. We spent Thanksgiving with my oldest brother and his family in South Jersey. And we traveled back down again to his house the next day, to make as much use of my Settlers of Catan game as we could. We also visited a lovely little place called Ringing Rock Park. It's got a nice hike and a waterfall. But most amazing is the field of huge rocks and boulders. When you tap on the rocks and boulders, they ring like bells. Cool, huh? I thought so.

Anyhow, I brought my camera along for the trip. Unfortunately, I have yet to be used to having a camera handy for family affairs. So, I have no cute pictures of my nieces and nephews. Or Thanksgiving. Or the day after. But I did remember to bring the camera with Male and I when we went to see the Statue of Liberty.

We also got a few shots of the early birds one lovely morning. With nothing to show for ourselves but sour faces, it is clear we are good abiding mormons who don't use coffee and sugar in the morning. Otherwise, we might look friendlier. And the winner is --- the man who had the muster to smile. Impressive, Male. Very impressive.

Here's a few pictures of our Statue of Liberty escapade. We ended up taking the longest ferry route possible that day during our visit. We traveled from the Jersey shore to Ellis Island 1st. Unfortunately, we didn't get off. Instead we decided to go to the Statue of Liberty 1st. No bid deal, right? That's what we thought too. So naive. After the Statue, we traveled back to Ellis Island. This we expected. But then we had to travel back to the Statue of Liberty in order to get back to the Jersey shore. And FYI - the ferrys don't run all the time. You must wait for them. In the cold. For a long time. If ever you should travel that way, take my advice. Just get off wherever the ferry leads you. You might say the ferry is "inspired". Go with the ferry.

Anyhow, it was really good to be home. I need to click my ruby red heels that direction more often.

Grinch Names

101 on how to amuse yourself at work on a snowy, quiet, wintry, nobody-else-is-at-their-office-and-is-probably-home-snuggling-ina-a-blanket-with-hot-chocolate kind of Friday. You can find yours too if you click on the "Grinch Names" blog title just above.

My grinch name has a lovely ring to it. Don't you think? :)

Crabbygrinch Fussynoggin

Diversify, Diversify, Diversify

What to do, what to do.... Currently, I find myself going in a million different directions. As usual. Good to know I am, if nothing else, consistent.

Working and having an education in the nonprofit field and being involved in revenue development, I have a keen understanding in the need for diversified funding sources, which is a very sensible adherence to the belief that you should not "put all your eggs in one basket." Nonprofits are better positioned and more stable when they have at least 12 to 15 different sources of income. That way, if one should pull out on you, it won't sink your organization.

Well, apparently I take this advice to heart. As I see it, I am, on a smaller scale, my own little nonprofit. Heaven knows most of my personal pursuits are of the kind that suck money rather than generate income, which is as nonprofit as it comes. And indeed, I have found that my approach towards income, as well as marketability and experience, is to diversify, diversify, diversify. I can't help it.

Take NOW for an example:

1) I work at a nonprofit organization. I'm also currently (please don't tell my boss), looking for a job at another nonprofit organization.

2) I also work part-time at a clothing store.I like it there. A fun little fact about our store: we were just featured in a NY Times article last week. I almost felt famous because I work there.

3) I like to sell things on Ebay when I come to possess things I don't have a use for or no longer want. I like doing that. It amuses me.

4) I have a studio in Park City that doesn't really generate revenue, but it does generate tax breaks and equity.

5) In addition, I am applying for a slightly higher-paying part-time job at a restaurant. I, of course, have no intention of quitting the first part-time job at the clothing store, as I like the store, they are nice to me and they need help. I will simply take on this and then pop in and work at the clothing store "whenever I have time."

6) New and incredibly fun, I am starting to design dresses and my sibling and I have in the works plans for launching a women's line of formal dresses: beautiful, well-made, dare I say "sexy" and classy dresses for women who prefer not to walk around half-naked in order to catch someone's eye.

7) And then, there is the LSAT and contemplation of undertaking three years of law school and taking the bar to become a lawyer.

That's not 12-15 sources, and they don't all generate revenue yet, but it's more than a handful of options. How do I not feel all over the place? The answer to that: I do. But I'm used to it. I've had my hand in too many honey pots since I was a freshman in high school. The only difference is when I was in high school all my honey pots were non-revenue producing clubs and activities (I've grown slightly more lucrative in my old age). With these 7 or so pursuits, one might think that my basket "overfloweth". And, to be honest, I really wonder how one person can do all of this. I don't know that it's possible. I think I need five lives to be able to do all the things I have an inclination to think are interesting and want to pursue.

Who knows if all of it will happen. Does it really matter if it doesn't? I don't think so. And it won't happen if I say it won't and don't try, right? So, try is what I do every day. I get done what I can get done, take life as it comes, and make plans. Some plans don't happen. Some do. Some succeed. Some fail. I've been on the job search for a better and better-paying job for about 3 or 4 months now and what I have uncovered? Most recent: 2 "no, but thank you for interviewing's" this week. OUCH. And yet I have hope.

I got down about it once and told my boyfriend, Male, I felt unemployable. He laughed and reminded me that I currently have three jobs. It's easy to get down about interviewing and about opportunities you want that don't seem to come easily. But I think, when I am thinking rationally, even though my present situation doesn't reflect it right now, that I will have the income, ability and time to take all the risks I need to pursue whatever I want. Maybe even everything on my list. I'm young yet, and throughout my life I imagine I'll be in many different phases and places. One thing I like about being born in this age as opposed to 30 years ago is that careers now-a-days change so much and people pursuing new things is commonplace. So, I'll keep talking crazy and making lots of plans. Diversify, diversify, diversify.

The Pictures

Here are pictures of my master piece, as promised. Even a shot of the sconces. Ahhh, how nice.

Here is the picture that "completed" the bathroom. Now, doesn't that look better? :)

They Left Me

It's official. My parents left me. Off to the MTC in Provo they went on Monday. Next week, they'll leave for London for a year and a half. And what has become of me? I have become an empty nester at such the young and tender age of 28. You may think I jest, but it's true. I'm the one with the empty house, and it is THEY who have left for greener pastures (not hard to do if you're leaving Utah -- everything is greener, except maybe Vegas). Here's a couple treasured pic's from their open house the night before they left. I spent my first evening without them at home cleaning up from the party. It was SOOOO quiet. I could barely stand it. It's a really good thing I have a roommate moving in. If I didn't, I'd probably go mad.

My Favorite Room

Hurrah! Hurrah! Last night, I hung sconces on the wall! It may not be the final touch in renovating my bathroom, but it is ONE of the final touches. And pardon my french, but they look !@*& good on that wall. Right next to the picture I bought that accents the room perfectly. The room would totally be incomplete without that picture. Good thing I found it.

