I just got back from a weekend rafting trip with 5 friends. It was one of the most enjoyable weekends I can recall. It made me reflect on my recent trip to Vegas with 3 other friends. Equally enjoyable. In a couple days I will have a lovely Scrabble get-together with a couple other friends I haven't seen for a while. And I got a letter in the mail last week from a childhood friend of mine. The friendship between her and I is one that transcends convenience and commonalities because we've known each other for forever, we know each other all too well and we know each other to be, simply, irreplaceable.
Last week, I was speaking with a gentleman who is participating in a housing program. He has been building a house for the last year, spending all of his free time at the work site, along with seven other families who are doing the same thing. He said he is tired. Understandable! But he is more than just tired of building. While he gets along and cares about all these people he is building homes with, he said he wouldn't hang out with these people if he didn't have to. And he misses hanging out with friends of his choosing.
I think, when I hear this at first, that he's missing something. How could you not cherish these friendships more?! Some of the people I've "had" to serve with and be around are people I have loved and wouldn't trade their friendships for the world.
And then, I rethink. I am so quick to judge. Bad thing to do because then I find myself a hypocrite. My confession: while I do not like working every weekend, it has been somewhat of a relief to me to be at work instead of church most Sundays for the past couple of months. I spend much of my free time at church. And it's no secret I feel much like a social misfit amongst everybody at church. I'm that crazy, spiritually challenged, friendly girl who likes to go dancing and is a little nutty. Not very pious. Not to mention I think, say and do a lot of things I probably shouldn't. I'm not saying OTHER people think this of me (though they might), but I think this of me among the crowd I run with at church. And I have been frustrated in the past, when bogged in by callings and meetings and more meetings, that all of these friends were people I didn't have things in common with. They weren't people I would choose for myself if I were to have friends. They are so different from me. And I don't feel quite myself when I'm around them all the time. I wanted friends like me. I wanted freedom to go find them and spend time with them.
But friends like me , or friends not like me, what makes somebody a friend? There are people I like to spend time with who I don't have much in common with. And of course, there are friends whom I DO have things in common with. Comparing the two, however, I'd say my more lasting freindships have been mostly with the people I DON'T have that much in common with. If not convenience and commonality, what is it that makes us feel so at home with these people we call "friends"? There are lots of quotes about this. Here are my thoughts on what makes a friend:
You Know They're A Friend When:
- having that person make fun of you is endearing
- you can give each other hugs any time you want or need to
- you don't have to call them back if you don't want to, and they won't hate you for it
- they can tell when you really NEED them to call you back
- they listen
- one of you can disappear from the planet for ages, and when you cross paths again it's like you never left.
- you have mutual respect, appreciation, and love for what makes you different
- you can trust them
- they're honest with you. Even if they don't think you'll agree with them or appreciate they're honesty all that much
- they can tell you you're being an idiot to your face
- you can tell them they're being an idiot to their face
- you can be honest with them, even if you think they'll think less of you, love you less, or be suspicious that you are off your rocker
- they "get you"
- you "get them" too
- you let them borrow your toothbrush
- Even though you hate needing anything, and imposing on anyone, if you had to do it, you would rather impose on or need something from them
- they get genuinely excited and glad about your big news
- you get really glad about their big news
- you send them flowers whenever you want to
- you actually have occasion to want to send them flowers
- If you were asked to save the world, and needed a band of superhero friends to save the world with you, you would choose them to be one of them
- you like to share what you have with them
- you go on a rafting trip and are quite sure you and all your friends are having the most fun on the river.
That's my list. I love friends. They make life much more fun.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
The weekly word: "Probably"
After a recent conversation with my dear sweet co-blogger, the thought occurred to me that it would be great to have a weekly "word" post. Take a word that is generally used, but sometimes can lead to confusion. Which brings us to todays word "Probably".
What does probably mean? What happens when a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling/etc. tells you that they will probably meet you somewhere? What is required protocol for using "probably" in an arrangement to make plans.
Well, let's get some easy ground concepts down first. Primarily, probably means that further conversation is needed. Whether or not you will "probably" do something, it isn't definite, but can be anticipated and planned on, and at the very least, some sort of communication confirming or canceling the plans should take place.
If you are "probably" going to a movie, then you are definitely going to talk/discuss when, where, etc. I would argue that both people can count on the activity happening with the caveat that there is allowance for cancellation without annoyance disappointment, or other unkindly feelings.
