Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in. I am an easy adapter to change. Or so it seemed for the first 4+ months of this move into marriage and out to Ohio.
Okay, so there was the break down around the third month, when I felt this unrelenting disquiet and guilt because I hadn't found a job yet and now my new husband had to shoulder the burden of all of my financial responsibilities and I couldn't help. But I got over that soon enough. I guess it just comes to me in stages.
Merciful. Presently, I am just frustrated. I knew every step of the way when Ben and I were debating how we should approach this Ohio job offer versus the job he had in Salt Lake that we were doing the right thing. And when he called me to tell me he was taking the job, I didn't hesitate or question. I just called my boss in and told her that circumstances had changed and I had to give her notice (after 3 days on the job).
But doing the right thing doesn't make it easy. Now I find myself in Ohio, and on my 5th month. I have still not found a full-time job. I have been OFFERED a job. But I again didn't feel like I should take it. So I didn't. But I WANTED IT SO BAD.
And the dress business. WE have been on the cusp for so long, I am about to blow a cap. Really. It's even a large part of the reason I didn't feel like I could accept my other job offer. And it's not moving! If the lookbook doesn't get done soon, I'm just going to give up completely.
And then I share a car with Ben. I don't like this at all. As much as I like to see him, I really don't LIKE to drive him to and pick him up from work three times a day. It cuts up my day so I only have increments of time instead of a whole day. And I never know when he'll be done with work, so I just play the waiting game 5 nights a week to see when I need to come get him.
I do not to do well with this schedule that is mine but not mine, no big projects that are moving, stuck at a standstill in every direction and with no book club, scrabble nights or family get-togethers to distract me.
I got frustrated enough that Ben offered me a bribe yesterday. He told me I deserved to go shopping since I haven't been shopping since we moved here. Well, who can say not to that, right? Apparently I can. I had to confess that nothing I want right now is something I can buy. A sad realization. And even if I got a new black handbag, where would I wear it?
I have to remember,however, how I got this offer. I'm sure I could use it in the future. :)
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Reaching My Full Potential
I have a mind full of great ideas. And I have a wish to do almost everything. I would like to be fluent in French, live in a foreign country for a while, have my own successful business, have a political career, have a dog, have children, get back into theater, travel to Africa every year for a month or so and do humanitarian work, bake goodies for people, train for and do triathlons, read a lot of books, go dancing with my husband, play the guitar more often, get into gardening. The only problem is all of these things take time. I mean, seriously! When am I going to do all that?! Well, I do know that, though I may still dream about doing all that, I will probably not get it ALL done within the next two years. It may take me a little longer.
Dreams seem to take a lot of time, work, preparation.... at least so I've thought. Turns out I was wrong. At least not ALL dreams take a long time. Last week was our Relief Society enrichment night -- they provided us with dinner and we provided a variety show of talents, randomness and, well, a bit of silliness really. At this talent show I became a world champion. An amazing talent. I became the world's first, only and greatest "clog-a-hooper". I also invented a sport. That's right. You read that right. I clog-a-hoop. Ok, not that I do it often. Really, I did it that afternoon just to make sure I could and then I followed that up with doing it for the audience that evening and I haven't really tried it out since. It was a fleeting career.
Nonetheless I felt proud. A small side story to this little ditty -- earlier that day I had gone visiting teaching and had been giving the lesson. We got on some kind of a tangent and I was talking to them about how I often tell people that I don't drink because I really just don't need to. I'm already a rip roaring good time sober and me drinking could be, well, quite scandalous and probably illegal. This sister made an appearance at the talent show and saw my number. After the show, this very mild-mannered sister came up to me and had a piece of advice/warning for me -- "You're right, Sharon. You should never drink."
It's that obvious, is it? Right. Well, good to know I'm not alone in that opinion.
Dreams seem to take a lot of time, work, preparation.... at least so I've thought. Turns out I was wrong. At least not ALL dreams take a long time. Last week was our Relief Society enrichment night -- they provided us with dinner and we provided a variety show of talents, randomness and, well, a bit of silliness really. At this talent show I became a world champion. An amazing talent. I became the world's first, only and greatest "clog-a-hooper". I also invented a sport. That's right. You read that right. I clog-a-hoop. Ok, not that I do it often. Really, I did it that afternoon just to make sure I could and then I followed that up with doing it for the audience that evening and I haven't really tried it out since. It was a fleeting career.
Nonetheless I felt proud. A small side story to this little ditty -- earlier that day I had gone visiting teaching and had been giving the lesson. We got on some kind of a tangent and I was talking to them about how I often tell people that I don't drink because I really just don't need to. I'm already a rip roaring good time sober and me drinking could be, well, quite scandalous and probably illegal. This sister made an appearance at the talent show and saw my number. After the show, this very mild-mannered sister came up to me and had a piece of advice/warning for me -- "You're right, Sharon. You should never drink."
It's that obvious, is it? Right. Well, good to know I'm not alone in that opinion.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
To believe or To not believe....the audacity of it all!
So, I went to church today.....shocker shocker. Yes, I know it isn't really that much of a shocker.
Anyways, I had a rather interesting conversation with a teacher o' mine about Atheism and Believers. Now prior to entering into a diatribe on the discussion, a few definitions of religiosity will be primarily divulged for the purposes of this conversation. If you don't like my definitions, well, take it up in the comments.
1. Believer - someone who believes in the existence of an almighty being, or superior power (we won't get into, in this post what that superior power is, or who that superior power is.)
2. Knowers - someone who professes to "Know" or have a surety of knowledge of a supreme being, superior power, etc.
3. Agnostic - someone who does not know whether or not there is a superior power, but also does not think that someone can know, or at minimum that they cannot know.
