So I don't write often, and I don't promise to write more often, but running my own law firm takes time....and dedication, and a whole host of other things that I care not to elaborate on. Anyways, for the several weeks I have been in deep thought (mind you, my depth doesn't get much deeper than the bottom of a jar of Maille, but that is another story.)
I assume everyone that knows me, knows my well complained about issues with sleep, lack of it, and lack of its consistency. Along with that comes my lack of dreaming, but usually I don't complain about that, I just think that it is odd....but alas that is not what has bothered me today despite their importance and potential relation to the current topic of demise.
For the last several weeks/months, I have been a little annoyed with myself in the way things are going. I had these little goals in my head of how things would go, where they would be, and what I would be required to do to take it there. A lot of those goals were professional, and some were personal. Surprisingly, a lot of those goals have been attained or are in the process of being attained, and yet I was frustrated. Every day I was waking up and attaining goals, and making things that I had set as goals when I was 5 a reality, yet I wanted more, or at least I wasn't happy with where I was at. One would think that if their "dreams" were being fulfilled that one would be happy. But that is the topic of the post...."DREAMS".
I began to internalize as to whether it was that my goals were not fulfilling. I feel like they are fulfilling, and as an everyday life, I actually enjoy them quite a bit. I think the world would look at them as respectable and admirable goals, and I don't think I am entirely a self-centered individual, although I won't claim that I am not selfish.
Well, if my goals were fulfilling, aren't my goals my dreams? OR are goals and dreams different? Are dreams that intangible thing which we lust after and goals the pragmatic steps that we take to get there?
What is a dream? Very tough to call. I have found myself feeling uninspired and a bit, hmmm.... shall we say calculated and pragmatic. I longed for the days when I would stare out the window and fantasize about being superman, or batman....and reflect back on how happy those day dreams made me feel, despite the fact that I knew they would never come into existence.
I know those around me would say that I am always dreaming of these wild and crazy endeavors that I get involved with, yet I never seem to feel like they are dreams. They seem like pragmatic, practical plans in an attempt to achieve very tangible and realistic goals (what is realistic to one may not be realistic to another.) Yet, I continue to wake up every day and wonder what it is in the world I am doing with myself. And then it hit me.
Have I failed to dream? What do I mean by that? I mean that I have failed to remove myself from the tangible every day practical part of life and think about the "if's" and the "what if's". The unattainable has become attainable, and therefore, my dreams have died...fortunately not because of depression or failure, but because of relative success (I am no millionaire). Odd to say that success has frustrated me, but it has. There is still challenge and things to work for, but they are attainable, or at least I feel like they are attainable.
It is that failure to keep the dream alive, to keep dreaming that has lead to the frustration. I have wondered over the last while what it was with me, and I wonder if that is the answer. That if failing to come up with new dreams, new ideas, new challenges and aspirations, that the old dreams which one has attained or failed, whichever is ones reality, the dreaming has been supplanted by the every day, the parts of life that keep us alive and make us human. The parts of life that sustain us in a temporal sense, but they do not keep our spirits alive, at least not my spirit alive.
I need to dream. I need to dream of that next mountain that needs to be climbed, or that little bit of dirt that I could cultivate an ant farm in. Whatever it is, I believe it is the continuous process of dreaming that keeps my spirit alive.
So alas, if you have felt similarly, or ideas in what it is you dream about and work for...chime in. Let me hear your thoughts...and maybe, just maybe I'll dream of writing a response! ;)
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Forgive Me
I know talking politics is the conversation of all conversations to end friendships and make people mad at you. BUT (I know, dangerous) I'm brimming with opinions and information that I must expunge from my insides and get out. I have been watching the candidates this season, as I think this is one of the most historically important presidential races I've ever seen or been able to vote in-- not really because of the candidates, but because of the time we are in and the issues and problems we face. It's a time when I think people are unusually aware what we do right now matters. We see need, we see job loss, we see warfare, we see danger, we see terrorism, we see disasters -- a lot of real threats that were considerably smaller and more removed from the population during previous elections. And, just to clarify, I do usually vote in local and other elections. It's not that I suddenly thought I should care about voting. I just have a remarkably heightened interest in the issues, policies and candidates for this election.
I can't help but listen. I also can't help that I am brimming over at the moment with outrage, excitement, fear and suspense to see how it all is playing out. My brimming has driven me to blog. Before I rant, I would like you all to know -- I am a lover of dissenting opinions and I hope you likewise won't love me any less should I not support yours.
