1. I am dog sitting at my boss's house right now.
2. I love the work commute from my boss's house. It's only five minutes away. Heavenly.
3. I like showing up early to work, and I was very easily able to do that today, because.. you guessed it! I'm staying at my boss's house.
4. I've decided my boss's house is too big. It takes forever to get from the kitchen to the bedroom to the shower to the closet... totally impractical.
5. I wish I had more time and more energy.
6. I chronically try to schedule more things to do in my life than I have time for and I don't know how to stop. This concerns me.
7. I'm not very good at the "games section" of the LSAT. I might have to work hard in order to improve.
8. I wonder if I have the mental capacity and enough energy and discipline to work hard enough to improve on the games section.
9. My ankle still hurts. It's been hurting for a couple months now. It totally bugs.
10. I wonder if the pain in my ankle has anything to do with the four inch platforms on my feet at the moment (they're red and strappy. what's not to love?) and all the other heels I wear regularly.... Nah.
11. I like being at work early. It's so quiet.
12. Veronica just came in and now it's not as quiet at work. Even though she doesn't make much noise. Kinda like her presence IS a noise. Ya know? But I like that she came in now anyway.
13. I want to celebrate my birthday next month by going to tea at the Grand America Hotel with friends. And I want to dress up.
14. I always think I want to dress up. If it weren't for the energy and time it took to get done up, I'd do it every day.
15. I wonder if I will even bother to celebrate my birthday this year. I normally don't, and I'll be dog sitting again up in Park City right then, which makes it even less likely that I would celebrate.
16. I started Therapy last week and I don't know what I think about that.
17. Okay, I have a few thoughts. I actually hate going to therapy. It's very draining and unpleasant. Despite this, I think it's a good thing.
18. I'm still not looking forward to my next appointment. I wonder if I can cancel it, even though I know it's a good thing to go. I can justify shopping, so why not canceling therapy?
19. I wonder why I wasn't ready to go to therapy 20 years ago.
20. People are complicated. Take me, for example. I'm very complicated.
21. I did some research yesterday on myself. It's very weird to see your personal attributes written on paper as part of a clinical study or as somebody's research. I feel like suddenly I can't take as much credit for who I am.
22. I wonder who I would have been had my life experiences been very different. I know this is pointless. But I wonder anyway and I feel a little robbed.
23. I am suddenly very thankful I am not a schizophrenic. How odd.
24. I look forward to lunch next week with two very good friends. I even daydream about what we'll talk about.
25. I marvel that Male knows almost everything about me and STILL keeps dating me.
26. I worry about Male's emotional stability and soundness of mind (see #25).
27. I think I need a haircut.
28. I think it's amazing I've let my hair grow as long as it has considering the fact I have the strong urge to cut it at least every other week.
29. A friend of mine said he liked how I looked with short hair, and at the time he said it I had long hair. I wonder if he meant to give me a hint or if he was just a clueless boy in not realizing it might come across as though he didn't liked my hair long as much he liked it short.
30. I want to go on birth control not because I need to control my ability to give birth, but because I saw a commercial that says it causes you to have your period only a few times a year and it controls acne. I think that sounds lovely and wonder if my doctor would give me a prescription.
31. I am excited for my parents to be leaving on a mission.
32. I mostly look forward to them being an ocean away.
33. I know I should feel bad about this, but I don't. This may be solely due to the fact my mother keeps trying to plan my wedding.
34. I'm excited for my new roommate, Sherrice. She seems very nice. And she's from NJ, so it's like she's a little bit of home for me.
35. I secretly wonder if Sherrice is a perfect match for my friend, Will.
36. I realize I try to match almost any cool girl I know with my friend, Will. I wonder what that means.
37. I wonder how Holly came up with 100 things so fast. I seem to be taking forever. Of course, I only think she came up with them quickly because it didn't take very long for me to READ it.
38. I'm still amazed at my lack of celerity because I've had so much going on in my head lately that I really thought this would be quick.
39. My mind has been starting to wander into territory it has never gone before, namely the realm of what could or would be in a "progressive" relationship with Male.
40. On occasion, I look forward to that progress.
41. I feel reassured that I'm still me when that happy daydream is quickly squelched by the fear of being disappointed and also by the dread I have always felt with anything resembling or associated with that kind of progress.
42. I love my ward.
43. I wonder if I should really get a law degree.
44. Having a law degree sounds cool. Don'tcha think?
45. I secretly think a law degree would make me feel smarter. Ok, so that's not such a secret anymore.
46. I wonder if it serves any other purpose for me.
47. Oh yeah. Money. And career options. Security. And being able to provide a valuable service for others. I forgot. I feel better now.
48. I wonder how other people become successful without having degrees. I don't think I could do that.
49. I hear Sharon Stone is a overflowing with energy; a real nonstop, go go go kind of person. I envy her and wish we shared more in common than just our name.
50. Halfway there. I must be a pessimist. The glass seems half empty at the moment.
51. I can't wait to go home for Thanksgiving.
52. I'm really glad Male decided to come with me to go home for Thanksgiving.
53. I wonder how I will ever manage to go shopping in NYC if Male is with me for my trip home to Thanksgiving.
54. Hmmm... I may be planning a trip to Vegas, sans Male, to go shopping.
55. I think of myself in comparison to how I was two years ago and think I've become a lot less vivacious. Just thinking of how productive I was two years ago makes me tired now.
56. I wonder if I will ever get that energy back. Maybe when my ankle gets better.
57. I wish I saw my sister more often.
58. I want to buy my sister a straightener and a fabulous new hair cut for Christmas.
59. Ouch. That's going to be expensive.
60. I wish I could just give it to her now. But I don't think she'd like it if I gave it to her for no reason. I think I have to wait for Christmas. Dang it.
61. I look forward to hanging out with Justin next month.
62. I have slight concerns about looking forward to it. But I think it's not an anticipation unlike my anticipation for seeing other friends, which makes it ok. It's just hard to tell.
63. It may take me a few get-togethers with him to feel normal about the two of us.
64. Evolving relationships are tricky.
65. I wish it were lunchtime. I don't know what I will be eating, but I look forward to it anyway.
66. I wish the cake we had in the fridge at work didn't make my stomach sick. It tastes so good. I would have that for lunch if it didn't do that.
67. I would like staying in Park City better if they had a Golds Gym up here.
68. I'm glad I got to see my friend Adrian. She's so stinking smart, it's amazing.
69. I wish I didn't work so much. I look forward to not working so much.
70. I wonder when the time will come that I won't work so much.
71. I keep saying I want a dog, but suddenly I'm not really sure that I do. I love dogs. I like the idea of having one. But that doesn't necessarily mean that really I want one, now does it?
