New Month Resolutions: February Recap

Last month, it was my goal to be more productive at work. How did I define success? I gave myself a number/grade, on a scale of 1-5 every day, based on how productive I felt I was. I hoped to reach a minimum average  number for the month.

Along with my basic goal of a number, I gave myself strategies to help me focus every day. Those tips included:

1) Praying. I prayed every morning at work to help me with my goal. I found this helpful because when I pray for something, I know it's something that I really want. And to remember that I really want it helped me to work hard at that.

2) I used a spreadsheet and tracked my time usage at work, every day. This was also good motivation, as I didn't like reporting ill-spent time.

3) I had a goal for minimum time spent on productive tasks. This helped me not to go on over-drive and burn myself out. Once I reached my minimum, I could relax a little and feel accomplished, rather than over-stressing every minute of every day, and breaking under the pressure of having to be perfect.

4) I tried to use the 10 minute rule. If I ran into a task I didn't like and would normally procrastinate, I would try to do it for just 10 minutes.

5) I would also employ the like+don't like strategy. For example, if I have to be doing something mind-numbing and not so fun, I would let myself stream something while I worked, to make it kind of entertaining.

6) I tried to keep & update task lists, so I could easily refer back to the lists to find out what I should do next, after I finished something.

7) Stepping outside. A lot of my tasks at work seem ambiguous and it's hard to determine "next steps". To help me tackle them, I find it helps to imagine I am advising someone else about what THEY should do. Silly, and yet remarkably effective.

8) Breaking it down. Writing a publication is a big, generic task. When working on things like that and not knowing where to start or what the next steps are, I just try to think of one small action to do -- something that is "road-ready", like "skim reference articles and gather quotes", or "draft outline", etc. It's obvious, but not making a concerted effort to identify those specific things has really stalled me on projects in the past.

Of course, these tips and tricks only help me in as much as I remember to employ them. Some I remembered to do better than others.

Results are in: It WORKED! This actually worked. I am so satisfied from this experiment. Of course, every day was not a perfect day of productivity. But I liked the flow of this month's goal, because I was allowed bad days. I was allowed to fail once or twice in meeting my goal, because my achievement this month was not based on being perfect every day, or every week, but based on the average of all those days. And so bad days were just a blip that was cause for concern, rather than total defeat.

As for January's goal -- I was not perfect in keeping up with my January month goal to work out 3x/wk, but I did pretty well with keeping up with my exercise overall. The 2 weeks I didn't reach 3x/wk, I still worked out twice. And I'm back at keeping it up for March. Managing regular workouts is easier after having worked on that habit for a month. This month-long resolution thing is really just amazing.

The other thing I really like about the monthly resolutions is that rather than having a hyper-focus once a year on the fact you'd like to do better at something, you actually are directed to focus on your goals and personal improvement EVERY MONTH. And if you are too busy and miss a month, who cares? You have 11 other months that are still totally do-able.

My goal for March: To blog once a week. I don't know that this goal will be as life-enriching as being more productive and exercising, but I do like to blog. And I HAVE blogs. And I've thought before about having that goal. And if I don't think it adds much to my life -- it's only for a month. LOVE THIS!

Books

Ben and I have been cleaning house little by little, organizing our paperwork, throwing out things we don't need, and figuring out what we actually have. I took this opportunity to reassess my relationship with my book collection. I don't re-read books very often. And they take up all this space. And things seem to be going digital. Should I? They're so heavy. Do I really want to take them with me when we go?

The Verdict: I got rid of probably 70% of my book collection. I kept the books that I had on display, ones of specific sentimental value, reference books that may be hard to come by at a library, and my school books. That's it. I sent the rest to good will. It's done. I can't go back.

I have now put my boots and other shoes on my book shelves, as my shoes didn't seem to have enough room on the shoe rack. I must say -- my book shelves look so much better now.

I have officially been chopped

Where I Went

I know, I know. I haven't been around lately. That is so unlike me. But I have been very busy. Not in the conventional sense of the word, i.e. driving around to various places in my car, working like a dog at my day job, or traveling the world. No, no. Rather, I've been off visiting places I really don't like to go and trying desperately to find my way out.

It's been almost a month since Ben and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary. (It was lovely, by the way). As the date approached, I had wanted to post something big and exuberant about how fabulous my husband is and how great this year has been. But truth be told, I wasn't really up for it. I didn't have the gusto I needed to write it. Truth be told again, this year hasn't been "awesome" per se. I'd say a more accurate description would be "challenging". And who wants to write about that?