I just got off the phone with Ben and he accused me of having "negative energy" towards McCain. I was taken aback by his accusation. But, as happens on occasion, he's right. The man (McCain, not Ben)really makes me uncomfortable. What can I say? I think he's an unpredictable maverick -- which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing, really - who has sold out his vote since 2005 to vie for the support of the Republicans (I AM sure that end part is a bad thing). I looked over his voting record and one of my favorite examples of his fair weather independence was the Bush tax breaks for the rich. McCain voted against them in 2003, voted for them in 2006 and now says he doesn't agree with them but says they must be kept. How does that make sense? I think it's also interesting that he voted not to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in 2005 and now has it as a main campaign policy issue that he WANTS to open it up for drilling. This does not make sense to me either . But it does help me understand why he picked Palin as his vice president, as she and her husband are from Alaska and her husband works for BP, won the TESORO snowmobile race 4 times and was sponsored by "SEVERAL" oil companies for racing each year -- a man with connections. If I liked oil like Bush, and now McCain, I'd pick her too. And I still fail to see why his POW experience, while nothing to mock or make light of (sincerely nothing but respect and remorse for that), helps qualify him to be president. I just get confused why they mention it in every news article and interview like he did something politically influential with that. It's a tragedy, and should draw into question his mental stability and possible residual trauma he may have. It's not a presidential resume piece.
Palin-- well, she's a whole 'nother ball game. I was surprised by the Republican stunt show to lash out at the media for daring to question whether or not McCain's people looked into her background. Why is that not a legitimate concern? Should motives for picking a vice presidential candidate really be of no concern to anybody? Of course they shouldn't be. That's silly. (Please, read as being heavily laced with sarcasm) And other issues: the woman just had a son with down syndrome, and has a pregnant teenage daughter. Maybe I'm the only one to think this way, but here's how I see it: the woman is a mother with a down-syndrome INFANT who is likely to demand a lot of care. She has a grandchild on the way with a daughter not capable of caring for the child on her own and an obvious track record for bad judgement (on at least one occasion). These seem to me to be good, sound reasons to question if a demanding public career as the Vice President of the United States is the most important thing to do right now. It's not that she should be banished for having family issues or that she's a bad mom. But might she need to afford her family some of her time to deal with and take care of these things? She has a freaking baby with DOWN SYNDROME! Oh, sorry, I already mentioned that. But of course, what am I thinking? It sounds like a great time to take on Washington and battle pork barrel spending (yes, I'm being sarcastic again). Family, shmamily. If she was a Democratic candidate, the Republicans would be having a field day with this mess. I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, but I'M having a field day with this mess. I think it's absolutely absurd. After that, it merely adds to the absurdity that she has virtually no political experience. But she IS from Alaska, where there's oil -- AND where her sky high approval ratings come from a population that already pays no state taxes and to whom she just gave extra $1000 rebates for everyone. Tell me again why she's a good vice presidential pick? Oh right, her husband's connections. And because you shouldn't judge her because of the scandals that keep popping up. I forget.
On the other side of things, I have significantly less negative energy:
I like Obama. I like that Obama wants to put deadlines for leaving Iraq, like being completely out by 2013. I think that's a reasonable exit strategy rather than an abandoning strategy, which is the reputation I think it gets. And I like it much better than the Republican stance that we can't put a time table on leaving -- despite the fact Iraq has asked us to "hurry up and get out", without mincing too many words. But we're there for them, of course. And that's why we're staying, even if they don't want us to. It's not the oil. (Yes, you got it. More sarcasm.). I like that Obama wants to provide debt forgiveness for families who are going into bankruptcy because of unavoidable medical bills. I like that he wants to raise minimum wage and has voted for minimum wage increases. I like that his foreign policy views are more towards promoting conversation with foreign nations rather than what our recent foreign policy has been which is to not talk and then threaten. And I like that Obama supports renewable energy funding bills and talks about electric cars, as opposed to McCain who voted to defund those bills and who supports hydrogen fuel cell technology which is 15 to 20 years out from being viable, and has been 15 to 20 years out from being viable for the last 15 to 20 years (and will perpetually be 15 to 20 years out from being viable). In regards to Biden, I don't know as much. He doesn't seem to be riddled with nearly as much scandal as Palin, but I'll do research to see what I think. And I promise not to blog about it as this tirade will be enough political jargon to appease my bursting at the seams. (And I'm willing to bet you were done after my 2nd paragraph. Is anyone reading this far into this blog entry? No? I didn't think so.).
