This weeks word is one that I have come across a lot in the legal context, and I think it is just the funniest word in the world for a few reasons. 1. Because it sounds so weird when you use it...definitely a $0.50 word. 2. Because I don't think that many people know that it has uses outside of the legal world. and 3. Because if you rip out the word bifurcate in a sentence, let me tell you, a lot of people will be impressed with the language. It makes the word Pedantic look like an obnoxious attempt to sound smart without any knowledge of the english language.
According to Webster, it means the following:
transitive verb : to cause to divide into two branches or parts.
In more contextual settings, such as the law:
Bifurcation (law), the division of issues in a trial for example the division of a page into two parts.
And in the world of clothing:
Bifurcation in context of clothing: clothing which separately covers each leg (such as trousers) is called bifurcated clothing, while clothing which covers them jointly (such as skirt) is called unbifurcated clothing.
Things or areas that you may want to or are interested in using Bifurcate:
A road that is under construction and being split, you could use the word bifurcate.
"They are going to bifurcate the highway."
You could use it in the world of work, when a discussion is getting too complex.
"Let's bifurcate this discussion"
That is the end of the the weekly word!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Spring Cleaning
Sunday I started on a clean state. I have set a personal goal to stop being so mentally mean and self defeating. It's not that I've been super depressed lately. I haven't. But I have noticed that I am consistently less positive in my thoughts and I am finding it to be a downer. A noticeable downer is enough inspiration for me to realize this habit needs to go! I may have a more common tendency than others, but I think others have this problem in one way or another -- I easily fall back into a slump of thinking negatively about me. And for me, that means negative thoughts in regards to my body especially.
I started this "cleaning the slate" ritual by spending some time writing a list of all the things I know about my body. Not necessarily things I like, but truths I've learned. I feel hokey saying I love my body. But saying stuff I know about it seems much less hokey to me. And I think I've learned quite a bit over the years on this front. I just have to REMEMBER what I know and use it! :) For anyone else who may have a hard time with this, or just to share these truth nuggets, I share my list with you all:
1) the more I love my body, the more I am in tune with my body and its needs. The more I berate it, the more out of tune I am.
2) proper exercise makes me feel alive & refreshed and helps give me perspective.
3) proper eating makes me feel confident, smart, capable and healthy.
4) I am not valued by a number.
5) Each today I treat my body well makes it more likely I will treat it well again tomorrow.
6) My perception is not always reality. Okay, my perception is not even USUALLY reality.
7) Making to-do lists helps me do better things for my body & mind during my off-time, when I may otherwise be unproductive and mindlessly waste time and eat junk food.
8) eating regularly is always the way to go.
9) over-exercising is not a weight-loss solution. Moderate, regular exercise is.
10) I don't have to eat to please anyone.
11) If I feel depressed or negative about my body or other things, the best things to do are: clean, exercise, give service to someone else, or just get out and do something.
I started this "cleaning the slate" ritual by spending some time writing a list of all the things I know about my body. Not necessarily things I like, but truths I've learned. I feel hokey saying I love my body. But saying stuff I know about it seems much less hokey to me. And I think I've learned quite a bit over the years on this front. I just have to REMEMBER what I know and use it! :) For anyone else who may have a hard time with this, or just to share these truth nuggets, I share my list with you all:
1) the more I love my body, the more I am in tune with my body and its needs. The more I berate it, the more out of tune I am.
2) proper exercise makes me feel alive & refreshed and helps give me perspective.
3) proper eating makes me feel confident, smart, capable and healthy.
4) I am not valued by a number.
5) Each today I treat my body well makes it more likely I will treat it well again tomorrow.
6) My perception is not always reality. Okay, my perception is not even USUALLY reality.
7) Making to-do lists helps me do better things for my body & mind during my off-time, when I may otherwise be unproductive and mindlessly waste time and eat junk food.
8) eating regularly is always the way to go.
9) over-exercising is not a weight-loss solution. Moderate, regular exercise is.
10) I don't have to eat to please anyone.
11) If I feel depressed or negative about my body or other things, the best things to do are: clean, exercise, give service to someone else, or just get out and do something.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
The Culinary World is on to Something
Yesterday I tried out a new recipe that involved making gourmet-style hobo meals. It involved putting chicken in parchment paper, along with diced tomatos, marinated artichoke hearts, capers, feta cheese, olives and .... I can't remember what else. I was really excited about this recipe because once you throw all this stuff together (which requires no prep work, unless you consider opening bottles and cans prepwork)it only takes 20 minutes to bake! So cool, right?