What probably is not is a "maybe." Although I won't get into what a "maybe" means, probably is more on the likelihood of a 75% chance or more of occurring. Depending on the person, it could even be as high as 85%. It isn't as high as a "most likely" or a "definitely", but has far more dependence than a "maybe".
A probably can be put in the day planner in ink, with allowance for cross-out. It doesn't need pencil so either you or the other can cancel. And if you don't cancel a "probably", it is as good as not canceling a "definitely". After all, someone is still counting and planning on something, and unless they hear otherwise, YOU'RE RUDE!
So, please use PROBABLY appropriately in your future conversations and life.
What does probably mean? What happens when a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/sibling/etc. tells you that they will probably meet you somewhere? What is required protocol for using "probably" in an arrangement to make plans.
Well, let's get some easy ground concepts down first. Primarily, probably means that further conversation is needed. Whether or not you will "probably" do something, it isn't definite, but can be anticipated and planned on, and at the very least, some sort of communication confirming or canceling the plans should take place.
If you are "probably" going to a movie, then you are definitely going to talk/discuss when, where, etc. I would argue that both people can count on the activity happening with the caveat that there is allowance for cancellation without annoyance disappointment, or other unkindly feelings.
What probably is not is a "maybe." Although I won't get into what a "maybe" means, probably is more on the likelihood of a 75% chance or more of occurring. Depending on the person, it could even be as high as 85%. It isn't as high as a "most likely" or a "definitely", but has far more dependence than a "maybe".
A probably can be put in the day planner in ink, with allowance for cross-out. It doesn't need pencil so either you or the other can cancel. And if you don't cancel a "probably", it is as good as not canceling a "definitely". After all, someone is still counting and planning on something, and unless they hear otherwise, YOU'RE RUDE!
So, please use PROBABLY appropriately in your future conversations and life.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Rafting Trips and Boyfriends
The Boys
Here I am on a slow Thursday afternoon. The weather is beautiful and I am very much looking forward to going home, running, cleaning house, and packing for a 4-day dog-sitting getaway at my boss's house with his two adorable, very dependent, spoiled, little dogs. I love dogs. Even these ones.
I will, as usual, be working all weekend, so that's not very exciting. But the weather will still be nice. And I shall have my evenings. And a very large, luxurious house. And I shall be very close to work while staying at my boss's house.
I plan to stop working on weekends soon. At least I'll work less. I promise.
Next weekend, for starters, I won't be working at all. I will be flying to Denver with many fun, adventurous friends for a rafting trip. I LOVE rafting. I love friends. I love going to places I've never been before, such as Breckenridge, Colorado and the Arkansas River. And I love that I will be wearing a wetsuit (worn, stretched, aged, smelly and used as it may be) and a hard hat and looking FAR from fashionable, with no make-up, while going down a river filled with fresh runoff from the snow which is sure to be freezing. Taking into consideration the fact that I hate few things more than being cold, it's safe to say I love some really odd things.
There are also some other interesting features to this weekend of outdoor fun. Male has finally agreed to join the group of adventurers (it just so happens we ended up having enough people to justify having 2 rooms, meaning boys and girls can now sleep separately. That was Male's only objection to going before). Funny enough, the other last minute group addition who bumped up the numbers and made this possible is my ex-boyfriend, Goofball -- one of two ex-boyfriends I have maintained a real friendship with.
I have slight anxiety about this trip -- more so than other trips in the past. You see, I plan trips with friends knowing I am putting random people together who have nothing in common except for the fact they are adventurous and they happen to know me. Heaven only knows how it's gonna go before the trip. But it usually works out (knock on wood). However, this is a not my typical random group.
Goofball and Male are, indeed, a different matter. Goofball has a very goofy and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor. Male, on the other hand, is very seldom inappropriate and even more seldomly amused by anything inappropriate. Also, Goofball REALLY likes to flirt. With anyone really, but with me too. And even if he keeps "flirting" to a minimum and is respectful of Male's "territory" or whatever, boys are weird and I can see potential for a wee bit of tension between the two. Even if Male is savvy enough to know there is no threat to our relationship posed by goofball... well, I just don't think boys are typically that secure.