I know a lot of Republicans. I live in Utah, so that's expected. I'm also Mormon, so it's even more expected. And I am still surprised sometimes to hear such adamant support and approval for the Republican candidates. I know, silly. I'm just a little nutty like that. But I still am surprised. Admittedly, I'm not sure that I love Obama. But do I have to? No politician can offer everything they promise, and they've all been bought out to some degree. It seems standard par for the presidential race course that I must always try to pick the lesser of two evils. And I know Obama carries the mark of a Democrat, which is generally accepted as evil. But really, aren't there worse crimes? Like lying about why you're leading a nation into war, or being the man who agrees and adamantly supports all policies and decisions of the man who lied about why he led a nation to war? Of course, that's not the only reason I dislike Bush. But I don't NEED to tell you why I dislike Bush. If you read, watch tv, or ever get out of the house, I'm sure you've heard a thing or two, if not from his enemies then straight from the dim bulb himself. And maybe Obama can't deliver all the change he promises. But he promises not to agree with Bush. I REALLY like that. And I can't say as much for McCain. He touts being a maverick, but I really think he just became a nonmaverick as soon as went for getting the Republican nomination, so he doesn't have that to stand on anymore.
After 8 years of Bush, and with the platforms I've seen these candidates running on, I'd rather risk the nation's next four years on the less experienced Democrat than the bought-out Republican maverick. I just can't help it. And I can't help but tell you why I can't help it. It seems so obvious to me. The sheer outrage of it all! Why does everyone not see things like I do?!?! (Again, I'm being sarcastic there. But really, in my heart of hearts, only half sarcastic this time. Or a quarter sarcastic. NO --- half.:))
Note -- the info I researched on the candidates about their past records was mostly found on a nonpartisan website called ontheissues.org, though I also visited both of the candidates sites and regularly peruse news articles from the NY Times, Washington Post and a few other papers, and have watched some interviews. Of course, none of it it is completely impartial, as I believe no American media information is-- but it's as impartial as I could find.
Note #2 -- even if the material I read may have succeeded in being impartial, I do realize, and you should to, that I do not succeed in being impartial in most things. But I'm sure that was obvious. Never mind. I don't need to tell you that.
Another note -- one of the most politically maddening, but fascinating documentary movies I have watched recently was called, "Who Killed The Electric Car". The movie is definitely not politically neutral, but it really does present you with some interesting information. And it was influential in turning me from politically semi-interested to brimming with curiosity enough to start really paying attention. I highly recommend the movie to all, whether you lean Republican or Democrat.
Anyhow, that's it. So you have permission to hate it all, if in fact you've even read this far. You may ignore it. You may prove me wrong and tell me what's what. But could you still love me anyway? Please? I'm a people pleaser/peace keeper kind of person like that. And I'd really like you not to hate me for above-mentioned scandalous political statements. I'm really sorry about all this tirade stuff. Really. Kinda. But not totally.
In any case, I'm done now.
I can't help but listen. I also can't help that I am brimming over at the moment with outrage, excitement, fear and suspense to see how it all is playing out. My brimming has driven me to blog. Before I rant, I would like you all to know -- I am a lover of dissenting opinions and I hope you likewise won't love me any less should I not support yours.
I just got off the phone with Ben and he accused me of having "negative energy" towards McCain. I was taken aback by his accusation. But, as happens on occasion, he's right. The man (McCain, not Ben)really makes me uncomfortable. What can I say? I think he's an unpredictable maverick -- which I'm not sure is a good or bad thing, really - who has sold out his vote since 2005 to vie for the support of the Republicans (I AM sure that end part is a bad thing). I looked over his voting record and one of my favorite examples of his fair weather independence was the Bush tax breaks for the rich. McCain voted against them in 2003, voted for them in 2006 and now says he doesn't agree with them but says they must be kept. How does that make sense? I think it's also interesting that he voted not to open up the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) in 2005 and now has it as a main campaign policy issue that he WANTS to open it up for drilling. This does not make sense to me either . But it does help me understand why he picked Palin as his vice president, as she and her husband are from Alaska and her husband works for BP, won the TESORO snowmobile race 4 times and was sponsored by "SEVERAL" oil companies for racing each year -- a man with connections. If I liked oil like Bush, and now McCain, I'd pick her too. And I still fail to see why his POW experience, while nothing to mock or make light of (sincerely nothing but respect and remorse for that), helps qualify him to be president. I just get confused why they mention it in every news article and interview like he did something politically influential with that. It's a tragedy, and should draw into question his mental stability and possible residual trauma he may have. It's not a presidential resume piece.