72. I wonder if I will ever be rich. If I were, what kind of rich person would I be?
73. I hope I wouldn't be silly and waste all my money on clothes, travel, cars and a big house. But I fear I would. They're so tempting.
74. I wonder if I'd just be better off as a farmer with a life full of more simplicity.
75. Life has so many distractions.
76. I think Male's great.
77. The ring I'm wearing always catches my hair elastics when I try to put my hair back. It drives my CRAZY!
78. I love my new cell phone. It has a planner inside with bells and whistles. And it's incredibly sleek and sexy.
79. I'm useful. I like that about me.
80. Sometimes I think I would love to have a "status" bag because they're so stylish and other times I'm so glad NOT to have one because of what they say and symbolize. To have or not to have. That is the question.
81. I think I'd rather save up and get a computer. Funny that they are worth just about the same amount of money. Depending on the bag, the computer could even be a lot less expensive.
82. I still like stucco on houses. I don't care what Male says.
83. I like wood floors and I hate wall to wall carpeting. It gives me the heebee geebees.
84. People who clean their cars regularly amaze me. I should clean Pam more often. She's so dirty right now (I can see her from my office window).
85. The weather is so delightful and the colors in the mountains are so pretty that I almost forget the dread of winter that tends to come when fall arrives.
86. I'm glad I can see the colors on the mountains so clearly from my office.
87. Dang, I've really got a good view!
88. I think it's funny that I call the front reception area of our suite, where my desk is located,"my office".
89. I'd think my boss was a lot more intelligent if he didn't use a girl with a master's degree as a receptionist and secretary.
90. I'm glad the girl who always decides to plant herself in front of our suite when she curses and argues at her ex-boyfriend, Alex, over the phone, is not there right now.
91. I'm glad I'm not as neurotic as she is and think Male may not be so badly off with a girl like me.
92. Poor Alex.
93. I think I will clean the fridge at work today. I've been thinking about it for a good week or so.
94. I wonder what I'll eat for dinner.
95. I wonder even more what I'll eat for lunch.
96. It's almost lunchtime. Yeah!
97. I still want to go see Little Miss Sunshine. Curses that Male has that no rated R movies policy. Maybe I'll rent it while I'm in Park City.
98. writing 100 things for today is a lot more of a task than I thought it would be.
99. My left pinky hurts because of a tragic mistake I made in my typing class in the sixth grade. I never learned to used the shift key with my right pinky.
100. I'm gonna wind up being one of those old people warning kids not to start bad habits when they're young and then I'm going to relate to them my story about my poor left pinky. Then they'll understand!.... Be afraid. Very afraid.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Weekly Word: "Spender"
Through research, the general population of economists and financial advisors have found most people "grow into" their income. There's that initial point of being able to meet needs, (which I think is somewhere around $30,000 for a family of 4), and then everything after is really just the extra comforts and niceties we know, love and would like to know better .
I have reached the point where I am meet my own basic needs. Hallelujah. And now? Ooooh. I can easily imagine "getting by" on practically double my salary. I look forward to the year I can get my hair done regularly and fly to Europe for a two and a half week vacation, stomping and frolicking all over London and Paris. At that time, I would ideally be vacationing away from my fabulous home which I have filled with creature comforts of lovely furniture and home decor. Am I asking for a lot? Growing up in America where bigger is always better and spending money is fashionable, I might seem a "reasonable"gal. Take me to Africa and they would likely think me a Diva. It's just so hard to figure out "reasonable" when you look from a global rather than national perspective. It'd be easier for me if I didn't do that. Note to self: endeavor to be less globally minded. Then you won't feel so bad for being such a spender.
In looking at spending from another angle, I think about lavish hopes and wants and needs in relationships. You can lavish someone with kind deeds, thoughtfulness, affection, listening, patience, service, selflessness and a whole bunch of things. These things are free as far as money is concerned. But can you overspend? Can you give someone too much? And then, what about the receiving side? How do you know what your budget is? How do you know what it should be.
It makes a lot of sense to look at this kind of budget in terms of romantic relationships as well. I am reminded of the "love languages" theory. Let me think.... If I remember correctly, we have: physical affection, acts of service/kindness, compliments, gifts and quality time. Amongst these categories, one could draw out a budget of what you need and also what you tend to spend. Then, compare with whoever it is you are or would like to be romantically "relationed" to and see if you can adjust and meet each other's needs. It's TOTALLY like a budget. And if you or they can't do that... well... much like a job that can't pay your bills, you should likely find a different one that fits.
It seems to me these kinds of commodities translate into a type of universal budget that knows no class of people. What a lovely idea that we can all "afford" to spend and be spent on, where it would be possible that there be no poor. I suspect that I fall into the group of people who are low-budget. I don't ask much. But I have a concern. If you do that, do others budget you less because you don't seem to need it? Or does the excess go into a savings account that you can access later? Maybe I should become more expensive.....
On the other side of the coin,I don't think I give that much. Therefore, uncharacteristically, this makes me not a very big spender. I'm low budget on every end of this. How absurd. What I have in abundance I seem to dream up fewer ways to do things with. That's a really bad way to do things. From what I can make of this kind of budget, I think I should be 'spending' as much as possible. You'd think it would be so easy, considering my nature. If only that transferred into how I spend my thoughtfulness, service, patiences, affection and selflessness. Alas, I must endeavor to be a better spender AND be less globally minded. How's your spending going?
I have reached the point where I am meet my own basic needs. Hallelujah. And now? Ooooh. I can easily imagine "getting by" on practically double my salary. I look forward to the year I can get my hair done regularly and fly to Europe for a two and a half week vacation, stomping and frolicking all over London and Paris. At that time, I would ideally be vacationing away from my fabulous home which I have filled with creature comforts of lovely furniture and home decor. Am I asking for a lot? Growing up in America where bigger is always better and spending money is fashionable, I might seem a "reasonable"gal. Take me to Africa and they would likely think me a Diva. It's just so hard to figure out "reasonable" when you look from a global rather than national perspective. It'd be easier for me if I didn't do that. Note to self: endeavor to be less globally minded. Then you won't feel so bad for being such a spender.
In looking at spending from another angle, I think about lavish hopes and wants and needs in relationships. You can lavish someone with kind deeds, thoughtfulness, affection, listening, patience, service, selflessness and a whole bunch of things. These things are free as far as money is concerned. But can you overspend? Can you give someone too much? And then, what about the receiving side? How do you know what your budget is? How do you know what it should be.