You heard me right. Yes, indeed. I have actually taken some interest in my dwelling place and have renovated the bathroom. Of course, I'm on a limited budget. So sadly enough, renovating did not include replacing that unsightly white & green linoleum on the floor. But I repainted and redecorated. That was a financial undertaking in itself. Apparently, metallic paint is expensive. So if you ignore the floor, being in my bathroom is a totally relishable experience.

Oh, and I must give credit where credit is due. My sister was kind enough to offer her services in repainting the room with me for my birthday present. She spent from about 9am to almost 5pm on a Saturday helping me prep and paint. It made it go by a lot faster having four hands and someone to chat with throughout the process. She's a wonder. That's what she was doing for her "day off" from her five children. And then, of course, Male helped me. I ran into some trouble putting in the screws for the sconces and in figuring out how to work the caulking. Did I mention I'm not very handy? Fortunately, he proved to be most helpful on both those fronts. So, thank you, thank you, thank you.

So, I will put pictures up on the blog so all of you can see. I remembered to take BEFORE pictures right after I tore down the wallpaper, which was a little too late. So, sorry for not being able to promise you those. You may not completely understand the degree to which this bathroom has experienced a remarkable transformation. Those who have been to my house may remember the somewhat unremarkable or luckily forgettable experience of visiting my restroom.

I can describe briefly the ugliness that was my bathroom: On the bottom half of the wall below the railing there was a nasty, safari green paint. On the top of the wall and all over the vanity/sink area there was this tan/khaki, linen-textured wallpaper that had big brown faded palm leaves all over. And there was nothing worthy of calling decor to be seen in there.

And now? Oh, it's lovely. I should be an interior designer. It is SOOO much better. I still have to redo some caulking, but I think that will be the finishing touch. I can't help revelling in it during the ending phases of the renovation process. Over the last few days, I've taken every opportunity to just sit in there because it's so nice.

It might be recommendable that I renovate a room that would be more appropriate to hang out in, like my bedroom or the kitchen or living room. The kitchen....ooh.... that would be a smart way to get me to hang out in there. Ah, well, I'll have to save up for it, so it won't be happening at least within the next month. After all, the holidays are coming. But when I DO get around to the next room, I promise to remember to provide BEFORE and AFTER pictures.

Anti-Bucket

My recent musings come from a late night experience I had last week. I was home playing a game of spider solitaire on the computer and having my near-daily dose of ice cream. Now, I'll be honest. Spider solitaire has become an obsession. I finally had to delete it off my work computer because it was SO distracting. And I don't admit to people how often I've been playing it because I think it's ridiculous. It's one of the few things that will draw me to the computer when I'm not at work -- that and selling things on Ebay. And I'm not sure why I play it because it actually frustrates the crap out of me. Is the difficult level really winnable every time? Because I can only seem to win every 20 times or so. It could just be that I suck. But I prefer to think that winning would be impossible. It makes me feel smarter. :)

Anyhow, before I sat down to my love/hate computer game, I got a bowl of ice cream. As I mentioned previously, I've been in the habit of eating ice cream almost every day lately. So, on I went about my daily business. As I was scooping, I noticed I was starting to reach the bottom of my stockpile. Normally, when this happens, the only thing I'm thinking is, "Oh no! Must buy more ice cream!" This time, however, I was disconcerted for an entirely different reason.

This particular container of ice cream was a large bucket -- the kind that when you get to the bottom you risk getting your whole arm sticky trying to dig down to its plunging, vat-like depths. Those buckets are GINORMOUS. They would feed entire villages for weeks in third world countries if they could afford the expensive temperature-controlled shipping costs to get them there.

By the way, I don't normally buy ice cream by the bucket. We happened to have this bucket left over from some event my mother had been a part of. And I'm all about left overs and free food. It was about half-full when I started (that comforts me slightly.). But the facts were, and still are, unsettling. My parents hadn't been eating any of this. So, I had only me, myself and I to hold accountable. I had, all by myself, eaten all the way down to the bottom of the bucket. And there I was. I'd hit rock bottom. Or bucket bottom. Whatever. If there were an ice cream rehab, at that moment I would have been motivated enough to admit myself.

All at once, I was keenly aware of the genius of those bite-sized Ben & Jerry cartons that look big enough to satiate an ant, and the liberation in Haagen Daz and other fine ice creams who only deal in smaller portions. The naked truth is you will never, EVER get to the bottom of the bucket with these ice creams. You may, indeed, consume just as many calories with all those wholesome, high-quality, full cream, more fat than exists in an entire cow ingredients, but it will be pint-sized calories. So, at least mentally, you'll feel much better.

Okay, so I was only somewhat traumatized, considering I ate my bowl of ice cream that night, regardless. And there is still a good serving or two left in the depths of the bucket. But it's been over a week and I can't stomach going back and finishing the bucket. It's a BUCKET for pete's sake! I may secretly over-indulge in spider solitaire, and maybe even shopping. But an ice cream bucket is where I draw the line.

Who is responsible?

So, I had a phone call from a friend the other day, and everything was fine and normal. We chat pretty much daily, so not much changes necessarily from day to day. However, today, she called, I had absolutely nothing to talk about. As a matter of fact she was busy doing some monotonous task and just wanted to be entertained.

My question I thus pose is, who is responsible to carry the conversation? Is it the person who called or the recipient of the call? Initially, I would assume that the initiator or caller is responsible to 1. have something to talk about, or 2. ask some sort of questions to further the conversation.

Thoughts?

Mormon Funerals

The other day my S.O., whom we shall name "Girl", had her grandfather pass away. It was the first time she has ever lost a close family member, and from what I could tell, the only time she had ever been to a funeral.

We chatted about it a bit, and it brought to mind the differences between Mormon funerals and non-mormon funerals in the United States and probably Europe as well. Please bear in mind that these are generalities and I am sure there are groups that do not share a majority of qualities with either one.

From my experience, which is fortunately not a plethora of trips to the funeral home, Mormon funerals have a bit of a sad longing to them, but more often than not, are surprisingly upbeat. There are those staples of food that seem to show up no matter where you are, but in Utah especially you have the jello with vegetables mixed in (how can you eat that stuff?), something called funeral potatoes, some sort of dinner roles, and of course the beloved watered down drink mix.

Mormon funerals usually take place in the chapel, where there will be a short service. I think it is quite common to have a viewing shortly before the service in the Relief Society room, as Mormons don't adhere to the traditional have a viewing for 2 or 3 days at a funeral home idea. Once at the funeral site, a short prayer, a few words of wisdom, and then we all depart for the cultural hall where the aforementioned food is eaten. It is here where the spirits are generally upbeat, a lot of chatter, kids running around crazy, and whatever else is going on.

Mormons don't usually wear all black. If you wear it to church, you can probably wear it to a Mormon funeral (unless of course you go to church in sandals and a tank top.) Overall, most people oddly enough come back feeling like they had a pretty good time. Odd, but true. You don't look forward to a funeral, but more often than not, Mormons get all excited about the people that they will see that they haven't seen in so long more so than the fact that anyone has actually passed away. Odd? I say probably, but it has a lot to do with Mormons not viewing death as such a horrible thing (although we do miss dearly those that pass.) but as a stepping stone.