4. Atheist - someone who professes to "Know" or have a surety of knowledge that there is no such thing as a supreme being.
So, with that being said (and mind you, these are crude defintions) I'll launch into the philosophical discussion and how I have come to believe that Atheists, based purely on philosophical reasoning, are completely pompous and arrogant a**es!
So, I would say that the majority of people that read this blog are Believers, and maybe there are a few Knowers, and possibly we have an agnostic or two in the mix....that is if Sharona reads this blog (just kidding). Anyways, the premise is on that a believer, believes that something exists, but does not have a sure knowledge one way or the other, and the flip is an agnostic.....most people are ok with that in some way shape or form. Then there are the extremes, the Knowers and the Atheists. now, to know something exists, is to have a relatively specific knowledge of a certain person, place, or thing. For instance, I know (well, I won't get into what to know is and is not, but for these purposes, it is to have a surety of knowledge as is physically possible, leaving wiggle room for the very fact that we are all human and our knowledge is limited)....I digress....I know that I am in my bed typing on a laptop at 12:56am on a Sunday night, which was a fast sunday, and whereby I attended sacrament meeting. Some Knowers claim to know the supreme being with the same amount of surety as I have that I went to church. Now, becuase I do not know all things and because I am inclined to believe them, I therefore believe that it is possible.
Now take the role of the Atheist. Not only do they not believe that Knowers "know" what they claim to have knowledge of, but also that Believers are also vastly mislead in their delusional adherence to illogical bemusements of a flacid intellect. Moreover, they believe that they know that there is no supreme being. Now to believe a finite thing, is to claim to have a limited knowledge or belief, as in a belief that there is a supreme being. But to claim that none exists, how can one claim that none exists, save one is all knowing, and that one knows all things and comprehends all things to such an extent that there is no supreme being.
I can tolerate the non-believer, and I can tolerate the believer. I can even tolerate the aethist to a certain degree....but that doesn't change the fact that the Aetheist must claim to know more than I believe it is possible to know. I can handle that someone claims they do not believe in a supreme being...but to be able to claim that one does not exist and cannot exist, depends on someone having the knowledge that they understand all things enough to know there is nothing else.
In other words, it is far more presumptious to claim that something does not exist than to claim that something does exist, or you believe it does exist...for to believe that something does exist one must simply have an inkling of knowledge or a sign of existence in one direction or the other.
Similarly to believe that something does not exist, one must simply have an inkling of knowledge or a sign of non-existence.
Moreover to know that somehting exists, one must simply konw of a surety of a small fact....that there is a supreme being.
However, for one to claim to know that something does not exist, one must be prepared and have the knowledge that there is no feasible way for a supreme being to exist. That they must have searched through all the canals of knowledge and depths of contemplation to know that there is nothing there, for they cannot find it in any place whereby they look to prove its existence.
Anyways, that was a tangent in Sunday School, which all that know me, know I thorougly enjoyed it.
Ciao!
Anyways, I had a rather interesting conversation with a teacher o' mine about Atheism and Believers. Now prior to entering into a diatribe on the discussion, a few definitions of religiosity will be primarily divulged for the purposes of this conversation. If you don't like my definitions, well, take it up in the comments.
1. Believer - someone who believes in the existence of an almighty being, or superior power (we won't get into, in this post what that superior power is, or who that superior power is.)
2. Knowers - someone who professes to "Know" or have a surety of knowledge of a supreme being, superior power, etc.
3. Agnostic - someone who does not know whether or not there is a superior power, but also does not think that someone can know, or at minimum that they cannot know.
4. Atheist - someone who professes to "Know" or have a surety of knowledge that there is no such thing as a supreme being.
So, with that being said (and mind you, these are crude defintions) I'll launch into the philosophical discussion and how I have come to believe that Atheists, based purely on philosophical reasoning, are completely pompous and arrogant a**es!
So, I would say that the majority of people that read this blog are Believers, and maybe there are a few Knowers, and possibly we have an agnostic or two in the mix....that is if Sharona reads this blog (just kidding). Anyways, the premise is on that a believer, believes that something exists, but does not have a sure knowledge one way or the other, and the flip is an agnostic.....most people are ok with that in some way shape or form. Then there are the extremes, the Knowers and the Atheists. now, to know something exists, is to have a relatively specific knowledge of a certain person, place, or thing. For instance, I know (well, I won't get into what to know is and is not, but for these purposes, it is to have a surety of knowledge as is physically possible, leaving wiggle room for the very fact that we are all human and our knowledge is limited)....I digress....I know that I am in my bed typing on a laptop at 12:56am on a Sunday night, which was a fast sunday, and whereby I attended sacrament meeting. Some Knowers claim to know the supreme being with the same amount of surety as I have that I went to church. Now, becuase I do not know all things and because I am inclined to believe them, I therefore believe that it is possible.
Now take the role of the Atheist. Not only do they not believe that Knowers "know" what they claim to have knowledge of, but also that Believers are also vastly mislead in their delusional adherence to illogical bemusements of a flacid intellect. Moreover, they believe that they know that there is no supreme being. Now to believe a finite thing, is to claim to have a limited knowledge or belief, as in a belief that there is a supreme being. But to claim that none exists, how can one claim that none exists, save one is all knowing, and that one knows all things and comprehends all things to such an extent that there is no supreme being.
I can tolerate the non-believer, and I can tolerate the believer. I can even tolerate the aethist to a certain degree....but that doesn't change the fact that the Aetheist must claim to know more than I believe it is possible to know. I can handle that someone claims they do not believe in a supreme being...but to be able to claim that one does not exist and cannot exist, depends on someone having the knowledge that they understand all things enough to know there is nothing else.