To add to my concerns regarding Male, and what I think is really at the heart of my anxiety: on our last group trip, Male and I didn't fair very well. To be frank, it was a complete disaster. It's inexplicable after such an experience that we're still dating. Male dubbed that it was just a "bad weekend," and it's ok for couples to have bad weekends. And this is true. But I think the problem is that Male and I are completely socially different. This makes me think this coming weekend, and every other weekend spent on trips with large groups of friends, could be equally disastrous and traumatically bad for us. And that could be really bad. So, Goofball only stands to potentially exacerbate the already existing problem.
I knew all of this when I organized the trip, and was aware of the danger when I sent out the invite for the trip and included both Male and Goofball. So, it's not that this predicament has caught me unawares. In reality, I planned it! Though I didn't really plan this exact scenario. I just planned the potential for this scenario. Previously, Male wasn't even coming. And neither was Goofball. I had no idea that one would bring the other.
I'll call my lack of planning to avoid this, and the off-handed turn of events that has made it be so, "fate". So, as fate would have it, the rafting trip has turned into a test of sorts. Or, rather, ANOTHER test. I do this in my relationship with Male. Poor Male. But I can't help myself. It's fun. And a little dangerous. And necessary.
I tested him when I asked him to come over to meet almost my entire family while they were in town for a reunion. We'd only been out a few times, but I wanted to see if he'd do it and how he'd handle it. I asked his conservative self to come for a scandalous "weekend getaway" in Zion's to hike with me for the same reason (along with the fact I thought he'd love the hike). As it turns out, THAT test didn't give accurate results because despite the fact the weekend was a scandalous-looking weekend away with just us two, Male has proven to be very traditional and concerned about appearances --- which is what I was initially testing for. But that's neither here nor there.
Back to the current test. I asked both of these boys on the trip 1) to see if Male and I can manage to keep our relationship intact in the midst of groups and 2) well, really, I don't know what the point is of having him interact with Goofball. That may be just a bad idea. But it certainly increases the challenge. If Male and I manage to still get along and like each other after this weekend, I think we could handle any weekend with friends.
I don't really seek out these tests. They just come up, as events usually do. But I don't avoid them either. I'll give you a report of how this test turns out and whether or not Male and I pass or fail. Oh, the suspense! I can hardly handle it. And I'm sure you're all riveted.
Here I am on a slow Thursday afternoon. The weather is beautiful and I am very much looking forward to going home, running, cleaning house, and packing for a 4-day dog-sitting getaway at my boss's house with his two adorable, very dependent, spoiled, little dogs. I love dogs. Even these ones.
I will, as usual, be working all weekend, so that's not very exciting. But the weather will still be nice. And I shall have my evenings. And a very large, luxurious house. And I shall be very close to work while staying at my boss's house.
I plan to stop working on weekends soon. At least I'll work less. I promise.
Next weekend, for starters, I won't be working at all. I will be flying to Denver with many fun, adventurous friends for a rafting trip. I LOVE rafting. I love friends. I love going to places I've never been before, such as Breckenridge, Colorado and the Arkansas River. And I love that I will be wearing a wetsuit (worn, stretched, aged, smelly and used as it may be) and a hard hat and looking FAR from fashionable, with no make-up, while going down a river filled with fresh runoff from the snow which is sure to be freezing. Taking into consideration the fact that I hate few things more than being cold, it's safe to say I love some really odd things.
There are also some other interesting features to this weekend of outdoor fun. Male has finally agreed to join the group of adventurers (it just so happens we ended up having enough people to justify having 2 rooms, meaning boys and girls can now sleep separately. That was Male's only objection to going before). Funny enough, the other last minute group addition who bumped up the numbers and made this possible is my ex-boyfriend, Goofball -- one of two ex-boyfriends I have maintained a real friendship with.
I have slight anxiety about this trip -- more so than other trips in the past. You see, I plan trips with friends knowing I am putting random people together who have nothing in common except for the fact they are adventurous and they happen to know me. Heaven only knows how it's gonna go before the trip. But it usually works out (knock on wood). However, this is a not my typical random group.
Goofball and Male are, indeed, a different matter. Goofball has a very goofy and sometimes inappropriate sense of humor. Male, on the other hand, is very seldom inappropriate and even more seldomly amused by anything inappropriate. Also, Goofball REALLY likes to flirt. With anyone really, but with me too. And even if he keeps "flirting" to a minimum and is respectful of Male's "territory" or whatever, boys are weird and I can see potential for a wee bit of tension between the two. Even if Male is savvy enough to know there is no threat to our relationship posed by goofball... well, I just don't think boys are typically that secure.