Well, turns out this particular version of the dish is a bit too gourmet for Ben (I thought it was peculiar, when I had read him the ingredients last week while I was planning meals, that he still sounded interested). Along with being full of fancy ingredients, however, I found out as I was surfing the web for more Ben-friendly versions of this recipe that it also has a fancy name. I just cooked in papillote (pronounced pap-ee-YOT). What a fancy name for baking with parchment paper!
The culinary world is brilliant. Just give something a fancy name and voila! You have gourmet. I'm going to have to use this to my advantage and find out what the fancy name is for everything else I do. Then I can be gourmet all the time.
Well, turns out this particular version of the dish is a bit too gourmet for Ben (I thought it was peculiar, when I had read him the ingredients last week while I was planning meals, that he still sounded interested). Along with being full of fancy ingredients, however, I found out as I was surfing the web for more Ben-friendly versions of this recipe that it also has a fancy name. I just cooked in papillote (pronounced pap-ee-YOT). What a fancy name for baking with parchment paper!
The culinary world is brilliant. Just give something a fancy name and voila! You have gourmet. I'm going to have to use this to my advantage and find out what the fancy name is for everything else I do. Then I can be gourmet all the time.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Rollin', rollin', rollin'
Well, things are moving along here in Ohio. I am delighted to say, " I have a new job!" It's working with the graduate program for the Cancer and Cell Biology Dept. at the University of Cincinnati. I'll be the program coordinator. For the record, I have been jobless for 6 months and am SO GLAD to finally be back in action.
All the same, I'm bracing myself for the busy schedule. I've been on vacation for like 6 months! And now I'm supposed to just wake up early all the time and work all day? That's, like, really demanding. When am I going to cook or work out or go grocery shopping? Or listen to the White House news briefings?
I'm sure I'll survive my mixed emotions. I'm really excited. I've been training every morning this week and will be in for more of it all next week.
Any other updates?.... hmmm. Ben and I are coming to visit in Utah over the Easter holiday weekend! We're stoked to see family and friends.
I have wanted to post on topics of interest and discussion, rather than give updates. I've had many thoughts lately. But I just don't seem to have the right steam for it. I suspect that steam will be there when I'm working full-time and have no more free time. Isn't that how it always works? I'll try to write something worthwhile or amusing before then.
All the same, I'm bracing myself for the busy schedule. I've been on vacation for like 6 months! And now I'm supposed to just wake up early all the time and work all day? That's, like, really demanding. When am I going to cook or work out or go grocery shopping? Or listen to the White House news briefings?
I'm sure I'll survive my mixed emotions. I'm really excited. I've been training every morning this week and will be in for more of it all next week.
Any other updates?.... hmmm. Ben and I are coming to visit in Utah over the Easter holiday weekend! We're stoked to see family and friends.
I have wanted to post on topics of interest and discussion, rather than give updates. I've had many thoughts lately. But I just don't seem to have the right steam for it. I suspect that steam will be there when I'm working full-time and have no more free time. Isn't that how it always works? I'll try to write something worthwhile or amusing before then.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Semantics of Language
I had an interesting conversation the other day that I thought I would relate. I was over at a friend's house, discussing the idiosyncrasies we see in every day life and commenting on a few of them that are perhaps a little dearer to our hearts more than anothers.
The topic of spoken language came up and how often people choose, perhaps the wrong word in some of perhaps the most important if not also the most personal of situations. Now, I being a lawyer tend to find language and the selection of words in speech and writing to be of fairly high importance. Yet, I am sure that there are phrases and expressions that I use, purely out of habit, that entail at best a misplaced word which conveys a similar meaning as that intended, and at worst is simply a complete and utter abomination of the human language.
And so the question begs to be asked, how important is the choice of words? Are the words more that we choose more important than what we are attempting to express? Are our relationships limited and plagued by our knowledge and command of our given language?
The conversation wandered through a variety of topics in which language and the selection of words are perhaps more important than others. In a legal context, obviously the command of the English language and its proper usage is extremely important, with potentially severe and detrimental monetary consequences. In a relationship context, how many statements are followed by the phrase "That isn't what I meant." In a religious context (for those of you that are religious), how often do we hear a common phrase, or not so common phrase, in a prayer, in a talk, in conversation, that, based on our understanding, and although "we know what they mean," was the presumably wrong choice of words.
I think it is truly amazing the impact that words can have. The wrong word in a particular situation can be absolutely devastating to a relationship or an individual's self-esteem, yet we often assume that really, words don't matter as long as they understood what we meant, or we think they understood.
With this thought, I hope to resume my "weekly word" posts...but we all know that I am horrible at doing anything regularly, forget about blog posting!
