So, my lovely sister has committed to atrocity of all atrocities and gotten me addicted to the inevitable show called "Sex and the City." I was watching it the other night, and although not so drastically caught up in the hyperbole of fake life filled with loose if not tenious meetings they like to call relationships, oddly realistic plights, thoughts and provocations usually encountered by individuals involved in relationships much longer than the show projects, and with much more devastating results than those profferred.
Yet, nonetheless, I am intrigued. I watch ritualistically like a ravenous beast eyeing its next feast. And why? Because even though I don't participate in 99% of the relationship activities presented in the show, I pose similar questions to myself, and as such, the question for today.
Can you date out of obedience, or is it delusion?
I pose this question because I often find myself in relationships, (my friends call me a serial "dater") that, well, sometimes I feel I am in them not for myself, but because I feel I am "supposed" to be in them. So, my question is, if you feel some inner drive, ambition, etc., that pushes you to date, or at least stay in a relationship with, a particular individual, that is other than attraction, desire to be with that person, or other seemingly "normative" reason for being in a relationship.
Sometimes I think this is simpy because I am a guy that follows always what he feels he is supposed to do, mostly because I don't trust logic in regards to relationships very often, and other times because it seems that relationships are so much a time and a space for growth and personal development.
If you truly are in to someone, most likely that individual is pushing you in ways that you wouldn't puch yourself. Hopefully exposing you to things that you normally wouldn't search out and explore on your own. Everything from the simple new flavors of ice cream and new types of food, to pushing and exploring personal and emotional barriers. (Hopefully in a helpful, uplifting, and personally strengthening way.)
But, can you date someone, and do dating justice, just by being in the relationship because you feel that you are supposed to be there? Do you miss out on all that yummy relationship goodness because you aren't even considering the notion of making a life with that person?
I have done it, or feel that I have done it, but was it right? was it progressive? Am I somewhere now that I could not have been save I made those previous decisions? Or if not me, is that person somewhere they are now, simply because of hopefully some good that came out of the obedient dating?
For now, I tend to think that you can date out of obedience, mostly because I trust that which I obey. But in the end, it all could be a self delusion leading to nothing more than a self praising denial of insecurity.
2 comments:
That all depends on what you want in a relationship. If you are merely in it for a variety of experiences and exposure to situations that will "teach" you things, then by all means, date because of obedience.
But then, isn't that assuming that you couldn't or wouldn't be learning anything if you were, say, single, or dating someone else? I mean, come on, no one person has a monopoly on interesting ways of being that can teach others lessons on patience or empathy (for example).
If your purpose is marriage then certainly dating from obedience is ludicrous. Afterall, if you know you won't marry this person it would be logical to continue looking for another you WOULD marry. In that case, the time for obedience is AFTER you are married. Then, when you have a day that you wonder why you are married, that's when duty kicks in and hopefully your romantic efforts.
And by the way, have you ever thought about the other person's possibilities. Personally, I think I'd rather have a relationship end than have the other person string it along because they thought they should. Think of their time you may be wasting, dating on and on, possibly leading them to believe marriage in a realistic conclusion when that is not the case. That's not very considerate. But that's just me. Good luck. :)
Thanks for your comments dolly d. I probably didn't enunciate all that was entailed in the obedience thing, and it wasn't necessarily only for the other person. Sometimes I have felt like I have dated out of obedience for lessons that I would learn from that experience rather than being there for the other person.
This wasn't indicative of a current relationship, just thoughts of what I have experienced in the past. But you bring up great points.
I have never really thought of the "other person's possibilities", mostly because if they wanted to date someone else, I always figured they just would. But you are right (I am being preemptive here), it just isn't that easy or that neatly packaged.
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