10. People want to give you their money.
9. As you recite your self-affirmations each morning, you can say with conviction, "You are too big to fail." The government agrees with you.
8. Sheryl Crowe will play at your business party.
7. You just bought Hugh Heffner's house on the cheap and surprise, surprise, the price tag came with a bonus package of 3 playmates, included with purchase.
6. Your employer promises you bonuses without you having to do anything at all. You can even do them harm, and they will still give you the money.
5. The government will also give you lots of money to do whatever you want with, and will then feign "frustration" later at their "surprising" inability to tell you how to use it.
4. Getting sued is no big deal. It turns out, settling for $15 million isn't so bad when you're subtracting it from $4 billion.
3. If you should feel animosity and hatred from the entire US population, you can always buy a small country of your own to rule and move there.
2. If your branch down-sizes, you can always go to Plan B -- a hot new seminar series -- how Bernie got away with it for so long, and how you can too.
1. Shareholders have an inability to discern the difference between being a top talent and being overpaid, but think that both are good, thus ensuring that you will never have to go to Plan B.
Banks are poopy. I want my money back.
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