Weekly Word, "Okay"

Here's a few scenarios for you:

1) You invite me to your house one evening. I arrive and ring your doorbell. You come to the door in a very timely manner and invite me in. Upon my entering, you ask if I would like something to drink. I respond, "I'm okay. But thank you."

2) You're on a date with your boyfriend. This evening is one of the rare occasions when you actually paid for the movie tickets. Before the movie, your boyfriend discloses the fact he didn't have dinner. After the movie, you ask your boyfriend if he's hungry. He responds, "I'm okay. I've got food at home."

3) A good friend comes by your house on his way home from class. It is an evening class, and the friend commutes to class from his home which is about an hour away. He arrives just as you are about to go out with another friend for a previous engagement. He looks exhausted. You ask your friend if he would like to sleep in your spare room, as he looks really tired and you'll be home in a bit. The friend says, "I'm okay. Just wanted to stop by and say hello."

In each of these cases, the term, "okay" is very vague. It's a politician's answer to an uncomfortable question. In each of these scenarios, whether or not the person is okay wasn't even the question! So why do people answer with it? We all wonder the real reason. Case in point, let's look back over the previously mentioned scenarios. In many of these situations, what the person really meant is hard to say. We are all left to guess and explore the possibilities.

In scenario one, the meaning of "okay" could be any number of things, such as:

1) I'm not thirsty

2) I don't want to trouble you

3) I don't trust your glasses because the last one I had at your house was dirty

In scenario two, the meaning of "okay" could be:

1) I have leftover pizza at home and I REALLY want to eat it because leftover pizza is my favorite food in all the world.

2) I left my wallet in the car because I didn't think I'd need it since you paid for the tickets, and I don't want to make you pay for dinner because I'm the boy and you're the girl.

3) My laundry should be done by now and I'd like to get home as fast as possible so it doesn't get that sour smell.

In scenario three, the meaning of "okay" could be:

1) I feel weird being in your house without you, even if I will just be sleeping there.

2) I have somewhere to be early morning, so I need to get home.

3) I really just came by to say hello. I did that. Now I'm outty.

4) Actually, I came over hoping for a booty call and since you won't be home, I have no reason to stay.


See how much we leave to a person's imagination when we use "okay"? Now, some of these responses are things we would never say. At least most of us wouldn't. Even if they were true. In which case, it may be best for you to be vague and say "I'm okay."

But what if you were offered a glass of water and your real reason for declining is "I'm not thirsty." Do you want to make the host wonder if perhaps you are too considerate to trouble her? Many hosts, in this case, are compelled to repetitively try to entice you and offer you a drink, just to make sure. Or she may wonder if you don't care for her lack of attention to detail in dish washing. Do you really want to cause this kind of undue stress to your host? Even more so, if you turn down your friend for a soft bed when you're tired, do you want her to be bouncing back and forth about whether it was for a booty call? Or perhaps she thinks what you really needed was to "TALK" and she is worried she isn't being there for you when you need her.

My advice in using "Okay" is that if it is possible, without causing offense, be honest and clear in your reasons. It leaves out the vague guessing game . On the flip side, when it may be more appropriate to leave things to vaguery (say, in the case of really not approving of your friend's attention to detail in dish washing), please feel free to say "I'm okay." I think, in that case, it's better to leave a question than to leave no doubt. Nonetheless, whenever possible, be specific. As with most terminology and wording, please careful in your choice of words, and use "okay" only when appropriate.