The topic of spoken language came up and how often people choose, perhaps the wrong word in some of perhaps the most important if not also the most personal of situations. Now, I being a lawyer tend to find language and the selection of words in speech and writing to be of fairly high importance. Yet, I am sure that there are phrases and expressions that I use, purely out of habit, that entail at best a misplaced word which conveys a similar meaning as that intended, and at worst is simply a complete and utter abomination of the human language.
And so the question begs to be asked, how important is the choice of words? Are the words more that we choose more important than what we are attempting to express? Are our relationships limited and plagued by our knowledge and command of our given language?
The conversation wandered through a variety of topics in which language and the selection of words are perhaps more important than others. In a legal context, obviously the command of the English language and its proper usage is extremely important, with potentially severe and detrimental monetary consequences. In a relationship context, how many statements are followed by the phrase "That isn't what I meant." In a religious context (for those of you that are religious), how often do we hear a common phrase, or not so common phrase, in a prayer, in a talk, in conversation, that, based on our understanding, and although "we know what they mean," was the presumably wrong choice of words.
I think it is truly amazing the impact that words can have. The wrong word in a particular situation can be absolutely devastating to a relationship or an individual's self-esteem, yet we often assume that really, words don't matter as long as they understood what we meant, or we think they understood.
With this thought, I hope to resume my "weekly word" posts...but we all know that I am horrible at doing anything regularly, forget about blog posting!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I Predict
The Drug War along the border of Mexico and the U.S. has been heating up lately, with unprecedented drug busts, arrests of cartel leaders, as well as corrupt police officers, and millions upon millions of drugs being confiscated. Deaths on both sides of the border are increasing as well. And I am left to wonder.... and has anybody else wondered? --- What if the U.S. succeeds in this war? What if we stop drugs from coming in?
I'm just taking a guess. But I have a sneaking suspicion that our border problems with illegal aliens running across the border is going to reverse itself. You will have unprecedented numbers of Americans running across the border instead, trying to live illegally in Mexico so they can have their precious illegal drugs and enjoy them too. And they can live right next to their dealer.
Of course, that's assuming that it would be at all illegal for Americans to try and live in Mexico. But it's probably not. In which case, probably only the wealthy could live there, as there still aren't a lot of jobs there. So, maybe Hollywood and Park City will move there. And then burgeoning businesses and nonprofits will start to grow when they run out of dough and decide to start making money or their children get bored. And then the Mexican economy will go up and be doing much better.
And that is how Mexico will take over the world.
I'm just taking a guess. But I have a sneaking suspicion that our border problems with illegal aliens running across the border is going to reverse itself. You will have unprecedented numbers of Americans running across the border instead, trying to live illegally in Mexico so they can have their precious illegal drugs and enjoy them too. And they can live right next to their dealer.
Of course, that's assuming that it would be at all illegal for Americans to try and live in Mexico. But it's probably not. In which case, probably only the wealthy could live there, as there still aren't a lot of jobs there. So, maybe Hollywood and Park City will move there. And then burgeoning businesses and nonprofits will start to grow when they run out of dough and decide to start making money or their children get bored. And then the Mexican economy will go up and be doing much better.
And that is how Mexico will take over the world.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Touchy Subject II - Homosexuality and the Mormons
So, after a conversation with Sharona, I have decided to post a follow-up, which will probably need a further follow-up from the less confrontational, more practical, and more mild-mannered of the two of us.
So, in preparing for this lil' post, I watched the video of the speech from the Oscar's Sharona referred to, read various statements that the church has put out (this was interesting) and reflected on several conversations I have had with people, whom I would love to call my friends, who I care deeply about, but the relationship feels strained and somewhat superficial. We fail to include each other in our most intimate and deepest circles of life and friendship. There is a consistent ebb and flow of going from no contact to a bit more contact, but never really regular heartfelt, bare your soul, dependence for the last breath of sanity contact. And therefore, despite my sincerity with them and more than likely their sincerity in a relationship with me, they are more likely my acquaintances, despite years of long relationships and emotion. I presume there are several reasons why they are not, which I hope to elaborate on, and hope that maybe this will spur thought as to how that reality can potentially change. Before I launch into my tirade....please be aware that these are my thoughts and not the thoughts of Sharona, the LDS church, your dog Sue, or the neighbor's uncle Frank.
Now, for all the mormons and non-mormons reading this (which I presume there are few.......of both), I should probably give a brief disclaimer/bias notification. 1. I am a mormon, and arguably an active mormon at that. 2. I am a very liberal mormon, but more likely than not, a fairly conservative member of society. 3. I am a very large (and often vocal) gay rights supporter. 4. I'm straight, which means there are things that I am sure I do not and can not identify with in non-straight communities, and 5. I'm single, which means that in many people's religious goggles, I shouldn't be treated very differently than gay men (or women for that matter) within the church.