In other words, it is far more presumptious to claim that something does not exist than to claim that something does exist, or you believe it does exist...for to believe that something does exist one must simply have an inkling of knowledge or a sign of existence in one direction or the other.
Similarly to believe that something does not exist, one must simply have an inkling of knowledge or a sign of non-existence.
Moreover to know that somehting exists, one must simply konw of a surety of a small fact....that there is a supreme being.
However, for one to claim to know that something does not exist, one must be prepared and have the knowledge that there is no feasible way for a supreme being to exist. That they must have searched through all the canals of knowledge and depths of contemplation to know that there is nothing there, for they cannot find it in any place whereby they look to prove its existence.
Anyways, that was a tangent in Sunday School, which all that know me, know I thorougly enjoyed it.
Ciao!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
The Nightlife
Perhaps you are all wondering what Sharon and Ben do with their time all the way out there in the suburbs of Ohio. Perhaps you wonder what they look like these days.Perhaps you wonder what kind of trouble they are managing to get themselves into. Well, then read on blog buddies, read on. And if that's not the kind of blog entry you were hoping for, then too bad.
I will recount for you, AND show pictures of three nights spent here in Ohio.
First, some lovely photos, if you wonder what Sharon and Ben are looking like now a days, here are a couple of prime shots that should give you an idea:
Nice eh? You can thank Ben for this view. I would have put up pictures of our amazing form or animation whenever we got strikes, as I recall taking shots like that of Ben. However, Ben is apparently not really into getting lots of different shots, and when he was the man with the camera and I was up to bowl, it appears this is the only view he bothered to take a picture of. I don't know quite how to read that. Either it's big enough he thinks he can't get another angle or he just really likes it.
I have however, been improving on my ad hoc couple shots. Here's are faces after date night (we're both smiling because at the end of three grueling games, Sharon finally managed to break 100. Otherwise, only Ben would be smiling. :))
That was the weekend, when we get all wild and crazy-like and do wild and crazy-like things, like bowling. It's quite the thing out here, actually. We live within 5 minutes driving distance of 3 bowling alleys. And the first one we went to was still doing league games and had no room for us on their lanes. Serious, it's serious business out here.
On the more mild weeknights, however, Sharon and Ben do milder things. Like take walks. On some of these nights, Sharon needs convincing to go on walks despite the fact she likes exercise -- like when there are piles of snow everywhere. As it turns out Sharon (I just like talking about myself in the third person sometimes. It's amusing.) likes to shovel snow and she likes to snow shoe in it. But she doesn't really care to play in it nor does she appreciate the cold air that accompanies it whenever it comes. But Ben succeeded in giving her a puppy dog face for long enough to take a walk. Here are photos of the little jaunt around the neighborhood:
I was trying to look happy in that shot, but I really just wasn't convinced this whole "walk in the snow" idea was that great.
Here you see a very happy man making a snow angel. He was very proud of his work after he was finished. I was invited to enjoy this lovely past time, but declined. As I mentioned before, I like to shovel snow (I know. Wierd) and I like to snow shoe, but not really to play. When did I get so adultish and dull?
And above you can see how clever a couple we really are. We walked to the local park on our street, which isn't really a park at all. It has a sign stating that it's a park, in case you didn't realize, which you wouldn't because all it is is about 1/16th of an acre of ground with a gazebo at the end of a cul de sac full of houses. Nonetheless, Ben thought we should make use of these public lands for our own amusement and asked what word art we should put in the snow. I tried to think of something witty -- like a funny quote or pop phrase. The only thing that came to mind was "Obama Mama". Don't ask me why. I don't even know what that is. But I had no desire to write anything politically related in the snow and I couldn't think of any fun quotes because I suck at stuff like that, so I was left to Ben's brains. He thought up " I Love Snow". So we went with that. But then we realized, the geniuses that we are, that we were writing to big for our little park to fit the words without going into someone's front lawn so we had to find a smaller phrase. And thus the ever-universally unoffensive, and the most statementless publicly graffitied EVERYWHERE phrase of all phrases came into being: I "Heart" U. We're no better than a doodling 5th grade girl in the bathroom.
Last of all. We have just last night for our "Nightlife" overview, which shall be recited in scriptural form:
Book of SharonBen
Chapter 1
1) And Ben said unto Sharon, Wilt thou cut mine hair, so that I may not look so like Samson and present myself to my fellow men in this disheveled state?
2) But husband, Sharon said, Why dost thou entreat me to do such a thing when thou knowest I have no formal education in such matters?
3) Dear wife, said Ben, I have laid myself at the hands of lesser artisans at Great Clips, where great harm has befallen me, and entreat you that I think you wilst do no worse harm, and may even serve me better, and we will be able to save our dinaro for better things. Hast thou cut hair before? Ever?
4) Why yes, dear husband. Four times have I cut hair, for my people living in the lands far east of here. But they were desperate and poor. And we lived in Russia where no one cared.
5) Well, said Ben, then let us begin.
6) And Sharon said unto her husband, "Perhaps we shall delay this until a few morrows from now. In the event that some harm may befall your head at my hands, we may travel to the abode of some artisan who can repair it. At this late hour, you shall have to work tomorrow with whatever my hands have done.
7) To this Ben said, "Nay wife. For we have tonight to do it and shan't waste this time."
8) And so Sharon and Ben delayed no more and Sharon brought forth the shearing tools and made work with her hands. And all the while she wondered why he didst insist on this evening. Though what he says is true that they had an available night, she puzzled at why he would make haste, as they have almost every night available. And she pondered these matters in her heart.