To add to my concerns regarding Male, and what I think is really at the heart of my anxiety: on our last group trip, Male and I didn't fair very well. To be frank, it was a complete disaster. It's inexplicable after such an experience that we're still dating. Male dubbed that it was just a "bad weekend," and it's ok for couples to have bad weekends. And this is true. But I think the problem is that Male and I are completely socially different. This makes me think this coming weekend, and every other weekend spent on trips with large groups of friends, could be equally disastrous and traumatically bad for us. And that could be really bad. So, Goofball only stands to potentially exacerbate the already existing problem.
I knew all of this when I organized the trip, and was aware of the danger when I sent out the invite for the trip and included both Male and Goofball. So, it's not that this predicament has caught me unawares. In reality, I planned it! Though I didn't really plan this exact scenario. I just planned the potential for this scenario. Previously, Male wasn't even coming. And neither was Goofball. I had no idea that one would bring the other.
I'll call my lack of planning to avoid this, and the off-handed turn of events that has made it be so, "fate". So, as fate would have it, the rafting trip has turned into a test of sorts. Or, rather, ANOTHER test. I do this in my relationship with Male. Poor Male. But I can't help myself. It's fun. And a little dangerous. And necessary.
I tested him when I asked him to come over to meet almost my entire family while they were in town for a reunion. We'd only been out a few times, but I wanted to see if he'd do it and how he'd handle it. I asked his conservative self to come for a scandalous "weekend getaway" in Zion's to hike with me for the same reason (along with the fact I thought he'd love the hike). As it turns out, THAT test didn't give accurate results because despite the fact the weekend was a scandalous-looking weekend away with just us two, Male has proven to be very traditional and concerned about appearances --- which is what I was initially testing for. But that's neither here nor there.
Back to the current test. I asked both of these boys on the trip 1) to see if Male and I can manage to keep our relationship intact in the midst of groups and 2) well, really, I don't know what the point is of having him interact with Goofball. That may be just a bad idea. But it certainly increases the challenge. If Male and I manage to still get along and like each other after this weekend, I think we could handle any weekend with friends.
I don't really seek out these tests. They just come up, as events usually do. But I don't avoid them either. I'll give you a report of how this test turns out and whether or not Male and I pass or fail. Oh, the suspense! I can hardly handle it. And I'm sure you're all riveted.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Do you choose your life or.....??
So today I about lost it. Ok, I really lost it. Why you ask? Well, completely selfish, impatient, and spoiled reasons, but nonetheless, oh so valid to me.
I have been at a large branch of life, only to find myself a bit lost and bewildered as to what opportunities and avenues to pursue. The other day, it led me to utter frustration, anger, and disappointment. Ever since I was a "little kid," I have had stuck in my head, and sincerely believed that I was here to accomplish something. What that something is, I don't know, but as most individuals, I feel compelled to try.
The reason is, and it relates to a discussion I had with my sister recently, is I have sort of led life in doing what I thought I was supposed to do, gone where I was supposed to go. And it seems that regardless of what I have wanted, there was one door, and that door was where I was going, not because it was my first choice, but because it was the option left for me. Looking back, most of those options really have been beneficial, but nonetheless, doesn't change the major question. Do we choose the life we lead, or just bring it in to line with what we are "supposed" to do?
Naturally , a statement like that brings in assumptions that I have, in that I believe that there is a divine nature, which is overseen by a supreme being, who I, in common vernacular, refer to as "God". Obviously, there is an inherent discussion in the existence of God, and God's attributes, but that is not the essence or intent of this post. Perhaps, at another time, I will pose the discussion of "is there a God, and what are God's attributes", but this post assumes those things.
I think of my life, and I will admit, have really had amazing experiences, but to get to those experiences, have often felt like I am walking in the dark. In other words, that although I pursue various avenues or opportunities, I have rarely had an opportunity in front of me that I didn't feel I should take, i.e. the opportunity presented was the opportunity I should choose. That begs the question then, is life an open breadth full of choices, or a narrow hallway with nothing but "Exit" signs on the sides.
Yes, I fully understand that I could choose to completley alter my life and make drastically different personal decisions. And perhaps that is my problem, I have tunnel vision. I think sometimes those of us who feel very driven, are so because we become extremely fixated on whatever, and that may be one of my flaws. I don't know. But nonetheless, I often feel that the idea behind life is not to choose life, but to bring your life in alignment with what God wants you to do. And that isn't saying that you wouldn't be happy with those decisions, just a motiviation side of things.
