So, since most of the people that read this blog of female (I think that is true, but I could be wrong), i would love to hear a female's perspective (and if male's want to chime in, by all means do so....oh, and Kim...I'm calling you out!.....still can't believe you read this thing) on the following:
I have always been a 50/50 dater in my mind.....if I ask someone out it is there job to ask out for date 2 etc. (Ok, no pot shots here about me being more like a 70/30 (or 90/10) dater aka she asks me out like 5 times and I invite her over for a rented DVD!) I have abandoned that for the time being with a certain bit of trepidation.
My reasoning on the 50/50 is not so much that the girl pay or whatever, I could care less about that. It has more to do with the fact that I want to see some demonstrated initiative and interest. I think it is easy/easier to simply say yes to going to dinner with someone and be ready by 5 or 6pm on a given night, than to take the steps and say, "I would like to see you again and when."
But I would also say that it is important I think to show that interest. A boy like me has concerns of people taking him for a nice ride because he is a nice guy and is willing to pay for/prepare/organize a nice dinner/activity/clown makeup (don't ask), but not have any real interest in say......me. (Honestly, I haven't run in to this situation, but I hear its possible.....isn't it?)
So, that being said, and abandoning all previous notes.....I asked out lil' miss sunshine on date 3 (granted I did so well prior to her having a chance to being able to ask me out on date 3.) and it was really a good time, and I don't have any reservations or ill will about asking her.
However, I have had some conversation as of late about date 4 (Eclaires...I'm talking to you now!) and how it should proceed. I am of the opinion that she should take the initiative for date 4. Thoughts? Am I barking up a silly tree? Does it not really matter? Several individuals have indicated that the whole asking out thing is all about games and rules (which apparently I have a lot of...go figure, I'm a lawyer), and that if I want to go out with someone I should just ask them, but I think it is a much more delicate balance than that.
For starters, I tend to be attracted to intelligent women with quite a bit of backbone and that have some initiative. I like to see those qualities, and see a girl sort of take the proverbial bull by its horns and in my mind, putting the onus on the other to do the asking may tend to demonstrate some of those qualities.
2. Dating isn't all about what I want either. It is nice to see someone express more than in a passive sense, what they would like.
3. I'm sure there are lots of other reasons that I could make up for defending my position, but I really want to know if I'm being an idiot, and somehow in my deluded sense, asking a bunch of my sister's friends (and a few of mine) their opinion seems like I might get a little clarity.
Thoughts from the peanut gallery?
(P.S. the other thought I had, I have been thinking about for some time....in "what does a name really mean"...and to quote a timely New York Time article “What’s in a name?” Shakespeare asked. “That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”)
5 comments:
Yes, Jefe I read your blog. I am a firm believer in the 50/50 rule. But not all girls are. It would let you know if she is just looking a a "free" activity for the evening. Plus it does indicate if they are truely interested. Looking forward to hearing who makes the first move for #4!
Ahhh...the callout worked!! :) The joys! You aren't telling other people to read this blog are you?
Haven't told anyone, but if you are the least bit mean to me, I will! (Like that would happen)
Here are my thoughts: any girl would not go out with a guy 3 times without any interest...first date, sure. Second date, possibly, but not 3! So, keep on asking her, perhaps she likes chivalry...perhaps she is following Elder Oaks counsel and letting the guy ask out and go on DATES! As you continue to go out, hold hands, etc. I am sure she will start planning things, too...those are my 2 cents, take them for what they are worth!
Oh man, I wish I'd been keeping tabs along the way, but I'm gonna give my two cents anyway. Given the characteristics that you admire and see working in a woman who uses the 50/50 rule, to want it makes sense. However, making ANY rule that includes another person is tricky territory. They can't read your mind. They don't know what your rules are...unless you tell them (I'm guessing you wouldn't have told her this rule at this point). And, who knows, they may have even had the same rule you are endorsing, but have thrown it out feeling like it hasn't helped them the way they thought it should.
Just go with it. If you want to go out, you go out. The values you admire will come through somehow and at some time if they are there at all.
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