Palin-- well, she's a whole 'nother ball game. I was surprised by the Republican stunt show to lash out at the media for daring to question whether or not McCain's people looked into her background. Why is that not a legitimate concern? Should motives for picking a vice presidential candidate really be of no concern to anybody? Of course they shouldn't be. That's silly. (Please, read as being heavily laced with sarcasm) And other issues: the woman just had a son with down syndrome, and has a pregnant teenage daughter. Maybe I'm the only one to think this way, but here's how I see it: the woman is a mother with a down-syndrome INFANT who is likely to demand a lot of care. She has a grandchild on the way with a daughter not capable of caring for the child on her own and an obvious track record for bad judgement (on at least one occasion). These seem to me to be good, sound reasons to question if a demanding public career as the Vice President of the United States is the most important thing to do right now. It's not that she should be banished for having family issues or that she's a bad mom. But might she need to afford her family some of her time to deal with and take care of these things? She has a freaking baby with DOWN SYNDROME! Oh, sorry, I already mentioned that. But of course, what am I thinking? It sounds like a great time to take on Washington and battle pork barrel spending (yes, I'm being sarcastic again). Family, shmamily. If she was a Democratic candidate, the Republicans would be having a field day with this mess. I'm not a Republican or a Democrat, but I'M having a field day with this mess. I think it's absolutely absurd. After that, it merely adds to the absurdity that she has virtually no political experience. But she IS from Alaska, where there's oil -- AND where her sky high approval ratings come from a population that already pays no state taxes and to whom she just gave extra $1000 rebates for everyone. Tell me again why she's a good vice presidential pick? Oh right, her husband's connections. And because you shouldn't judge her because of the scandals that keep popping up. I forget.
On the other side of things, I have significantly less negative energy:
I like Obama. I like that Obama wants to put deadlines for leaving Iraq, like being completely out by 2013. I think that's a reasonable exit strategy rather than an abandoning strategy, which is the reputation I think it gets. And I like it much better than the Republican stance that we can't put a time table on leaving -- despite the fact Iraq has asked us to "hurry up and get out", without mincing too many words. But we're there for them, of course. And that's why we're staying, even if they don't want us to. It's not the oil. (Yes, you got it. More sarcasm.). I like that Obama wants to provide debt forgiveness for families who are going into bankruptcy because of unavoidable medical bills. I like that he wants to raise minimum wage and has voted for minimum wage increases. I like that his foreign policy views are more towards promoting conversation with foreign nations rather than what our recent foreign policy has been which is to not talk and then threaten. And I like that Obama supports renewable energy funding bills and talks about electric cars, as opposed to McCain who voted to defund those bills and who supports hydrogen fuel cell technology which is 15 to 20 years out from being viable, and has been 15 to 20 years out from being viable for the last 15 to 20 years (and will perpetually be 15 to 20 years out from being viable). In regards to Biden, I don't know as much. He doesn't seem to be riddled with nearly as much scandal as Palin, but I'll do research to see what I think. And I promise not to blog about it as this tirade will be enough political jargon to appease my bursting at the seams. (And I'm willing to bet you were done after my 2nd paragraph. Is anyone reading this far into this blog entry? No? I didn't think so.).
I know a lot of Republicans. I live in Utah, so that's expected. I'm also Mormon, so it's even more expected. And I am still surprised sometimes to hear such adamant support and approval for the Republican candidates. I know, silly. I'm just a little nutty like that. But I still am surprised. Admittedly, I'm not sure that I love Obama. But do I have to? No politician can offer everything they promise, and they've all been bought out to some degree. It seems standard par for the presidential race course that I must always try to pick the lesser of two evils. And I know Obama carries the mark of a Democrat, which is generally accepted as evil. But really, aren't there worse crimes? Like lying about why you're leading a nation into war, or being the man who agrees and adamantly supports all policies and decisions of the man who lied about why he led a nation to war? Of course, that's not the only reason I dislike Bush. But I don't NEED to tell you why I dislike Bush. If you read, watch tv, or ever get out of the house, I'm sure you've heard a thing or two, if not from his enemies then straight from the dim bulb himself. And maybe Obama can't deliver all the change he promises. But he promises not to agree with Bush. I REALLY like that. And I can't say as much for McCain. He touts being a maverick, but I really think he just became a nonmaverick as soon as went for getting the Republican nomination, so he doesn't have that to stand on anymore.