So, homosexuality and the mormons is a huge topic, and I won't address even a small fraction of it. I'm not here to argue or comment on the religious topic of whether homosexuality is right or wrong, nor what the result is in the heavens after we die. Those topics are for people that wish for and/or have far greater insight, authority, and wisdom than myself. What I wish to address are the every day factors in our lives as we go to church that I assume and expect divide gays and mormons both within the walls of the church building and without.
For starters, I think it would be unfair to not point out the seemingly small yet relatively large steps the mormon church (or the church for short) has taken to change at a minimum its public relations standpoint in regards to gays, and some of me would argue along with it, its official and unofficial policies. While the church has not, nor do I suspect it will, change its stance in regards to homosexuality and eternal salvation, it has left certain practices (both documented and undocumented) and rhetoric. More and more the leaders are preaching acceptance of the individuals, rarely are they preaching change the individual (as indicated by the link I posted earlier), and even more rarely are they picking sides in relation to nurture vs. nature.
That being said, any time homosexuality and gay rights is brought up to mormon friends or related, our first response is to recite some scripture, explore passages from the proclamation on the family, or give some other explanation or opinion as to the eternal truths of life. However, what often escapes our thought process, our deliberations, and our exchanges, is are they accepted as people? what opportunities do they have in our community? do we understand the issues involved?
I know as a straight male that happens to be single, and a bit out of that sweet spot of happy mormon marriageville, I find interaction within the mormon community to be intimidating at best, unwelcome more often than not, and my views and opines discredited as common place (maybe that is a reflection of my uneducated and often gregarious mindset!). And if that is my initial feeling of acceptance as a fairly commandment abiding, church going, tithing paying, single male, with more theoretical concerns within the church than practical, I can only imagine the degree to which someone who is gay feels those exact feelings amplified exponentially, not withstanding the impressions, feelings, and receptions I do not experience and have no insight into.
And so the question is then begged, what can be done to make people feel as though they are "beloved children of god"? Let's get off of our high horses for a second. We all sin. We probably all know people that have had sex outside of the bonds of marriage, both gay and straight. Yet we definitely treat people that are gay much differently than we treat people that are straight and knockin boots on a saturday afternoon! We know people that steal (and oh my, maybe we have stolen a piece of gum back when we were kiddies), we know people that don't pay their tithing, we know people that smoke, we know people that drink, we know people that lie, we know people that cheat, and by all means, we may even know people that commit fraud, have shot someone, were in a motorcycle gang, whatever. Yet they come to church, and as long as they are straight, hip hip hooray, they have a hope of changin' their ways. If they are gay....have you read the proclamation on the family? Did you know that it is an abomination before god? Are we trying to convince ourselves or them?
The discussion and the exchange has to be what can we do different so that, in light of the gospel truths which mormons accept not changing, people that are gay can be happy, accepted, and integrated into a mormon community. I am not a big debater on the nature vs. nurture topic. I find that I have met people on both sides of that spectrum, for some I believe it is choice, and for others I believe it is their natural attraction.
Whether attraction can be changed over time or not, I have no idea, but I do know that it doesn't matter as to my approach, thought process, interaction with, or desire to be friends with people that are gay. As a matter of fact, probably to the chagrin of the church leadership, I have been known to go to gay bars (and non-attraction based ones all the same), I have a tendency to enjoy hanging out with friends of mine that are gay, bi-sexual, and straight, and yet no way in the world would I probably feel comfortable saying to a gay friend of mine.... "Hey, why don't you come hang out with me and a bunch of church members." Maybe I am selling them short, but if I am approached with trepidation (and I have been in my ward since I was a kid, and since returning have been here for 2 years), I can only imagine the responses to the question and answer....are you married? No, I'm gay, but I've been with my boy/girlfriend for the last (fill in time period here).
Reflect to your conversations with members of your ward, and think about how many conversations go beyond your kids, your spouse, who you are dating (if you are single...if you are married....shame on you! :) ), etc. Now, I'm not saying that those are bad things to think or talk about, but if someone around you is gay, how likely are they to feel that this particular conversation is one that they can participate in, feel welcomed in, or not feel in some way excluded? I know that with several members of my congregation, the majority of the conversations they have with me are, who am I dating? When am I getting married? and if there are big no's to both of those, what am I doing to change that! Oh how I love mormonism....and it really is its own ism!