9) Behold Sharon and Ben's first hair cut together.
And after the hair cut was over, Ben looked at the effects of this work. And smiled and said, It is good.
I will recount for you, AND show pictures of three nights spent here in Ohio.
First, some lovely photos, if you wonder what Sharon and Ben are looking like now a days, here are a couple of prime shots that should give you an idea:
Nice eh? You can thank Ben for this view. I would have put up pictures of our amazing form or animation whenever we got strikes, as I recall taking shots like that of Ben. However, Ben is apparently not really into getting lots of different shots, and when he was the man with the camera and I was up to bowl, it appears this is the only view he bothered to take a picture of. I don't know quite how to read that. Either it's big enough he thinks he can't get another angle or he just really likes it.
I have however, been improving on my ad hoc couple shots. Here's are faces after date night (we're both smiling because at the end of three grueling games, Sharon finally managed to break 100. Otherwise, only Ben would be smiling. :))
That was the weekend, when we get all wild and crazy-like and do wild and crazy-like things, like bowling. It's quite the thing out here, actually. We live within 5 minutes driving distance of 3 bowling alleys. And the first one we went to was still doing league games and had no room for us on their lanes. Serious, it's serious business out here.
On the more mild weeknights, however, Sharon and Ben do milder things. Like take walks. On some of these nights, Sharon needs convincing to go on walks despite the fact she likes exercise -- like when there are piles of snow everywhere. As it turns out Sharon (I just like talking about myself in the third person sometimes. It's amusing.) likes to shovel snow and she likes to snow shoe in it. But she doesn't really care to play in it nor does she appreciate the cold air that accompanies it whenever it comes. But Ben succeeded in giving her a puppy dog face for long enough to take a walk. Here are photos of the little jaunt around the neighborhood:
I was trying to look happy in that shot, but I really just wasn't convinced this whole "walk in the snow" idea was that great.
Here you see a very happy man making a snow angel. He was very proud of his work after he was finished. I was invited to enjoy this lovely past time, but declined. As I mentioned before, I like to shovel snow (I know. Wierd) and I like to snow shoe, but not really to play. When did I get so adultish and dull?
And above you can see how clever a couple we really are. We walked to the local park on our street, which isn't really a park at all. It has a sign stating that it's a park, in case you didn't realize, which you wouldn't because all it is is about 1/16th of an acre of ground with a gazebo at the end of a cul de sac full of houses. Nonetheless, Ben thought we should make use of these public lands for our own amusement and asked what word art we should put in the snow. I tried to think of something witty -- like a funny quote or pop phrase. The only thing that came to mind was "Obama Mama". Don't ask me why. I don't even know what that is. But I had no desire to write anything politically related in the snow and I couldn't think of any fun quotes because I suck at stuff like that, so I was left to Ben's brains. He thought up " I Love Snow". So we went with that. But then we realized, the geniuses that we are, that we were writing to big for our little park to fit the words without going into someone's front lawn so we had to find a smaller phrase. And thus the ever-universally unoffensive, and the most statementless publicly graffitied EVERYWHERE phrase of all phrases came into being: I "Heart" U. We're no better than a doodling 5th grade girl in the bathroom.
Last of all. We have just last night for our "Nightlife" overview, which shall be recited in scriptural form:
Book of SharonBen
Chapter 1
1) And Ben said unto Sharon, Wilt thou cut mine hair, so that I may not look so like Samson and present myself to my fellow men in this disheveled state?
2) But husband, Sharon said, Why dost thou entreat me to do such a thing when thou knowest I have no formal education in such matters?
3) Dear wife, said Ben, I have laid myself at the hands of lesser artisans at Great Clips, where great harm has befallen me, and entreat you that I think you wilst do no worse harm, and may even serve me better, and we will be able to save our dinaro for better things. Hast thou cut hair before? Ever?
4) Why yes, dear husband. Four times have I cut hair, for my people living in the lands far east of here. But they were desperate and poor. And we lived in Russia where no one cared.
5) Well, said Ben, then let us begin.
6) And Sharon said unto her husband, "Perhaps we shall delay this until a few morrows from now. In the event that some harm may befall your head at my hands, we may travel to the abode of some artisan who can repair it. At this late hour, you shall have to work tomorrow with whatever my hands have done.
7) To this Ben said, "Nay wife. For we have tonight to do it and shan't waste this time."
8) And so Sharon and Ben delayed no more and Sharon brought forth the shearing tools and made work with her hands. And all the while she wondered why he didst insist on this evening. Though what he says is true that they had an available night, she puzzled at why he would make haste, as they have almost every night available. And she pondered these matters in her heart.
9) Behold Sharon and Ben's first hair cut together.
And after the hair cut was over, Ben looked at the effects of this work. And smiled and said, It is good.
Monday, January 26, 2009
When did I become so cynical?
So, I had the unexpected opportunity to speak at Harvard Business School this last weekend at a conference. It was sort of short notice with not a lot of time to prepare and really even less time to think about it as work has been through the roof as of late.
While I was there, it was such a blast from the past, or a world that I haven't been associated with or even crossed paths with in so long. I remember it when ideas were everything, the future was sort of yours, and the most important thing in your life was You...oh wait, I don't think that last one really ever entered a lot of the minds of the people I associate with, or at least not my mind.
But regardless, it was interesting to see how people thought that they were the most important thing in the world, strode the hallways with elbows poised to absorb as much space and essence as possible, their egos expanded well beyond any presence their body could control, sipping brandies and expensive liqueurs like they had the refined palates of Anton Ego, coupled with the sophistication of Descartes. And I.....I sat in the corner wondering, what in the world possessed them to have such an incredulous attitude about themselves as if I were some sort of Socrates, ready with a simple question to yank them down from their elven perches aloft in the highest tree tops.
