Many moons ago I started writing the weekly word, and it started in the dating lingo posts...and well, I didn't know what word to write this last week, and I started drafting this one about two years ago, so I may as well finish it while I have a breather and it doesn't take me coming up with as cool a word as farding. The next word in plan making/dating lingo is...Maybe.....as in "Maybe we'll do something sometime!"
So what does maybe mean? I have an idea...but let's get a little help.
The free dictionary states:
may·be (m
b
) adv.
So, this might look like an opening. If you were with a friend and he was like "Maybe we'll do something this weekend," you would suppose that there would be a phone call during the week to discuss, make plans, etc. After all...it is possible. It leaves the conjecture that this is more positive than negative. There is no direct affirmation or yes, but there is an understanding normally between friends that if you don't want to do something or can't, you'll just say so.
However, in the dating world, the social contract of honesty does not exist on the same terms, and I would submit to you that "maybe" is the polite and in my opinion lame way of saying.....no! There is no intention of doing whatever the action is. And the only way that a maybe is going to be overcome is by a fairly strong argument that whatever is desired is going to far outweigh any negatives that come about. Maybe is not a yes, it is not even an almost yes. I would argue that maybe, in a friend, purely non-dating/romantic scenario, is a reason to check one's schedule and indicate that you would like to but aren't sure you can.
However, in a dating/romantic, or even potentially romantic scenario...maybe is not positive.....unless in your mind anything other than a "no" is positive. It can mean a few of the following:
1. I'm not interested but I can't tell you that because I don't want to hurt your feelings/look like a pompous jerk; or
2. I'm not really interested but if you come up with something really cool you might convince me to hang out with you again, but it better be something really cool, and I better have nothing on my schedule.
What it doesn't mean:
1. I'd like that but I am just unsure if I can because of other commitments (unless of course they say they have other commitments and they would like that.); or
2. Come up with a better idea and I'll say yes (I guess they could think of you as their entertainment, but my guess is that isn't quite the type of relationship you want.); or
3. I'm just a big tease and I want you to work a little harder. (I guess it could mean that, but only if it is said with ridiculously coy and flirtatious actions - which could be a whole different story as to what is ridiculously coy and flirtatious actions....let's just not go there)
So, just remember...maybe is not positive. It isn't a no...but much closer to a no than to a yes!
So what does maybe mean? I have an idea...but let's get a little help.
The free dictionary states:
may·be (m
b) adv.defintion: Perhaps; possibly.
However, in the dating world, the social contract of honesty does not exist on the same terms, and I would submit to you that "maybe" is the polite and in my opinion lame way of saying.....no! There is no intention of doing whatever the action is. And the only way that a maybe is going to be overcome is by a fairly strong argument that whatever is desired is going to far outweigh any negatives that come about. Maybe is not a yes, it is not even an almost yes. I would argue that maybe, in a friend, purely non-dating/romantic scenario, is a reason to check one's schedule and indicate that you would like to but aren't sure you can.
However, in a dating/romantic, or even potentially romantic scenario...maybe is not positive.....unless in your mind anything other than a "no" is positive. It can mean a few of the following:
1. I'm not interested but I can't tell you that because I don't want to hurt your feelings/look like a pompous jerk; or
2. I'm not really interested but if you come up with something really cool you might convince me to hang out with you again, but it better be something really cool, and I better have nothing on my schedule.
What it doesn't mean:
1. I'd like that but I am just unsure if I can because of other commitments (unless of course they say they have other commitments and they would like that.); or
2. Come up with a better idea and I'll say yes (I guess they could think of you as their entertainment, but my guess is that isn't quite the type of relationship you want.); or
3. I'm just a big tease and I want you to work a little harder. (I guess it could mean that, but only if it is said with ridiculously coy and flirtatious actions - which could be a whole different story as to what is ridiculously coy and flirtatious actions....let's just not go there)
So, just remember...maybe is not positive. It isn't a no...but much closer to a no than to a yes!
3 comments:
The weekly word is something I look forward to from you and Sharona, and I think I enjoyed this perhaps even more than farding! (Mr. Webster doesn't even come close to as humorous).
Have you watched that show with the oxymoronic title of, "Definitely Maybe." It touches a bit on this theme that you wrote about, that MAYBE is definitely not a good thing.
To take this word from a different angle, I've learned that maybe=YES! to a kid, and that "no" doesn't even equate whatsoever with the word (unless you want to ruin their entire universe or that maybe is used in terms of a punishment). Maybe is so subjective as far as interpretation goes...I'm going to advise myself to quit using it entirely:) Thanks!
It's interesting that the word maybe definitely does change based on the relationship at hand, as well as the age of the hearer as Johnny and Anny just said. A child's excitement that you alluded to SOME possibility by using the word maybe, is actually kind of infectious. But I agree, it's rather ambiguous, unless followed up by other supporting statements.
I love reading your blog. I especially enjoyed this one, it made me laugh! I hope that you and Ben are doing well!
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