So, how is my picture going? Have I painted a good one? I feel I may be short on colors, but I'm trying to do the best I can with this stupid pencil I have in my hand! ;)
I think this question begs a better discourse...it begs more introspection into biases, fears, and self-perceptions, it begs for honesty with ourselves and others, it begs for the consideration and contemplation to come up with better answers, because guess what honey, the current ones aren't cuttin' it.
So, in preparing for this lil' post, I watched the video of the speech from the Oscar's Sharona referred to, read various statements that the church has put out (this was interesting) and reflected on several conversations I have had with people, whom I would love to call my friends, who I care deeply about, but the relationship feels strained and somewhat superficial. We fail to include each other in our most intimate and deepest circles of life and friendship. There is a consistent ebb and flow of going from no contact to a bit more contact, but never really regular heartfelt, bare your soul, dependence for the last breath of sanity contact. And therefore, despite my sincerity with them and more than likely their sincerity in a relationship with me, they are more likely my acquaintances, despite years of long relationships and emotion. I presume there are several reasons why they are not, which I hope to elaborate on, and hope that maybe this will spur thought as to how that reality can potentially change. Before I launch into my tirade....please be aware that these are my thoughts and not the thoughts of Sharona, the LDS church, your dog Sue, or the neighbor's uncle Frank.
Now, for all the mormons and non-mormons reading this (which I presume there are few.......of both), I should probably give a brief disclaimer/bias notification. 1. I am a mormon, and arguably an active mormon at that. 2. I am a very liberal mormon, but more likely than not, a fairly conservative member of society. 3. I am a very large (and often vocal) gay rights supporter. 4. I'm straight, which means there are things that I am sure I do not and can not identify with in non-straight communities, and 5. I'm single, which means that in many people's religious goggles, I shouldn't be treated very differently than gay men (or women for that matter) within the church.
So, homosexuality and the mormons is a huge topic, and I won't address even a small fraction of it. I'm not here to argue or comment on the religious topic of whether homosexuality is right or wrong, nor what the result is in the heavens after we die. Those topics are for people that wish for and/or have far greater insight, authority, and wisdom than myself. What I wish to address are the every day factors in our lives as we go to church that I assume and expect divide gays and mormons both within the walls of the church building and without.
For starters, I think it would be unfair to not point out the seemingly small yet relatively large steps the mormon church (or the church for short) has taken to change at a minimum its public relations standpoint in regards to gays, and some of me would argue along with it, its official and unofficial policies. While the church has not, nor do I suspect it will, change its stance in regards to homosexuality and eternal salvation, it has left certain practices (both documented and undocumented) and rhetoric. More and more the leaders are preaching acceptance of the individuals, rarely are they preaching change the individual (as indicated by the link I posted earlier), and even more rarely are they picking sides in relation to nurture vs. nature.
That being said, any time homosexuality and gay rights is brought up to mormon friends or related, our first response is to recite some scripture, explore passages from the proclamation on the family, or give some other explanation or opinion as to the eternal truths of life. However, what often escapes our thought process, our deliberations, and our exchanges, is are they accepted as people? what opportunities do they have in our community? do we understand the issues involved?
I know as a straight male that happens to be single, and a bit out of that sweet spot of happy mormon marriageville, I find interaction within the mormon community to be intimidating at best, unwelcome more often than not, and my views and opines discredited as common place (maybe that is a reflection of my uneducated and often gregarious mindset!). And if that is my initial feeling of acceptance as a fairly commandment abiding, church going, tithing paying, single male, with more theoretical concerns within the church than practical, I can only imagine the degree to which someone who is gay feels those exact feelings amplified exponentially, not withstanding the impressions, feelings, and receptions I do not experience and have no insight into.
And so the question is then begged, what can be done to make people feel as though they are "beloved children of god"? Let's get off of our high horses for a second. We all sin. We probably all know people that have had sex outside of the bonds of marriage, both gay and straight. Yet we definitely treat people that are gay much differently than we treat people that are straight and knockin boots on a saturday afternoon! We know people that steal (and oh my, maybe we have stolen a piece of gum back when we were kiddies), we know people that don't pay their tithing, we know people that smoke, we know people that drink, we know people that lie, we know people that cheat, and by all means, we may even know people that commit fraud, have shot someone, were in a motorcycle gang, whatever. Yet they come to church, and as long as they are straight, hip hip hooray, they have a hope of changin' their ways. If they are gay....have you read the proclamation on the family? Did you know that it is an abomination before god? Are we trying to convince ourselves or them?
The discussion and the exchange has to be what can we do different so that, in light of the gospel truths which mormons accept not changing, people that are gay can be happy, accepted, and integrated into a mormon community. I am not a big debater on the nature vs. nurture topic. I find that I have met people on both sides of that spectrum, for some I believe it is choice, and for others I believe it is their natural attraction.