And as I return to reality a bit, and the work day returns to answering phone calls from clients, managing money, planning the next big thing (big for me is not very big for most), wondering what in the world happened to the time I had, and hating myself for not having finished a certain lookbook for a certain project which in this blog shall be known as Two's Company, and wondering where oh where did my sense of thought, the value of thought, and the reality of my own position (or lack thereof) go? Shortly thereafter the thought pops in my head that I shouldn't be typing this blog at all, but should be working on the lookbook, but everyone needs a few minutes of downtime.
Anyways, I don't know what has inspired me to be so cynical as to no longer give value or credence to the idea, or perhaps it is that I do not give value or credence to the idea without proven action or merit, I am not sure which. But I remember the days when thoughts were valuable, even if they did not result in action (which on a daily basis now I think thoughts without action are worthless), and as I postulate what I want to do and how I want to structure things in the future, I wish that someone had thought about the problems I am anticipating and facing as my business expands, my life changes, and my voice leaves me (I was talking too loudly this weekend!)
I recently finished the book Anna Karenina, and am reminded of the character Konstantin Dmitrich Levin, who regularly thinks of the problems between the landowners and the muzhiks. And while reading it I thought of that applicability to common day life which I engage in. How highly would I value that thought? Even if there was no action by the thought provider, but it lead and paved a way for my action.....after all isn't that what philosophy is about? Thinking so that others may embrace that thought and put it into action? Anyone that knows me, knows that I am no genius, and therefore I rely on the thoughts of others.
So, when did I become so cynical, that in a weekend, speaking at one of the most prestigious business schools in the world, I left annoyed, disgusted, and overall unimpressed with supposedly the elite of the elite? Where thought was nothing more than a self aggrandizing, snobbish pursuit of those ensnarled in a world of elitist behaviour?
Thoughts?
While I was there, it was such a blast from the past, or a world that I haven't been associated with or even crossed paths with in so long. I remember it when ideas were everything, the future was sort of yours, and the most important thing in your life was You...oh wait, I don't think that last one really ever entered a lot of the minds of the people I associate with, or at least not my mind.
But regardless, it was interesting to see how people thought that they were the most important thing in the world, strode the hallways with elbows poised to absorb as much space and essence as possible, their egos expanded well beyond any presence their body could control, sipping brandies and expensive liqueurs like they had the refined palates of Anton Ego, coupled with the sophistication of Descartes. And I.....I sat in the corner wondering, what in the world possessed them to have such an incredulous attitude about themselves as if I were some sort of Socrates, ready with a simple question to yank them down from their elven perches aloft in the highest tree tops.
And as I return to reality a bit, and the work day returns to answering phone calls from clients, managing money, planning the next big thing (big for me is not very big for most), wondering what in the world happened to the time I had, and hating myself for not having finished a certain lookbook for a certain project which in this blog shall be known as Two's Company, and wondering where oh where did my sense of thought, the value of thought, and the reality of my own position (or lack thereof) go? Shortly thereafter the thought pops in my head that I shouldn't be typing this blog at all, but should be working on the lookbook, but everyone needs a few minutes of downtime.
Anyways, I don't know what has inspired me to be so cynical as to no longer give value or credence to the idea, or perhaps it is that I do not give value or credence to the idea without proven action or merit, I am not sure which. But I remember the days when thoughts were valuable, even if they did not result in action (which on a daily basis now I think thoughts without action are worthless), and as I postulate what I want to do and how I want to structure things in the future, I wish that someone had thought about the problems I am anticipating and facing as my business expands, my life changes, and my voice leaves me (I was talking too loudly this weekend!)
I recently finished the book Anna Karenina, and am reminded of the character Konstantin Dmitrich Levin, who regularly thinks of the problems between the landowners and the muzhiks. And while reading it I thought of that applicability to common day life which I engage in. How highly would I value that thought? Even if there was no action by the thought provider, but it lead and paved a way for my action.....after all isn't that what philosophy is about? Thinking so that others may embrace that thought and put it into action? Anyone that knows me, knows that I am no genius, and therefore I rely on the thoughts of others.
So, when did I become so cynical, that in a weekend, speaking at one of the most prestigious business schools in the world, I left annoyed, disgusted, and overall unimpressed with supposedly the elite of the elite? Where thought was nothing more than a self aggrandizing, snobbish pursuit of those ensnarled in a world of elitist behaviour?
Thoughts?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Thoughts on 3 Months of Marriage in Ohio
1) Married couples don't run around seeing each other naked all the time. I thought they might, but it appears they don't. Or, at least, we don't. I never was much in the habit of running around naked in the first place, so I really don't know what I was thinking.
2) Being responsible for another person's meals and cooking can easily cause a person to gain pounds. I suspected as much, but it has now been confirmed (not that it isn't something that can be moderated and controlled. I'm experimenting with and working on that now.). But previously food was the very uncenter of my life. Now I must be very much concerned with it, plan it, cook.... and it turns out I like the taste of my own cooking. As a result, I am much more tempted to eat a little more if I'm eating homemade shepherds pie rather than a microwaved morning star veggie burger. Dangerous, cooking is. Very dangerous.
3) I amd dumbfounded that I never get sick of Ben. Shocking. I never thought I'd be able to see and be around anyone so much, forget about enjoy it. I'm used to being a bit of a loner for the greater portion of my weeks.