Thoughts?
I have been at a large branch of life, only to find myself a bit lost and bewildered as to what opportunities and avenues to pursue. The other day, it led me to utter frustration, anger, and disappointment. Ever since I was a "little kid," I have had stuck in my head, and sincerely believed that I was here to accomplish something. What that something is, I don't know, but as most individuals, I feel compelled to try.
The reason is, and it relates to a discussion I had with my sister recently, is I have sort of led life in doing what I thought I was supposed to do, gone where I was supposed to go. And it seems that regardless of what I have wanted, there was one door, and that door was where I was going, not because it was my first choice, but because it was the option left for me. Looking back, most of those options really have been beneficial, but nonetheless, doesn't change the major question. Do we choose the life we lead, or just bring it in to line with what we are "supposed" to do?
Naturally , a statement like that brings in assumptions that I have, in that I believe that there is a divine nature, which is overseen by a supreme being, who I, in common vernacular, refer to as "God". Obviously, there is an inherent discussion in the existence of God, and God's attributes, but that is not the essence or intent of this post. Perhaps, at another time, I will pose the discussion of "is there a God, and what are God's attributes", but this post assumes those things.
I think of my life, and I will admit, have really had amazing experiences, but to get to those experiences, have often felt like I am walking in the dark. In other words, that although I pursue various avenues or opportunities, I have rarely had an opportunity in front of me that I didn't feel I should take, i.e. the opportunity presented was the opportunity I should choose. That begs the question then, is life an open breadth full of choices, or a narrow hallway with nothing but "Exit" signs on the sides.
Yes, I fully understand that I could choose to completley alter my life and make drastically different personal decisions. And perhaps that is my problem, I have tunnel vision. I think sometimes those of us who feel very driven, are so because we become extremely fixated on whatever, and that may be one of my flaws. I don't know. But nonetheless, I often feel that the idea behind life is not to choose life, but to bring your life in alignment with what God wants you to do. And that isn't saying that you wouldn't be happy with those decisions, just a motiviation side of things.
Thoughts?
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
I Think I Thought a Lot of Things to Think About
Many days, I wonder if my entire life weren't all just inside my head. I worry that I get so wrapped up in thinking and worrying about all the things that are going on and all the things that could go on. But what could actually be going on if I weren't so busy thinking about the possibilities?
So much to consider. How does one find time to live? I try to see what things really are, what I percieve them to be and I wonder how much of a difference there is. I also think about relationships. There are relationships at present, and then what they could evolve into. Relationships that could be, and also those never ventured for. I consider my life at present. And I consider all the life options of where I could be headed.
So many roads. Can I really only travel one? I may have one life to live, but I like to appease myself by pseudo-living through countless other lives, to see what I think of them and to make sure I really do like how I'm living this one. Inside my head, I've done quite a bit of living and made some really different choices. The craziest things have happened! Many of them tragic. Many of them glorious. Many of them life-altering and consequential. Many of them profoundly meaningful.
And now that I think about it, I should probably have more of them be just plain, stinking, deliriously fun and fantastical. They're my thoughts, after all. I can do whatever I want with them. Isn't that the brilliance and beauty of daydreams anyhow? The fact that anything is possible in there even if it's not realistic out here? I'm kind of saddened I don't do that much. I'm always so realistic. Do you guys do that a lot? Or maybe, doing that makes one crazy. I don't know. Hmmm...
But alas, I digress, and am lost in thought again. Back to the topic at hand. All this thinking and day-dreaming and playing things out in my head causes me to wonder, on many occasion, if I don't live life in my head too much. I certainly used to. This habit of mine is a great deal to blame for my distraction through elementary school (indeed, life in my head was a lot nicer, at the time, than life outside of my head). And it is possible all that "in my headedness" also contributed to the D's and F's that subsequently plagued me. Woops!
But even now, significantly post-grammar school and many better grades later, it is very possible to live in my head so much that I unduly detract from the amount of fabulous living I could be doing. There's this unknown, unquantifiable amount of life potential never reached. All of it exists out of my head, with real action, with the one life I actually have that is going by me, speeding past me every moment. But that potential can't be captured unless I am willing to come OUTSIDE of my very full, overly busy, distracting, daydreamy little head.
I may have a disease. Yes, another one. The disease of the ever-questioning individual. Or maybe much worse -- I'm perpetually living as the shamefully, ever-undecided individual. Can one ask too many questions? Is there a cure? There are books and books about living and being in the present. It is possible that people who have read them and understand and know how to live completely in the present may have all the answers for me. Maybe I should read those books.