Whether attraction can be changed over time or not, I have no idea, but I do know that it doesn't matter as to my approach, thought process, interaction with, or desire to be friends with people that are gay. As a matter of fact, probably to the chagrin of the church leadership, I have been known to go to gay bars (and non-attraction based ones all the same), I have a tendency to enjoy hanging out with friends of mine that are gay, bi-sexual, and straight, and yet no way in the world would I probably feel comfortable saying to a gay friend of mine.... "Hey, why don't you come hang out with me and a bunch of church members." Maybe I am selling them short, but if I am approached with trepidation (and I have been in my ward since I was a kid, and since returning have been here for 2 years), I can only imagine the responses to the question and answer....are you married? No, I'm gay, but I've been with my boy/girlfriend for the last (fill in time period here).
Reflect to your conversations with members of your ward, and think about how many conversations go beyond your kids, your spouse, who you are dating (if you are single...if you are married....shame on you! :) ), etc. Now, I'm not saying that those are bad things to think or talk about, but if someone around you is gay, how likely are they to feel that this particular conversation is one that they can participate in, feel welcomed in, or not feel in some way excluded? I know that with several members of my congregation, the majority of the conversations they have with me are, who am I dating? When am I getting married? and if there are big no's to both of those, what am I doing to change that! Oh how I love mormonism....and it really is its own ism!
So, how is my picture going? Have I painted a good one? I feel I may be short on colors, but I'm trying to do the best I can with this stupid pencil I have in my hand! ;)
I think this question begs a better discourse...it begs more introspection into biases, fears, and self-perceptions, it begs for honesty with ourselves and others, it begs for the consideration and contemplation to come up with better answers, because guess what honey, the current ones aren't cuttin' it.
Monday, February 23, 2009
A Touchy Subject
I know, I know. Some things are really hard to talk about. In fact, this subject is so sensitive I am very exclusive as to who I even DARE broach the subject with. It's especially a volatile subject when you're a mormon, talking to other mormons.
And now I deviate from my skirting of the issue. Why? Well, a few reasons. 1) I really would like to know how other people reconcile the issue. 2) I think it is such a LOUD issue at the moment and I would like the subject not to be so taboo for myself or other mormons. I would like to NOT be afraid to talk about it. 3) Not to mention, it could be a cool litmus test because even though I'm afraid to ask, I am incredibly curious to know what everybody thinks and how they deal with it, if they dare leave a comment.
I fear this topic because it makes waves. I fear this topic because people feel so strongly about it. I fear this topic because I know people whom I love very much stand very far from where I often find myself standing and I think they won't like me when they find out what I think. I fear this topic because I don't totally know what to do with it and I haven't resolved it all yet. I fear this topic because it is something I have had so many thoughts on that it may just be too big too put in a blog.
But I have battled this topic in my heart many times over. And it was, once again, repeatedly dangled in front of my unresolved heart, with an about-face, all this weekend. And I don't think it's going to go away.
Did anybody watch the Oscars last night? I was watching, admittedly, for the dresses. I don't think I saw any of the films that were nominated so I didn't have opinions about who should win(I haven't really had time to go out to the movies much this last year). But I was pleased to successfully get an eyeful of some GORGEOUS dresses. As the event when on, I noticed that I also got an earful of some gay rights activism. That, along with a few other reminders this weekend, spurred a conversation between my hubby and I.
Now, before I shock anyone who may not be aware, I am innately a moderately conservative person in my personal life choices. On the flipside of that, I am very free-loving and liberal, "with a live and let live" mentality in my more general views. It's just how I am. There are many genes I am missing. A few I've noticed: the gene that tells me to scream when I see a spider, the gene that tells me to coo at little babies and the gene that tells me to cringe when I see two people of the same sex kiss or hold hands. A lot of things don't phase me.
And so here we start. I am not innately appalled by homosexual behavior, as I know many people seem to be. It just doesn't come naturally to me and I could pretend to try to fit in with everyone, but that just makes me feel silly.
I say all of this so you can see from what context I come from and what my general approach is to things. I want to love everyone and get along with them, including homosexuals. I want to love them and I want them to love me. I am a people pleaser and a peace maker. However, this issue is not just about avoiding conflict for me. When pressed or compromised on something I feel is right or wrong, I will stand confidently in opposition to whoever.