After 8 years of Bush, and with the platforms I've seen these candidates running on, I'd rather risk the nation's next four years on the less experienced Democrat than the bought-out Republican maverick. I just can't help it. And I can't help but tell you why I can't help it. It seems so obvious to me. The sheer outrage of it all! Why does everyone not see things like I do?!?! (Again, I'm being sarcastic there. But really, in my heart of hearts, only half sarcastic this time. Or a quarter sarcastic. NO --- half.:))
Note -- the info I researched on the candidates about their past records was mostly found on a nonpartisan website called ontheissues.org, though I also visited both of the candidates sites and regularly peruse news articles from the NY Times, Washington Post and a few other papers, and have watched some interviews. Of course, none of it it is completely impartial, as I believe no American media information is-- but it's as impartial as I could find.
Note #2 -- even if the material I read may have succeeded in being impartial, I do realize, and you should to, that I do not succeed in being impartial in most things. But I'm sure that was obvious. Never mind. I don't need to tell you that.
Another note -- one of the most politically maddening, but fascinating documentary movies I have watched recently was called, "Who Killed The Electric Car". The movie is definitely not politically neutral, but it really does present you with some interesting information. And it was influential in turning me from politically semi-interested to brimming with curiosity enough to start really paying attention. I highly recommend the movie to all, whether you lean Republican or Democrat.
Anyhow, that's it. So you have permission to hate it all, if in fact you've even read this far. You may ignore it. You may prove me wrong and tell me what's what. But could you still love me anyway? Please? I'm a people pleaser/peace keeper kind of person like that. And I'd really like you not to hate me for above-mentioned scandalous political statements. I'm really sorry about all this tirade stuff. Really. Kinda. But not totally.
In any case, I'm done now.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Made For Me
It's interesting, the things you learn over the years and how long it can actually take to figure things out. Even basic things. The evolution of becoming a woman. Not just a woman, but a knowledgeable woman. A woman who has self awareness and seems to have it together. We have LOADS to figure out -- like how to get the right bra, plucking eye brows, learning to blend your foundation into the chin/neck area so you don't have a line, buying clothes that aren't too baggy OR too tight. Figuring out how to shave without gashing your legs everywhere. Learning what colors you can and can't wear, learning to appreciate a real haircut instead of having your mom put a bowl over your head and trimming around the edges, learning how to be sexy without showing all of your cleavage/legs/back/belly/body. Learning everything. There's so much to learn and figure out. And for some it takes a while.
For me, it takes an especially long while. But I'd like you to know, I have just hit a milestone of progress on my womanly journey.
I have had an understanding, since I was about 23, that I just have bad skin. But even after acne meds, I would still have blemishes pretty consisently (though admittedly they were fewer), so I accepted the idea that my skin was just not the best,... genetically defective and not meant to be clear... except for maybe sometime in my 70's when all my hormones had dried up and subsequently stopped messing with my face. Sometimes you just can't beat nature.
Despite this understanding and accepting of my flaws, there was a small little corner of me that was in denial and refused to believe this. This small corner of me was certain the problem was my face products and that I just have incredibly sensitive skin. This small corner of me urged me on to search high and low from drug store to department store to beauty product store to online store to pyramid scheme business, experimenting with, purchasing and returning egads of lotions, face washes, face serums and the like -- all in the name of clearer skin.
I'm 28 years old and I'd just like you to know, that little corner of me was right. I'm not crazy after all! Ok, maybe I am. But I was at least not crazy in this regard. And my quest is over. Hallelujah! It couldn't have come at a better time. ok, I lie. A better time would have been at least 14 years ago. But better late than never, right? And when late is still BEFORE your wedding day pictures, I don't feel I should complain.
