So, I had some childhood friends and their spouses "pop" by for a visit the other day, and it was really good to see them, but in conversation with my fellow co-blogger, and in getting my panties in a ruffle over seemingly small and infinitesimal lapses in communication, I thought, what do you need to do in order for a visit to go smoothly?
Well, first and foremost, I think you need to say when you are coming. To say that you are coming for a visit could mean between now and the next decade, or post death. I don't know, but sometimes I have horrible nightmares about the dead coming to visit, and I don't want you to worry about fulfilling your promise to come visit me and risk me having a heart attack after seeing you in your ghoulish form.
Second, one needs to state who is coming. This can be interesting, problematic, and something I always took for granted. Who comes by and doesn't say who is coming by. Is it you? You and your spouse? You and fifty friends? If you tend to walk around in your underwear, or maybe with a facial mask on so you look like a blue alien, it would be nice to know that your kindest, sweetest most loving closest friend who has seen you like that and worse a million times is bringing by her brand new beau and the beau's really cute friend. After all, do you want to have to have a follow-up conversation disclaiming "I don't always look like a blue alien, and that holey, stained and discolored underwear fraying at the edges wasn't really left behind or stolen from my ex beau, that was just a funny little joke...ha ha." Bleh...that was horrible even typing it!
It is also important to inform the person you are visiting, what you are bringing with you. "What" should be interpreted as broadly as possible. In other words, you should also include if you are bringing any pets, mutants, deaf dumb or blind relatives who you think are insignificant, not impositional, or follow you around so much that you forget they are there. Also disclose any noxious gasses, influenzas or other sicknesses, lice, mice, fleas, and other small little critters which may decide to follow you or your famous "X" around despite your best efforts. I won't get into what needs to be disclosed or brought when visiting for a specific event, i.e. dinner, birthday, manage e trois, etcetera etcetera etcetera, but that should all be disclosed when coming for a visit.
Next, any and all desires should comfortably, without imposition, and almost begging, be clearly enunciated. This can include, "I would love to see your photo," to "would you play me your new song," all the way to "Can we roll around in the grass and stuff ice cubes down each others shorts so we look like we wet our pants?" Obviously there is give and take, with a touch of flexibility rolled into every visit and interaction. But if you know ahead of time that you would like something or to do something, aka can I sleep over? to I want to see X movie should be given a fair warning, or at a minimum no depression, complaining or infringement upon relations due to an inability or desire to fulfill said requests, demands or desires.
Lastly, alterations and changes to the planned visit should be communicated as quickly as possible, or at a minimum, before you are departing to arrive at said meeting place. The reason is, you may not know how your changes or alterations affect the other person. Although it may be something as minuscule as "I decided to wear my blue shirt instead of the yellow one." What if your dearest closest friend was counting on you to wear the yellow one because you have the exact same shirt in blue, and she is wearing the blue one. Might be a bit silly don't you think? It could also be as significant as "I feel ugly, fat and depressed and don't want to see anyone else by you," after you've decided autonomously that bringing along a new friend was just a peachy idea. So communicate everything you know as soon as you know it, after all, you are all friends.
Alas, that should make for a comfortable visit with even the most tenuous of relationships. Visit long, visit often, and make sure you disclose.
No comments:
Post a Comment