It is more an issue with the classification of "gay" and then, once determining what it is, how you treat "gay". From my closest understanding of what LDS church leaders have said most recently in interviews with the media and other public statements about people who are gay, they don't deny that some people choose to be gay (which I think can be the case) nor do they deny that some people may innately have homosexual tendencies from more deep-rooted sources that do not constitute a decision but something more akin to a condition. The way they describe it makes me think of having some kind of handicap or disease, like down syndrome or missing an arm. It's more like a genetic mess-up. Then you have the homosexual community who says they are not a mess up. They are diversity. Just as there are different races among the human race there is different sexual orientation.
Innately, I find my heart much more willing to accept these people as diverse rather than messed up. And I really don't know for myself what the case is. This singular issue has been the cause of a divide between me and my religion widening and narrowing at various times, often influenced by how prevalent this ways on my mind and subsequently distances me from the church versus other parts of the gospel which I gain a stronger testimony of or know to be true which conversely buoy me closer.
Lately that divide has been smaller than ever. I have been excited about my testimony of the church. When I think of all the different ways my prayers have been answered , the blessings that have come from following church teachings, how my life has been looked over and how miracles have happened I can't help but be delighted to find myself the owner of my own personal testimony, stronger than I can every recall.
One thing that has since helped me reconcile the "gay" issue is that I really do believe the priesthood is inspired and the prophet is a prophet. So, before anything else, I believe I should have faith that what the brethren are telling me is true. I often hesitate when I think this thought because it's against my instincts. But I've been a life-long studier and practicer of the gospel and it's built up a lot of trust in me so far with how many times it's gotten things right. So, I'm taking a leap of faith on that. I, of course, also have a strong testimony in personal revelation. And while I have not yet received any enlightenment regarding this issue which I would consider conclusive, I believe that while I have faith in the brethren, it is something which I may also obtain my own personal testimony of. I don't have it yet, but I'm working on it.
So that's where I find myself on the issue of "what" is gay. But the issue doesn't stop there. You then go into how to deal with the issue of gay rights and gay family members and gay church members and the list goes on and on.
Back to the Oscars. Dustin Lance Black, the winner for "original screen play" for the movie, Milk, gave a very passionate acceptance speech, as he described how his mormon family had moved him from oppressive Utah to the haven of California and loved him. He went on to offer support and encouragement to homosexual individuals, telling them they are beautiful people with gifts and value and no less than anyone, even when religions and others tell them they are less. It sounded like he was trying to shame members of the LDS faith. And he clearly felt like he had been wronged. And I venture that he very well may have been wronged.
Having lived in Utah and seen the VW Beetles driving around with "a recovering mormon" bumper sticker with a rainbow next to it, worked amongst a lot of gay men who came from other mormon families who had abandoned the religion, often taking their families with them, I have to think that there is something about how the church is dealing with this population that, whether it be right or wrong or neither, it really isn't doing us or them any good.
I hear their anger and I think,"no wonder!" If I were them I'd be angry too. Because I sit on the inside and I don't think the church is a very friendly place for somebody who may have homosexual feelings, regardless of whether or not they choose that lifestyle.
I don't know how the right way to handle it is. I have my suspicions of what might be better. But I think the Church, or at least its members, have yet to handle it well.
My questions: What are we doing wrong? How do we help these people feel like church is a place where they too can belong? I mean this because I assume that we believe the LDS church is for all people who are willing to accept the gospel. And I say this because I think we alienate this group of people, as it appears to me, virtually across the board with few exceptions.
Really, I just wanted to get that out. Ahhh. I feel much better.
And now I deviate from my skirting of the issue. Why? Well, a few reasons. 1) I really would like to know how other people reconcile the issue. 2) I think it is such a LOUD issue at the moment and I would like the subject not to be so taboo for myself or other mormons. I would like to NOT be afraid to talk about it. 3) Not to mention, it could be a cool litmus test because even though I'm afraid to ask, I am incredibly curious to know what everybody thinks and how they deal with it, if they dare leave a comment.
I fear this topic because it makes waves. I fear this topic because people feel so strongly about it. I fear this topic because I know people whom I love very much stand very far from where I often find myself standing and I think they won't like me when they find out what I think. I fear this topic because I don't totally know what to do with it and I haven't resolved it all yet. I fear this topic because it is something I have had so many thoughts on that it may just be too big too put in a blog.
But I have battled this topic in my heart many times over. And it was, once again, repeatedly dangled in front of my unresolved heart, with an about-face, all this weekend. And I don't think it's going to go away.
Did anybody watch the Oscars last night? I was watching, admittedly, for the dresses. I don't think I saw any of the films that were nominated so I didn't have opinions about who should win(I haven't really had time to go out to the movies much this last year). But I was pleased to successfully get an eyeful of some GORGEOUS dresses. As the event when on, I noticed that I also got an earful of some gay rights activism. That, along with a few other reminders this weekend, spurred a conversation between my hubby and I.