From my experience, non-mormon funerals are awfully depressing. Often there is a viewing for a few days at a funeral home. Then the service will take place in a church somewhere or the funeral home. If in a church, it is often with some sort of mass. Please wear black, as everyone does, and for some reason there is no color allowed. That bright pink shawl you have been waiting to wear? Keep waiting!

Often times there will be some sort of a reception afterwards, but no loud laughter, children are almost forbidden to attend, and well, conversations are subdued. People are gentile and nice, but as can be understood, not in the slightest happy.

One funeral experience I had, I will never forget. As the casket was lowered, each person would go up and take a trowel full of dirt and throw it on top of the lowered coffin. Some also throw flowers. It was the oddest experience.

If you can picture it in your mind, you walk up to this hole in the earth, where the casket has just been lowered. There is that fake green carpet/grass laid around the grave, and a container of dirt on a pedestal with a trowel in it. As you walk up, it is almost impossible not to look down and see the myriad of things that have been thrown down there by people before you, small mementos, flowers, and piles of dirt. As you grasp the cold handle of the trowel and scoop up some dirt, you throw it down to hear a "thud" echoed out from the grave.

One of the most depressing experiences I have had at a funeral. I felt like I personally was burying them for eternity in that little hole with dirt on top of them, and I don't even believe it, but the actions were so pronounced and strong that the experience has stayed with me all these years.

Anyways, so yes, that is my impression of the differences between Mormon and non-mormon funerals. If you think I am wrong, or would like to add something that I may have forgotten, feel free to comment along!

P.S. Girl is doing quite well

Jane Austin Quiz

If Only I'd read Persuasion. I might have a clue who I am.

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First Client

Well, I thought I would tell you all that despite our sluggish posting, and inconsistency, I have alas, signed my first client. Can we have a party? Maybe, maybe not, but nonetheless, I feel pretty happy about it. Not sure how, why, or what happened, but I should get a nice check in the mail soon.

Things have been very odd since I was all so suddenly unemployed, but fortunately, people want to pay me a lot more money than my old boss ever did. Go figure! You get fired, and then people want to pay you more money for less work. I don't know how that works but so goes it.

Anyways, that being said, now I have to figure out what to do in my free time....hmmmm.......I guess I could write more often on this blog!

Bullmoose News

I made the news last night. I also made the paper today. It's true. And I didn't shoot anyone, win a medal or patent a new drug that cures cancer. I ran into a bullmoose. Yup. Me and 4 other vehicles, actually. It's not every day I make headlines and unfortunately I didn't get to see it in the paper OR the news. It's like there was a party thrown for me and I missed the whole thing. Sad. Anyhow, here's the skinny:

A large bullmoose, standing at approximately 7 1/2 feet tall and weighing approximately 7-800 lbs, wandered onto I-80 Eastbound on Monday evening. I believe he was trying to cross over to greener pastures on the golf course on the other side of the highway. Darn those medians. I happened to be on my way up to Park City where I was dog sitting at around 10:40 pm, after having had dinner with two friends and played a delightful game of Quiddler (if you haven't played, you should try it. It's great.) . I noticed there were more lights ahead of me than I expected and then, very suddenly, I hit something very big.

I thought it was an entire wheel and tire of a car. Or perhaps somebody's engine. It was huge. It caused my two left tires to raise up off the ground completely and my car started to lean. It leaned so far I thought I had passed that sweet spot of balance and would soon be rolling over. Thoughts: "I think I'm gonna die. Hmm. That's early. Crazy. What was that? Darn it. Wait, my car has a steel frame! I might survive. I hope I don't brake anything. Whose going to get to the dogs?" You can think a lot in a millisecond.

Thankfully, my car leaned back over to where it came from and gave a giant, calamitous THUD as it landed on all fours back on the pavement where it came from and where I truly felt it belonged. I then stopped my car, put the hazards on and got out. I parked my car in the left lane. I figured I was better off staying there, as I seemed to have stopped my car right in front of another car that had actually flipped over. Clearly, that car had leaned too far.

I got out, afraid I might find a bleeding, dying someone trapped in the car in front of me. As I looked inside I was puzzled to find that no one was there. Good. But odd. I noticed a guy on the side of the road and asked him about it. He said the lady that was walking nearby had been the driver and that she had gotten out and seemed ok. Two people who had been driving behind me got out of their car and ran up to me(yes, I'm still in the left lane) . They exclaimed how amazed they were my car hadn't flipped. A brief feeling of validation that I really had been in some danger just a few moments before swept over me. "Thanks for noticing," I think, as if I was a 7 yr old who had just done a cartwheel and had been praised on my execution of the nifty stunt. A couple of other cars parked in the way of it all, to warn other cars and block them from hitting the moose. People are so good.

After a few more moments of assessing the situation and finding a whole bunch of people who seemed to be hanging out on this stretch the highway, I was able to figure out what had happened and learned of the very large bullmoose. There had been a semi-truck that hit it first. Thank heavens. All other cars, including mine, that had fallen prey to this "bump" in the road would have been totaled, and likely the drivers and passengers would have been killed, had they encountered such a large beast. Take it from me. You don't want an 800 lb beast being propelled at you through your windshield. Had there been a fight between me & my VW Beetle and a standing 800 lb bullmoose, the moose, if anyone, would have been the winner. No doubt about it.


The semi-truck was completely smashed in on its front end. After the semi hit it and then gained control and pulled into the shoulder of the highway, a small car hit the carcass and flipped. Then another car hit it and had damage. Then I hit it and, likewise, had damage. Pam, my poor, beautiful beetle, was undrivable. She did not move. So sad. And such a mar for me. I had been so good at not getting in accidents.

The highway patrol had come in droves, accompanied by ambulances and a fire truck. An officer kindly pushed Pam from the back and we were able to get her off the highway and onto the shoulder of the road. Someone else dragged the animal carcass off. The EMT checked out the lady who had flipped to see if she had any injuries. Things were being taken care of. After being out for a bit, I became keenly aware it was FREEZING COLD outside. I was shivering uncontrollably. The officers were kind enough to let me sit in one of their cars to warm up. Upon entering the backseat of the vehicle, I found myself in a warm, confined cage. Better than a cold outside, I say. But MAN, They really box those criminals in. The officer in the car joked with me that he hadn't turned on the electric shock on the cage. I laugh nervously. "Really?" Don't worry. He was joking.

Male had kindly agreed to come rescue me at the scene, but it would take him a bit to get through the backed up traffic. As my stay in the cage looked like it would be a while, the officer asked me to make noise every now and again so he didn't forget I was there and accidentally drive home with me. I said that would be pretty scandalous to have a girl in the back of his care overnight. He said that probably wouldn't be such a bad thing. I laughed. Funny, nice to see cops have a sense of humor. Then I noticed he wasn't wearing a ring. Huh. A single cop. Hadn't expected that. "Hey, look at that! Male is here! Yeah!!!" -- good timing. Male opened the door and let me out of my cage. What delight to have a boyfriend who will come rescue you from a bullmoose at 11:30 pm. I'm talking about the carcass, of course.