4) People always say you don't really kiss that much after you're married. Now being married, I heartily disagree. I like to kiss Ben randomly and quite frequently while we're home. Just because I can. He seems to as well. In fact, I often have to stop the urge when we're in public because it's such a habit for me and I know PDA embarasses him.
5) One thing that IS true about getting married which I never really believed -- sex drive does go down a little after you're married. Darn it.
6) Moving in together is really not that hard of an adjustment. Granted, I'm one who's never cared from what end anybody squeezes their toothpaste, so maybe it's just my nature, and his nature. But really, it's just not very different.
7) Moving to a different state and getting a new license can do wonders for a person's driving record. Especially when it was as bad as mine. And what great insurance rates you can get when you magically have zero points on your license and no accidents to speak of! Niiiiiiicccceeee.
8) Ohio makes Utah look temperate. I am not made for 15 degree weather plus windchill on a regular basis. And without any fun snow to play, shovel or snowshoe with -- well, it's nothing but cruel. I have to mentally coach myself along every day. Think spring. Only two more months. You can do it.
9) If you're going to move across the country away from all your friends and family, having a husband you like to keep you company is a good idea. And lots and lots of games.
10) I can live without a gym membership for about 3 months without going crazy. But not much longer. I know we're all shocked I even made it that long.
2) Being responsible for another person's meals and cooking can easily cause a person to gain pounds. I suspected as much, but it has now been confirmed (not that it isn't something that can be moderated and controlled. I'm experimenting with and working on that now.). But previously food was the very uncenter of my life. Now I must be very much concerned with it, plan it, cook.... and it turns out I like the taste of my own cooking. As a result, I am much more tempted to eat a little more if I'm eating homemade shepherds pie rather than a microwaved morning star veggie burger. Dangerous, cooking is. Very dangerous.
3) I amd dumbfounded that I never get sick of Ben. Shocking. I never thought I'd be able to see and be around anyone so much, forget about enjoy it. I'm used to being a bit of a loner for the greater portion of my weeks.
4) People always say you don't really kiss that much after you're married. Now being married, I heartily disagree. I like to kiss Ben randomly and quite frequently while we're home. Just because I can. He seems to as well. In fact, I often have to stop the urge when we're in public because it's such a habit for me and I know PDA embarasses him.
5) One thing that IS true about getting married which I never really believed -- sex drive does go down a little after you're married. Darn it.
6) Moving in together is really not that hard of an adjustment. Granted, I'm one who's never cared from what end anybody squeezes their toothpaste, so maybe it's just my nature, and his nature. But really, it's just not very different.
7) Moving to a different state and getting a new license can do wonders for a person's driving record. Especially when it was as bad as mine. And what great insurance rates you can get when you magically have zero points on your license and no accidents to speak of! Niiiiiiicccceeee.
8) Ohio makes Utah look temperate. I am not made for 15 degree weather plus windchill on a regular basis. And without any fun snow to play, shovel or snowshoe with -- well, it's nothing but cruel. I have to mentally coach myself along every day. Think spring. Only two more months. You can do it.
9) If you're going to move across the country away from all your friends and family, having a husband you like to keep you company is a good idea. And lots and lots of games.
10) I can live without a gym membership for about 3 months without going crazy. But not much longer. I know we're all shocked I even made it that long.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Tired, oh so tired!
*****WARNING SHALLOW MATERIALISTIC CENTRIC POST BELOW.....READER BEWARE******
So, I don't know how to follow up on a post like that, after all, mine is going to seem so lame compared to that insanely overdramatic, yet life altering potential experience. But, I guess you got to suck it up and move on from there...so I'll post anyways. After all, it is post here or post on my law firm blog, and who really wants to do that? :)
So let's see, the house renovations are coming along. One room should be done this weekend and the rest is just about to be started I think (crosses fingers that money still comes in from somewhere). Work hasn't been speedy to start the year, but networking has been exhausting, and I am not sure how and/or where it is coming from...and I have gotten some good projects in lately which always makes me happy, but alas, I digress into thinking about what I always think about and not what I wanted to be thinking about (see what happens when I talk about renovations and money....always back to work work work work work.)
After reading Sharona's post about risky questions, I wondered what in the world would be risky questions to ask me....and I realized I don't have any...go figure. Not that I state that there are any issues that don't concern me, or I hope never materialize, but I don't think there is a question that could be posed that would make me freak out all night, or that would send me into a tizzy...but I doubt that any question could be posed that may have as an immediate impact on my life as Sharona's, except for ones that I have fully come to grips with and while I do hope they never transpire, am fully aware that they could.
That all being said, I woke up this morning exhausted, and I mean exhausted...and it has only been a few days since I have been at it...am I getting old? Well we all know the answer to that....impossible, but I had an interesting conversation yesterday that led me to ponder about this in my sleep.
A very wealthy individual whom I know and I work with and I were sitting down discussing a deal, and somehow we got on the topic of Madoff and the whole ponzi schema and related....and some how we got on to this individual that has manufacturers in various countries that make lots of clothing and what not, and how this one guy lost all of his money with Madoff, and how he couldn't change the guys mindset into how to make lots of other money another way, blah blah blah blah blah...and then he said something that made me think:
"Most people make all their money in life in a 20 year period, usually between their mid-twenties to their mid-forties, and sometimes into their fifties....but usually they work really hard for ten years, and then work hard and reap the benefits of the next ten, and then live off of basically their really hard work for the next fifty."
Now obviously he was talking about people that make some seriuos dough...we aren't talking about people that make $40-$50k a year (not that there is anything wrong with that...just not the context of the conversation)....but it was interesting that his thoughts were 1. you work hard for 20 years, and 2....really most of it comes in the first 10 years, but you still work hard for another 10 while you are just starting to cash in on that hard work.