Now, before I shock anyone who may not be aware, I am innately a moderately conservative person in my personal life choices. On the flipside of that, I am very free-loving and liberal, "with a live and let live" mentality in my more general views. It's just how I am. There are many genes I am missing. A few I've noticed: the gene that tells me to scream when I see a spider, the gene that tells me to coo at little babies and the gene that tells me to cringe when I see two people of the same sex kiss or hold hands. A lot of things don't phase me.
And so here we start. I am not innately appalled by homosexual behavior, as I know many people seem to be. It just doesn't come naturally to me and I could pretend to try to fit in with everyone, but that just makes me feel silly.
I say all of this so you can see from what context I come from and what my general approach is to things. I want to love everyone and get along with them, including homosexuals. I want to love them and I want them to love me. I am a people pleaser and a peace maker. However, this issue is not just about avoiding conflict for me. When pressed or compromised on something I feel is right or wrong, I will stand confidently in opposition to whoever.
It is more an issue with the classification of "gay" and then, once determining what it is, how you treat "gay". From my closest understanding of what LDS church leaders have said most recently in interviews with the media and other public statements about people who are gay, they don't deny that some people choose to be gay (which I think can be the case) nor do they deny that some people may innately have homosexual tendencies from more deep-rooted sources that do not constitute a decision but something more akin to a condition. The way they describe it makes me think of having some kind of handicap or disease, like down syndrome or missing an arm. It's more like a genetic mess-up. Then you have the homosexual community who says they are not a mess up. They are diversity. Just as there are different races among the human race there is different sexual orientation.
Innately, I find my heart much more willing to accept these people as diverse rather than messed up. And I really don't know for myself what the case is. This singular issue has been the cause of a divide between me and my religion widening and narrowing at various times, often influenced by how prevalent this ways on my mind and subsequently distances me from the church versus other parts of the gospel which I gain a stronger testimony of or know to be true which conversely buoy me closer.
Lately that divide has been smaller than ever. I have been excited about my testimony of the church. When I think of all the different ways my prayers have been answered , the blessings that have come from following church teachings, how my life has been looked over and how miracles have happened I can't help but be delighted to find myself the owner of my own personal testimony, stronger than I can every recall.
One thing that has since helped me reconcile the "gay" issue is that I really do believe the priesthood is inspired and the prophet is a prophet. So, before anything else, I believe I should have faith that what the brethren are telling me is true. I often hesitate when I think this thought because it's against my instincts. But I've been a life-long studier and practicer of the gospel and it's built up a lot of trust in me so far with how many times it's gotten things right. So, I'm taking a leap of faith on that. I, of course, also have a strong testimony in personal revelation. And while I have not yet received any enlightenment regarding this issue which I would consider conclusive, I believe that while I have faith in the brethren, it is something which I may also obtain my own personal testimony of. I don't have it yet, but I'm working on it.
So that's where I find myself on the issue of "what" is gay. But the issue doesn't stop there. You then go into how to deal with the issue of gay rights and gay family members and gay church members and the list goes on and on.
Back to the Oscars. Dustin Lance Black, the winner for "original screen play" for the movie, Milk, gave a very passionate acceptance speech, as he described how his mormon family had moved him from oppressive Utah to the haven of California and loved him. He went on to offer support and encouragement to homosexual individuals, telling them they are beautiful people with gifts and value and no less than anyone, even when religions and others tell them they are less. It sounded like he was trying to shame members of the LDS faith. And he clearly felt like he had been wronged. And I venture that he very well may have been wronged.
Having lived in Utah and seen the VW Beetles driving around with "a recovering mormon" bumper sticker with a rainbow next to it, worked amongst a lot of gay men who came from other mormon families who had abandoned the religion, often taking their families with them, I have to think that there is something about how the church is dealing with this population that, whether it be right or wrong or neither, it really isn't doing us or them any good.
I hear their anger and I think,"no wonder!" If I were them I'd be angry too. Because I sit on the inside and I don't think the church is a very friendly place for somebody who may have homosexual feelings, regardless of whether or not they choose that lifestyle.
I don't know how the right way to handle it is. I have my suspicions of what might be better. But I think the Church, or at least its members, have yet to handle it well.
My questions: What are we doing wrong? How do we help these people feel like church is a place where they too can belong? I mean this because I assume that we believe the LDS church is for all people who are willing to accept the gospel. And I say this because I think we alienate this group of people, as it appears to me, virtually across the board with few exceptions.
Really, I just wanted to get that out. Ahhh. I feel much better.
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