Inspite of my worry, much of me believes it is somehow useful to question, daydream, venture and think through things. Even through the absurd. That is why I do it (along with the fact I can't seem to stop). But it is possible I overindulge in this. What a quandary! The unexamined life is not supposed to be worth living. And yet, the overexamined life could be simply impossible to live!
Thinking about it, I still do quite a bit of living outside my head. But the potential to live even MORE on the outside is always appealing. And perhaps it's very possible. There are those crazy people who you meet who are 23 and have accomplished more than many 50 yr olds out there. And we all wonder, "How DID you do all that?" People have unlimited potential. I think. Maybe. Or maybe I would know if only I could stop thinking so much. How many people come out long enough to find out?
So much to consider. How does one find time to live? I try to see what things really are, what I percieve them to be and I wonder how much of a difference there is. I also think about relationships. There are relationships at present, and then what they could evolve into. Relationships that could be, and also those never ventured for. I consider my life at present. And I consider all the life options of where I could be headed.
So many roads. Can I really only travel one? I may have one life to live, but I like to appease myself by pseudo-living through countless other lives, to see what I think of them and to make sure I really do like how I'm living this one. Inside my head, I've done quite a bit of living and made some really different choices. The craziest things have happened! Many of them tragic. Many of them glorious. Many of them life-altering and consequential. Many of them profoundly meaningful.
And now that I think about it, I should probably have more of them be just plain, stinking, deliriously fun and fantastical. They're my thoughts, after all. I can do whatever I want with them. Isn't that the brilliance and beauty of daydreams anyhow? The fact that anything is possible in there even if it's not realistic out here? I'm kind of saddened I don't do that much. I'm always so realistic. Do you guys do that a lot? Or maybe, doing that makes one crazy. I don't know. Hmmm...
But alas, I digress, and am lost in thought again. Back to the topic at hand. All this thinking and day-dreaming and playing things out in my head causes me to wonder, on many occasion, if I don't live life in my head too much. I certainly used to. This habit of mine is a great deal to blame for my distraction through elementary school (indeed, life in my head was a lot nicer, at the time, than life outside of my head). And it is possible all that "in my headedness" also contributed to the D's and F's that subsequently plagued me. Woops!
But even now, significantly post-grammar school and many better grades later, it is very possible to live in my head so much that I unduly detract from the amount of fabulous living I could be doing. There's this unknown, unquantifiable amount of life potential never reached. All of it exists out of my head, with real action, with the one life I actually have that is going by me, speeding past me every moment. But that potential can't be captured unless I am willing to come OUTSIDE of my very full, overly busy, distracting, daydreamy little head.
I may have a disease. Yes, another one. The disease of the ever-questioning individual. Or maybe much worse -- I'm perpetually living as the shamefully, ever-undecided individual. Can one ask too many questions? Is there a cure? There are books and books about living and being in the present. It is possible that people who have read them and understand and know how to live completely in the present may have all the answers for me. Maybe I should read those books.
Inspite of my worry, much of me believes it is somehow useful to question, daydream, venture and think through things. Even through the absurd. That is why I do it (along with the fact I can't seem to stop). But it is possible I overindulge in this. What a quandary! The unexamined life is not supposed to be worth living. And yet, the overexamined life could be simply impossible to live!
Thinking about it, I still do quite a bit of living outside my head. But the potential to live even MORE on the outside is always appealing. And perhaps it's very possible. There are those crazy people who you meet who are 23 and have accomplished more than many 50 yr olds out there. And we all wonder, "How DID you do all that?" People have unlimited potential. I think. Maybe. Or maybe I would know if only I could stop thinking so much. How many people come out long enough to find out?
Friday, May 4, 2007
longterm vs. shortterm
Geoffrey Beane and I were having a conversation yesterday about decisions and actions based on longterm and shortterm. This conversation was spurred by Sex and The City (I had just finished watching the last 4 episodes of the 6th season, for the 1st time). He iterated that two of the characters made a lot of decisions based on shortterm gratification rather than longterm goals. Therefore, he didn't like or respect the characters very much.
In some respects, I see his point. But I also think that it depends on how you are looking at it. In some circumstances, it could be true, or not, that shortterm, and maybe even "short-sighted," motives and behaviors are completely justified.