I don't think these products are for everyone, as everybody's skin is different, but should you have incredibly sensitive skin like I, you too might be seeking friendly products. Here's my findings from years of research: I have newly found two products: 1) dermatlogica's ultracalming cleanser and 2) hope in a jar's therapeutic moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin. And I didn't capitalize the names of those products because they're not capitalized on the actual product packaging. They both have very little in them and nothing to rub skin raw, irritate or put harsh, alcoholic fragrances or burning chemical face brightening or whatever crap on your skin. No anti-aging, no skin plumping, no nothing. The one moisturizes and the other washes. That's it. Neither of them have spf, but if you're an spf junkie, they do have face lotion from philosophy's hope in a jar that does have spf. For me, I went without that as I have figured out the LESS ingredients in the bottle, the better off I am.
One thing down, a few thousand more to go. The journey of womanhood is long, and it is hard. Boys will never understand completely. But it's so encouraging and rewarding when you finally figure something out. I'm one step closer, though I'm not sure to what. And I'm one notch more confident. I understand myself that much more. Progress always feels good. And, in this case, looks even better. :) How refreshing.
For me, it takes an especially long while. But I'd like you to know, I have just hit a milestone of progress on my womanly journey.
I have had an understanding, since I was about 23, that I just have bad skin. But even after acne meds, I would still have blemishes pretty consisently (though admittedly they were fewer), so I accepted the idea that my skin was just not the best,... genetically defective and not meant to be clear... except for maybe sometime in my 70's when all my hormones had dried up and subsequently stopped messing with my face. Sometimes you just can't beat nature.
Despite this understanding and accepting of my flaws, there was a small little corner of me that was in denial and refused to believe this. This small corner of me was certain the problem was my face products and that I just have incredibly sensitive skin. This small corner of me urged me on to search high and low from drug store to department store to beauty product store to online store to pyramid scheme business, experimenting with, purchasing and returning egads of lotions, face washes, face serums and the like -- all in the name of clearer skin.
I'm 28 years old and I'd just like you to know, that little corner of me was right. I'm not crazy after all! Ok, maybe I am. But I was at least not crazy in this regard. And my quest is over. Hallelujah! It couldn't have come at a better time. ok, I lie. A better time would have been at least 14 years ago. But better late than never, right? And when late is still BEFORE your wedding day pictures, I don't feel I should complain.
I don't think these products are for everyone, as everybody's skin is different, but should you have incredibly sensitive skin like I, you too might be seeking friendly products. Here's my findings from years of research: I have newly found two products: 1) dermatlogica's ultracalming cleanser and 2) hope in a jar's therapeutic moisturizer for dry, sensitive skin. And I didn't capitalize the names of those products because they're not capitalized on the actual product packaging. They both have very little in them and nothing to rub skin raw, irritate or put harsh, alcoholic fragrances or burning chemical face brightening or whatever crap on your skin. No anti-aging, no skin plumping, no nothing. The one moisturizes and the other washes. That's it. Neither of them have spf, but if you're an spf junkie, they do have face lotion from philosophy's hope in a jar that does have spf. For me, I went without that as I have figured out the LESS ingredients in the bottle, the better off I am.
One thing down, a few thousand more to go. The journey of womanhood is long, and it is hard. Boys will never understand completely. But it's so encouraging and rewarding when you finally figure something out. I'm one step closer, though I'm not sure to what. And I'm one notch more confident. I understand myself that much more. Progress always feels good. And, in this case, looks even better. :) How refreshing.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Shoes, Clothes and all manner of attire
You'd think getting the dress would be the most difficult of wedding wardrobe needs. Indeed not, by my experience. I am, at this moment, sitting in a living room filled with over $4000 (totally to 12 pairs or so) worth of shoes from Zappos, Shoe.com and some other website, wondering which will be 1) the most useful in the future, 2) the most fun, 3) the most well priced for the amount of use, and 4) the most comfortable. This is, of course, absolutely absurd and hilarious because the only function they will serve on my wedding day is to make me tall enough so my dress doesn't drag on the ground and get me from place to place with relative ease. Nobody will be able to see them. And yet, here I am, something blue, something red, something gold, something silver, something sequined...... Oh my.
I got to thinking about clothes today and the significance in what you wear (not just on a wedding day, but in every day) and all it communicates about a person. I was actually thinking about this because I was feeling a wee bit uncomfortable in my own clothes -- not because they didn't fit right and not because they didn't look good. I was sufficiently satisfied with my clothes on both accounts. No, no, it was for quite different reasons.