I told Male about the accident and expressed some remorse. He assured me this one really wasn't my fault. The moose's hair was so black he would have been invisible to any and everyone. I couldn't have avoided it. As he says this, I think, "Thank you for not deeming me a stupid girl and a bad driver because of this accident." Not to say people don't deem me that anyway. I give them cause every now and again. But I was pleased this incident would not be used as ammunition. At least not by Male. My brothers are another story.

Home we went. Realizing my luck in not having been a bit early and the first to greet the beast was a little much to take in. Male stayed with me for a bit after we'd let the dogs out and then he sallied home. I was safe, home, in bed and very happy to be there.

Next on my to do list: maybe I should find a job closer to home.

Apologies for disappearance

I must apologize for my disappearance as of late. It has been a most unsettling and crazy time. And although not much has changed since it became so crazy and unsettling, I feel at least settled enough to write a post.

What was so unsettling? Well, as my dear sweet co-blogger has so artfully posted, we had a lovely family reunion with all the little bumps and bogs. And I actually really enjoyed most of it, although there were parts of it that were just a little too close for comfort. Nonetheless, it was time well spent with people I really love.

So, I return home on Sunday night, and go to work on Monday morning to learn that I was being requested to turn in my resignation letter! What you say? Resign? Why? I only started two months ago. Well, we can all try and figure out why and for what reason, but it was pretty clear to me that the business just wasn't there. Not enough business, no money to pay associate. So goes it.

To say the least, the last month or so has been a bit of a scramble, but it is slowly coming together, or at least I am starting to feel more comfortable about it. My spiritual side has been comforting me the entire time, and I really feel like I will/have been guided to everything that I need, and more than I need actually.

Without sounding to whimsical, emotional, or off on a lallygag, I really feel blessed for the experience despite the fact that I am in the middle of it. I am learning and have learned quite a few lessons, and although plain, simple, and perhaps only serve as a reminder of things that I perhaps already knew, or perhaps was slacking on, it reaffirms that faith of things which I believe in. Perhaps it is self delusionary, or perhaps it is real. I tend to believe the latter and cannot argue for much more support than that.

Regardless, I press forward in looking for new jobs or potentially new clients. Hoping that all goes well. I shall be more diligent in my posting, as my fellow co-blogger carried the line strongly without me, and I hope to be of more support!