I cited to him that a dating relationship is most obviously a shortterm decision. Granted, for many people there are long-term goals in mind. But rarely do I go on a first date with the idea that I'm getting married to my date. I'm thinking more along the lines of surviving the evening, not embarassing myself, getting to know someone and trying to have a good time. I've even been on dates where I KNEW beforehand it was going nowhere. I was espousing the idea of being nice to the guy, and it can't hurt to have a good time (as long as he doesn't scare me.:)) Geoffrey ceded that dating was a shortterm goal that was not bad.
So, does everything you do have to have an over-arching longterm purpose? For example, dancing. Does dancing have a longterm purpose? It seems pretty instant gratification-oriented to me. What about my shoe collection? Or that trip to Vegas last week? :) One thing's for sure. Neither has helped my bank account(***please note that no money lost in Vegas was due to losses in gambling.**** please also note that I did not say I DIDN'T gamble. I just said I didn't lose.). But are they bad?
I think my life would be much less fulfilling without these things. But then there are obvious ones to identify -- one nightstands -- I see how that is a very bad shortterm gratification. Sad, because they do sound so fun and easy in theory. There must, however, be a place for doing something for the "fun" of it, without being bad.
I think it has a lot to do with the "eat, drink and be merry" theory. There is this place called "living it up" where things go from white to grey to bad. Lines dividing these areas are very evasive, so much so that I'm not sure they have ever been identified. This is probably why old party-pooper fuddy-duddies always warn to stay as far away from the edge of the line as possible: because it is so hard to identify whether or not the line's been crossed, and they believe one's better off to avoid the bad at any and all costs.
And then you have idiots like myself, who like to get as cloooooooooose as possible to those lines, in the spirit of wanting to have as much FUN as possible and "suck the marrow at of life"... without being bad. Not a wrong endeavor, right? But it's so hard to discern when it is exactly that things start to go bad. I'm not sure this blog ended up where it started. But thoughts don't always do that. And I was just thinking....
In some respects, I see his point. But I also think that it depends on how you are looking at it. In some circumstances, it could be true, or not, that shortterm, and maybe even "short-sighted," motives and behaviors are completely justified.
I cited to him that a dating relationship is most obviously a shortterm decision. Granted, for many people there are long-term goals in mind. But rarely do I go on a first date with the idea that I'm getting married to my date. I'm thinking more along the lines of surviving the evening, not embarassing myself, getting to know someone and trying to have a good time. I've even been on dates where I KNEW beforehand it was going nowhere. I was espousing the idea of being nice to the guy, and it can't hurt to have a good time (as long as he doesn't scare me.:)) Geoffrey ceded that dating was a shortterm goal that was not bad.
So, does everything you do have to have an over-arching longterm purpose? For example, dancing. Does dancing have a longterm purpose? It seems pretty instant gratification-oriented to me. What about my shoe collection? Or that trip to Vegas last week? :) One thing's for sure. Neither has helped my bank account(***please note that no money lost in Vegas was due to losses in gambling.**** please also note that I did not say I DIDN'T gamble. I just said I didn't lose.). But are they bad?
I think my life would be much less fulfilling without these things. But then there are obvious ones to identify -- one nightstands -- I see how that is a very bad shortterm gratification. Sad, because they do sound so fun and easy in theory. There must, however, be a place for doing something for the "fun" of it, without being bad.
I think it has a lot to do with the "eat, drink and be merry" theory. There is this place called "living it up" where things go from white to grey to bad. Lines dividing these areas are very evasive, so much so that I'm not sure they have ever been identified. This is probably why old party-pooper fuddy-duddies always warn to stay as far away from the edge of the line as possible: because it is so hard to identify whether or not the line's been crossed, and they believe one's better off to avoid the bad at any and all costs.
And then you have idiots like myself, who like to get as cloooooooooose as possible to those lines, in the spirit of wanting to have as much FUN as possible and "suck the marrow at of life"... without being bad. Not a wrong endeavor, right? But it's so hard to discern when it is exactly that things start to go bad. I'm not sure this blog ended up where it started. But thoughts don't always do that. And I was just thinking....
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Can you date out of obedience, or is it delusion?
So, my lovely sister has committed to atrocity of all atrocities and gotten me addicted to the inevitable show called "Sex and the City." I was watching it the other night, and although not so drastically caught up in the hyperbole of fake life filled with loose if not tenious meetings they like to call relationships, oddly realistic plights, thoughts and provocations usually encountered by individuals involved in relationships much longer than the show projects, and with much more devastating results than those profferred.