It makes a lot of sense to look at this kind of budget in terms of romantic relationships as well. I am reminded of the "love languages" theory. Let me think.... If I remember correctly, we have: physical affection, acts of service/kindness, compliments, gifts and quality time. Amongst these categories, one could draw out a budget of what you need and also what you tend to spend. Then, compare with whoever it is you are or would like to be romantically "relationed" to and see if you can adjust and meet each other's needs. It's TOTALLY like a budget. And if you or they can't do that... well... much like a job that can't pay your bills, you should likely find a different one that fits.
It seems to me these kinds of commodities translate into a type of universal budget that knows no class of people. What a lovely idea that we can all "afford" to spend and be spent on, where it would be possible that there be no poor. I suspect that I fall into the group of people who are low-budget. I don't ask much. But I have a concern. If you do that, do others budget you less because you don't seem to need it? Or does the excess go into a savings account that you can access later? Maybe I should become more expensive.....
On the other side of the coin,I don't think I give that much. Therefore, uncharacteristically, this makes me not a very big spender. I'm low budget on every end of this. How absurd. What I have in abundance I seem to dream up fewer ways to do things with. That's a really bad way to do things. From what I can make of this kind of budget, I think I should be 'spending' as much as possible. You'd think it would be so easy, considering my nature. If only that transferred into how I spend my thoughtfulness, service, patiences, affection and selflessness. Alas, I must endeavor to be a better spender AND be less globally minded. How's your spending going?
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
'Tis WHAT Season?
Many years ago, when I was a struggling awkward teen, I was also melo-dramatic, riddled with black and white, defeatist thinking and sitting through life, waiting for good things to happen to me. Of course, very few really did. It took many years of trial and error to figure out how to be the instigator of my own good things. I started exercising and eating well (this was a process akin to evolution, and it takes just as long. Talk to me in a few millenia and I may have truly evolved by then.) I became actively engaged in my education and started getting involved in things of interest to me. Suddenly, life was mine for the taking. Opportunities abounded. I became I doer and one who controlled my own destiny. I could get whatever I went after if I had the ability to achieve. Or so I thought.
Nowadays, I'm not too sure how much control I have. I definitely have a hand in things. But control? Hah! For example, take my weight (I apparently like to talk about my weight). True, I weigh less than I did in high school, now that I have regular exercise, a higher muscle mass and eat a more balanced, regular diet. Within certain limits, however, my weight fluctuates of its own accord. For the past six months I have fretted over five pounds. As far as I can tell, I haven't been eating all that differently than I usually do. Nor have I been exercising that much more. But I've been THINKING about it a lot more. I have been anxious and scrutinizing about exercise and eating. When I found those five pounds, or when they found me(as I suspect they did) I MADE SURE I did not overeat and MADE SURE to exercise -- as opposed to when I normally I just do it without thinking. Despite this mentally deliberate behavior, the five pounds rested defiantly on my frame, unbudged.
Now we segue into late summer/early fall. My habits remain the same, with perhaps a few less cold smoothies for lunch. But I still eat ice cream for dinner on occasion. I exercise, but my ankle hurts so I've been resting a bit. I gave up on the five pounds and, instead, bought jeans that fit.
And now? It appears the pounds are shedding themselves from me. That's right.I predict that soon, those fabulous new jeans I just bought will be a fixture in my dresser, waiting to reappear on the occasion those five pounds decide to visit again. I really can't take any credit for this weight fluctuation. I have changed nothing. To be honest, I don't think I have enough discipline to change much if I tried. By now, I think the pounds just come and go as they please. And I must say, it provides little incentive to ever enlist the help of a trainer or a nutritionist. Instead I feel like I should surrender to the master of my hormones, or fate, or the winds that blow, one of which MUST be the cause of all this.
It seems that way with the rest of my life too. Seasons when I need lots of sleep, seasons when I run around all day, seasons when I have lots of obligations, seasons when I can't stand to have any. Seasons when I keep in touch and make plans with everyone and seasons when I seem to lose touch with the world. These are all kinds of seasons I seem to have little control over. They just happen to me. I couldn't get myself to do anything else in a given season than what I seem to do. My only hope is that, as I pass from one season to another, I remain enough of a constant as to not alienate everyone and everything I pass to and from.
Right now is a season of many changes. I am considering career moves. Maybe a new job. Maybe a law degree. Who knows? My living situation is changing (no, I'm not moving. But everyone around me is.) My focus at work is more zealous and on-task. I can't seem to stop working (what a lucky employer I have.) I'm cleaning more often.
It's like an awakening. I didn't know I was asleep before. And why this awakening? I can tell you for one thing, it's NOT A conscious effort on my part.I barely know what hit me! Why me? Why now? Why not six months ago or in a year and a half? My brain is abuzz with ideas. I want to paint my room. I want to study for the LSAT. I want to change careers. I want to be in a play. I want to travel. I want to do my hair and get fresh makeup and a fresh new look to match. I have a vision, and by golly-gee it must be realized! At least some of it. My vision is so pretty, it would be such a waste to have it not be. Especially those new shoes I've been dreaming about. Pretty vision, indeed.
I graced this awakening with a spring cleaning this past weekend. Yes, I know it's fall. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. My car was cleaned inside and out. And I organized and filed all my papers -- that's the sign of true cleaning effort for me. I never touch papers until "it's time". I think I needed an organized clean space for me to create, dream, do and realize -- apparently a must-have in a season of change. I even bought new towels and hot pads for my kitchen! I haven't done that since I moved in three years ago. That's a definite sign. A sign of what? I'm not sure, really.
Things are shifting, and so I shift too. And I have all these ideas and so many dreams. I wake up each day and make a plan, and start to "make things happen", thinking I might be moving towards my goal. Like an artist, taking various colors and objects and making a masterpiece, only I'm working with my life and not a fabric canvas. I try to create the picture I want and go for whatever it is I think I'm after.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I bother. Despite where I will the winds to take me, I am certain they will take me wherever they darn well please. So much for control. But I DO get to choose what I wear every day. I'm certain of that. Thus, I think God put me in charge of wardrobe.... and that's about it. Let's hope this piece of work includes a female who looks very well put-together, whether she be plus or minus 5 lbs.