You see, I was working today, but I wasn't the most productive (I'll be honest, I had an incredibly hard time focusing. My boss probably got a good 3 hours out my 8 that were worth paying me for.). As I went out on my lunch break to meet with the reception caterers, (this was about midday when I'd accomplished almost nothing), I felt like I was a bunch of pomp and circumstance.
Why would I feel bad? Because I know my clothes. They are, as I am a bit of a bargain shopper and a brand & fit snob, pretty nice and, at full price (though I usually get clothes on sale) almost always out of my price range and certainly out of my income bracket. But I get them anyway. And normally I don't mind this. In fact I very much approve and enjoy this. I feel that, especially in regards to my career and how I should present myself, it's a proper and well-fitted presentation. But not today. Today I felt like I didn't deserve to wear the clothes. I just felt like an overdresses, spoiled, entitled brat. Admittedly, as I thought this, I also thought of that sacreligious bit in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, when God is talking to them through the parted clouds, telling them to stop groveling and how he hates it when people grovel and to stop apologizing, blah, blah, blah. I laugh at the absurdity of my guilty conscience on occasion. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel a little guilty.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I was really crappy at taking care of business today. Thus, I didn't feel comfortable in my nice work clothes. However, different clothes are different in this regard. On my wedding day, I imagine I'll feel quite the part and up for wearing the wedding dress. But not on any other day, I think.Then I think of evening gowns --- evening gowns are just a lovely thing because all you have to do to feel up for and appropriate to one of those is to get done up and have somewhere nice to go. Sometimes not even that. But career attire -- you really got to have things together to wear it well. They're a tricky thing, clothes. Sometimes outsides really do match the insides. Of coures, I suppose some people don't have to match their clothes. Like those people who don't really care or pay attention to their clothes -- though I just can't imagine... How interesting. How do they do it? And then you have Hollywood. It's almost entirely pomp and circumstance there (in my humbe opinion). In any case, no matter whether other people do it or not, I like to match inside and out. Or at least to think that I do. :)
I got to thinking about clothes today and the significance in what you wear (not just on a wedding day, but in every day) and all it communicates about a person. I was actually thinking about this because I was feeling a wee bit uncomfortable in my own clothes -- not because they didn't fit right and not because they didn't look good. I was sufficiently satisfied with my clothes on both accounts. No, no, it was for quite different reasons.
You see, I was working today, but I wasn't the most productive (I'll be honest, I had an incredibly hard time focusing. My boss probably got a good 3 hours out my 8 that were worth paying me for.). As I went out on my lunch break to meet with the reception caterers, (this was about midday when I'd accomplished almost nothing), I felt like I was a bunch of pomp and circumstance.
Why would I feel bad? Because I know my clothes. They are, as I am a bit of a bargain shopper and a brand & fit snob, pretty nice and, at full price (though I usually get clothes on sale) almost always out of my price range and certainly out of my income bracket. But I get them anyway. And normally I don't mind this. In fact I very much approve and enjoy this. I feel that, especially in regards to my career and how I should present myself, it's a proper and well-fitted presentation. But not today. Today I felt like I didn't deserve to wear the clothes. I just felt like an overdresses, spoiled, entitled brat. Admittedly, as I thought this, I also thought of that sacreligious bit in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail, when God is talking to them through the parted clouds, telling them to stop groveling and how he hates it when people grovel and to stop apologizing, blah, blah, blah. I laugh at the absurdity of my guilty conscience on occasion. But it doesn't change the fact that I still feel a little guilty.
Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I was really crappy at taking care of business today. Thus, I didn't feel comfortable in my nice work clothes. However, different clothes are different in this regard. On my wedding day, I imagine I'll feel quite the part and up for wearing the wedding dress. But not on any other day, I think.Then I think of evening gowns --- evening gowns are just a lovely thing because all you have to do to feel up for and appropriate to one of those is to get done up and have somewhere nice to go. Sometimes not even that. But career attire -- you really got to have things together to wear it well. They're a tricky thing, clothes. Sometimes outsides really do match the insides. Of coures, I suppose some people don't have to match their clothes. Like those people who don't really care or pay attention to their clothes -- though I just can't imagine... How interesting. How do they do it? And then you have Hollywood. It's almost entirely pomp and circumstance there (in my humbe opinion). In any case, no matter whether other people do it or not, I like to match inside and out. Or at least to think that I do. :)
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