Mormon Funerals

The other day my S.O., whom we shall name "Girl", had her grandfather pass away. It was the first time she has ever lost a close family member, and from what I could tell, the only time she had ever been to a funeral.

We chatted about it a bit, and it brought to mind the differences between Mormon funerals and non-mormon funerals in the United States and probably Europe as well. Please bear in mind that these are generalities and I am sure there are groups that do not share a majority of qualities with either one.

From my experience, which is fortunately not a plethora of trips to the funeral home, Mormon funerals have a bit of a sad longing to them, but more often than not, are surprisingly upbeat. There are those staples of food that seem to show up no matter where you are, but in Utah especially you have the jello with vegetables mixed in (how can you eat that stuff?), something called funeral potatoes, some sort of dinner roles, and of course the beloved watered down drink mix.

Mormon funerals usually take place in the chapel, where there will be a short service. I think it is quite common to have a viewing shortly before the service in the Relief Society room, as Mormons don't adhere to the traditional have a viewing for 2 or 3 days at a funeral home idea. Once at the funeral site, a short prayer, a few words of wisdom, and then we all depart for the cultural hall where the aforementioned food is eaten. It is here where the spirits are generally upbeat, a lot of chatter, kids running around crazy, and whatever else is going on.

Mormons don't usually wear all black. If you wear it to church, you can probably wear it to a Mormon funeral (unless of course you go to church in sandals and a tank top.) Overall, most people oddly enough come back feeling like they had a pretty good time. Odd, but true. You don't look forward to a funeral, but more often than not, Mormons get all excited about the people that they will see that they haven't seen in so long more so than the fact that anyone has actually passed away. Odd? I say probably, but it has a lot to do with Mormons not viewing death as such a horrible thing (although we do miss dearly those that pass.) but as a stepping stone.

From my experience, non-mormon funerals are awfully depressing. Often there is a viewing for a few days at a funeral home. Then the service will take place in a church somewhere or the funeral home. If in a church, it is often with some sort of mass. Please wear black, as everyone does, and for some reason there is no color allowed. That bright pink shawl you have been waiting to wear? Keep waiting!

Often times there will be some sort of a reception afterwards, but no loud laughter, children are almost forbidden to attend, and well, conversations are subdued. People are gentile and nice, but as can be understood, not in the slightest happy.

One funeral experience I had, I will never forget. As the casket was lowered, each person would go up and take a trowel full of dirt and throw it on top of the lowered coffin. Some also throw flowers. It was the oddest experience.

If you can picture it in your mind, you walk up to this hole in the earth, where the casket has just been lowered. There is that fake green carpet/grass laid around the grave, and a container of dirt on a pedestal with a trowel in it. As you walk up, it is almost impossible not to look down and see the myriad of things that have been thrown down there by people before you, small mementos, flowers, and piles of dirt. As you grasp the cold handle of the trowel and scoop up some dirt, you throw it down to hear a "thud" echoed out from the grave.

One of the most depressing experiences I have had at a funeral. I felt like I personally was burying them for eternity in that little hole with dirt on top of them, and I don't even believe it, but the actions were so pronounced and strong that the experience has stayed with me all these years.

Anyways, so yes, that is my impression of the differences between Mormon and non-mormon funerals. If you think I am wrong, or would like to add something that I may have forgotten, feel free to comment along!

P.S. Girl is doing quite well