Nowadays, I'm not too sure how much control I have. I definitely have a hand in things. But control? Hah! For example, take my weight (I apparently like to talk about my weight). True, I weigh less than I did in high school, now that I have regular exercise, a higher muscle mass and eat a more balanced, regular diet. Within certain limits, however, my weight fluctuates of its own accord. For the past six months I have fretted over five pounds. As far as I can tell, I haven't been eating all that differently than I usually do. Nor have I been exercising that much more. But I've been THINKING about it a lot more. I have been anxious and scrutinizing about exercise and eating. When I found those five pounds, or when they found me(as I suspect they did) I MADE SURE I did not overeat and MADE SURE to exercise -- as opposed to when I normally I just do it without thinking. Despite this mentally deliberate behavior, the five pounds rested defiantly on my frame, unbudged.
Now we segue into late summer/early fall. My habits remain the same, with perhaps a few less cold smoothies for lunch. But I still eat ice cream for dinner on occasion. I exercise, but my ankle hurts so I've been resting a bit. I gave up on the five pounds and, instead, bought jeans that fit.
And now? It appears the pounds are shedding themselves from me. That's right.I predict that soon, those fabulous new jeans I just bought will be a fixture in my dresser, waiting to reappear on the occasion those five pounds decide to visit again. I really can't take any credit for this weight fluctuation. I have changed nothing. To be honest, I don't think I have enough discipline to change much if I tried. By now, I think the pounds just come and go as they please. And I must say, it provides little incentive to ever enlist the help of a trainer or a nutritionist. Instead I feel like I should surrender to the master of my hormones, or fate, or the winds that blow, one of which MUST be the cause of all this.
It seems that way with the rest of my life too. Seasons when I need lots of sleep, seasons when I run around all day, seasons when I have lots of obligations, seasons when I can't stand to have any. Seasons when I keep in touch and make plans with everyone and seasons when I seem to lose touch with the world. These are all kinds of seasons I seem to have little control over. They just happen to me. I couldn't get myself to do anything else in a given season than what I seem to do. My only hope is that, as I pass from one season to another, I remain enough of a constant as to not alienate everyone and everything I pass to and from.
Right now is a season of many changes. I am considering career moves. Maybe a new job. Maybe a law degree. Who knows? My living situation is changing (no, I'm not moving. But everyone around me is.) My focus at work is more zealous and on-task. I can't seem to stop working (what a lucky employer I have.) I'm cleaning more often.
It's like an awakening. I didn't know I was asleep before. And why this awakening? I can tell you for one thing, it's NOT A conscious effort on my part.I barely know what hit me! Why me? Why now? Why not six months ago or in a year and a half? My brain is abuzz with ideas. I want to paint my room. I want to study for the LSAT. I want to change careers. I want to be in a play. I want to travel. I want to do my hair and get fresh makeup and a fresh new look to match. I have a vision, and by golly-gee it must be realized! At least some of it. My vision is so pretty, it would be such a waste to have it not be. Especially those new shoes I've been dreaming about. Pretty vision, indeed.
I graced this awakening with a spring cleaning this past weekend. Yes, I know it's fall. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. My car was cleaned inside and out. And I organized and filed all my papers -- that's the sign of true cleaning effort for me. I never touch papers until "it's time". I think I needed an organized clean space for me to create, dream, do and realize -- apparently a must-have in a season of change. I even bought new towels and hot pads for my kitchen! I haven't done that since I moved in three years ago. That's a definite sign. A sign of what? I'm not sure, really.
Things are shifting, and so I shift too. And I have all these ideas and so many dreams. I wake up each day and make a plan, and start to "make things happen", thinking I might be moving towards my goal. Like an artist, taking various colors and objects and making a masterpiece, only I'm working with my life and not a fabric canvas. I try to create the picture I want and go for whatever it is I think I'm after.
To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I bother. Despite where I will the winds to take me, I am certain they will take me wherever they darn well please. So much for control. But I DO get to choose what I wear every day. I'm certain of that. Thus, I think God put me in charge of wardrobe.... and that's about it. Let's hope this piece of work includes a female who looks very well put-together, whether she be plus or minus 5 lbs.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
An Unexpected Twist
I'm back. I survived the family reunion. That's quite a feat, considering I was mobbed by twenty children for an entire week. No small feat considering I was also mobbed by 5 much bigger children, also known as my older brothers. For all young children hoping the tides will change, let me inform you: your male siblings will still think that dead-legs, throwing you in the pool, pushing you, sitting on you and giving you wet willies is a good idea, be he 5, 15, or 47 yrs. old. I'm reminded of the hymn "If You Could Hie to Kolob". "There is no end to matter, there is no end to space, there is no end spirit, there is no end to male immaturity."
Isn't that how it goes?
On Thursday evening, Male was expected to join the party scene. I had been quietly waiting and anticipating (I think that's part of a song too, but I can't remember which one), looking forward to having a familiar friend amongst all the slightly less familiar family. Male had a rough day on Thursday, however, and was unable to make it down that night. Plan B was for him to drive down Friday morning instead.
Friday morning came and went. So did Friday afternoon. Neither was graced with a phone call from Male. There was no sighting of him. By evening time I was quite distraught, as I had been waiting for him. Clearly my gobs and gobs of family had been as well, as they would ask me where he was and when he was coming approximately every 15 minutes. They did this from 10am til' around 4pm, which is coincidentally the hour I smashed cake and icing into someone's hair and told them my next measure would be to kill them if they said a word about him to me. Their onslaught of incessant inquisitiveness in regards to his whereabouts was like a verbal stoning for me.
He had, it seemed, stood me up. And not only that, but he had stood up my entire family. He had also stood me up in front of my family. I couldn't figure out which felt worse. I didn't know what to think. Why had he not come for me? He doesn't care that much? Suddenly my white steeded knight had opted to stay home. That's never a good thing. Knights aren't supposed to do that.
Male finally called and left a message around 5pm. His car had not been working well, and after an hour of driving he was forced to accept he wasn't going to make it to St. George. However, this message at 5pm was left an hour into his drive, which meant he had not even left for St. George until well into the afternoon. He may have had a good reason for not coming, but he hadn't come when he said he would. Nor had he called. I was hurt. Then I was mad. Then I was lost for what to do next.
Male and I talked about it. He had simply let the morning run away from him. He hadn't thought to call earlier. He could have avoided it. But he hadn't meant to do it. He really just didn't think. And he's sorry. Really? You... how? I don't understand.