For me, I couldn't imagine that I would only work hard for 20 years...it just seems odd...does that mean that I won't work as hard as the guys that get really rich, and therefore, I am destined to work at this pace for the rest of my life? Cause although I do like to work hard, I don't know if I could keep this pace up for the next 40. Anwyays, just a very lame shallow money based post.
Thoughts?
So, I don't know how to follow up on a post like that, after all, mine is going to seem so lame compared to that insanely overdramatic, yet life altering potential experience. But, I guess you got to suck it up and move on from there...so I'll post anyways. After all, it is post here or post on my law firm blog, and who really wants to do that? :)
So let's see, the house renovations are coming along. One room should be done this weekend and the rest is just about to be started I think (crosses fingers that money still comes in from somewhere). Work hasn't been speedy to start the year, but networking has been exhausting, and I am not sure how and/or where it is coming from...and I have gotten some good projects in lately which always makes me happy, but alas, I digress into thinking about what I always think about and not what I wanted to be thinking about (see what happens when I talk about renovations and money....always back to work work work work work.)
After reading Sharona's post about risky questions, I wondered what in the world would be risky questions to ask me....and I realized I don't have any...go figure. Not that I state that there are any issues that don't concern me, or I hope never materialize, but I don't think there is a question that could be posed that would make me freak out all night, or that would send me into a tizzy...but I doubt that any question could be posed that may have as an immediate impact on my life as Sharona's, except for ones that I have fully come to grips with and while I do hope they never transpire, am fully aware that they could.
That all being said, I woke up this morning exhausted, and I mean exhausted...and it has only been a few days since I have been at it...am I getting old? Well we all know the answer to that....impossible, but I had an interesting conversation yesterday that led me to ponder about this in my sleep.
A very wealthy individual whom I know and I work with and I were sitting down discussing a deal, and somehow we got on the topic of Madoff and the whole ponzi schema and related....and some how we got on to this individual that has manufacturers in various countries that make lots of clothing and what not, and how this one guy lost all of his money with Madoff, and how he couldn't change the guys mindset into how to make lots of other money another way, blah blah blah blah blah...and then he said something that made me think:
"Most people make all their money in life in a 20 year period, usually between their mid-twenties to their mid-forties, and sometimes into their fifties....but usually they work really hard for ten years, and then work hard and reap the benefits of the next ten, and then live off of basically their really hard work for the next fifty."
Now obviously he was talking about people that make some seriuos dough...we aren't talking about people that make $40-$50k a year (not that there is anything wrong with that...just not the context of the conversation)....but it was interesting that his thoughts were 1. you work hard for 20 years, and 2....really most of it comes in the first 10 years, but you still work hard for another 10 while you are just starting to cash in on that hard work.
For me, I couldn't imagine that I would only work hard for 20 years...it just seems odd...does that mean that I won't work as hard as the guys that get really rich, and therefore, I am destined to work at this pace for the rest of my life? Cause although I do like to work hard, I don't know if I could keep this pace up for the next 40. Anwyays, just a very lame shallow money based post.
Thoughts?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Risky Questions
It was a normal evening. I had just picked Ben up from work and we were home. I was warming up the experimental dinner I'd prepared -- potato salsa fritatta -- and we were catching up on our days. And then the question came --
Ben: "So, how are those placebo pills working?"
Sharon: "What do you mean?" Pause...
Sharon: "Oh. Well, I haven't started my period yet. But it's only day two and it may take some time for my hormone levels to go down. I think I'm still adjusting to the birth control pills."
Ben: "Oh. Ok. Well, what if you don't get your period?"
Sharon: "Well, I have to start it. That's how the female body works. I'm not on the regular pills, so with the placebo pills my body will naturally start its period. It has too. It's cyclical, like the seasons. My body just does that."
Ben: "Right. But what if you DON'T start it?"
Sharon: ----------
Ben: "Sharon?"
Sharon: "But that wouldn't make any sense. I've been on the pill the whole time."
Ben: "Maybe it doesn't work for you."
I think I flat-lined for a few moments. ANd then I came back to consciousness. Loudly. And furiously.
WHAT!?!? And then the fear took hold. Is it possible that I am a super, unstoppable reproductive machine? Really? That doesn't seem quite fair. I don't really wanna be preg-- preg-- preg-a-nent. I mean. It's totally not a good time. I need to get a job. I have had a total of THREE different jobs this year. It doesn't look good to end like that. I'll have no future.
This world of having people ask me if I'm pregnant and suddenly realizing that each time, shockingly, this is actually possible, is frightening the bejeebers out of me. They need to stop asking me.
Then came despair. I'm totally out of shape right now! And they don't let you get back into shape while you're pregnant. They say that's bad. It would be so cruel to be stripped of my gym membership, be forced into out-of-shapeness and gain a few pounds and then be thrown into the depths of pregnancy. I can't even.... I don't know if I can bear it! And I've taken the pill so faithfully! Ok, there was the two day slip up while I was traveling. But after that two day slip up, I verified with TWO nurses that it would still work AND I didn't let you touch me for a month! How is this possible?!?
How can I, in good conscience, go to job interviews knowing I'm pregnant? And do they have policies like insurance companies that get them out of being considerate if you have a previous condition? And what about Sharon Charles? I suppose I can just work through and it doesn't have to change much. But it's a kid? If it doesn't change much doesn't that mean I'm ignoring the kid? I mean.... it's just not a good time. We've been married for like a day. I know I said I'd be sad for a while and then I'd get over it.... but I'm really thinking I might be sad for a REALLY LONG time. I could need longer than 9 months to get over it and be happy. I wouldn't have that much time....