Yet, nonetheless, I am intrigued. I watch ritualistically like a ravenous beast eyeing its next feast. And why? Because even though I don't participate in 99% of the relationship activities presented in the show, I pose similar questions to myself, and as such, the question for today.
Can you date out of obedience, or is it delusion?
I pose this question because I often find myself in relationships, (my friends call me a serial "dater") that, well, sometimes I feel I am in them not for myself, but because I feel I am "supposed" to be in them. So, my question is, if you feel some inner drive, ambition, etc., that pushes you to date, or at least stay in a relationship with, a particular individual, that is other than attraction, desire to be with that person, or other seemingly "normative" reason for being in a relationship.
Sometimes I think this is simpy because I am a guy that follows always what he feels he is supposed to do, mostly because I don't trust logic in regards to relationships very often, and other times because it seems that relationships are so much a time and a space for growth and personal development.
If you truly are in to someone, most likely that individual is pushing you in ways that you wouldn't puch yourself. Hopefully exposing you to things that you normally wouldn't search out and explore on your own. Everything from the simple new flavors of ice cream and new types of food, to pushing and exploring personal and emotional barriers. (Hopefully in a helpful, uplifting, and personally strengthening way.)
But, can you date someone, and do dating justice, just by being in the relationship because you feel that you are supposed to be there? Do you miss out on all that yummy relationship goodness because you aren't even considering the notion of making a life with that person?
I have done it, or feel that I have done it, but was it right? was it progressive? Am I somewhere now that I could not have been save I made those previous decisions? Or if not me, is that person somewhere they are now, simply because of hopefully some good that came out of the obedient dating?
For now, I tend to think that you can date out of obedience, mostly because I trust that which I obey. But in the end, it all could be a self delusion leading to nothing more than a self praising denial of insecurity.
Yet, nonetheless, I am intrigued. I watch ritualistically like a ravenous beast eyeing its next feast. And why? Because even though I don't participate in 99% of the relationship activities presented in the show, I pose similar questions to myself, and as such, the question for today.
Can you date out of obedience, or is it delusion?
I pose this question because I often find myself in relationships, (my friends call me a serial "dater") that, well, sometimes I feel I am in them not for myself, but because I feel I am "supposed" to be in them. So, my question is, if you feel some inner drive, ambition, etc., that pushes you to date, or at least stay in a relationship with, a particular individual, that is other than attraction, desire to be with that person, or other seemingly "normative" reason for being in a relationship.
Sometimes I think this is simpy because I am a guy that follows always what he feels he is supposed to do, mostly because I don't trust logic in regards to relationships very often, and other times because it seems that relationships are so much a time and a space for growth and personal development.
If you truly are in to someone, most likely that individual is pushing you in ways that you wouldn't puch yourself. Hopefully exposing you to things that you normally wouldn't search out and explore on your own. Everything from the simple new flavors of ice cream and new types of food, to pushing and exploring personal and emotional barriers. (Hopefully in a helpful, uplifting, and personally strengthening way.)
But, can you date someone, and do dating justice, just by being in the relationship because you feel that you are supposed to be there? Do you miss out on all that yummy relationship goodness because you aren't even considering the notion of making a life with that person?
I have done it, or feel that I have done it, but was it right? was it progressive? Am I somewhere now that I could not have been save I made those previous decisions? Or if not me, is that person somewhere they are now, simply because of hopefully some good that came out of the obedient dating?
For now, I tend to think that you can date out of obedience, mostly because I trust that which I obey. But in the end, it all could be a self delusion leading to nothing more than a self praising denial of insecurity.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Self Praise
I just thought I would state that I took the picture Sharon posted of herself. I was particularly impressed with myself on that one. It was taken on a fantastic whirlwind of a journey across the U.S. from Utah to Minnesota in a huge R.V. with 4 little kids, a gaggle of adults, and fun little jaunts hiking around rivers and waterfalls. It was a beautiful day to say the least!
P.S. I didn't take the picture of the lion, although I was there when it was taken. The shot is from a trip to Africa in the spring of 2006. Gorgeous country, lovely animals, and oh so funny stories.
P.S. I didn't take the picture of the lion, although I was there when it was taken. The shot is from a trip to Africa in the spring of 2006. Gorgeous country, lovely animals, and oh so funny stories.
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