I filled the next couple days with as much as possible. I went from movies to shopping to reading to work and any other distraction I could find until I had run around to the point of exhaustion, just so I could sleep. I needed to stay busy to function or risk getting lost in thought and becoming dysfunctional over my quandary with Male. Male had done this before -- probably four or five times in the last year. And it was a behavior I couldn't tolerate. He hadn't done it maliciously. He hadn't meant to hurt me. But it hurt, all the same, every time. And for something that seemed so easily avoidable, I couldn't find good reason to allow it. My only logical solution was it was over. How could I let him keep doing this over and over again? I couldn't. That was it.
I'll be honest. I was a little relieved. The freedom of being completely unattached is a lovely feeling. It's kind of exciting. But then I knew there would be pain. My urges to call him were almost uncontrollable. And I'd be a bit lonely. The most irksome and disconcerting symptom was when I looked to the future. I realized somehow Male had worked himself in as a consideration in all of my plans. So each time I ran across a plan that included Male I had to remind myself that he wasn't going to be in the picture and then had to readjust it. But he was everywhere. It was going to take a lot of replanning and erasing to get rid of him.
I wasn't so sure about this, even without a solution for stopping him from being so inconsiderate. This was really it? Really? Yup. Clearly he's not going to stop. If he was, he would have stopped after the 1st time he did it. We're on to several repeated offenses. That provides little hope. Nope. Breaking up is the only option. Huh. Okay. Really? Are you sure?
I ask around. "Is it okay to break up with your boyfriend because he's stupid?" Responses: "He did WHAT?!?!" " Think of the position that put you in." "You put up with an awful lot." It seemed, suddenly the masses were on my side -- a rare occurence. The masses aren't supposed to be on my side.
I think more. I call another couple of close friends. It's true. This is bad. Male shouldn't have. He shouldn't ever. But all men have problems like that. And if that's his one big flaw.... well, it could be worse. I mean, he cares, he doesn't touch pornography, and he cleaned your fridge while you were away. That has to say something for the boy. Hmmmmm..... Does it say enough? I had to think.
Could I get over it? Yes. But I can't have it happen all the time. I'm not ok with that. And I get tired of trusting him and then being let down over and over. That's not good for a girl's heart. Or her confidence. But I couldn't fix it with a threat either. "If you ever do this again, I will...." That's a terrible approach. I was either walking now or I had to accept the consequences of not. Future offenses could only be my own fault for staying. I knew what I was dealing with. So, what to do....
I found the answer in sacrifice, or more specifically, HIS sacrifice. And in dancing. Male must make a sacrifice when he does this. Every time he does this. This is in hopes that the sacrifice will be significant enough to remind him NOT to stand me up in the future. It's also for me to show me that he does care and is making an effort, even if he has lapses of stupidity. His sacrifice this time: Male will learn to dance with me.
Hehehe. I'm brilliant. Really, I am. It's fabulous. We tested out a couple of steps last night. Good news! He had rhythm. Who knew? This gives me hope. And despite my trying to maintain composure all the while, I couldn't hold down the corners of my mouth. I almost busted out in a fit of laughter. Male dancing! I thought it would be impossible. Apparently not. It just takes a world full of remorse. I don't know whether to be sad or glad he stood me up. Of course, we'll see if I'm saying that the next time this happens. Ah me. Life is not perfect. Neither are males. But for now, I'll keep this one.
Isn't that how it goes?
On Thursday evening, Male was expected to join the party scene. I had been quietly waiting and anticipating (I think that's part of a song too, but I can't remember which one), looking forward to having a familiar friend amongst all the slightly less familiar family. Male had a rough day on Thursday, however, and was unable to make it down that night. Plan B was for him to drive down Friday morning instead.
Friday morning came and went. So did Friday afternoon. Neither was graced with a phone call from Male. There was no sighting of him. By evening time I was quite distraught, as I had been waiting for him. Clearly my gobs and gobs of family had been as well, as they would ask me where he was and when he was coming approximately every 15 minutes. They did this from 10am til' around 4pm, which is coincidentally the hour I smashed cake and icing into someone's hair and told them my next measure would be to kill them if they said a word about him to me. Their onslaught of incessant inquisitiveness in regards to his whereabouts was like a verbal stoning for me.
He had, it seemed, stood me up. And not only that, but he had stood up my entire family. He had also stood me up in front of my family. I couldn't figure out which felt worse. I didn't know what to think. Why had he not come for me? He doesn't care that much? Suddenly my white steeded knight had opted to stay home. That's never a good thing. Knights aren't supposed to do that.
Male finally called and left a message around 5pm. His car had not been working well, and after an hour of driving he was forced to accept he wasn't going to make it to St. George. However, this message at 5pm was left an hour into his drive, which meant he had not even left for St. George until well into the afternoon. He may have had a good reason for not coming, but he hadn't come when he said he would. Nor had he called. I was hurt. Then I was mad. Then I was lost for what to do next.
Male and I talked about it. He had simply let the morning run away from him. He hadn't thought to call earlier. He could have avoided it. But he hadn't meant to do it. He really just didn't think. And he's sorry. Really? You... how? I don't understand.
I filled the next couple days with as much as possible. I went from movies to shopping to reading to work and any other distraction I could find until I had run around to the point of exhaustion, just so I could sleep. I needed to stay busy to function or risk getting lost in thought and becoming dysfunctional over my quandary with Male. Male had done this before -- probably four or five times in the last year. And it was a behavior I couldn't tolerate. He hadn't done it maliciously. He hadn't meant to hurt me. But it hurt, all the same, every time. And for something that seemed so easily avoidable, I couldn't find good reason to allow it. My only logical solution was it was over. How could I let him keep doing this over and over again? I couldn't. That was it.
I'll be honest. I was a little relieved. The freedom of being completely unattached is a lovely feeling. It's kind of exciting. But then I knew there would be pain. My urges to call him were almost uncontrollable. And I'd be a bit lonely. The most irksome and disconcerting symptom was when I looked to the future. I realized somehow Male had worked himself in as a consideration in all of my plans. So each time I ran across a plan that included Male I had to remind myself that he wasn't going to be in the picture and then had to readjust it. But he was everywhere. It was going to take a lot of replanning and erasing to get rid of him.
I wasn't so sure about this, even without a solution for stopping him from being so inconsiderate. This was really it? Really? Yup. Clearly he's not going to stop. If he was, he would have stopped after the 1st time he did it. We're on to several repeated offenses. That provides little hope. Nope. Breaking up is the only option. Huh. Okay. Really? Are you sure?