100 things today

1. I am dog sitting at my boss's house right now.
2. I love the work commute from my boss's house. It's only five minutes away. Heavenly.
3. I like showing up early to work, and I was very easily able to do that today, because.. you guessed it! I'm staying at my boss's house.
4. I've decided my boss's house is too big. It takes forever to get from the kitchen to the bedroom to the shower to the closet... totally impractical.
5. I wish I had more time and more energy.
6. I chronically try to schedule more things to do in my life than I have time for and I don't know how to stop. This concerns me.
7. I'm not very good at the "games section" of the LSAT. I might have to work hard in order to improve.
8. I wonder if I have the mental capacity and enough energy and discipline to work hard enough to improve on the games section.
9. My ankle still hurts. It's been hurting for a couple months now. It totally bugs.
10. I wonder if the pain in my ankle has anything to do with the four inch platforms on my feet at the moment (they're red and strappy. what's not to love?) and all the other heels I wear regularly.... Nah.
11. I like being at work early. It's so quiet.
12. Veronica just came in and now it's not as quiet at work. Even though she doesn't make much noise. Kinda like her presence IS a noise. Ya know? But I like that she came in now anyway.
13. I want to celebrate my birthday next month by going to tea at the Grand America Hotel with friends. And I want to dress up.
14. I always think I want to dress up. If it weren't for the energy and time it took to get done up, I'd do it every day.
15. I wonder if I will even bother to celebrate my birthday this year. I normally don't, and I'll be dog sitting again up in Park City right then, which makes it even less likely that I would celebrate.
16. I started Therapy last week and I don't know what I think about that.
17. Okay, I have a few thoughts. I actually hate going to therapy. It's very draining and unpleasant. Despite this, I think it's a good thing.
18. I'm still not looking forward to my next appointment. I wonder if I can cancel it, even though I know it's a good thing to go. I can justify shopping, so why not canceling therapy?
19. I wonder why I wasn't ready to go to therapy 20 years ago.
20. People are complicated. Take me, for example. I'm very complicated.
21. I did some research yesterday on myself. It's very weird to see your personal attributes written on paper as part of a clinical study or as somebody's research. I feel like suddenly I can't take as much credit for who I am.
22. I wonder who I would have been had my life experiences been very different. I know this is pointless. But I wonder anyway and I feel a little robbed.
23. I am suddenly very thankful I am not a schizophrenic. How odd.
24. I look forward to lunch next week with two very good friends. I even daydream about what we'll talk about.
25. I marvel that Male knows almost everything about me and STILL keeps dating me.
26. I worry about Male's emotional stability and soundness of mind (see #25).
27. I think I need a haircut.
28. I think it's amazing I've let my hair grow as long as it has considering the fact I have the strong urge to cut it at least every other week.
29. A friend of mine said he liked how I looked with short hair, and at the time he said it I had long hair. I wonder if he meant to give me a hint or if he was just a clueless boy in not realizing it might come across as though he didn't liked my hair long as much he liked it short.
30. I want to go on birth control not because I need to control my ability to give birth, but because I saw a commercial that says it causes you to have your period only a few times a year and it controls acne. I think that sounds lovely and wonder if my doctor would give me a prescription.
31. I am excited for my parents to be leaving on a mission.
32. I mostly look forward to them being an ocean away.
33. I know I should feel bad about this, but I don't. This may be solely due to the fact my mother keeps trying to plan my wedding.
34. I'm excited for my new roommate, Sherrice. She seems very nice. And she's from NJ, so it's like she's a little bit of home for me.
35. I secretly wonder if Sherrice is a perfect match for my friend, Will.
36. I realize I try to match almost any cool girl I know with my friend, Will. I wonder what that means.
37. I wonder how Holly came up with 100 things so fast. I seem to be taking forever. Of course, I only think she came up with them quickly because it didn't take very long for me to READ it.
38. I'm still amazed at my lack of celerity because I've had so much going on in my head lately that I really thought this would be quick.
39. My mind has been starting to wander into territory it has never gone before, namely the realm of what could or would be in a "progressive" relationship with Male.
40. On occasion, I look forward to that progress.
41. I feel reassured that I'm still me when that happy daydream is quickly squelched by the fear of being disappointed and also by the dread I have always felt with anything resembling or associated with that kind of progress.
42. I love my ward.
43. I wonder if I should really get a law degree.
44. Having a law degree sounds cool. Don'tcha think?
45. I secretly think a law degree would make me feel smarter. Ok, so that's not such a secret anymore.
46. I wonder if it serves any other purpose for me.
47. Oh yeah. Money. And career options. Security. And being able to provide a valuable service for others. I forgot. I feel better now.
48. I wonder how other people become successful without having degrees. I don't think I could do that.
49. I hear Sharon Stone is a overflowing with energy; a real nonstop, go go go kind of person. I envy her and wish we shared more in common than just our name.
50. Halfway there. I must be a pessimist. The glass seems half empty at the moment.
51. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving.
52. I'm really glad Male decided to come with me to go home for Thanksgiving.
53. I wonder how I will ever manage to go shopping in NYC if Male is with me for my trip home to Thanksgiving.
54. Hmmm... I may be planning a trip to Vegas, sans Male, to go shopping.
55. I think of myself in comparison to how I was two years ago and think I've become a lot less vivacious. Just thinking of how productive I was two years ago makes me tired now.
56. I wonder if I will ever get that energy back. Maybe when my ankle gets better.
57. I wish I saw my sister more often.
58. I want to buy my sister a straightener and a fabulous new hair cut for Christmas.
59. Ouch. That's going to be expensive.
60. I wish I could just give it to her now. But I don't think she'd like it if I gave it to her for no reason. I think I have to wait for Christmas. Dang it.
61. I look forward to hanging out with Justin next month.
62. I have slight concerns about looking forward to it. But I think it's not an anticipation unlike my anticipation for seeing other friends, which makes it ok. It's just hard to tell.
63. It may take me a few get-togethers with him to feel normal about the two of us.
64. Evolving relationships are tricky.
65. I wish it were lunchtime. I don't know what I will be eating, but I look forward to it anyway.
66. I wish the cake we had in the fridge at work didn't make my stomach sick. It tastes so good. I would have that for lunch if it didn't do that.
67. I would like staying in Park City better if they had a Golds Gym up here.
68. I'm glad I got to see my friend Adrian. She's so stinking smart, it's amazing.
69. I wish I didn't work so much. I look forward to not working so much.
70. I wonder when the time will come that I won't work so much.
71. I keep saying I want a dog, but suddenly I'm not really sure that I do. I love dogs. I like the idea of having one. But that doesn't necessarily mean that really I want one, now does it?
72. I wonder if I will ever be rich. If I were, what kind of rich person would I be?
73. I hope I wouldn't be silly and waste all my money on clothes, travel, cars and a big house. But I fear I would. They're so tempting.
74. I wonder if I'd just be better off as a farmer with a life full of more simplicity.
75. Life has so many distractions.
76. I think Male's great.
77. The ring I'm wearing always catches my hair elastics when I try to put my hair back. It drives my CRAZY!
78. I love my new cell phone. It has a planner inside with bells and whistles. And it's incredibly sleek and sexy.
79. I'm useful. I like that about me.
80. Sometimes I think I would love to have a "status" bag because they're so stylish and other times I'm so glad NOT to have one because of what they say and symbolize. To have or not to have. That is the question.
81. I think I'd rather save up and get a computer. Funny that they are worth just about the same amount of money. Depending on the bag, the computer could even be a lot less expensive.
82. I still like stucco on houses. I don't care what Male says.
83. I like wood floors and I hate wall to wall carpeting. It gives me the heebee geebees.
84. People who clean their cars regularly amaze me. I should clean Pam more often. She's so dirty right now (I can see her from my office window).
85. The weather is so delightful and the colors in the mountains are so pretty that I almost forget the dread of winter that tends to come when fall arrives.
86. I'm glad I can see the colors on the mountains so clearly from my office.
87. Dang, I've really got a good view!
88. I think it's funny that I call the front reception area of our suite, where my desk is located,"my office".
89. I'd think my boss was a lot more intelligent if he didn't use a girl with a master's degree as a receptionist and secretary.
90. I'm glad the girl who always decides to plant herself in front of our suite when she curses and argues at her ex-boyfriend, Alex, over the phone, is not there right now.
91. I'm glad I'm not as neurotic as she is and think Male may not be so badly off with a girl like me.
92. Poor Alex.
93. I think I will clean the fridge at work today. I've been thinking about it for a good week or so.
94. I wonder what I'll eat for dinner.
95. I wonder even more what I'll eat for lunch.
96. It's almost lunchtime. Yeah!
97. I still want to go see Little Miss Sunshine. Curses that Male has that no rated R movies policy. Maybe I'll rent it while I'm in Park City.
98. writing 100 things for today is a lot more of a task than I thought it would be.
99. My left pinky hurts because of a tragic mistake I made in my typing class in the sixth grade. I never learned to used the shift key with my right pinky.
100. I'm gonna wind up being one of those old people warning kids not to start bad habits when they're young and then I'm going to relate to them my story about my poor left pinky. Then they'll understand!.... Be afraid. Very afraid.

Weekly Word: "Spender"

Through research, the general population of economists and financial advisors have found most people "grow into" their income. There's that initial point of being able to meet needs, (which I think is somewhere around $30,000 for a family of 4), and then everything after is really just the extra comforts and niceties we know, love and would like to know better .

I have reached the point where I am meet my own basic needs. Hallelujah. And now? Ooooh. I can easily imagine "getting by" on practically double my salary. I look forward to the year I can get my hair done regularly and fly to Europe for a two and a half week vacation, stomping and frolicking all over London and Paris. At that time, I would ideally be vacationing away from my fabulous home which I have filled with creature comforts of lovely furniture and home decor. Am I asking for a lot? Growing up in America where bigger is always better and spending money is fashionable, I might seem a "reasonable"gal. Take me to Africa and they would likely think me a Diva. It's just so hard to figure out "reasonable" when you look from a global rather than national perspective. It'd be easier for me if I didn't do that. Note to self: endeavor to be less globally minded. Then you won't feel so bad for being such a spender.

In looking at spending from another angle, I think about lavish hopes and wants and needs in relationships. You can lavish someone with kind deeds, thoughtfulness, affection, listening, patience, service, selflessness and a whole bunch of things. These things are free as far as money is concerned. But can you overspend? Can you give someone too much? And then, what about the receiving side? How do you know what your budget is? How do you know what it should be.

It makes a lot of sense to look at this kind of budget in terms of romantic relationships as well. I am reminded of the "love languages" theory. Let me think.... If I remember correctly, we have: physical affection, acts of service/kindness, compliments, gifts and quality time. Amongst these categories, one could draw out a budget of what you need and also what you tend to spend. Then, compare with whoever it is you are or would like to be romantically "relationed" to and see if you can adjust and meet each other's needs. It's TOTALLY like a budget. And if you or they can't do that... well... much like a job that can't pay your bills, you should likely find a different one that fits.