Now before anybody gets any ideas, let me lay to rest a few concerns you may have. I can easily tell you that my husband is fabulous. I am still trying to get him to cook me dinner, but aside from that he's really just great. And I still have hopes of succeeding at the dinner thing. :)

But marriage and moving and changed routines and new jobs and new.... everything -- well, it all threw me some curve balls I wasn't expecting.

I knew to expect a few challenges with all these life changes. I expected to miss good friends. I do. I expected to have to make adjustments in sharing my home with a male. I did (although not that many). I expected Ben and I to fight like children over whose turn it is to pray at night. we do that. And I expected to have my monthly grocery bill go up. It definitely has. But some things.... well you just can't anticipate everything.

Like what, you ask? Hands down, the biggest curve ball was revisiting me as I was at 13. And by 13, I mean the "riddled with baby fat and terrible acne" kind of 13. It's been so terrible. Really, you have no idea. I was waiting for the day I woke up to discover big, thick metal braces had cropped up all over my mouth. It was THAT bad.

Allow me to elaborate: for still inexplicable reasons, my skin has wreaked havoc all over my cheeks, nose, chin, forehead and any other resting spot it could find on my little face and littler forehead. I really had no idea marriage and moving to Ohio caused acne. I still don't know if it's one, the other, or a combination of them both.

And then there was the insatiable hunger I felt all year. Where did it come from? Again, marriage and Ohio are the only culprits that I can find. Well, as I tend to do when I'm hungry, I ate. But I was hungrier than usual, so I was also eating more than usual to satiate said hunger. As you might guess, gradually I got more and more "baby fat" --- which really only looks cute on babies.

I started dubbing it "5 lbs", even though at times the number really no longer applied to, well, the number. But I couldn't really bring myself to verbally acknowledge anything more than 5 lbs.

And then it got worse. Not only did I have the chub, but I wasn't fitting into all my clothes. My CUTE clothes. Now, here is where I seriously get concerned. We all know I have a fetish for clothes. Ben looks at my closet and marvels that I claim to "need" the entirety of its contents. But I run into problems when I can't maintain my weight. I can no longer call my clothes an investment if they only fit me temporarily. And if they're not a smart long-term investment, how will I justify my wardrobe? I won't be able! And what am I going to wear if I can't wear.... all my clothes? Now, THAT is seriously a problem. I knew this needed to be nipped-ay in its bud-ay.

I totally took a proactive approach. Many days, I went to bed very, very hungry, denying my appetite that seemed to be on overdrive. And I ran... a lot. I watched everything I ate. Ok, I didn't give up ice cream, but I never give up ice cream. I did watch the ice cream I ate, (literally and figuratively. Mmm.) I also got a new prescription from a dermatologist for my acne. And I washed my face religiously both morning AND night.

Pro-active shmo-active. None of it had any effect. Puzzling. Believe it or not, previously I didn't try very hard to maintain my weight or my relatively decent complexion. I worked out 2-3 times a week and washed my face in the morning. That's it. And now? I should be looking like a goddess at this point! I was training for a marathon, washing my face twice a day, going hungry, taking meds for my skin.... but still NO SUCCESS. Confused? I was.

Decidedly riddled with acne and chub, I was BEYOND frustrated for the whole of this last year. That's a long time. Poor Ben. I would periodically go off in the car and cry about my descent into misery after having made the tragic mistake of marrying, moving to Ohio and thus, somehow, losing all cuteness I ever had. How was I to know this was what was waiting for me on the other side of the alter? I thought I was jumping into an abyss of all future happiness. In reality, I was just jumping into a replay of my adolescent misfortunes. How tragic.

My one solace has been that the husband I had picked up in all this was, in fact, still great. To Ben's credit, he never once said anything derogatory about my acne or my weight. Not a word -- as bad as it's been, I'm sure it would have been much worse had I found out my husband only loved me because I was thin or had clear skin. He apparently loves me for other reasons, and I have the entire last year as proof. As good as that is to know, however, his fabulousness didn't alleviate either of the problems at hand.

Failing in all efforts to surmount and overcome challenges might cause one to want to give up on life, one being me. Temporarily at least. And I'm not one to support deprivation or underestimate a new strategy. Giving up could totally be the way to go (at least for a little while). So I indulged myself one week and sat on the couch eating chocolate chips for dinner almost every night. You can even ask Ben. It was made more memorable when he tragically sat on two lingering chocolate chips and melted them onto his jeans (on two separate evenings with two different pairs of jeans, no less). Basically, I looked weight gain in the face and brashly taunted, "Bring it." It was fabulous.