I ask around. "Is it okay to break up with your boyfriend because he's stupid?" Responses: "He did WHAT?!?!" " Think of the position that put you in." "You put up with an awful lot." It seemed, suddenly the masses were on my side -- a rare occurence. The masses aren't supposed to be on my side.
I think more. I call another couple of close friends. It's true. This is bad. Male shouldn't have. He shouldn't ever. But all men have problems like that. And if that's his one big flaw.... well, it could be worse. I mean, he cares, he doesn't touch pornography, and he cleaned your fridge while you were away. That has to say something for the boy. Hmmmmm..... Does it say enough? I had to think.
Could I get over it? Yes. But I can't have it happen all the time. I'm not ok with that. And I get tired of trusting him and then being let down over and over. That's not good for a girl's heart. Or her confidence. But I couldn't fix it with a threat either. "If you ever do this again, I will...." That's a terrible approach. I was either walking now or I had to accept the consequences of not. Future offenses could only be my own fault for staying. I knew what I was dealing with. So, what to do....
I found the answer in sacrifice, or more specifically, HIS sacrifice. And in dancing. Male must make a sacrifice when he does this. Every time he does this. This is in hopes that the sacrifice will be significant enough to remind him NOT to stand me up in the future. It's also for me to show me that he does care and is making an effort, even if he has lapses of stupidity. His sacrifice this time: Male will learn to dance with me.
Hehehe. I'm brilliant. Really, I am. It's fabulous. We tested out a couple of steps last night. Good news! He had rhythm. Who knew? This gives me hope. And despite my trying to maintain composure all the while, I couldn't hold down the corners of my mouth. I almost busted out in a fit of laughter. Male dancing! I thought it would be impossible. Apparently not. It just takes a world full of remorse. I don't know whether to be sad or glad he stood me up. Of course, we'll see if I'm saying that the next time this happens. Ah me. Life is not perfect. Neither are males. But for now, I'll keep this one.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Updates
I have to admit I have nothing really thought-provoking, profound or interesting to blog about. I am all anticipation right now, looking forward to a WHOLE WEEK off work and wishing that week were more like 3 months (also wishing that week were already happening.) Things have not, however, been eventless. And so, to these events, I shall share the excitement with you in pictures!!!
Firstly, Male had a birthday and I threw him a surprise party (which went smashingly, by the way). Some happy party-goers can be found here:
Next, I went to a triathlon. I was supposed to participate in this triathlon as being the runner of a team. Unfortunately, I have a stiff ankle and a 6 mile run ended up being a not-so-hot idea. But I had already roped my dearest friend into swimming for the team, so I went up to offer my moral support. It was up at Hyrum State Park, near Logan. It is beautiful there. And though we had to wake up at 4 am to get there (OWWW! Especially since I had to rush home afterwards to work an 8 hr shift), it was a great time.
Last, but not least, Male's sister had a wedding. This too was a tiring day. But I took the day off work, which made up for it completely. And on the other upside, the bride looked gorgeous and the weather was perfect. For some reason the wedding was like some kind of aphrodisiac -- Male and I were unusually cuddly with each other all day. For a boy who avoids PDA like the plague and a girl who fears marriage more than most people fear public speaking, this could be said to be highly unusual and bewildering behavior. I know. I'm shocked too. Yeah, so anyway, here are a few snapshots to mark the blessed event
:
Firstly, Male had a birthday and I threw him a surprise party (which went smashingly, by the way). Some happy party-goers can be found here:
Next, I went to a triathlon. I was supposed to participate in this triathlon as being the runner of a team. Unfortunately, I have a stiff ankle and a 6 mile run ended up being a not-so-hot idea. But I had already roped my dearest friend into swimming for the team, so I went up to offer my moral support. It was up at Hyrum State Park, near Logan. It is beautiful there. And though we had to wake up at 4 am to get there (OWWW! Especially since I had to rush home afterwards to work an 8 hr shift), it was a great time.
Last, but not least, Male's sister had a wedding. This too was a tiring day. But I took the day off work, which made up for it completely. And on the other upside, the bride looked gorgeous and the weather was perfect. For some reason the wedding was like some kind of aphrodisiac -- Male and I were unusually cuddly with each other all day. For a boy who avoids PDA like the plague and a girl who fears marriage more than most people fear public speaking, this could be said to be highly unusual and bewildering behavior. I know. I'm shocked too. Yeah, so anyway, here are a few snapshots to mark the blessed event
:
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Too much or Too little
So, I have been at work for the whole time of 2 months. Yes, not very long to be at the new job, and already, I am having slight concerns/anxiety attacks. We all know that the balance of too much or too little is a very delicate balance, especially in regards to work. If we have too much work, well, life just isn't very fun now is it. Working all day and all night, and every time in between. (oddly enough, I seem happier there.) Too little and, well I guess this depends on the individual, but I get a little worried. I wonder if there is enough to justify my salary, or me being an employee, or for that matter, is this a sign for me to start looking for a new job.
I do understand that life in the legal field is, well as far as I can tell, completely different than any other field I have been associated with or known about, yet I am sure that there are some basic things that are just the way humans function. However, I find myself in the position of having to ask my boss (I haven't posted where I work have I? ugghhhh!!) regularly, almost every day or two, for more work. I like to pat myself on the back and say that I work more efficiently than he expects, but in reality, that excuse only goes so far.
So, this begs the question, and opens for responses...what do you do? Are there ways to talk with your boss about the work flow and getting more work without being annoying? How do you comfortably suggest that he may not be doing the best job at managing or assigning work? Or should I just leave it as is?
Regardless, this has spurred on the fear/drive/desire to really start looking into bringing in more clientèle. After all, if he isn't going to give me as much work as I would like, than I may as well bring it in myself...now I just have to find that rock that all the clients who need a lawyer are hiding under.
I do understand that life in the legal field is, well as far as I can tell, completely different than any other field I have been associated with or known about, yet I am sure that there are some basic things that are just the way humans function. However, I find myself in the position of having to ask my boss (I haven't posted where I work have I? ugghhhh!!) regularly, almost every day or two, for more work. I like to pat myself on the back and say that I work more efficiently than he expects, but in reality, that excuse only goes so far.
So, this begs the question, and opens for responses...what do you do? Are there ways to talk with your boss about the work flow and getting more work without being annoying? How do you comfortably suggest that he may not be doing the best job at managing or assigning work? Or should I just leave it as is?
Regardless, this has spurred on the fear/drive/desire to really start looking into bringing in more clientèle. After all, if he isn't going to give me as much work as I would like, than I may as well bring it in myself...now I just have to find that rock that all the clients who need a lawyer are hiding under.