It seems to me these kinds of commodities translate into a type of universal budget that knows no class of people. What a lovely idea that we can all "afford" to spend and be spent on, where it would be possible that there be no poor. I suspect that I fall into the group of people who are low-budget. I don't ask much. But I have a concern. If you do that, do others budget you less because you don't seem to need it? Or does the excess go into a savings account that you can access later? Maybe I should become more expensive.....

On the other side of the coin,I don't think I give that much. Therefore, uncharacteristically, this makes me not a very big spender. I'm low budget on every end of this. How absurd. What I have in abundance I seem to dream up fewer ways to do things with. That's a really bad way to do things. From what I can make of this kind of budget, I think I should be 'spending' as much as possible. You'd think it would be so easy, considering my nature. If only that transferred into how I spend my thoughtfulness, service, patiences, affection and selflessness. Alas, I must endeavor to be a better spender AND be less globally minded. How's your spending going?

'Tis WHAT Season?

Many years ago, when I was a struggling awkward teen, I was also melo-dramatic, riddled with black and white, defeatist thinking and sitting through life, waiting for good things to happen to me. Of course, very few really did. It took many years of trial and error to figure out how to be the instigator of my own good things. I started exercising and eating well (this was a process akin to evolution, and it takes just as long. Talk to me in a few millenia and I may have truly evolved by then.) I became actively engaged in my education and started getting involved in things of interest to me. Suddenly, life was mine for the taking. Opportunities abounded. I became I doer and one who controlled my own destiny. I could get whatever I went after if I had the ability to achieve. Or so I thought.

Nowadays, I'm not too sure how much control I have. I definitely have a hand in things. But control? Hah! For example, take my weight (I apparently like to talk about my weight). True, I weigh less than I did in high school, now that I have regular exercise, a higher muscle mass and eat a more balanced, regular diet. Within certain limits, however, my weight fluctuates of its own accord. For the past six months I have fretted over five pounds. As far as I can tell, I haven't been eating all that differently than I usually do. Nor have I been exercising that much more. But I've been THINKING about it a lot more. I have been anxious and scrutinizing about exercise and eating. When I found those five pounds, or when they found me(as I suspect they did) I MADE SURE I did not overeat and MADE SURE to exercise -- as opposed to when I normally I just do it without thinking. Despite this mentally deliberate behavior, the five pounds rested defiantly on my frame, unbudged.

Now we segue into late summer/early fall. My habits remain the same, with perhaps a few less cold smoothies for lunch. But I still eat ice cream for dinner on occasion. I exercise, but my ankle hurts so I've been resting a bit. I gave up on the five pounds and, instead, bought jeans that fit.

And now? It appears the pounds are shedding themselves from me. That's right.I predict that soon, those fabulous new jeans I just bought will be a fixture in my dresser, waiting to reappear on the occasion those five pounds decide to visit again. I really can't take any credit for this weight fluctuation. I have changed nothing. To be honest, I don't think I have enough discipline to change much if I tried. By now, I think the pounds just come and go as they please. And I must say, it provides little incentive to ever enlist the help of a trainer or a nutritionist. Instead I feel like I should surrender to the master of my hormones, or fate, or the winds that blow, one of which MUST be the cause of all this.

It seems that way with the rest of my life too. Seasons when I need lots of sleep, seasons when I run around all day, seasons when I have lots of obligations, seasons when I can't stand to have any. Seasons when I keep in touch and make plans with everyone and seasons when I seem to lose touch with the world. These are all kinds of seasons I seem to have little control over. They just happen to me. I couldn't get myself to do anything else in a given season than what I seem to do. My only hope is that, as I pass from one season to another, I remain enough of a constant as to not alienate everyone and everything I pass to and from.

Right now is a season of many changes. I am considering career moves. Maybe a new job. Maybe a law degree. Who knows? My living situation is changing (no, I'm not moving. But everyone around me is.) My focus at work is more zealous and on-task. I can't seem to stop working (what a lucky employer I have.) I'm cleaning more often.

It's like an awakening. I didn't know I was asleep before. And why this awakening? I can tell you for one thing, it's NOT A conscious effort on my part.I barely know what hit me! Why me? Why now? Why not six months ago or in a year and a half? My brain is abuzz with ideas. I want to paint my room. I want to study for the LSAT. I want to change careers. I want to be in a play. I want to travel. I want to do my hair and get fresh makeup and a fresh new look to match. I have a vision, and by golly-gee it must be realized! At least some of it. My vision is so pretty, it would be such a waste to have it not be. Especially those new shoes I've been dreaming about. Pretty vision, indeed.

I graced this awakening with a spring cleaning this past weekend. Yes, I know it's fall. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. My car was cleaned inside and out. And I organized and filed all my papers -- that's the sign of true cleaning effort for me. I never touch papers until "it's time". I think I needed an organized clean space for me to create, dream, do and realize -- apparently a must-have in a season of change. I even bought new towels and hot pads for my kitchen! I haven't done that since I moved in three years ago. That's a definite sign. A sign of what? I'm not sure, really.

Things are shifting, and so I shift too. And I have all these ideas and so many dreams. I wake up each day and make a plan, and start to "make things happen", thinking I might be moving towards my goal. Like an artist, taking various colors and objects and making a masterpiece, only I'm working with my life and not a fabric canvas. I try to create the picture I want and go for whatever it is I think I'm after.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I bother. Despite where I will the winds to take me, I am certain they will take me wherever they darn well please. So much for control. But I DO get to choose what I wear every day. I'm certain of that. Thus, I think God put me in charge of wardrobe.... and that's about it. Let's hope this piece of work includes a female who looks very well put-together, whether she be plus or minus 5 lbs.

An Unexpected Twist

I'm back. I survived the family reunion. That's quite a feat, considering I was mobbed by twenty children for an entire week. No small feat considering I was also mobbed by 5 much bigger children, also known as my older brothers. For all young children hoping the tides will change, let me inform you: your male siblings will still think that dead-legs, throwing you in the pool, pushing you, sitting on you and giving you wet willies is a good idea, be he 5, 15, or 47 yrs. old. I'm reminded of the hymn "If You Could Hie to Kolob". "There is no end to matter, there is no end to space, there is no end spirit, there is no end to male immaturity."
Isn't that how it goes?

On Thursday evening, Male was expected to join the party scene. I had been quietly waiting and anticipating (I think that's part of a song too, but I can't remember which one), looking forward to having a familiar friend amongst all the slightly less familiar family. Male had a rough day on Thursday, however, and was unable to make it down that night. Plan B was for him to drive down Friday morning instead.

Friday morning came and went. So did Friday afternoon. Neither was graced with a phone call from Male. There was no sighting of him. By evening time I was quite distraught, as I had been waiting for him. Clearly my gobs and gobs of family had been as well, as they would ask me where he was and when he was coming approximately every 15 minutes. They did this from 10am til' around 4pm, which is coincidentally the hour I smashed cake and icing into someone's hair and told them my next measure would be to kill them if they said a word about him to me. Their onslaught of incessant inquisitiveness in regards to his whereabouts was like a verbal stoning for me.