Of course, then there's always a day of reckoning when one is reckless. For one thing, Ben banned me from eating chocolate chips on the couch (I'm glad I enjoyed it while I had the chance). And then of course there was the largess of my waist to deal with. At the end of the week I got on the scale to see what damage I had done, expecting to have to devise some heretofore undevisable plan as to how to lose the excess that had now compounded on top of the excess that was already well-established on my short, little frame.

If this entire ordeal weren't already inexplicably odd, here's where it gets even more so. When I finally hopped (I'm using the term "hop" loosely) on the scale, I found that I hadn't added any pounds at all. Quite the opposite. I had in fact lost 2 pounds. As I gazed down at the scale, I was loving my body more and more by the minute for not one reason but for two. Not only had my frame shed some undesirable chub, but a diet high in chocolate was apparently an excellent weight loss plan for me! That's the best news of the millennium, to date. Finally, a diet plan I can get along with!

Since then, things have only gotten better. My skin, again inexplicably, is now clear. And I have consistently kept off five pounds of the "5 lbs" with, basically, no effort and no hunger pangs. I'm happy to say I don't care if I ever lose the rest. Ok, maybe I care a little. But all the same, I feel like I have myself back and my visit back to age 13 has been curbed.

What was it? I have a theory. I theorize that my body was under duress, both physically and subconsciously, because of all previously mentioned life changes. Therefore, it caused my skin to go loco. I hypothesize that the move to Ohio made my body want to bulk up for the long winter ahead in this new barren land, causing my insatiable hunger. And now that a year has passed, my skin and my body are suddenly in agreement --- we're not in a strange land. We're home. And we're no longer dealing with change. We're in a routine now so we can stop freaking out.

But really, I have no freaking clue. I keep having this phrase play in my head, "after the scourges are over." What a plague. Despite the fact I don't know what all of this was about, I can still learn lessons from the experience. For example: I would not make a good military wife. Also, it's rough going back to being 13(I like me in my almost 30's much better).

So, in case you were wondering, I'm back now and I hope to entertain you all with more frequent blogging in the near future.

Conversations On Children

Me: "Adrian's starting to show. I think she's getting excited about it. I told her not to worry. I would do more than enough worrying for her."

Benjamin: "Why do you say that?"

Me: "Because I totally feel overwhelmed for her? Besides, she just got married, which is already a pretty big change. Now everything for her is going to change. And IS changing, actually."

Benjamin: " I don't see why you think about it like that."

Me: "Well, if you were about to gain 20 lbs and get stretch marks and go through all sorts of physical changes and then have a baby and stop working and have a child to take care of permanently.... do you think you might find that overwhelming? It's not like you can get tired of the baby and give it back a year later."

Benjamin: "Well, yeah."

Me: "That's why."

I don't know about you, but it makes sense to me. Maybe Benjamin can be the stay-at-home dad when we get around to having kids. He doesn't seem daunted by parenting at all. Brave you parents are. Very brave. Talk like Yoda I do sometimes. Scared stiff of children-having I still am. :)

'Tis WHAT Season?

Many years ago, when I was a struggling awkward teen, I was also melo-dramatic, riddled with black and white, defeatist thinking and sitting through life, waiting for good things to happen to me. Of course, very few really did. It took many years of trial and error to figure out how to be the instigator of my own good things. I started exercising and eating well (this was a process akin to evolution, and it takes just as long. Talk to me in a few millenia and I may have truly evolved by then.) I became actively engaged in my education and started getting involved in things of interest to me. Suddenly, life was mine for the taking. Opportunities abounded. I became I doer and one who controlled my own destiny. I could get whatever I went after if I had the ability to achieve. Or so I thought.

Nowadays, I'm not too sure how much control I have. I definitely have a hand in things. But control? Hah! For example, take my weight (I apparently like to talk about my weight). True, I weigh less than I did in high school, now that I have regular exercise, a higher muscle mass and eat a more balanced, regular diet. Within certain limits, however, my weight fluctuates of its own accord. For the past six months I have fretted over five pounds. As far as I can tell, I haven't been eating all that differently than I usually do. Nor have I been exercising that much more. But I've been THINKING about it a lot more. I have been anxious and scrutinizing about exercise and eating. When I found those five pounds, or when they found me(as I suspect they did) I MADE SURE I did not overeat and MADE SURE to exercise -- as opposed to when I normally I just do it without thinking. Despite this mentally deliberate behavior, the five pounds rested defiantly on my frame, unbudged.