Monday, July 30, 2007
The weekly word: "Definitely"
Well, I am a slacker, loser, and above all lame. I missed our lovely weekly word two weeks ago. Fortunately, my fellow co-blogger is not so slack induced. But alas, I start this week strong!! Strong as an ox awaiting branding....or something like that. Please, please don't brand me, and definitely don't tell someone I have been branded!
Which brings us to the weekly word "Definitely".
In connection with my previous posts of the timeliness of communication, and what that communication means in regards to making plans, we revert to when things are as close to in the present as if they were never a question. Something so solid, that pen isn't even conclusive enough. Go ahead and decorate that calendar page! Break out those markers. Bathe in the myriads of stickers which will adorn the wonderful calendar date which has been confirmed with the word "Definitely."
When working out plans to see movies, fly to europe, hang at the park, or walk the dog, there are few words which should convey the amount of conviction, dedication and resoluteness that the word Definitely entails. Now, depending on the type of person you are, and the type of plans being made, this type of commitment should not be given too far in advance.
Obviously things such as travel usually require a little more planning than average, but I would not give a definitely until you are ready to buy tickets, or have already taken the days off of work. In regards to movies, put the money on the table baby, cause we're going, so don't commit until you know you can commit. There are many other terms that could be used, like "Maybe", "Probably", "Hopefully", or phrases such as, "Planning on it." (See past and future weekly words to determine the appropriateness of each term.)
Now, if you are canceling a definitely, and don't do so unless you are willing to withstand the fires of hell or the near death of your mother, the first and utmost priority is not to call the individual. This is not like the others where a phone call as early as possible is necessary. Canceling a definitely requires thought, contemplation, and above all, presents. Yes, that's right folks, presents are deserved when making someone cross out all those hearts, starts, and balloons on their calendar. The size of the present is obviously determined in conjunction with the amount of planning and the amount of reliance by the lost and forlorn party, left to wander the streets with whipped cream on their nose and nobody to wipe it off. That candied cherry stem tied in a not left alone and unnoticed to drown the remaining pool of liquid ice cream. Oh, THE HORROR!!
So, what are we looking at for presents? It could be something as simple as a chocolate the next time you see them. Maybe even some flowers, or a combination of all of the above if a bigger event. Remember, no present and you might not be invited next time. Your status of the definitely will be translated by the receiver as a maybe, and next thing you know, they aren't showing up, you aren't showing up, and you may as well have not made plans in the first place. Take 'em out of your phone book, delete them from speed dial, cause it's over baby. That's right, O-V-E-R over!
So, to prevent some wonderful, meaningful relationships from ending, use the word definitely with due caution, and if cancelled...bring presents.
Which brings us to the weekly word "Definitely".
In connection with my previous posts of the timeliness of communication, and what that communication means in regards to making plans, we revert to when things are as close to in the present as if they were never a question. Something so solid, that pen isn't even conclusive enough. Go ahead and decorate that calendar page! Break out those markers. Bathe in the myriads of stickers which will adorn the wonderful calendar date which has been confirmed with the word "Definitely."
When working out plans to see movies, fly to europe, hang at the park, or walk the dog, there are few words which should convey the amount of conviction, dedication and resoluteness that the word Definitely entails. Now, depending on the type of person you are, and the type of plans being made, this type of commitment should not be given too far in advance.
Obviously things such as travel usually require a little more planning than average, but I would not give a definitely until you are ready to buy tickets, or have already taken the days off of work. In regards to movies, put the money on the table baby, cause we're going, so don't commit until you know you can commit. There are many other terms that could be used, like "Maybe", "Probably", "Hopefully", or phrases such as, "Planning on it." (See past and future weekly words to determine the appropriateness of each term.)
Now, if you are canceling a definitely, and don't do so unless you are willing to withstand the fires of hell or the near death of your mother, the first and utmost priority is not to call the individual. This is not like the others where a phone call as early as possible is necessary. Canceling a definitely requires thought, contemplation, and above all, presents. Yes, that's right folks, presents are deserved when making someone cross out all those hearts, starts, and balloons on their calendar. The size of the present is obviously determined in conjunction with the amount of planning and the amount of reliance by the lost and forlorn party, left to wander the streets with whipped cream on their nose and nobody to wipe it off. That candied cherry stem tied in a not left alone and unnoticed to drown the remaining pool of liquid ice cream. Oh, THE HORROR!!
So, what are we looking at for presents? It could be something as simple as a chocolate the next time you see them. Maybe even some flowers, or a combination of all of the above if a bigger event. Remember, no present and you might not be invited next time. Your status of the definitely will be translated by the receiver as a maybe, and next thing you know, they aren't showing up, you aren't showing up, and you may as well have not made plans in the first place. Take 'em out of your phone book, delete them from speed dial, cause it's over baby. That's right, O-V-E-R over!
So, to prevent some wonderful, meaningful relationships from ending, use the word definitely with due caution, and if cancelled...bring presents.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Weekly Word: Judgmental
I claim to be an incredibly judgmental person. Really. I am. You do or say something -- ANYTHING -- and I am likely to start thinking about what I think of it in .000002 seconds.
We had a speaker in church on Sunday who was referencing an article written about Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. However, even if I didn't love the books, I would not have been very impressed with the article. It talked about how there was no "God" that Harry prayed to and how the whole series was based on the Love in that world as a source for good and nothing else and therefore the book was promoting a movement away from God and religion.
My judgment? It's a frickin' kids book created from a brilliant imagination. The author felt no inspiration for infusing religion or doctrinal matters into her work. I don't think that means you then infuse the idea that she is promoting a god-less world. C.S. Lewis wrote books that retold stories from Greek mythology and nobody has ever accused him of promoting the free world to start worshiping Zeus. I also read a children's book to my niece a few weeks ago about a magician turning somebody's mom into a pirate. They didn't talk about God in there either. Perhaps I should warn my sister about the anti-religious paraphenalia she has lying around her house and encourage her to burn it.
Here's another one -- I don't see why we all get so uppity all the time. I even started to get uppity towards somebody because so far, every time I've spoken to this person (which has been a total of three times, and those interactions and conversations were moderately brief), she's mentioned that she has her Juris Doctorate. This is a great accomplishment and I think it's very impressive. I do. And I'm sure she is very smart. I only wish she would stop announcing it to me. I could probably deduce that she is smart even if she DIDN'T have a Juris Doctorate.Why does she keep telling me? Or maybe I'm just jealous. And while we're on the subject of pomp and medals, here's another story it reminds me of, though this scenario is slightly different: one of the board members at work wanted to make sure I put his name on our organization's website correctly and decided to properly spell and punctuate "Ph.D." for me, to make sure I got it right. I wanted to yell at the man and tell him we covered those grammatical issues in, oh, probably my 8th grade year! But I held my tongue.