It's happening. And I don't even have a choice. I have been taken from my job and thrown into housewife status and NOW I'm going to be insta-preggo right after? I SO did not think I was signing up for this! It's like a bad dream. Now I'm going to be shopping at target for the rest of my life. And I'll find myself adding cream of something soup to everything I cook. And I'll start wearing sweat pants and.....
I feel so... so TRICKED! They tell you sex is ok after you're married. But if you're a super, reproducing machine like me -- IT'S NOT TRUE. It's NEVER safe.
Then, from nowhere, a small ray of hope: It's ok. It's only day two. I could still start. I have a whole week to start. I want cramps. I want cramps. Start. Start. Please? No cramps. Please start? Nope. Now? Still no cramps. I waited all night. It was SUCH a long night. Ben put a movie on to distract me. The Aviator. Not a bad film. It worked. A little.
This my friends, was quite possibly the longest night of my life. OK, not really. But it was TOTALLY overwhelming! And reaffirmed that, though it may be socially and religiously appropriate and permissable to have children at this time, I really REALLY don't want any yet. I know, I know. Very unfemale instictual of me. But I just don't have the "I wanna be a mommy" gene. It's not my fault! Maybe it is. But it is, nonetheless, true. It makes me very weird. It may change in the future. But it's just how I am at the moment. I can't help it.
Alas, all is well and I woke up this morning with my wish. I am safe for now. And I've never been so delighted for cramps and all that attends them in my entire life.
But I think Ben should be aware that it is a great detriment to the future of our sex lives to ask me questions like that. Really.
Ben: "So, how are those placebo pills working?"
Sharon: "What do you mean?" Pause...
Sharon: "Oh. Well, I haven't started my period yet. But it's only day two and it may take some time for my hormone levels to go down. I think I'm still adjusting to the birth control pills."
Ben: "Oh. Ok. Well, what if you don't get your period?"
Sharon: "Well, I have to start it. That's how the female body works. I'm not on the regular pills, so with the placebo pills my body will naturally start its period. It has too. It's cyclical, like the seasons. My body just does that."
Ben: "Right. But what if you DON'T start it?"
Sharon: ----------
Ben: "Sharon?"
Sharon: "But that wouldn't make any sense. I've been on the pill the whole time."
Ben: "Maybe it doesn't work for you."
I think I flat-lined for a few moments. ANd then I came back to consciousness. Loudly. And furiously.
WHAT!?!? And then the fear took hold. Is it possible that I am a super, unstoppable reproductive machine? Really? That doesn't seem quite fair. I don't really wanna be preg-- preg-- preg-a-nent. I mean. It's totally not a good time. I need to get a job. I have had a total of THREE different jobs this year. It doesn't look good to end like that. I'll have no future.
This world of having people ask me if I'm pregnant and suddenly realizing that each time, shockingly, this is actually possible, is frightening the bejeebers out of me. They need to stop asking me.
Then came despair. I'm totally out of shape right now! And they don't let you get back into shape while you're pregnant. They say that's bad. It would be so cruel to be stripped of my gym membership, be forced into out-of-shapeness and gain a few pounds and then be thrown into the depths of pregnancy. I can't even.... I don't know if I can bear it! And I've taken the pill so faithfully! Ok, there was the two day slip up while I was traveling. But after that two day slip up, I verified with TWO nurses that it would still work AND I didn't let you touch me for a month! How is this possible?!?
How can I, in good conscience, go to job interviews knowing I'm pregnant? And do they have policies like insurance companies that get them out of being considerate if you have a previous condition? And what about Sharon Charles? I suppose I can just work through and it doesn't have to change much. But it's a kid? If it doesn't change much doesn't that mean I'm ignoring the kid? I mean.... it's just not a good time. We've been married for like a day. I know I said I'd be sad for a while and then I'd get over it.... but I'm really thinking I might be sad for a REALLY LONG time. I could need longer than 9 months to get over it and be happy. I wouldn't have that much time....
It's happening. And I don't even have a choice. I have been taken from my job and thrown into housewife status and NOW I'm going to be insta-preggo right after? I SO did not think I was signing up for this! It's like a bad dream. Now I'm going to be shopping at target for the rest of my life. And I'll find myself adding cream of something soup to everything I cook. And I'll start wearing sweat pants and.....
I feel so... so TRICKED! They tell you sex is ok after you're married. But if you're a super, reproducing machine like me -- IT'S NOT TRUE. It's NEVER safe.
Then, from nowhere, a small ray of hope: It's ok. It's only day two. I could still start. I have a whole week to start. I want cramps. I want cramps. Start. Start. Please? No cramps. Please start? Nope. Now? Still no cramps. I waited all night. It was SUCH a long night. Ben put a movie on to distract me. The Aviator. Not a bad film. It worked. A little.
This my friends, was quite possibly the longest night of my life. OK, not really. But it was TOTALLY overwhelming! And reaffirmed that, though it may be socially and religiously appropriate and permissable to have children at this time, I really REALLY don't want any yet. I know, I know. Very unfemale instictual of me. But I just don't have the "I wanna be a mommy" gene. It's not my fault! Maybe it is. But it is, nonetheless, true. It makes me very weird. It may change in the future. But it's just how I am at the moment. I can't help it.
Alas, all is well and I woke up this morning with my wish. I am safe for now. And I've never been so delighted for cramps and all that attends them in my entire life.
But I think Ben should be aware that it is a great detriment to the future of our sex lives to ask me questions like that. Really.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)