Now we segue into late summer/early fall. My habits remain the same, with perhaps a few less cold smoothies for lunch. But I still eat ice cream for dinner on occasion. I exercise, but my ankle hurts so I've been resting a bit. I gave up on the five pounds and, instead, bought jeans that fit.

And now? It appears the pounds are shedding themselves from me. That's right.I predict that soon, those fabulous new jeans I just bought will be a fixture in my dresser, waiting to reappear on the occasion those five pounds decide to visit again. I really can't take any credit for this weight fluctuation. I have changed nothing. To be honest, I don't think I have enough discipline to change much if I tried. By now, I think the pounds just come and go as they please. And I must say, it provides little incentive to ever enlist the help of a trainer or a nutritionist. Instead I feel like I should surrender to the master of my hormones, or fate, or the winds that blow, one of which MUST be the cause of all this.

It seems that way with the rest of my life too. Seasons when I need lots of sleep, seasons when I run around all day, seasons when I have lots of obligations, seasons when I can't stand to have any. Seasons when I keep in touch and make plans with everyone and seasons when I seem to lose touch with the world. These are all kinds of seasons I seem to have little control over. They just happen to me. I couldn't get myself to do anything else in a given season than what I seem to do. My only hope is that, as I pass from one season to another, I remain enough of a constant as to not alienate everyone and everything I pass to and from.

Right now is a season of many changes. I am considering career moves. Maybe a new job. Maybe a law degree. Who knows? My living situation is changing (no, I'm not moving. But everyone around me is.) My focus at work is more zealous and on-task. I can't seem to stop working (what a lucky employer I have.) I'm cleaning more often.

It's like an awakening. I didn't know I was asleep before. And why this awakening? I can tell you for one thing, it's NOT A conscious effort on my part.I barely know what hit me! Why me? Why now? Why not six months ago or in a year and a half? My brain is abuzz with ideas. I want to paint my room. I want to study for the LSAT. I want to change careers. I want to be in a play. I want to travel. I want to do my hair and get fresh makeup and a fresh new look to match. I have a vision, and by golly-gee it must be realized! At least some of it. My vision is so pretty, it would be such a waste to have it not be. Especially those new shoes I've been dreaming about. Pretty vision, indeed.

I graced this awakening with a spring cleaning this past weekend. Yes, I know it's fall. What can I say? I'm a late bloomer. My car was cleaned inside and out. And I organized and filed all my papers -- that's the sign of true cleaning effort for me. I never touch papers until "it's time". I think I needed an organized clean space for me to create, dream, do and realize -- apparently a must-have in a season of change. I even bought new towels and hot pads for my kitchen! I haven't done that since I moved in three years ago. That's a definite sign. A sign of what? I'm not sure, really.

Things are shifting, and so I shift too. And I have all these ideas and so many dreams. I wake up each day and make a plan, and start to "make things happen", thinking I might be moving towards my goal. Like an artist, taking various colors and objects and making a masterpiece, only I'm working with my life and not a fabric canvas. I try to create the picture I want and go for whatever it is I think I'm after.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I bother. Despite where I will the winds to take me, I am certain they will take me wherever they darn well please. So much for control. But I DO get to choose what I wear every day. I'm certain of that. Thus, I think God put me in charge of wardrobe.... and that's about it. Let's hope this piece of work includes a female who looks very well put-together, whether she be plus or minus 5 lbs.

One Giant Leap for Mankind

Groundbreaking news, fellow Americans: Last week at the grocery store, I was able to buy exactly 8 hot dogs and 8 hot dog buns. I don't know if they have remedied the problem with hamburger patties and buns, but I consider the equal rationing of these two products into packaging so that a person is not over or under supplied with either product to be a huge sign of progress for the American people. Evidence that we really do evolve. What'll be next?

I vote for :

1) Reasonable cell phone packages that accomodate the consumer and not having to pay for text messages sent to you which you have no other choice but to accept.

2) All goods to be labeled with price stickers that are easily removable.

3) plastic packaging on software and other products that does not require the jaws of life in order to open them.

Anyone hoping for other ground-breaking, revolutionary changes?