I do not mind that people are good and seek after good things. I only dislike when they read into things and assume that other things, if not like their things, are not good. And I don't mind that people are smart and that they get degrees. I only mind that they feel the need to wear their laurels for the free world to admire or that they assume others have yet to get done with finishing school and learn their abc's.
I used to really have a hard time with "Utah Mormons"(I can just feel every friend of mine who was born in Utah and is a Mormon wince as they read those words). It's true. I thought they had a weird sense of humor, were stuck in the 5th grade, were way to perky for not ever having had coffee and were way to casual and assuming when talking about church-related things with any and everybody they ran across.
In all this, we find, quite simply, that I am as I said I was: judgmental. There is a beautiful thing in this, however. I have come to love and adore a few people that are indeed, Utah Mormons. I have grown to be slightly endeared to the oddball board member who drives everybody on the planet nuts and is still unawares I have some edgycaishun. And I will endeavor to learn a thing or two about Mizz Juris Doctorate because, if she has enough brains to get that far in school, I'm thinking she might have something worthwhile hidden in her head. These people are all humans. And they have redeeming qualities as well as qualities that can drive other people batty.
I spoke with a woman the other day who is dating a guy who used to be Mormon and is now very angry with the LDS church (which I find to be very common among people who "used to" be Mormon). I had another conversation recently with a friend who is gay who also used to be Mormon before he came out. Both conversations started to lead to this labeling and frustration with this big heap full of Mormons.
My observation is that we all seem to lump things and group people in a generic pile with too much ease. All those Mormons. Having hung around with them for a while, I have found Mormons are human and are pretty accurate reflection of the population at large. In my mind, if you don't like Mormons, I wonder if you like anyone at all.
I think people group things and judge people because it is easy. Maybe. I don't know. But you really can't group things accurately. You can't group an individual either. They may be very pompous. But perhaps they are incredibly smart and good at what they do and can give you some great advice or guidance. Unfortunately, we often think it better to notice their fault and then toss them in a pile of human refuse we wish not be bothered with. And for what?
Admittedly, I don't think I'm going to stop being judgmental any time soon. I don't even know that I should stop. But I like that I am acquiring the ability to appreciate the good in a world full of imperfect people. I like to go back over my pile of refuse and create another "salvage" pile.
We had a speaker in church on Sunday who was referencing an article written about Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. However, even if I didn't love the books, I would not have been very impressed with the article. It talked about how there was no "God" that Harry prayed to and how the whole series was based on the Love in that world as a source for good and nothing else and therefore the book was promoting a movement away from God and religion.
My judgment? It's a frickin' kids book created from a brilliant imagination. The author felt no inspiration for infusing religion or doctrinal matters into her work. I don't think that means you then infuse the idea that she is promoting a god-less world. C.S. Lewis wrote books that retold stories from Greek mythology and nobody has ever accused him of promoting the free world to start worshiping Zeus. I also read a children's book to my niece a few weeks ago about a magician turning somebody's mom into a pirate. They didn't talk about God in there either. Perhaps I should warn my sister about the anti-religious paraphenalia she has lying around her house and encourage her to burn it.
Here's another one -- I don't see why we all get so uppity all the time. I even started to get uppity towards somebody because so far, every time I've spoken to this person (which has been a total of three times, and those interactions and conversations were moderately brief), she's mentioned that she has her Juris Doctorate. This is a great accomplishment and I think it's very impressive. I do. And I'm sure she is very smart. I only wish she would stop announcing it to me. I could probably deduce that she is smart even if she DIDN'T have a Juris Doctorate.Why does she keep telling me? Or maybe I'm just jealous. And while we're on the subject of pomp and medals, here's another story it reminds me of, though this scenario is slightly different: one of the board members at work wanted to make sure I put his name on our organization's website correctly and decided to properly spell and punctuate "Ph.D." for me, to make sure I got it right. I wanted to yell at the man and tell him we covered those grammatical issues in, oh, probably my 8th grade year! But I held my tongue.
I do not mind that people are good and seek after good things. I only dislike when they read into things and assume that other things, if not like their things, are not good. And I don't mind that people are smart and that they get degrees. I only mind that they feel the need to wear their laurels for the free world to admire or that they assume others have yet to get done with finishing school and learn their abc's.
I used to really have a hard time with "Utah Mormons"(I can just feel every friend of mine who was born in Utah and is a Mormon wince as they read those words). It's true. I thought they had a weird sense of humor, were stuck in the 5th grade, were way to perky for not ever having had coffee and were way to casual and assuming when talking about church-related things with any and everybody they ran across.
In all this, we find, quite simply, that I am as I said I was: judgmental. There is a beautiful thing in this, however. I have come to love and adore a few people that are indeed, Utah Mormons. I have grown to be slightly endeared to the oddball board member who drives everybody on the planet nuts and is still unawares I have some edgycaishun. And I will endeavor to learn a thing or two about Mizz Juris Doctorate because, if she has enough brains to get that far in school, I'm thinking she might have something worthwhile hidden in her head. These people are all humans. And they have redeeming qualities as well as qualities that can drive other people batty.
I spoke with a woman the other day who is dating a guy who used to be Mormon and is now very angry with the LDS church (which I find to be very common among people who "used to" be Mormon). I had another conversation recently with a friend who is gay who also used to be Mormon before he came out. Both conversations started to lead to this labeling and frustration with this big heap full of Mormons.
My observation is that we all seem to lump things and group people in a generic pile with too much ease. All those Mormons. Having hung around with them for a while, I have found Mormons are human and are pretty accurate reflection of the population at large. In my mind, if you don't like Mormons, I wonder if you like anyone at all.
I think people group things and judge people because it is easy. Maybe. I don't know. But you really can't group things accurately. You can't group an individual either. They may be very pompous. But perhaps they are incredibly smart and good at what they do and can give you some great advice or guidance. Unfortunately, we often think it better to notice their fault and then toss them in a pile of human refuse we wish not be bothered with. And for what?
Admittedly, I don't think I'm going to stop being judgmental any time soon. I don't even know that I should stop. But I like that I am acquiring the ability to appreciate the good in a world full of imperfect people. I like to go back over my pile of refuse and create another "salvage" pile.
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