The Weekly Word: "Friend"

I just got back from a weekend rafting trip with 5 friends. It was one of the most enjoyable weekends I can recall. It made me reflect on my recent trip to Vegas with 3 other friends. Equally enjoyable. In a couple days I will have a lovely Scrabble get-together with a couple other friends I haven't seen for a while. And I got a letter in the mail last week from a childhood friend of mine. The friendship between her and I is one that transcends convenience and commonalities because we've known each other for forever, we know each other all too well and we know each other to be, simply, irreplaceable.

Last week, I was speaking with a gentleman who is participating in a housing program. He has been building a house for the last year, spending all of his free time at the work site, along with seven other families who are doing the same thing. He said he is tired. Understandable! But he is more than just tired of building. While he gets along and cares about all these people he is building homes with, he said he wouldn't hang out with these people if he didn't have to. And he misses hanging out with friends of his choosing.

I think, when I hear this at first, that he's missing something. How could you not cherish these friendships more?! Some of the people I've "had" to serve with and be around are people I have loved and wouldn't trade their friendships for the world.

And then, I rethink. I am so quick to judge. Bad thing to do because then I find myself a hypocrite. My confession: while I do not like working every weekend, it has been somewhat of a relief to me to be at work instead of church most Sundays for the past couple of months. I spend much of my free time at church. And it's no secret I feel much like a social misfit amongst everybody at church. I'm that crazy, spiritually challenged, friendly girl who likes to go dancing and is a little nutty. Not very pious. Not to mention I think, say and do a lot of things I probably shouldn't. I'm not saying OTHER people think this of me (though they might), but I think this of me among the crowd I run with at church. And I have been frustrated in the past, when bogged in by callings and meetings and more meetings, that all of these friends were people I didn't have things in common with. They weren't people I would choose for myself if I were to have friends. They are so different from me. And I don't feel quite myself when I'm around them all the time. I wanted friends like me. I wanted freedom to go find them and spend time with them.

But friends like me , or friends not like me, what makes somebody a friend? There are people I like to spend time with who I don't have much in common with. And of course, there are friends whom I DO have things in common with. Comparing the two, however, I'd say my more lasting freindships have been mostly with the people I DON'T have that much in common with. If not convenience and commonality, what is it that makes us feel so at home with these people we call "friends"? There are lots of quotes about this. Here are my thoughts on what makes a friend:

You Know They're A Friend When:

- having that person make fun of you is endearing
- you can give each other hugs any time you want or need to
- you don't have to call them back if you don't want to, and they won't hate you for it
- they can tell when you really NEED them to call you back
- they listen
- one of you can disappear from the planet for ages, and when you cross paths again it's like you never left.
- you have mutual respect, appreciation, and love for what makes you different
- you can trust them
- they're honest with you. Even if they don't think you'll agree with them or appreciate they're honesty all that much
- they can tell you you're being an idiot to your face
- you can tell them they're being an idiot to their face
- you can be honest with them, even if you think they'll think less of you, love you less, or be suspicious that you are off your rocker
- they "get you"
- you "get them" too
- you let them borrow your toothbrush
- Even though you hate needing anything, and imposing on anyone, if you had to do it, you would rather impose on or need something from them
- they get genuinely excited and glad about your big news
- you get really glad about their big news
- you send them flowers whenever you want to
- you actually have occasion to want to send them flowers
- If you were asked to save the world, and needed a band of superhero friends to save the world with you, you would choose them to be one of them
- you like to share what you have with them
- you go on a rafting trip and are quite sure you and all your friends are having the most fun on the river.

That's my list. I love friends. They make life much more fun.