He had, it seemed, stood me up. And not only that, but he had stood up my entire family. He had also stood me up in front of my family. I couldn't figure out which felt worse. I didn't know what to think. Why had he not come for me? He doesn't care that much? Suddenly my white steeded knight had opted to stay home. That's never a good thing. Knights aren't supposed to do that.

Male finally called and left a message around 5pm. His car had not been working well, and after an hour of driving he was forced to accept he wasn't going to make it to St. George. However, this message at 5pm was left an hour into his drive, which meant he had not even left for St. George until well into the afternoon. He may have had a good reason for not coming, but he hadn't come when he said he would. Nor had he called. I was hurt. Then I was mad. Then I was lost for what to do next.

Male and I talked about it. He had simply let the morning run away from him. He hadn't thought to call earlier. He could have avoided it. But he hadn't meant to do it. He really just didn't think. And he's sorry. Really? You... how? I don't understand.

I filled the next couple days with as much as possible. I went from movies to shopping to reading to work and any other distraction I could find until I had run around to the point of exhaustion, just so I could sleep. I needed to stay busy to function or risk getting lost in thought and becoming dysfunctional over my quandary with Male. Male had done this before -- probably four or five times in the last year. And it was a behavior I couldn't tolerate. He hadn't done it maliciously. He hadn't meant to hurt me. But it hurt, all the same, every time. And for something that seemed so easily avoidable, I couldn't find good reason to allow it. My only logical solution was it was over. How could I let him keep doing this over and over again? I couldn't. That was it.


I'll be honest. I was a little relieved. The freedom of being completely unattached is a lovely feeling. It's kind of exciting. But then I knew there would be pain. My urges to call him were almost uncontrollable. And I'd be a bit lonely. The most irksome and disconcerting symptom was when I looked to the future. I realized somehow Male had worked himself in as a consideration in all of my plans. So each time I ran across a plan that included Male I had to remind myself that he wasn't going to be in the picture and then had to readjust it. But he was everywhere. It was going to take a lot of replanning and erasing to get rid of him.

I wasn't so sure about this, even without a solution for stopping him from being so inconsiderate. This was really it? Really? Yup. Clearly he's not going to stop. If he was, he would have stopped after the 1st time he did it. We're on to several repeated offenses. That provides little hope. Nope. Breaking up is the only option. Huh. Okay. Really? Are you sure?

I ask around. "Is it okay to break up with your boyfriend because he's stupid?" Responses: "He did WHAT?!?!" " Think of the position that put you in." "You put up with an awful lot." It seemed, suddenly the masses were on my side -- a rare occurence. The masses aren't supposed to be on my side.

I think more. I call another couple of close friends. It's true. This is bad. Male shouldn't have. He shouldn't ever. But all men have problems like that. And if that's his one big flaw.... well, it could be worse. I mean, he cares, he doesn't touch pornography, and he cleaned your fridge while you were away. That has to say something for the boy. Hmmmmm..... Does it say enough? I had to think.

Could I get over it? Yes. But I can't have it happen all the time. I'm not ok with that. And I get tired of trusting him and then being let down over and over. That's not good for a girl's heart. Or her confidence. But I couldn't fix it with a threat either. "If you ever do this again, I will...." That's a terrible approach. I was either walking now or I had to accept the consequences of not. Future offenses could only be my own fault for staying. I knew what I was dealing with. So, what to do....

I found the answer in sacrifice, or more specifically, HIS sacrifice. And in dancing. Male must make a sacrifice when he does this. Every time he does this. This is in hopes that the sacrifice will be significant enough to remind him NOT to stand me up in the future. It's also for me to show me that he does care and is making an effort, even if he has lapses of stupidity. His sacrifice this time: Male will learn to dance with me.

Hehehe. I'm brilliant. Really, I am. It's fabulous. We tested out a couple of steps last night. Good news! He had rhythm. Who knew? This gives me hope. And despite my trying to maintain composure all the while, I couldn't hold down the corners of my mouth. I almost busted out in a fit of laughter. Male dancing! I thought it would be impossible. Apparently not. It just takes a world full of remorse. I don't know whether to be sad or glad he stood me up. Of course, we'll see if I'm saying that the next time this happens. Ah me. Life is not perfect. Neither are males. But for now, I'll keep this one.

Updates

I have to admit I have nothing really thought-provoking, profound or interesting to blog about. I am all anticipation right now, looking forward to a WHOLE WEEK off work and wishing that week were more like 3 months (also wishing that week were already happening.) Things have not, however, been eventless. And so, to these events, I shall share the excitement with you in pictures!!!

Firstly, Male had a birthday and I threw him a surprise party (which went smashingly, by the way). Some happy party-goers can be found here:































Next, I went to a triathlon. I was supposed to participate in this triathlon as being the runner of a team. Unfortunately, I have a stiff ankle and a 6 mile run ended up being a not-so-hot idea. But I had already roped my dearest friend into swimming for the team, so I went up to offer my moral support. It was up at Hyrum State Park, near Logan. It is beautiful there. And though we had to wake up at 4 am to get there (OWWW! Especially since I had to rush home afterwards to work an 8 hr shift), it was a great time.







































Last, but not least, Male's sister had a wedding. This too was a tiring day. But I took the day off work, which made up for it completely. And on the other upside, the bride looked gorgeous and the weather was perfect. For some reason the wedding was like some kind of aphrodisiac -- Male and I were unusually cuddly with each other all day. For a boy who avoids PDA like the plague and a girl who fears marriage more than most people fear public speaking, this could be said to be highly unusual and bewildering behavior. I know. I'm shocked too. Yeah, so anyway, here are a few snapshots to mark the blessed event:

Too much or Too little

So, I have been at work for the whole time of 2 months. Yes, not very long to be at the new job, and already, I am having slight concerns/anxiety attacks. We all know that the balance of too much or too little is a very delicate balance, especially in regards to work. If we have too much work, well, life just isn't very fun now is it. Working all day and all night, and every time in between. (oddly enough, I seem happier there.) Too little and, well I guess this depends on the individual, but I get a little worried. I wonder if there is enough to justify my salary, or me being an employee, or for that matter, is this a sign for me to start looking for a new job.

I do understand that life in the legal field is, well as far as I can tell, completely different than any other field I have been associated with or known about, yet I am sure that there are some basic things that are just the way humans function. However, I find myself in the position of having to ask my boss (I haven't posted where I work have I? ugghhhh!!) regularly, almost every day or two, for more work. I like to pat myself on the back and say that I work more efficiently than he expects, but in reality, that excuse only goes so far.

So, this begs the question, and opens for responses...what do you do? Are there ways to talk with your boss about the work flow and getting more work without being annoying? How do you comfortably suggest that he may not be doing the best job at managing or assigning work? Or should I just leave it as is?

