Things have been very tumultuous at my job lately. And they have been tumultuous before (I'm starting to notice a pattern). And as I'm sure you can understand, frequent episodes of upheaval and personal attack seem to cause me...mmm, distress. Regardless, I get up every day, put on my big girl panties, and go to my job to face the day. So far, it hasn't killed me and, shockingly enough, I have not yet run out of "big girl panties" (as a faithful Mormon, I try to keep a healthy stock of all emergency needs, including the panties.)
I've mostly felt frustrated, battered, angry, let down, sad, threatened and unjustifiably persecuted (if I thought it was justified then I'd be in REALLY bad shape). I was feeling pretty pit-poor yesterday. Probably the worst thus far. And I was feeling shocked and pit-poor the day before (though I'm not sure why I was shocked. As I mentioned, this happens at my job frequently enough that I should see it coming by now). I don't like being treated in this manner for the simple crime of having done my job. Dealing with people's egos appears to be akin to walking through a minefield. You can inadvertently step on one at any time, and when you do it will blow up all over you.
Today, I went to the gym for my lunch break, which I have not done in a couple weeks. I wasn't sure what I was doing there because I did not have any mojo in me to run or work out. But I knew I needed to get out of my office. And I figured, even if I didn't feel like it, I could walk. And as I pressed the button to accelerate my walking speed to "actually moving", I figured I could just TRY to run. I ran for 20 minutes at a nice light pace. And it felt good. I spent the whole time day-dreaming about my accuser being in a court room on the stand and me lambasting them for their foolish and incorrect arguments and accusations. I probably could have gone for a lot longer than 20 minutes. But, as I mentioned, I hadn't been running for two weeks. No need to get carried away. It was a refreshing run. Sometimes it's nice to know that even if you don't think you have it in you, if you try, you just might surprise yourself. I was grateful to find that.
Another thing I'm grateful for -- emotional exhaustion. I was really upset Wednesday. And quite demoralized yesterday. But today -- I'm really just too tired to care all that much. Subsequently, I feel a bit of relief. On occasion, a little bit of apathy can go a long way.
Tomorrow morning I am going to a rhythm & motion class at the Cincinnati Ballet with my friend Bette. I am going to salsa, leap and swing my hips. It's my effort to put an end to what has heretofore been a very crappy week. Goodbye week. Thank you for the survival lessons. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
5 comments:
I'm thinking if you were here, I'd say come with me to YoWay and we'd get some frozen yogurt. It helps.
Missing you.
Thanks. I miss you too. And you and your friend are in my prayers. I think we both could benefit from some Yo Way lately. ;)
All I gotta say to this punk is, "don't mess with family fool!". We got your back here in Montana. I'm sorry your week was terrible, I have to deal with the complaints department at times, but it usually begins with a small voice saying, "momma...!" :).
love you guys, and you're a tough lady...treadmills and coworkers alike better recognize.
i am so sorry your day was so bad. i can relate. sometimes work can be so lame. but i hope you have a better week and some of this stuff starts to get resolved :) love ya and tell my brother ben i love him too.
Thanks you guys! My spirits are much improved lately -- even if things haven't changed all that much. Yet.:)
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