Rafting Trips and Boyfriends

The Boys

Here I am on a slow Thursday afternoon. The weather is beautiful and I am very much looking forward to going home, running, cleaning house, and packing for a 4-day dog-sitting getaway at my boss's house with his two adorable, very dependent, spoiled, little dogs. I love dogs. Even these ones.

I will, as usual, be working all weekend, so that's not very exciting. But the weather will still be nice. And I shall have my evenings. And a very large, luxurious house. And I shall be very close to work while staying at my boss's house.

I plan to stop working on weekends soon. At least I'll work less. I promise.

Next weekend, for starters, I won't be working at all. I will be flying to Denver with many fun, adventurous friends for a rafting trip. I LOVE rafting. I love friends. I love going to places I've never been before, such as Breckenridge, Colorado and the Arkansas River. And I love that I will be wearing a wetsuit (worn, stretched, aged, smelly and used as it may be) and a hard hat and looking FAR from fashionable, with no make-up, while going down a river filled with fresh runoff from the snow which is sure to be freezing. Taking into consideration the fact that I hate few things more than being cold, it's safe to say I love some really odd things.

There are also some other interesting features to this weekend of outdoor fun. Male has finally agreed to join the group of adventurers (it just so happens we ended up having enough people to justify having 2 rooms, meaning boys and girls can now sleep separately. That was Male's only objection to going before). Funny enough, the other last minute group addition who bumped up the numbers and made this possible is my ex-boyfriend, Goofball -- one of two ex-boyfriends I have maintained a real friendship with.

I have slight anxiety about this trip -- more so than other trips in the past. You see, I plan trips with friends knowing I am putting random people together who have nothing in common except for the fact they are adventurous and they happen to know me. Heaven only knows how it's gonna go before the trip. But it usually works out (knock on wood). However, this is a not my typical random group.

Goofball and Male are, indeed, a different matter. Goofball has a very goofy and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor. Male, on the other hand, is very seldom inappropriate and even more seldomly amused by anything inappropriate. Also, Goofball REALLY likes to flirt. With anyone really, but with me too. And even if he keeps "flirting" to a minimum and is respectful of Male's "territory" or whatever, boys are weird and I can see potential for a wee bit of tension between the two. Even if Male is savvy enough to know there is no threat to our relationship posed by goofball... well, I just don't think boys are typically that secure.

To add to my concerns regarding Male, and what I think is really at the heart of my anxiety: on our last group trip, Male and I didn't fair very well. To be frank, it was a complete disaster. It's inexplicable after such an experience that we're still dating. Male dubbed that it was just a "bad weekend," and it's ok for couples to have bad weekends. And this is true. But I think the problem is that Male and I are completely socially different. This makes me think this coming weekend, and every other weekend spent on trips with large groups of friends, could be equally disastrous and traumatically bad for us. And that could be really bad. So, Goofball only stands to potentially exacerbate the already existing problem.

I knew all of this when I organized the trip, and was aware of the danger when I sent out the invite for the trip and included both Male and Goofball. So, it's not that this predicament has caught me unawares. In reality, I planned it! Though I didn't really plan this exact scenario. I just planned the potential for this scenario. Previously, Male wasn't even coming. And neither was Goofball. I had no idea that one would bring the other.

I'll call my lack of planning to avoid this, and the off-handed turn of events that has made it be so, "fate". So, as fate would have it, the rafting trip has turned into a test of sorts. Or, rather, ANOTHER test. I do this in my relationship with Male. Poor Male. But I can't help myself. It's fun. And a little dangerous. And necessary.

I tested him when I asked him to come over to meet almost my entire family while they were in town for a reunion. We'd only been out a few times, but I wanted to see if he'd do it and how he'd handle it. I asked his conservative self to come for a scandalous "weekend getaway" in Zion's to hike with me for the same reason (along with the fact I thought he'd love the hike). As it turns out, THAT test didn't give accurate results because despite the fact the weekend was a scandalous-looking weekend away with just us two, Male has proven to be very traditional and concerned about appearances --- which is what I was initially testing for. But that's neither here nor there.

Back to the current test. I asked both of these boys on the trip 1) to see if Male and I can manage to keep our relationship intact in the midst of groups and 2) well, really, I don't know what the point is of having him interact with Goofball. That may be just a bad idea. But it certainly increases the challenge. If Male and I manage to still get along and like each other after this weekend, I think we could handle any weekend with friends.

I don't really seek out these tests. They just come up, as events usually do. But I don't avoid them either. I'll give you a report of how this test turns out and whether or not Male and I pass or fail. Oh, the suspense! I can hardly handle it. And I'm sure you're all riveted.