Regardless, this has spurred on the fear/drive/desire to really start looking into bringing in more clientèle. After all, if he isn't going to give me as much work as I would like, than I may as well bring it in myself...now I just have to find that rock that all the clients who need a lawyer are hiding under.

The weekly word: "Definitely"

Well, I am a slacker, loser, and above all lame. I missed our lovely weekly word two weeks ago. Fortunately, my fellow co-blogger is not so slack induced. But alas, I start this week strong!! Strong as an ox awaiting branding....or something like that. Please, please don't brand me, and definitely don't tell someone I have been branded!

Which brings us to the weekly word "Definitely".

In connection with my previous posts of the timeliness of communication, and what that communication means in regards to making plans, we revert to when things are as close to in the present as if they were never a question. Something so solid, that pen isn't even conclusive enough. Go ahead and decorate that calendar page! Break out those markers. Bathe in the myriads of stickers which will adorn the wonderful calendar date which has been confirmed with the word "Definitely."

When working out plans to see movies, fly to europe, hang at the park, or walk the dog, there are few words which should convey the amount of conviction, dedication and resoluteness that the word Definitely entails. Now, depending on the type of person you are, and the type of plans being made, this type of commitment should not be given too far in advance.

Obviously things such as travel usually require a little more planning than average, but I would not give a definitely until you are ready to buy tickets, or have already taken the days off of work. In regards to movies, put the money on the table baby, cause we're going, so don't commit until you know you can commit. There are many other terms that could be used, like "Maybe", "Probably", "Hopefully", or phrases such as, "Planning on it." (See past and future weekly words to determine the appropriateness of each term.)

Now, if you are canceling a definitely, and don't do so unless you are willing to withstand the fires of hell or the near death of your mother, the first and utmost priority is not to call the individual. This is not like the others where a phone call as early as possible is necessary. Canceling a definitely requires thought, contemplation, and above all, presents. Yes, that's right folks, presents are deserved when making someone cross out all those hearts, starts, and balloons on their calendar. The size of the present is obviously determined in conjunction with the amount of planning and the amount of reliance by the lost and forlorn party, left to wander the streets with whipped cream on their nose and nobody to wipe it off. That candied cherry stem tied in a not left alone and unnoticed to drown the remaining pool of liquid ice cream. Oh, THE HORROR!!

So, what are we looking at for presents? It could be something as simple as a chocolate the next time you see them. Maybe even some flowers, or a combination of all of the above if a bigger event. Remember, no present and you might not be invited next time. Your status of the definitely will be translated by the receiver as a maybe, and next thing you know, they aren't showing up, you aren't showing up, and you may as well have not made plans in the first place. Take 'em out of your phone book, delete them from speed dial, cause it's over baby. That's right, O-V-E-R over!

So, to prevent some wonderful, meaningful relationships from ending, use the word definitely with due caution, and if cancelled...bring presents.

Weekly Word: Judgmental

I claim to be an incredibly judgmental person. Really. I am. You do or say something -- ANYTHING -- and I am likely to start thinking about what I think of it in .000002 seconds.

We had a speaker in church on Sunday who was referencing an article written about Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. However, even if I didn't love the books, I would not have been very impressed with the article. It talked about how there was no "God" that Harry prayed to and how the whole series was based on the Love in that world as a source for good and nothing else and therefore the book was promoting a movement away from God and religion.

My judgment? It's a frickin' kids book created from a brilliant imagination. The author felt no inspiration for infusing religion or doctrinal matters into her work. I don't think that means you then infuse the idea that she is promoting a god-less world. C.S. Lewis wrote books that retold stories from Greek mythology and nobody has ever accused him of promoting the free world to start worshiping Zeus. I also read a children's book to my niece a few weeks ago about a magician turning somebody's mom into a pirate. They didn't talk about God in there either. Perhaps I should warn my sister about the anti-religious paraphenalia she has lying around her house and encourage her to burn it.

Here's another one -- I don't see why we all get so uppity all the time. I even started to get uppity towards somebody because so far, every time I've spoken to this person (which has been a total of three times, and those interactions and conversations were moderately brief), she's mentioned that she has her Juris Doctorate. This is a great accomplishment and I think it's very impressive. I do. And I'm sure she is very smart. I only wish she would stop announcing it to me. I could probably deduce that she is smart even if she DIDN'T have a Juris Doctorate.Why does she keep telling me? Or maybe I'm just jealous. And while we're on the subject of pomp and medals, here's another story it reminds me of, though this scenario is slightly different: one of the board members at work wanted to make sure I put his name on our organization's website correctly and decided to properly spell and punctuate "Ph.D." for me, to make sure I got it right. I wanted to yell at the man and tell him we covered those grammatical issues in, oh, probably my 8th grade year! But I held my tongue.

I do not mind that people are good and seek after good things. I only dislike when they read into things and assume that other things, if not like their things, are not good. And I don't mind that people are smart and that they get degrees. I only mind that they feel the need to wear their laurels for the free world to admire or that they assume others have yet to get done with finishing school and learn their abc's.

I used to really have a hard time with "Utah Mormons"(I can just feel every friend of mine who was born in Utah and is a Mormon wince as they read those words). It's true. I thought they had a weird sense of humor, were stuck in the 5th grade, were way to perky for not ever having had coffee and were way to casual and assuming when talking about church-related things with any and everybody they ran across.

In all this, we find, quite simply, that I am as I said I was: judgmental. There is a beautiful thing in this, however. I have come to love and adore a few people that are indeed, Utah Mormons. I have grown to be slightly endeared to the oddball board member who drives everybody on the planet nuts and is still unawares I have some edgycaishun. And I will endeavor to learn a thing or two about Mizz Juris Doctorate because, if she has enough brains to get that far in school, I'm thinking she might have something worthwhile hidden in her head. These people are all humans. And they have redeeming qualities as well as qualities that can drive other people batty.

I spoke with a woman the other day who is dating a guy who used to be Mormon and is now very angry with the LDS church (which I find to be very common among people who "used to" be Mormon). I had another conversation recently with a friend who is gay who also used to be Mormon before he came out. Both conversations started to lead to this labeling and frustration with this big heap full of Mormons.

My observation is that we all seem to lump things and group people in a generic pile with too much ease. All those Mormons. Having hung around with them for a while, I have found Mormons are human and are pretty accurate reflection of the population at large. In my mind, if you don't like Mormons, I wonder if you like anyone at all.

I think people group things and judge people because it is easy. Maybe. I don't know. But you really can't group things accurately. You can't group an individual either. They may be very pompous. But perhaps they are incredibly smart and good at what they do and can give you some great advice or guidance. Unfortunately, we often think it better to notice their fault and then toss them in a pile of human refuse we wish not be bothered with. And for what?

Admittedly, I don't think I'm going to stop being judgmental any time soon. I don't even know that I should stop. But I like that I am acquiring the ability to appreciate the good in a world full of imperfect people. I like to go back over my pile of refuse and create another "salvage" pile.